AverageJoe Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 With the recent posts in regards to online dating sites I felt the urge to expand on it. I have seen this alot in the past perusing online dating sites or various personal ads, newspapers, match, what have you. The ads are placed with what everyone wants to find, they shoot for the moon. Something became really clear in regards to women placing ads looking for men. One that came up frequently was from some women, is "I've had my fun" im ready to meet the right guy. The first time I saw it, it insulted me. Why? Im going to tell you. What you are saying, whether you realize it or not, is now what you are about to do is not going to be fun at all. In other words I have already done all my impetuous things, my spontaneous things, with guys far hotter than you and now I am just looking for someone to reliably pay the rent. This is an ad I would not respond to. Because I havent had my fun. Have I had fun? Sure have. Am I done having fun, absolutely not! Fun was for the days when she was in her early to mid twenties or so and as hot as she was ever going to be. Thats when she had real fun. Guys were buying her things, taking her places. Thats when her friends would call her up at midnight and say 'lets go out'. Anyone that places an ad like that is not someone I would want to date. I would avoid them like the plague. I've had my fun. Are you kidding me? One of the many reasons I do not frequent those venues. She is saying im not going to have fun anymore and settle down with you! Were going to be very serious, we have to talk, your going to put the toilet seat down and we are going to get down to the serious stuff. I have no interest in you if you have already had your fun. Am I being unreasonable? Discuss.
LoveLace Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 That phrase is not one I would pick to put in my ad, actually I like to point out that I am a "fun" person that would like another "fun" person as a partner. What she really meant was "I am done being involved with things that are not going anywhere/right for me, etc...so now I'm ready to settle down with the right one". - but she worded it all wrong, and I do not blame you for perceiving it the way you did, not at all...in general it makes her sound like kind of a negative person. I would think well if they are done with fun they are not right for me! Like you, but from a woman's persepective, I'd see this and think this guy is just looking for a couch to be a couch potato on while his wife does everything else...
MrNate Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 I really don't blame you at all for that phrase rubbing you the wrong way. I wouldn't respond to those kind of posts either, and I honestly wouldn't be surprised if profiles like those got less messages.
that girl Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 I'm not a big fan of "I've had my fun" for other reasons, but I think you're way overreading to say that it means that they expect the relationship to be unfun. I think it just means they don't want casual. Fun was for the days when she was in her early to mid twenties or so and as hot as she was ever going to be. Thats when she had real fun. Guys were buying her things, taking her places. Thats when her friends would call her up at midnight and say 'lets go out'. It is misogyny to assume that the reason a woman wants a serious relationship is because she is getting old and unattractive. Misogyny does not sound fun, it sounds bitter.
kalikula Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 I do think you're overanalyzing this to me a bit-- Though I wouldnt put this in an ad probably... What it is says to me is- "I've had my time getting drunk and having somewhat random sexual encounters, now I'm looking for a real, meaningful connection with someone". (Although the latter sounds more fun to me actually!)
meerkat stew Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 I like the ones who put "tired of the bar scene." Only in internet dating can alcoholic skanks announce to the world exactly what they are and still get attention. Some more hoots: "My kids come first," usually from those with three kids who also want 150k and up income. Sorry, babe, my -wallet- comes first. "Make me laugh!" Unicornbeachwavesgirl70, your profile has already "made me laugh" enough for the both of us. "Looking for a down to earth guy"... because the drummer I've been banging for the last month isn't returning my calls. Last read - "DavinciCodeGrishamBaldaccietcetc" You would have been better off putting "coloring book" in that blank.
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 What she really meant was "I am done being involved with things that are not going anywhere/right for me, etc...so now I'm ready to settle down with the right one". - but she worded it all wrong, and I do not blame you for perceiving it the way you did, not at all...in general it makes her sound like kind of a negative person. I would think well if they are done with fun they are not right for me! Like you, but from a woman's persepective, I'd see this and think this guy is just looking for a couch to be a couch potato on while his wife does everything else... How is that any better? Ready to settle down? Why would I want anyone to settle for me? Also... do you think Ms.Wildpartygirl will be happy long term in a more "settled" existence? I call bullcrap on that.
