TwilightSky Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 This is one of many things that paralyzes me, the concept being wrong. For the more experienced members here,..how do you get 100& proof that someone is into you?
cookie2 Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 You can never have 100% proof. You have to have faith and trust.
Author TwilightSky Posted August 5, 2010 Author Posted August 5, 2010 I see faith as pointless at that stage in the game.
callingyouuu Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 I don't think that's possible. Waiting until you see "signs" that they're attracted to you is your best option, but that still won't be 100% accurate just because a lot of people are pretty good at faking it nowadays. From the way I understand it, all you can do is just leap over the cliff and hope for the best. Waiting around until you're absolutely sure just slows down the process.
cookie2 Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 I see faith as pointless at that stage in the game. At what stage? If you don't have faith in your SO and trust in what they say, the relationship is doomed anyway.
Sphere Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Trust your gut instinct, it's the most accurate indicator.
zengirl Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 This is one of many things that paralyzes me, the concept being wrong. For the more experienced members here,..how do you get 100& proof that someone is into you? You can't. I see faith as pointless at that stage in the game. Faith is generally the best option to fall back on. If you have a reason to doubt something, I say doubt it, and of course pick up on actions, words, social cues, and whatever data available to you naturally, in dating or anything else, but if you don't have any reason to doubt something, you might as well accept it as true. I assume I'm going to wake up tomorrow unless given a reason to believe otherwise. Don't you? In the same way, I tend to assume good things unless given a reason to worry about something bad happening. And even then, I don't really worry; I just take the action I can and let it go. I'm not saying go out and invest in everything and give them your complete faith, but I don't think it hurts to give anyone the benefit of the doubt as long as you're open to the signs that it may not be all you hoped.
GordonDarkfoot Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 When they want to have babies with you. Everything short of that is just horseplay.
a_woman Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 This is one of many things that paralyzes me, the concept being wrong. For the more experienced members here,..how do you get 100& proof that someone is into you? you can't. feelings change anyway for better or worse
Art_Critic Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Why do you need 100% proof ?... That seems kind of safe.. which translates to a turn off in a woman's eyes.. Jump off that ledge if you want to get the girl.. The guy who plays it safe loses...
USMCHokie Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Like the others have said, nothing in love is absolutely certain... This is one of many things that paralyzes me, the concept being wrong. You need to fix this...it'll get you further in life...
Shakz Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 All any of us can do is look for signs of love. Whatever you do, don't start putting your SO to the test, or make them jump through hoops to prove their love. All that proves is your lack of love.
phineas Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 That's easy. She stands by your side & remains faithful until you or her die.
Green Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 I see this question over and over again coming from different guys. How do I 100% know if she likes me. I created a thread last month titled something like "how to 100% know if a girl is into you" here is the link http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t236916/ Basicaly my answer to that is WHO CARES. Only ask yourself if YOU LIKE THE GIRL. Heck if I liked a girl who 100% HATED me I would still try to change things around in my favor. It is up to you as the MAN to build that attract. Girls will like you if you ask them out and then show them a good time. Also make sure you KISS them on the lips before the date is over... DONT ASK JUST KISS.
SassyKitten Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Also make sure you KISS them on the lips before the date is over... DONT ASK JUST KISS. Be very careful with this! I and some other women I know tend to take things very slowly in this department. And if a man tries to kiss me without giving me non-verbal cues first that that's what he want's, I freeze up. Plus, I start to get emotionally attached from the moment we first kiss, unless he's a terrible kisser that is. And really, the first way you ever touch a new woman should either be as a friendly hug or by holding hands. If this goes well, then she's probably comfortable with you moving onto other things.
Green Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Be very careful with this! I and some other women I know tend to take things very slowly in this department. And if a man tries to kiss me without giving me non-verbal cues first that that's what he want's, I freeze up. Plus, I start to get emotionally attached from the moment we first kiss, unless he's a terrible kisser that is. And really, the first way you ever touch a new woman should either be as a friendly hug or by holding hands. If this goes well, then she's probably comfortable with you moving onto other things. You only have experience with one woman... urself... and even if you had romanticaly chased other women you would be doing it as a woman going after other women. You don't know what its like to be a man. From what you wrote above it sounds more like an endorsement of what I advised. You talk about getting emotionally attached after being kissed and freezing up and just letting the kiss happen. So if I'm not mistaken I would say the seeds of a romantic relationship have been planted and you would be willing to see a guy for date 2 or what ever. As far as the first way you touch a woman. I believe you just have to try as much touching as possible. Obviously if the girl doesn't want to be touched you should respect that... but seriously if you are eating.. sitting on the same side of the booth with your legs touching and being close togather really does build up a fun sexual tension. Just being able to smell her up close is great. (you don't want a girl who you can smell from far away lol) KISS THE GIRL is my advice
SassyKitten Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 What kind of non-verbal cues should be given? Eye contact, mirroring her body language, and my preference is for the first place a new man touches me to be my hands.
