Be an ASS get the girl..

[Engadget]

You don't have to be an ass, this is a misconception. You do have to be confident, and the guys who are *******s usually have it in abundance.

[Untouchable_Fire]

why. And what does this even mean?

If you like a girl it's obvious that you will do anything and everything to at least get the chance to date them, and see if you to click and perhaps find a partner.

What if you have had the first date already (went well) and they tell you it was really nice etc... but then txt's dry up, so then you txt a couple day's later and they reply this time but decline your offer for second meeting on that particular day because of family reasons, but then suggest perhaps the next day.. so you agree and suggest a place but then get no response..

Do you go with your gut instinct and leave it (since deep down you know they are not interested basically actions outweigh words) or do you call them?

Am I ignoring signs which are pointing at not interested? because to me if the person suggests the next day it means they are interested, as to just saying oh i'm busy all week

why when ever something doesn't work out for me, mates will be quick at turning around and saying, "I dont know what it is, but when you treat girl's like an ass, they come running" backwards logic but thats women

 

First... for all those ladies that toss out the advice... "just be yourself"... your being naive and foolish. Also the idea that only 1/10 women, who are of poor quality, will respond positively to a man who acts in a selfish manner is completely false.

 

As a general rule women respond to very positively to confidence. So, in the dating arena absolutely any action or attitude that displays confidence will yield much higher results on average. Self-centered behavior tends to work in this way.

 

Most guys who are young don't get this because we don't see confidence as the be all end all of attractiveness.

 

So... the primary issue, especially for younger guys is that they lack confidence dealing with women. Many of their natural traits do not come across as confident. The women who ARE attracted to their natural behavior patterns are often users and cheats.

 

The answer is to act confident in any way possible, so that through positive/successful interactions real confidence can be achieved. There are better and worse ways to go about this... but the end results should look similar.

 

Bottom line. Bad boys will never stop being attractive...

[somedude81]

Well, if this is your approach, that's ANOTHER problem. There are several reasons I wouldn't want to spend some time teaching you a thing or two in bed.

Of course that isn't my approach, but with the results I get it might as well be.

 

BTW you did an excellent job at completely missing my point.

 

It isn't true, but saying "Girls don't like me because I'm too nice" is a lot easier on the ego than "Girls don't like me because I am unattractive with poor social skills."

If only that was the truth. Granted I'm not a hot guy, but plenty of normal guys get action. If my social skills were bad I wouldn't be making friends with girls and getting the occasional date. It's really not about being too nice or being mean, but by understanding how attraction works. Which is something I don't have a clue about.

 

For people with decent self-esteem and no mental health problems, the only time it will work is when they are insanely physically attracted to you. Hotness will make people overlook a alot.

 

A big part of the problem is that too many guys think that women should date them because they are nice. Never mind the fact that they wouldn't date a woman because she is nice, women are supposed to reward them for their niceness with sex and when they don't, guys like this get bitter.

So how the hell is a normal guy supposed to get a decent girl? They are so in demand with tons of options it's f-ing ridiculous. This game is so insanely difficult it's no wonder that some men become extremely angry and bitter at women.

 

It's not even like I'm going after the hot girls. The last girl I went for was only average in looks and 20lbs overweight. The girl before her was a total nerd who was socially awkward and didn't know how to dress. And yet they both rejected me. What the hell?!

Edited August 6, 2010 by somedude81

[Dblock10]

awesome really enjoyed reading these few pages. And as much as id love to listen to the womens advice, I am sorry but being yourself or a nice guy will not ever work, that only works once you have the girl you are after (to some extent)

 

let me give you an example, I was really into this girl, I was a good nice guy who was there for her and shared the same sense of humour, we had extremely similar backgrounds about home life and exe's, I had a full time job with good pay things going for me (even do modelling from time to time) so I am in great shape etc. She had just come out a relationship so didnt want anything with me (or anything), so I thought ok stay nice and just be "around" for when she changes her mind.. well now she has found someone else who she is dating, I said i'm sure he is a nice guy, and she goes to me (on AIM) thank ****** you are a good lad.

 

in my head i was thinking yeah but good wont get you laid (or the girl..) will it!

