Ncb89 Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Hi everyone, I have a pretty complicated situation on my hands at the moment. I'll try to make it as quick, and to the point, as possible. I have had a boyfriend now for about 5 months. He is great. Funny, affectionate, lovable, and very trustworthy, but there's just one issue, I still love and miss my ex-boyfriend. Now this would all be very simple if my ex lived in the United States, but he lives in England. I met him while he was working here on a visa and fell for him instantly. I was involved with the British guy for about 4 years(2 of them mostly long distance, just visits here and there) Granted, it was a very hard relationship because of the distance, my love for him overpowered the struggle and I believed that it was worth it, even when people told me different. Sadly, February of this year my ex and I finally called it quits. He wanted me to try to get a visa and work there so we could give it a real shot. He told me he had someone who could help me get a job. As exciting as it sounded, i knew i was not ready to get up and go and i felt as though he were pressuring me-i snapped and told him i wanted to put an end to our relationship once and for all. My family and friends were also telling me that he should take the risk and come here, even if it is more risky for him since he probably would not sustain a well paying job. He figured it would be easier for me to go there and work for the summer, since I'm young, still live at home and am in school. I still couldn't help but feel pathetic if i did that. Our main issue for me and him is that hes 26, and I'm 21. He is ready to settle down, as where i am ready to enjoy the "best years of my life". Now here is the BIG issue for me now is that I still think of my ex-boyfriend in England, even though I am with this great guy who is only 10 minutes down the road. I don't know what to do. Everyone is telling me to pick the guy that is here, but i cant help but feel drawn to my ex in England whom i loved with every inch of my being. Sometimes I feel as though i am settling because its easier, than other times I really do think that I love my boyfriend and am just being nostalgic. I need any advice I can get. What would you do if you were me? Thanks so much.
Mary3 Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 There is a saying I believe : " Chemistry lasts forever " . I find meeting past bf's that you still feel the magic . Not to be confused with real feelings which are gone by then but that unmistakable chemistry that brought you together in the first place. You will feel this. You need to make a choice so your current bf can go on with his life and be happy. And then there's the song " If you can't be with the one you love , then love the one your with " Tough one for you...
meerkat stew Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 So you -immediately- rebounded from a four year relationship to the current one. Break up with the rebound, you aren't doing him or his life one bit of good. Learn something from this. Take some time off after longterm relationships in the future, it's best for you and also for those you might otherwise rebound with.
TaraMaiden Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 My reply is in this duplicate thread. Which by the way, isn't actually allowed..... And I'm likely to get my knuckles rapped for pointing that out.....
dispatch3d Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 someones chasing unicorns. Fact is you are long distance, and haven't had a real relationship with this guy in 2 years. Definitely go with the guy here. I would bet you are more into the IDEA of him. Like you can place all of your ideal man scenarios onto him since you never see him. Like oh he's so handsome, as you remember how he looks, and oh he's so nice, as you remember those times he was nice to you, etc. Really think you are in love with an image of a man - ideals of your own that you make him fit into - than the actual guy. Go with the american guy. He definitely shouldn't move to the states and for his sake please don't let him.
yume Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 You didn't take enough time to get over your ex before entering a relationship with someone new and now he's gonna suffer for it. You can try getting over your ex while seeing this guy but, speaking from experience, it is not going to be easy (or at all possible). You may eventually have to put everything on hold with the new guy so you can heal. Yes, you are nostalgic. If you don't try to fix this pretty soon, you're gonna end up with a big mess on your hands. Good luck.
Author Ncb89 Posted August 5, 2010 Author Posted August 5, 2010 did not know that wasn't allowed. thanks for letting me know though.
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