Green Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 What kind of non-verbal cues should be given? dude she's girl stop asking her for indepth advice. All she can tell you about is her feelings and what she has done. I'm a guy and the most I can tell you is that anything should be considered a non-verbal cue. If she burps for god sakes say to yourself <Wow she must be really comfortable around me, that means she likes me, I'll tease her about the burp in a cute way she'll find fun> Just keep telling yourself this is fun I like her and DONT WORRY ABOUT IF SHE LIKES YOU. Girls LOVE IT when you just ENJOY yourself and have no EXPECTATIONS.
SassyKitten Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 You only have experience with one woman... urself... and even if you had romanticaly chased other women you would be doing it as a woman going after other women. You don't know what its like to be a man. From what you wrote above it sounds more like an endorsement of what I advised. You talk about getting emotionally attached after being kissed and freezing up and just letting the kiss happen. So if I'm not mistaken I would say the seeds of a romantic relationship have been planted and you would be willing to see a guy for date 2 or what ever. As far as the first way you touch a woman. I believe you just have to try as much touching as possible. Obviously if the girl doesn't want to be touched you should respect that... but seriously if you are eating.. sitting on the same side of the booth with your legs touching and being close togather really does build up a fun sexual tension. Just being able to smell her up close is great. (you don't want a girl who you can smell from far away lol) KISS THE GIRL is my advice Yes, but one major grievance of mine with dating is when the man looks at my body as some kind of entitlement. Not only that, but I've had first dates where we kissed on the first date and didn't make it to a second date. Which does so much to screw with my head. As far as the fun sexual tension goes, from the second date onwards, most definitely! But on the first date, of course I think he's hot or I wouldn't have accepted the first date, but at the same time I am actively trying to suss out whether he deserves me or not. And if he gets super-gropey on the first date, he doesn't deserve me. And as I am a woman, certainly don't blow off my advice if you're trying to learn how to impress women! I'm certainly not the one to ask about how to impress a man.
Green Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Yes, but one major grievance of mine with dating is when the man looks at my body as some kind of entitlement. Not only that, but I've had first dates where we kissed on the first date and didn't make it to a second date. Which does so much to screw with my head. As far as the fun sexual tension goes, from the second date onwards, most definitely! But on the first date, of course I think he's hot or I wouldn't have accepted the first date, but at the same time I am actively trying to suss out whether he deserves me or not. And if he gets super-gropey on the first date, he doesn't deserve me. And as I am a woman, certainly don't blow off my advice if you're trying to learn how to impress women! I'm certainly not the one to ask about how to impress a man. Your advice is cautionary... why would you give advice like this to a guy I get the impression who has NEVER KISSED A GIRL. He needs to start taking RISKS and BEING HIMSELF. He goes into these dates so worried to offend and get rejected he comes off as this fake boring guy. I say if you're dating a girl for the purpose of a romantic relationship then be upfront about it and have fun with it. Don't treat it as some job interview where the fun has some yet to be determined start date.
Sphere Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 (edited) And really, the first way you ever touch a new woman should either be as a friendly hug or by holding hands. If this goes well, then she's probably comfortable with you moving onto other things. I'm in full agreement with you for once. Escalation is what you need, when she shows you the green light for small stuff like light kino, then you move further up, until you reach the kissing stage. If you are escalating and she is giving you the green light then she won't be shocked when you go in for the kill. Edited August 5, 2010 by Sphere
zengirl Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 The thing Green gets right is that the only thing you can ever really worry about is whether or not you like the person (this applies to both genders). So long as you're not stalking or doing anything creepy (i.e. Girl/Guy has turned you down 4 times and said, "Stop calling me," and you still persist in calling, sending flowers, going by their work, etc), that's completely within reason. What's dangerous is when you project your feelings onto the other person and assume they like you as much as you like them, missing key signs and signals. Really, the best way to view a person is without projection or doubt: eliminate the hopes and fears and see what they're showing you. And just go with it. Kissing a girl on a first date is also fairly reasonable. Not kissing a girl on a first date is not an awful thing (actually the one time a guy I wound up dating longterm didn't kiss me on a first date completely threw me off my "game" at the time, and that was a time where I was much less zen and using game rather than being healthy, so it wound up being a very good thing, but that's one outlier example). But honestly, if you want to kiss a girl, you've escalated physicality as SassyKitten says in a healthy, normal manner during the date, and there's a rapport. . . kissing her is never going to hurt things if there's chemistry. (You can't fake/make chemistry, though.) What Green gets wrong and SassyKitten gets right is that making a girl comfortable is also key, especially if you're seeking someone either emotionally healthy or seeking emotional health. A guy who is too touchy feeling too fast, or comes with the attitude of trying to win me over in some sexual way . . . well, I can see that coming a mile away, and it's a big "No, thanks." A fellow that is physically attracted to me but also interested in me and our date, who escalates physicality in a playful way as it's reciprocated by me and seems to consider my thoughts and actions is attractive. In short: DON'T worry about someone's deep inner feelings they're not showing you (this leads to Crazy Town), but DO worry about someone's thoughts and actions they're presenting to you (not doing this leads to Jerk Town where you objectify people as merely objects in your life).