 

And the comment someone said >

 

It isn't true, but saying "Girls don't like me because I'm too nice" is a lot easier on the ego than "Girls don't like me because I am unattractive with poor social skills."

 

 

well I know I'm attractive and I know I have excellent social skills, But i dont go around boasting about it, where as I know if some of the guys that had a body like mine would be such dicks. I know its got to be with the level of niceness. Sad but true. It is this reason I come across as someone not to be with but sure a date would be fun, hes hot... sigh

 

And i am not just looking for a bang or a one night stand, I have had plenty of options literally given on a plate in the last month.. the reason I havnt acted on them is because I know the girls just want to sleep with me then talk about it to all there mates and my mates (which is why in close group circles I tend to avoid) I am not trying to contradict myself here I am just letting the girls know that when i am nice to a girl i want to actually see more than a few nights it ends up that they become not interested, but the girls I blank or hardly speak to want me badly!

 

jadedheart, you are bang on the money baby, I have heard all that from girls before but being the good guy means being single for a long time.

 

going back last year when i was bitter from a break up, i had about 4 girls in 6 months.. i remember one i realllly wanted and she obviously knew it well guess what... i didn't get her. But then when I turned it around and acted like I didnt give a f*** she came running. I even told her i wasn't interested and she literally wouldn't leave me alone. Even when she txt me sayin look I really like you but i understand you don't feel the same, i guess there is nothing else i can say, so see you around.

 

I DIDNT txt back and she STILL came after me, she txt me saying she couldn't ignore me, and guess what, a week later we hooked up...

 

needless to say we weren't compatible for the long haul, at least my efforts (or not) paid off...

 

girls get pulled by playa's (if the playa is clever he can get any girl he wants) they choose if its off or on, not the other way round

Edited August 6, 2010 by Dblock10

[meerkat stew]

I was an ass naturally growing up and on into my 30s, and it didn't do me much good as far as having quality long-term relationships. I found, as some women post in the thread, that this attracted poor quality women with "daddy" and other complexes. The ones who respond to this are weirdly loyal to you for the rest of your life admittedly, but that just means you have a bunch of crazy women after you forever, which after a point is worse than having no women at all.

 

Later, I came upon a compromise that improved my results with women greatly, cut down on the crazies, and that can be summed up as "enlightened self interest," keeping a bit of the "me first" attitude when interacting with everyone, not just women, and tempering interactions with women with lots of flirtation and seduction. Key to this attitude is never ever being ashamed to express sexual interest in women, polite, respectful, but very forward interest. It is not being an ass to hit on or seduce women when done right, and the good ones respect this quality in a man. He isn't hiding his true interest under a bushel of supplication seeking to sneak into her heart or panties via the backdoor, he's brazenly ringing the doorbell and knocking. People can smell shame and guilt a mile away, and the apologetic wimpiness it entails. Once realized that having testicles and testosterone and the drive that accompanies them is completely natural, then things get much easier. In other words, social conditioning we all go through often leads to a false self, and it takes work to uncover the true self.

 

Moreover, and maybe most importantly, this type of attitude lets a woman know that it's ok to express herself naturally, her sexual desires, her real attitudes, without being judged for doing so. People know that they can be real around an "ass" and don't have to put up a facade, because he is certainly going to be real around them. I think lots of the appeal of the ass is that people know they can trust them, they aren't deceiving themselves or anyone else. The key is to take the rudeness element out and leave the enlightened self-interest.

 

The point of all this is that I agree that being yourself is the way to go, but the self you have been socially conditioned to present is usually not your true self. It takes some uncovering and effort to shed the poorly conditioned hyper-polite (or hyper a-hole) skin, and to get to the more true skin underneath. In my case, getting to the true skin required shedding some ass-hattishness, not the other way around. I was using being an ass as a partial defense mechanism, and that is every bit as false as being too nice and agreeable.

 

IMO, the cocky-funny stuff is a vast simplification of the real process that a man, or anyone, must go through to shed their social weaknesses and get to a stronger core.