Sith Apprentice Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 (edited) When using online dating sites there are several terms in women's profiles you should look out for. I've decoded them for you below: "Adventurous"= Sleeps with everybody "I'm tired of the jerks"= I only date jerks "I'm looking for a nice guy" = I recently got pump and dumped by a jerk. "No games"= You'll need to spit some good game to get in my pants. 30-ish = 39 thin = No tits Average looking = Ugly Beautiful = Pathological liar Contagious Smile = Does a lot of pills Emotionally secure = On medication Feminist = Fat biotch Free spirit = Pothead Friendship first = Former very *friendly* person Fun = Annoying New Age = Body hair in the wrong places Outgoing = Loud and Embarrassing Passionate = Sloppy drunk Professional = biotch Voluptuous = Very Fat Large frame = Hugely Fat Wants Soul mate = Stalker Edited August 6, 2010 by Sith Apprentice
zengirl Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 (edited) I have seen this alot in the past perusing online dating sites or various personal ads, newspapers, match, what have you. The ads are placed with what everyone wants to find, they shoot for the moon. Something became really clear in regards to women placing ads looking for men. One that came up frequently was from some women, is "I've had my fun" im ready to meet the right guy. The first time I saw it, it insulted me. Why? Im going to tell you. What you are saying, whether you realize it or not, is now what you are about to do is not going to be fun at all. In other words I have already done all my impetuous things, my spontaneous things, with guys far hotter than you and now I am just looking for someone to reliably pay the rent. This is an ad I would not respond to. Because I havent had my fun. Have I had fun? Sure have. Am I done having fun, absolutely not! Fun was for the days when she was in her early to mid twenties or so and as hot as she was ever going to be. Thats when she had real fun. Guys were buying her things, taking her places. Thats when her friends would call her up at midnight and say 'lets go out'. Anyone that places an ad like that is not someone I would want to date. I would avoid them like the plague. I've had my fun. Are you kidding me? One of the many reasons I do not frequent those venues. She is saying im not going to have fun anymore and settle down with you! Were going to be very serious, we have to talk, your going to put the toilet seat down and we are going to get down to the serious stuff. I have no interest in you if you have already had your fun. Am I being unreasonable? Discuss. Eh, it's just an expression, so you might be analyzing it a bit too far. I've long ago accepted that most people just aren't that good at writing interesting online dating ads and that they will be littered with cliches. I don't love them either, and they still deduct from the person's attractiveness, but I think you may be edging towards hyperbole here. A lot of people just want to "get things out of the way" in their dating profiles, and this is how they've chosen to say, "I don't date casually." I don't think I have anything in my profile that says that (beyond my dating preferences excluding things like "casual sex," though most women do that and it doesn't seem to discourage men from trying). I did, at one point, have a small thing in there about how I know who I am and what I'm looking for and really dig happy people who can say the same. Which is my way of saying, "If you just want to screw me, it ain't going to happen, so let's not waste time or money with your attempts." It didn't seem to hurt the numbers of folks contacting me (good or bad), and it struck a chord with fellow I last had a serious relationship with from an online dating site. He liked it quite a bit. But I'm not sure if mine is the same thing. After all, I haven't had all my fun either, and I certainly hope I never feel like I have! I don't care if I'm married with kids, grandkids, and thousands of wrinkles. . . I want my whole life to be fun. (Though in constantly evolving ways, of course.) I'm silly like that. Edited August 6, 2010 by zengirl
ascendotum Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 I can relate to your post. Like you I have seen numerous ads with the 'I've had my fun', or variations like 'tired of the bar scene' or 'I am sick of the wrong guys. I want to be wined and dined and made to feel special again' type personal ads, and I interpret them the same as you, and just skip over those profiles.
phineas Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 I think if I try online dateing i'll just put up a full body picture with the following info: Age Divorced 2 kids. Job. No criminal record. And call it a day. It seems to me if a woman is attracted to you nothing else really matters in the world of online dateing.
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 I think if I try online dateing i'll just put up a full body picture with the following info: Age Divorced 2 kids. Job. No criminal record. And call it a day. It seems to me if a woman is attracted to you nothing else really matters in the world of online dateing. You may want to remove the criminal record part. Criminals seem to be extra attractive... and non criminals seem to be boring. So take that out and leave yourself with a little mystery.
phineas Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 You may want to remove the criminal record part. Criminals seem to be extra attractive... and non criminals seem to be boring. So take that out and leave yourself with a little mystery. Should I have my shirt off with a beutiful woman in each arm also for my profile picture?
LoveLace Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 How is that any better? Ready to settle down? Why would I want anyone to settle for me? Also... do you think Ms.Wildpartygirl will be happy long term in a more "settled" existence? I call bullcrap on that. I didn't say ready to settle FOR somebody, I said settle WITH somebody, as in settle into a secure relationship...with the right one.
