primer Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 I have been dating my bf for 1-1/2 years. Just this past week I came to the conclusion I will always be hearing about his ex-gfs. It is not necessarily him that talks about them, but his friends and family. In one week I can think of four times this happened. Why do they need to ask about the exes in front of me? Why do they need to tell me things aobut the exes? Will it ever end? It is almost like I am haunted by the girlfriends of his past. One of them even showed up after we were dating for a year and wanted him back. We have been going out for over 1-1/2 years. Do not tell me I am insecure. I am an independent woman in my 40s.
MsSydneyLane Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 If his family keeps on bringing the exes issue in front of you, it simply means they don't agree on your relationship with him. Why do they have to brought up that topic? They know that this would hurt you. If that persist, I think you should tell your guy to stop them in doing this. If they speak again to him about exes and you're also there listening.. He should say something like, " Pls, let us not talk about so, so... its in the past and pls respect (you the gf) What is important is about us and not the previous chic!!! heheh :-)
ConflictedGuy27 Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 (edited) you are insecure (which is not a function of age). what is your bf suppose to do, take a sharpie and mark out his past? that's just silly. he's with you because he chooses to be. that is the reality of the situation. keep these insecure attitudes up and he'll eventually begin noticing and he'll have a choice to make. bottom line, we all have a past. get over his (whether it's in your face or not), or move on. Edited August 6, 2010 by ConflictedGuy27
Author primer Posted August 6, 2010 Author Posted August 6, 2010 I understand he has a past. I have one too. I have more of a "history" than he does. The difference is: He does not hear about mine - ever! I am always hearing about his.
make me believe Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 If his family keeps on bringing the exes issue in front of you, it simply means they don't agree on your relationship with him. Why do they have to brought up that topic? They know that this would hurt you. I agree with this. If they respected you and your relationship, they wouldn't bring up his exes. You need to sit your boyfriend down and tell him that you feel disrespected & uncomfortable when his family & friends talk about his exes all the time. Then HE needs to be the one to say something about it to them. Honestly, I'm surprised he hasn't said something already. If my family were to bring up my ex in front of my BF I would be shocked at their rudeness & insensitivity and I would say something right then & there! I would NEVER let them disrespect my BF like that.
New_Life08 Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Wow! I hear ya girl! I am in my 40's too with the same problem with my bf's exes ....who always seem to be lurking somewhere. My guy is pretty good about it...I am secure in his love for me, but he is Mr. nice guy who doesn't want to hurt their feelings. He has remained "friends" with them. I understand that, but there comes a point when it crosses the line and their feelings should be irrelevant! I don't mean he has to snub them on the street, but the private phone calls, emails, etc..about their personal lives is inappropriate. These broads didn't want them when they were single, but now that there is competition they decide they have feelings for them...isn't that special! Bottom line ...your guy has to set boundaries and stick to it and elaborate on his relationship with you. The problem with our guys is they like the attention and they do not exactly go out of their way to chase the attention away. I know most women would not keep pursuing if the guy kept talking about his great relationship with his gf. Think about it. It is like a lingering emotional affair and he needs to set the record straight. Just tell him if he doesn't ... you will! Hang in there, I know this isn't a fun thing to deal with.
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