[BS76]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwLM_936LgY&feature=player_embedded

[flying]

I was an ass naturally growing up and on into my 30s, and it didn't do me much good as far as having quality long-term relationships. I found, as some women post in the thread, that this attracted poor quality women with "daddy" and other complexes. The ones who respond to this are weirdly loyal to you for the rest of your life admittedly, but that just means you have a bunch of crazy women after you forever, which after a point is worse than having no women at all.

 

Later, I came upon a compromise that improved my results with women greatly, cut down on the crazies, and that can be summed up as "enlightened self interest," keeping a bit of the "me first" attitude when interacting with everyone, not just women, and tempering interactions with women with lots of flirtation and seduction. Key to this attitude is never ever being ashamed to express sexual interest in women, polite, respectful, but very forward interest. It is not being an ass to hit on or seduce women when done right, and the good ones respect this quality in a man. He isn't hiding his true interest under a bushel of supplication seeking to sneak into her heart or panties via the backdoor, he's brazenly ringing the doorbell and knocking. People can smell shame and guilt a mile away, and the apologetic wimpiness it entails. Once realized that having testicles and testosterone and the drive that accompanies them is completely natural, then things get much easier. In other words, social conditioning we all go through often leads to a false self, and it takes work to uncover the true self.

 

Moreover, and maybe most importantly, this type of attitude lets a woman know that it's ok to express herself naturally, her sexual desires, her real attitudes, without being judged for doing so. People know that they can be real around an "ass" and don't have to put up a facade, because he is certainly going to be real around them. I think lots of the appeal of the ass is that people know they can trust them, they aren't deceiving themselves or anyone else. The key is to take the rudeness element out and leave the enlightened self-interest.

 

The point of all this is that I agree that being yourself is the way to go, but the self you have been socially conditioned to present is usually not your true self. It takes some uncovering and effort to shed the poorly conditioned hyper-polite (or hyper a-hole) skin, and to get to the more true skin underneath. In my case, getting to the true skin required shedding some ass-hattishness, not the other way around. I was using being an ass as a partial defense mechanism, and that is every bit as false as being too nice and agreeable.

 

IMO, the cocky-funny stuff is a vast simplification of the real process that a man, or anyone, must go through to shed their social weaknesses and get to a stronger core.

 

I've had my differences with you, meerkat, but I actually think this is a great post, particularly the part in bold. Nicely said.

[meerkat stew]

I've had my differences with you, meerkat, but I actually think this is a great post, particularly the part in bold. Nicely said.

 

Your place or mine?

[somedude81]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwLM_936LgY&feature=player_embedded

Wow, that was pretty eye opening. It's time I start being an ass.

[flying]

Your place or mine?

 

 

There you go, OP. This dramatic reading brought to you by Loveshack.

[meerkat stew]

Wow, that was pretty eye opening. It's time I start being an ass.

 

Eh, that guy was a type of ass, a dumb-ass. He could have easily had the girl in bed that night, she was begging to get laid. His patter on "testing her" was incredibly weak, yet she was eating it up. He missed a layup. Anyway, it was all contrived, they obviously knew each other beforehand and both working on their "acting" chops. More wannabe actors on that show than any show ever.

 

Thanks for posting that link, btw, used to love that show late night back in the day. I don't watch tv any more, is it still on?

[Dblock10]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwLM_936LgY&feature=player_embedded

 

very interesting.

meerkat, so what your saying is, go out, put on a jerk suit even if its fake and basically a process to overcome social weakness and get to your true inner core.

 

that vid was obviously set up but you can kinda get where its coming from. And its true. Ive seen it with my own eyes the guy can and is a p*** yet gets the girl

[meerkat stew]

very interesting.

meerkat, so what your saying is, go out, put on a jerk suit even if its fake and basically a process to overcome social weakness and get to your true inner core.

 

Well, I don't advise ever putting on any kind of suit, the objective is to take the part of the suit that is already there due to social conditioning, and reinforcement of same, off, whether it's an ass suit or a "pleaser" suit.

[Dblock10]

right ok so be yourself but understand yourself on a better level

 

just came across this http://www.justaguything.com/the-top-5-things-jerks-do-to-get-women/

 

so true its actually laughable!

[Enchanted Girl]

Even if you're really famous or really rich, you're going to be rejected by a lot of girls, whether you're an ******* to them or not. They're not going to accept you for second dates. They're going to say no to you sometimes when you ask them out. The way you word things, it's like you want some foolproof way to get every woman you ever have feelings for ever. You can't have every woman that you want. No one can.