Author TwilightSky Posted August 6, 2010 Author Posted August 6, 2010 I'm not sure why, but this thread confuses me.
Green Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 She's being honest about what she prefers. That's a good thing. actualy she admitted that she really starts to like a guy after he has kissed her and that scares her. Unless of course the guy is a bad kisser and then waiting till the second date won't help. You make it very clear that you believe strongly in first date kisses. Not all women want first date kisses. Some like them and some don't. Actualy even the ones who don't like it enjoy the fact that you tried. Some girls will reject you no matter what. So really you have nothing to lose and have only increased your odds of sucess with a girl you like. In my case, I absolutely need to take more risks and you are right about that. I do need to relax, give eye contact and touch her in some way on the first date. I usually don't touch a woman at all on a first date out of fear and that needs to change. If she makes it obvious that she wants a kiss, I'd give her one. Otherwise I'd prefer to wait until the 2nd or 3rd date. I should have fun on the first date, but that does not mean touching her all over the place when I barely even know her. Always go for the kiss on the 1st date... you are really risking a romantic relationship if you wait for a 3rd date to try and kiss her. I never said touch a girl all over. Try touching her hand or arm. maybe if you feel its right touch her knee. Just be yourself and natural is all I'm saying. The thing Green gets right is that the only thing you can ever really worry about is whether or not you like the person (this applies to both genders). So long as you're not stalking or doing anything creepy (i.e. Girl/Guy has turned you down 4 times and said, "Stop calling me," and you still persist in calling, sending flowers, going by their work, etc), that's completely within reason. What's dangerous is when you project your feelings onto the other person and assume they like you as much as you like them, missing key signs and signals. Really, the best way to view a person is without projection or doubt: eliminate the hopes and fears and see what they're showing you. And just go with it. Kissing a girl on a first date is also fairly reasonable. Not kissing a girl on a first date is not an awful thing (actually the one time a guy I wound up dating longterm didn't kiss me on a first date completely threw me off my "game" at the time, and that was a time where I was much less zen and using game rather than being healthy, so it wound up being a very good thing, but that's one outlier example). But honestly, if you want to kiss a girl, you've escalated physicality as SassyKitten says in a healthy, normal manner during the date, and there's a rapport. . . kissing her is never going to hurt things if there's chemistry. (You can't fake/make chemistry, though.) What Green gets wrong and SassyKitten gets right is that making a girl comfortable is also key, especially if you're seeking someone either emotionally healthy or seeking emotional health. A guy who is too touchy feeling too fast, or comes with the attitude of trying to win me over in some sexual way . . . well, I can see that coming a mile away, and it's a big "No, thanks." A fellow that is physically attracted to me but also interested in me and our date, who escalates physicality in a playful way as it's reciprocated by me and seems to consider my thoughts and actions is attractive. In short: DON'T worry about someone's deep inner feelings they're not showing you (this leads to Crazy Town), but DO worry about someone's thoughts and actions they're presenting to you (not doing this leads to Jerk Town where you objectify people as merely objects in your life). I'm not wrong about anything. This guy is so scared that he wonders about 100% proof. You don't have 100% proof that your wife will stay with you these days. Look with the touching I never sugested he be unatural or disrespectful. I just suggest he not treat a date like a business interview that magicaly and unaturaly progresses into something romantic after 3 dates or what ever. He has to just be himself and do the romantic things he wanted to do in a respectful way.
zengirl Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 I'm not wrong about anything. This guy is so scared that he wonders about 100% proof. You don't have 100% proof that your wife will stay with you these days. Look with the touching I never sugested he be unatural or disrespectful. I just suggest he not treat a date like a business interview that magicaly and unaturaly progresses into something romantic after 3 dates or what ever. He has to just be himself and do the romantic things he wanted to do in a respectful way. First: Do we know the OP is a guy? You responded to two different people. . . but you'e right about the 100% proof. I agreed wholeheartedly. I see very little wrong with the way you write it here. You write it a bit aggressive and over the top earlier and elsewhere on the board. I understand you're doing a whole from one extreme to another thing to a degree, but I'm just pointing out the essence of balance. Just. . . it's not about the romance you want with a completely tunnel-vision mentality. That balance is key.
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