Dblock10 Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 With the recent posts in regards to online dating sites I felt the urge to expand on it. I have seen this alot in the past perusing online dating sites or various personal ads, newspapers, match, what have you. The ads are placed with what everyone wants to find, they shoot for the moon. Something became really clear in regards to women placing ads looking for men. One that came up frequently was from some women, is "I've had my fun" im ready to meet the right guy. The first time I saw it, it insulted me. Why? Im going to tell you. What you are saying, whether you realize it or not, is now what you are about to do is not going to be fun at all. In other words I have already done all my impetuous things, my spontaneous things, with guys far hotter than you and now I am just looking for someone to reliably pay the rent. This is an ad I would not respond to. Because I havent had my fun. Have I had fun? Sure have. Am I done having fun, absolutely not! Fun was for the days when she was in her early to mid twenties or so and as hot as she was ever going to be. Thats when she had real fun. Guys were buying her things, taking her places. Thats when her friends would call her up at midnight and say 'lets go out'. Anyone that places an ad like that is not someone I would want to date. I would avoid them like the plague. I've had my fun. Are you kidding me? One of the many reasons I do not frequent those venues. She is saying im not going to have fun anymore and settle down with you! Were going to be very serious, we have to talk, your going to put the toilet seat down and we are going to get down to the serious stuff. I have no interest in you if you have already had your fun. Am I being unreasonable? Discuss. amazing. and true! haha
Author AverageJoe Posted August 6, 2010 Author Posted August 6, 2010 Should I have my shirt off with a beutiful woman in each arm also for my profile picture? Of course. No one eats at an empty restaraunt. My kids come first," usually from those with three kids who also want 150k and up income. Sorry, babe, my -wallet- comes first. Oh, this is one that sticks out to me too. I could go on about that one as well.
LoveLace Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 Listen to how judgemental online dating makes us...for real that's why I don't like it anymore... It's too hard to make yourself appear "different" or unique to someone...the ads all start to seem the same and no one really sticks out at me..
LoveLace Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 (edited) Listen to how judgemental online dating makes us...for real that's why I don't like it anymore... It's too hard to make yourself appear "different" or unique to someone...the ads all start to seem the same and no one really sticks out at me.. In other words the phrase "I'm just your average guy..." or "girl"...is no longer acceptable because it's been used too many times, that and sounds terribly boring to some. Although however, it could be the one of your dreams...truth is most of us do think we are "average" or above average...but to say so isn't going to score many points... It only works for the OP hahaha Edited August 7, 2010 by LoveLace
zengirl Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 Listen to how judgemental online dating makes us...for real that's why I don't like it anymore... It's too hard to make yourself appear "different" or unique to someone...the ads all start to seem the same and no one really sticks out at me.. This is because not enough people learn to 1. reflect 2. write Both of these things are required to write something different. Both of them are fairly rare skills. The whole "I'm just your average girl/guy" thing you mention turns me off because I always wonder. . . What the heck is average? Of course you seem normal and average to yourself! You are used to yourself. Tell me something useful. When reflection and writing ability are both missing or low, I think most folks could still do well to write about what they like. Not in a relationship. Just in general. What do you like? Why do you like it? That tells me more about a person than random cliches. Even if I don't like it, I can be interested by it or at least get a sense of the person. Listing random traits is not nearly as useful.
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 I didn't say ready to settle FOR somebody, I said settle WITH somebody, as in settle into a secure relationship...with the right one. Settling with is the same as Settling for. Why? Because the implication is the same. Whatever came before was not intended by her to be long term or secure. Therefore why did she do it? Because it was fun. Now she has changed what she is looking for and she wants long term/secure. That means fun is no longer the prime motivator. It's basically the difference between doing what you want... and doing what you have to do.
Stung Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 I think if I try online dateing i'll just put up a full body picture with the following info: Age Divorced 2 kids. Job. No criminal record. And call it a day. It seems to me if a woman is attracted to you nothing else really matters in the world of online dateing. I remember seeing a few ads like that and passing over them assuming the guy must be boring as hell, have no imagination. I'm sure some would be fine with it though.
Author AverageJoe Posted August 7, 2010 Author Posted August 7, 2010 Settling with is the same as Settling for. Why? Because the implication is the same. Whatever came before was not intended by her to be long term or secure. Therefore why did she do it? Because it was fun. Now she has changed what she is looking for and she wants long term/secure. That means fun is no longer the prime motivator. It's basically the difference between doing what you want... and doing what you have to do. Untouchable gets it. "Now im gonna settle down with you! Right in the time to meet me". These are gals that may have 10k on the odometer and not willing to lay another mile down for you.
spookie Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 IMO if you need to over-analyze that line to death, you're just bitter you haven't had any fun at all. I've had my fun. My late teens and early twenties were characterized by heavy drinking, which was fun for a while, but now I'm over the bar scene. It was fun for a while, but I have finally tired of its repetition. Besides, I'm not so young anymore. Those vicious hangovers hurt more. Now, I prefer going on runs, managing my money, and cooking dinner with my boyfriend. So what? Why should I be ashamed of having graduated into a new life stage? I think all that line is just meant to tell people where you are at.