 

going back last year when i was bitter from a break up, i had about 4 girls in 6 months.. i remember one i realllly wanted and she obviously knew it well guess what... i didn't get her. But then when I turned it around and acted like I didnt give a f*** she came running. I even told her i wasn't interested and she literally wouldn't leave me alone. Even when she txt me sayin look I really like you but i understand you don't feel the same, i guess there is nothing else i can say, so see you around.

 

I DIDNT txt back and she STILL came after me, she txt me saying she couldn't ignore me, and guess what, a week later we hooked up...

 

needless to say we weren't compatible for the long haul, at least my efforts (or not) paid off...

 

girls get pulled by playa's (if the playa is clever he can get any girl he wants) they choose if its off or on, not the other way round

 

@DBlock10: I've admittedly met women who behave that way. =/ You have to understand that attracting that kind of woman isn't attracting a quality woman. They are usually in relationships for the rush of emotion they get from it and the challenge of it, not because they want something serious. They're usually more interested in playing games and things and UNFORTUNATELY, this is usually the type of girl that most men go after.

 

If I had known you while you were chasing that girl, I would have told you to stop chasing her and that you were foolish for even liking her in the first place. That you're going after the wrong girls and that there's a lot of nice women out there who don't play games and don't treat you like crap for being nice to them.

 

I don't think the solution is to be an *******, but to start chasing after the right types of women and stop listing those types of women like this:

 

Also the idea that only 1/10 women, who are of poor quality, will respond positively to a man who acts in a selfish manner is completely false.

Women who don't want men who are going to play games with them, won't play games themselves. They aren't poor quality. You guys just need to start actually seeing people for what they really are.

 

People let their hormones and sexual desire get in the way too much of seeing through other people's BS.

Edited August 7, 2010 by Enchanted Girl

[skydiveaddict]

why when ever something doesn't work out for me, mates will be quick at turning around and saying, "I dont know what it is, but when you treat girl's like an ass, they come running" backwards logic but thats women

 

 

Your mates are entirely correct. Women expect to be treated like crap. Treat them nicely (like a gentleman) and you are down the road. I admit it doesn't make sense, but that's the way it is.

[K'aycie]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwLM_936LgY&feature=player_embedded

 

Ewe he's rude.

 

I would have excused myself to the bathroom and not come back.

[zengirl]

I will give my same "terrible" (according to some) advice to be kind to people and treat them like human beings, instead of objects. And to deal with your own baggage. And not put people into restrictive gender boxes. Look, it really all depends on what you want.

 

Want an unhealthy girl who's going to be crap and more trouble than she's worth? Treat her crappy. That'll work on some of them, sure, and a few of them are even pretty. Of course, as soon as they get a whiff of emotional health, they're gone. Or they might go anyway, as self-hating crazy people are hard to pin down, and that's who likes being treated terribly (men or women): Self-hating crazy people.

 

Of course, that doesn't mean some playful sarcasm kills romance. I think it's more about the attitude/intent than the execution (though execution matters too) than people think.

 

Ooh goody! Another post about how women aren't really people, they're hardwired to enjoy being treated badly.

 

It isn't true, but saying "Girls don't like me because I'm too nice" is a lot easier on the ego than "Girls don't like me because I am unattractive with poor social skills."

 

Word. And to almost your entire post.

 

I'd say the same to the girls who think "Treat 'Em Mean to Keep 'Em Keen" is a good game.

[tami-chan]

Nah...a guy does not have to be an ass or a jerk. He does have to be confident. A guy who knows what he wants and knows how to get it is attractive, imo. Guys who are in a perpetual angst about what they "really" want and how to go about it are annoying. I just do not have the time to wait around and help them figure things out. I mean, maybe if he is in his 20s..but c'mon in his 30's and still confused and tortured?..yikes...

 

And then there are those who are just super desperate....those guys are scary, you just know that if you break up with them, something very bad is going to happen.

 

I can usually tell if I am dealing with a guy that I can't play games with and try to be as honest as my little Asian upbringing allows me to be . I just know that if I start playing little games I am going to be called out-that would not be pleasant-but I will forever respect that guy.

