sweetpea73 Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Hey all...Just looking for some good advice from you worldy wise people:). The story...so in April this year, after a good two years of being single and deciding what I wanted out of life, I met a great guy through a friend of a friend. We hit it off straight away and he initiated us meeting up again and has done so for the past three months. He lives about 60 miles away from me, which isnt too much of a problem, and we have basically spent most weekends since together, either me going to visit him or vice versa. He is 32, and he told me early on that he has never had a proper relationship with a girl, and has only ever been with two girls before for a very short time. This didnt bother me too much, as we clicked in so many different ways and he seems to know how to treat a woman well (or so I thought). During this 3 months, he has introduced me to family and friends, and they have all commented on how happy he seems and his good thoughts about me. Last week, he bought me dinner, flowers and said how much he loves spending time with me, nice texts etc, all the usual couply things basically. A couple of times he has said that he loves me, but together with a whole other bunch of stuff so not an outright declaration as such. I have been more reserved about things, and havent told him I loved him until I was sure, but I knew that I was falling for him. So Saturday night I tell him this, whilst having a walk along the beach. Then BOOM! He completely ignored what I said and started talking about something completely different. I was upset about this and questioned why he would ignore this, but again he cut me dead and wouldnt talk about it. So to cut a long story short, I ended up driving home that night, hurt and embarrassed and didnt hear from him for the next couple of days. I sent a long email with all my thoughts and feelings over it all, and today he phones to say that he doesnt know how to be in a relationship as he's never been in one this long. That his idea of a relationship is different to mine and he could never be with someone 24/7, he considers me to be the bestest friend ever, that everything we do is fun and great, but that feelings are a womans thing. He said he feels really intense and wants a break for a couple of weekends to recharge his batteries. He still wants my friendship (as he calls it) and would like to see me again and for us to have our fun times, but with less weekends and without the feelings....This is his terms and I can let him know when I've reached a decision. WTF???? I am absolutely stunned, and devastated in one go! So I guess my question is, whats happened here? Thanks in advance for any replies if you've actually made it this far!
Author sweetpea73 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 Yes, we were....the best, hottest, sex ever!! There are certainly no issues there. Or at least not for me and he said it was the best he's had (in his limited experience, I guess) But then he could have been lying! God knows I'm confused!
sagetalk Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Yes, we were....the best, hottest, sex ever!! There are certainly no issues there. Or at least not for me and he said it was the best he's had (in his limited experience, I guess) But then he could have been lying! God knows I'm confused! I think you have gotten yourself in the middle of a friends with benefits situation. He wants you to give him sex, but the love, dating, and the other relationship stuff are out. If you want a relationship, I don't think this is your guy. If you want temporary fun, he seems great at that.
TouchedByViolet Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 well damn, this situation sounds crappy for you sweetpea. His behavior sounds strange and hard to piece together but if I had to guess he is not into you on the level you thought, at least not anymore. He will contact you back I'm sure. The best way to get answers are to simply ask him out right. It is hard to speculate what he is thinking.
MrNate Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Hey all...Just looking for some good advice from you worldy wise people:). The story...so in April this year, after a good two years of being single and deciding what I wanted out of life, I met a great guy through a friend of a friend. We hit it off straight away and he initiated us meeting up again and has done so for the past three months. He lives about 60 miles away from me, which isnt too much of a problem, and we have basically spent most weekends since together, either me going to visit him or vice versa. He is 32, and he told me early on that he has never had a proper relationship with a girl, and has only ever been with two girls before for a very short time. This didnt bother me too much, as we clicked in so many different ways and he seems to know how to treat a woman well (or so I thought). During this 3 months, he has introduced me to family and friends, and they have all commented on how happy he seems and his good thoughts about me. Last week, he bought me dinner, flowers and said how much he loves spending time with me, nice texts etc, all the usual couply things basically. A couple of times he has said that he loves me, but together with a whole other bunch of stuff so not an outright declaration as such. I have been more reserved about things, and havent told him I loved him until I was sure, but I knew that I was falling for him. So Saturday night I tell him this, whilst having a walk along the beach. Then BOOM! He completely ignored what I said and started talking about something completely different. I was upset about this and questioned why he would ignore this, but again he cut me dead and wouldnt talk about it. So to cut a long story short, I ended up driving home that night, hurt and embarrassed and didnt hear from him for the next couple of days. I sent a long email with all my thoughts and feelings over it all, and today he phones to say that he doesnt know how to be in a relationship as he's never been in one this long. That his idea of a relationship is different to mine and he could never be with someone 24/7, he considers me to be the bestest friend ever, that everything we do is fun and great, but that feelings are a womans thing. He said he feels really intense and wants a break for a couple of weekends to recharge his batteries. He still wants my friendship (as he calls it) and would like to see me again and for us to have our fun times, but with less weekends and without the feelings....This is his terms and I can let him know when I've reached a decision. WTF???? I am absolutely stunned, and devastated in one go! So I guess my question is, whats happened here? Thanks in advance for any replies if you've actually made it this far! It took a little reading but I found it. This is fancy talk for he wants to tap that ass with no strings attached. Friends with benefits. Basically, if you want a relationship, it won't be happening with this guy. So what you do from this point, I guess, is up to you.
Author sweetpea73 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 His behavior sounds strange and hard to piece together but if I had to guess he is not into you on the level you thought, at least not anymore. Yes, your right....Damn!! I thank you all for the replies, I guess it wasnt what I wanted to hear, but it is what I was thinking. The whole FWB thing just doesnt sit right with me, not with someone you have feelings for! I thought maybe I had scared him with my declaration and that I had come on too strong, but I guess, after 3 months, he would know what he wants, and as he's stated what he does want and that isnt going to work for me, then I have to make a hard decision.....
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