collegeguy_24 Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I am not sure if this is the forum to post to, but my paranoid tendencies about my GF are coming back, and I just wanted to post here to distract myself from them. I wanted to seek counselling, but they are closed till September, so you guys are my only hope till then.
sloudrou Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I am not sure if this is the forum to post to, but my paranoid tendencies about my GF are coming back, and I just wanted to post here to distract myself from them. I wanted to seek counselling, but they are closed till September, so you guys are my only hope till then. Let's see, you're 24 and in college, and you're "paranoid" about your girlfriend? Why are you even bothering to pursue a serious relationship at all?
Author collegeguy_24 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 Because there is always the chance it might work. It did for several of my friends. and strangers.
sloudrou Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Because there is always the chance it might work. It did for several of my friends. and strangers. Did it really? How long have they been married? 40 years? 50 years? Dude, you're clutching at a low-probability option, and you're making it even lower by attaching yourself to someone YOU DON'T TRUST. If you did trust her, you wouldn't be paranoid about it. College is not for forging serious relationships. It's a time for preparing your future career path, and dating different people and enjoying life. Now if you happen to meet "the one" at that time, then great, let the relationship develop, but that hasn't happened yet. When you do meet "the one" you won't feel paranoid about her.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 Thats the problem, I feel paranoid about everyone! family, friends, girlfriend, random people. I can't stop it. I resolved to seek help or this but they are closed till september, which really sucks.
sugarmomma Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 How about not dating anyone until you can get in counseling and work on your issues?? Are you paranoid when alone as well?
Author collegeguy_24 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 I was in the middle of writing this when I saw your new response. I said more then I actually mean, IE: most of the above is slightly BS. I do trust my friends and family. It was a classic case of mouth running faster then my brain and being upset. As for my GF, lately she hasn't done anything to make me paranoid, its just the distance thing going on now between us because of her work for the summer. I should trust her more, but I get worried cause in my last relationship my ex used work as an excuse when she was really cheating, and since she hardly talks to me through email or texting anymore, I keep getting sent to the mindset that my ex placed me in. My GF knows this, and is willing to work past these issues cause she said she cares for me enough to see past it and show she is different.
sloudrou Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I was in the middle of writing this when I saw your new response. I said more then I actually mean, IE: most of the above is slightly BS. I do trust my friends and family. It was a classic case of mouth running faster then my brain and being upset. As for my GF, lately she hasn't done anything to make me paranoid, its just the distance thing going on now between us because of her work for the summer. I should trust her more, but I get worried cause in my last relationship my ex used work as an excuse when she was really cheating, and since she hardly talks to me through email or texting anymore, I keep getting sent to the mindset that my ex placed me in. My GF knows this, and is willing to work past these issues cause she said she cares for me enough to see past it and show she is different. The point still remains: 1. You have issues you haven't addressed, you need to fix these NOW. If your usual counsellor isn't open, find someone else. 2. There is NO need to commit to a relationship with someone YOU DON'T TRUST at your age.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 I admit, I do. These bouts are usually short though, I just wanted to post so I could have a distraction till I could feel the sleeping pills take effect. I probably wasted time here for people, and space, sorry for that. I am just a heavy emotional guy whose been damaged in the past and for some reason can't let go. and while I probably don't need a relationship, I do care for her, and she seems willing to try and give it a shot. sometime typing helps makes me feel better, so I appreciate the time you gave me tonight. I think I will now bail out of this thread, and stop wasting space for the people who do genuinely need your help.
that girl Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Why are you even bothering to pursue a serious relationship at all? Lots of people have serious relationships in college. Not everyone likes to date around and sometimes you meet someone you really click with. Dude, you're clutching at a low-probability option, and you're making it even lower by attaching yourself to someone YOU DON'T TRUST. If you did trust her, you wouldn't be paranoid about it. College is not for forging serious relationships. It's a time for preparing your future career path, and dating different people and enjoying life. Now if you happen to meet "the one" at that time, then great, let the relationship develop, but that hasn't happened yet. When you do meet "the one" you won't feel paranoid about her. Except he flat out said that he considers this his problem rather than anything his girlfriend is doing. For the OP- you could check around and see if your health insurance covers counselling or if not, if there are places that work on a sliding scale in your area. Otherwise, would it maybe be feasible for you guys to have a daily check in time? It might not work if you have shifting schedules, but it could ease up your paranoia if you're not waiting for the phone to ring and instead know you will touch base at noon or 10:30 or whenever.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 daily check in time might help. I will ask her about it, she knows of my issues and my reasons why, this would be a pretty simple thing to ask for.
sloudrou Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Lots of people have serious relationships in college. Not everyone likes to date around and sometimes you meet someone you really click with. Yes, and most of them ultimately fail. Look, as I said earlier, there's nothing wrong with pursuing a relationship if you find "the one", but in this case it hasn't happened yet. What he should be doing is dating her casually, and seeing other people (and letting her do the same). Then when he's dated a few different women, he'll have some idea of what he's looking for. Except he flat out said that he considers this his problem rather than anything his girlfriend is doing. That doesn't really matter. The bottom line is, he doesn't trust her, and sooner or later, that will become a self-fulfilling prophesy as he finds himself continually checking up on her and generally doing things that will drive her away. What he needs to do is sort himself out BEFORE he tries to latch on to anyone else. Right now all he's doing is trying to find a magical relationship that will solve all his inner problems for him, and that doesn't work.
sloudrou Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 daily check in time might help. I will ask her about it, she knows of my issues and my reasons why, this would be a pretty simple thing to ask for. It might work, until she meets another guy with more confidence in himself and more trust in her, then she'll dump you for him, and you can take that to the bank.
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