[that girl]

So how the hell is a normal guy supposed to get a decent girl? They are so in demand with tons of options it's f-ing ridiculous.

I have only known a few women who were beating guys off with a stick and interestingly, they weren't the prettiest women I've known. Most women do get some sexual attention, but homeless guys, cat caller, and guys old enough to be your dad do not count.

 

This game is so insanely difficult it's no wonder that some men become extremely angry and bitter at women.

Nope, it is still all on them. Having trouble getting a date is not a legit reason to dislike an entire gender.

 

It's not even like I'm going after the hot girls. The last girl I went for was only average in looks and 20lbs overweight. The girl before her was a total nerd who was socially awkward and didn't know how to dress. And yet they both rejected me. What the hell?!

God forbid that women who you don't even consider attractive turn you down! How dare they have their own standards when you're so nice that you're willing to lower yours to ask them out.

 

let me give you an example, I was really into this girl, I was a good nice guy who was there for her and shared the same sense of humour, we had extremely similar backgrounds about home life and exe's, I had a full time job with good pay things going for me (even do modelling from time to time) so I am in great shape etc. She had just come out a relationship so didnt want anything with me (or anything), so I thought ok stay nice and just be "around" for when she changes her mind.. well now she has found someone else who she is dating, I said i'm sure he is a nice guy, and she goes to me (on AIM) thank ****** you are a good lad.

This isn't being a nice guy, this is trying to use friendship to weasel your way into someone's pants. If you want to date a girl, ask her out. If she says no move on. The only reason to try the friendship thing is if you would actually be happy just being friends. She doesn't owe you nookie for friendship, she owes you friendship.

[You'reasian]

why. And what does this even mean?

If you like a girl it's obvious that you will do anything and everything to at least get the chance to date them, and see if you to click and perhaps find a partner.

 

What if you have had the first date already (went well) and they tell you it was really nice etc... but then txt's dry up, so then you txt a couple day's later and they reply this time but decline your offer for second meeting on that particular day because of family reasons, but then suggest perhaps the next day.. so you agree and suggest a place but then get no response..

 

Do you go with your gut instinct and leave it (since deep down you know they are not interested basically actions outweigh words) or do you call them?

 

Am I ignoring signs which are pointing at not interested? because to me if the person suggests the next day it means they are interested, as to just saying oh i'm busy all week

 

why when ever something doesn't work out for me, mates will be quick at turning around and saying, "I dont know what it is, but when you treat girl's like an ass, they come running" backwards logic but thats women

 

I can see how lack of contact or interest could encourage you to be an ass.

 

Women 25 and under tend to respond more positively to guys who are asses; its the whole change a guy, chase what you can't have thing.

[Shakz]

right ok so be yourself but understand yourself on a better level

 

just came across this http://www.justaguything.com/the-top-5-things-jerks-do-to-get-women/

 

so true its actually laughable!

 

Thanks for that, Dblock. I think the difference between being a "jerk" and being a Casanova is just a matter of knowing yourself and knowing your audience. Cary Grant always got the girl because he was a real cool jerk.

[sagetalk]

Whatever your instinct tells you, do the exact opposite.

 

The formula for initially attracting women, amazing isn't it . It makes sense considering men are supposed to be opposites of women. Do the opposite of what you think you should and bingo. Do this without breaking laws of decency of course .

[ConflictedGuy27]

The formula for initially attracting women, amazing isn't it . It makes sense considering men are supposed to be opposites of women. Do the opposite of what you think you should and bingo. Do this without breaking laws of decency of course .

 

well said. it's amazing to me how the formula for building initial attraction to line up dates is different from the formula while actually on a date, and even more different than the formula for keeping a girl interested. lol.

[carhill]

Cary Grant got the girl because he was always, even into his elderly years, a drop-dead gorgeous man. No style, short of pedophilia, would have failed for him. He could have been an incorrigible ass and women still would have dropped at his feet, simply because there would always be a new woman infatuated with his appearance and charisma. Proof positive were his five marriages. That's just the facts, as related by an 'average' guy who happens to enjoy Cary Grant movies