LoveLace Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 Settling with is the same as Settling for. Why? Because the implication is the same. Whatever came before was not intended by her to be long term or secure. Therefore why did she do it? Because it was fun. Now she has changed what she is looking for and she wants long term/secure. That means fun is no longer the prime motivator. It's basically the difference between doing what you want... and doing what you have to do. But "fun" is just a required component of what I'm looking for in the right one, the prime motivator is wanting to be in a good, secure relationship, changing what you look for in a guy or in life does not mean you don't want "fun". Secure relationships are fun in a different way, meaning it's fun to do this or that with him or her. The ad implies that the "fun" she's done with is playing the field, now she's just ready to pick one...however the way she phrases it is not flattering for her. Meaning now what I want is relationship type of fun, and not beause I HAVE to, it's because I'm ready to move into that next stage of life...its not fair to presume that makes me undesirable. And there are 2 ways to use the word "settle". One means to settle "for" something just because it's best thing there...but it also means to stay in one place for a long time...you know, they called them "settlers" in the history books? So to settle "WITH" means to stick WITH one person for a long time, but you only want to do that WITH someone who is right for you. So for her to say, "Done with fun, ready to settle".....YEP that sounds BAD. But it likely means that she is done fooling around with no serious intentions and ready to pick one she has GOOD intentions for. That does in no way make a person magically turn from a "fun" person into a not-so-fun person anymore (it happens later in relationships...but who in the world would announce that they will no longer be fun in a relationship? That is usually a perception of someone that might develop over time). But if you ARE really a "fun" person, and your partner is too, there's your "fun" relationship...it's a 2 way street, bud.
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 IMO if you need to over-analyze that line to death, you're just bitter you haven't had any fun at all. I've had my fun. My late teens and early twenties were characterized by heavy drinking, which was fun for a while, but now I'm over the bar scene. It was fun for a while, but I have finally tired of its repetition. Besides, I'm not so young anymore. Those vicious hangovers hurt more. Now, I prefer going on runs, managing my money, and cooking dinner with my boyfriend. So what? Why should I be ashamed of having graduated into a new life stage? I think all that line is just meant to tell people where you are at. Actually not jealous at all. My definition of "Fun" never included random meaningless sex. Why would I be jealous of someone who did? Because she slept with more people? I could have slept with x10 the amount of women I have... but I chose not to, because I respect myself and I wanted an emotional connection. So... You tell me why Ms.Formerbarslut wants to settle down with me? I hit the bar scene pretty heavy too a few years back, and I'm tired of it too. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy going out and tearing it up one night every couple of months. People don't just change like that. But "fun" is just a required component of what I'm looking for in the right one, the prime motivator is wanting to be in a good, secure relationship, changing what you look for in a guy or in life does not mean you don't want "fun". Secure relationships are fun in a different way, meaning it's fun to do this or that with him or her. The ad implies that the "fun" she's done with is playing the field, now she's just ready to pick one...however the way she phrases it is not flattering for her. Meaning now what I want is relationship type of fun, and not beause I HAVE to, it's because I'm ready to move into that next stage of life...its not fair to presume that makes me undesirable. And there are 2 ways to use the word "settle". One means to settle "for" something just because it's best thing there...but it also means to stay in one place for a long time...you know, they called them "settlers" in the history books? So to settle "WITH" means to stick WITH one person for a long time, but you only want to do that WITH someone who is right for you. So for her to say, "Done with fun, ready to settle".....YEP that sounds BAD. But it likely means that she is done fooling around with no serious intentions and ready to pick one she has GOOD intentions for. That does in no way make a person magically turn from a "fun" person into a not-so-fun person anymore (it happens later in relationships...but who in the world would announce that they will no longer be fun in a relationship? That is usually a perception of someone that might develop over time). But if you ARE really a "fun" person, and your partner is too, there's your "fun" relationship...it's a 2 way street, bud. I don't entirely agree with you regarding the mechanisms at work here. Women for the most part date the guys they are attracted to... and for this particular woman the men she has been attracted to she is labeling as "fun" have clearly not lead to anything permanent. By stating that she is "done with fun" it means she has decided to date a different type of guy... more likely one she was not attracted to previously. I see this done ALL the time. The problem with trying to force yourself into being attracted to something new is that it never lasts. I give it 7 years tops then she is chasing the pool boy around or refuses to touch the hapless husband.
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