Why is confidence so sexy?

[Sphere]

I like a woman who is confident enough not to hide her feelings. I know plenty of young women who do this and it is irritating. I won't get into a relationship with a woman who isn't confident enough to voice her opinion(s), frustration(s) or idea(s). Women like that will often struggle to have good relationships, the same with men too.

[donnamaybe]

By the way, God didn't intend for MEN to work in an office in Microsoft either.

[sally4sara]

If there is argument happening then I will use it, I hardly think telling someone to shut up is the worst thing you can say to someone and you have deliberately taken my quotes of context. I never said that women shouldn't or couldn't be CEO's of Microsoft. I said that nature intended for the man to be the hunter, the protector and the gatherer and women were the homemakers and child rearers, I never said that should go on and I never said that a woman shouldn't have a fulfilling and successful career. Anyway, enough of that.

 

Tell me Gamma1, what makes a man confident and why are women turned on by a confident man? Enlighten me since you seem to be a hit with women.

 

We all started off as hunter/gatherers. You're going off of debunked anthropological studies. I get your gist though, we went through a forced period of what you describe, but physics made no task impossible to anyone.

[Sphere]

By the way, God didn't intend for MEN to work in an office in Microsoft either.

 

The use of Microsoft was merely an example of say a forest during the stone age when the man would go off to hunt & gather and the woman would take care of things at home.

 

It wasn't me saying that a woman shouldn't be a CEO of Microsoft. I do find it funny though, how my innocent comment has caused quite a stir.

 

Anyway, on to confidence, since I'm arrogant, egotistical, fake, insecure and the rest. What marks real confidence then? Someone said a passion for something, I agree with that. What else...

 

Maybe the almighty Zen can tell us? Type "Oh mighty one".

[Sphere]

We all started off as hunter/gatherers. You're going off of debunked anthropological studies. I get your gist though, we went through a forced period of what you describe, but physics made no task impossible to anyone.

 

Throughout the stone age and right up until the 1960's that's the way most societies operated, I am not saying it was right, I'm saying that is how it operated and it worked, things got done. Most people grew up in a civilised fashion. Not like today, that's for sure.

[Shakz]

Indeed. If God had an intent is was that two should become one, alike in mind and heart, and so united as to become one flesh in their offspring. Alas, when one protects oneself out of fear and pride, so that none may come near but for one's own purposes, that one becomes a cold and lonesome temple, overgrown with weeds.

[Sphere]

.

 

You just can't stand a smart woman with her own ideas, can you?

 

A smart and successful woman who can think for herself like the ones you can't stand is the most desirable type of woman to me.

 

I do like smart women. In fact I like both SassyKitten and Zengirl, the problem though with these two women is both are damaged somewhat, both are bitter and both enjoy using the feminist doctrine to beat men over the head with it. Sassy being the worst offender by a country mile. Zengirl is someone I could have a discussion with but only a five minute discussion, I'd soon get bored no doubt.

[sally4sara]

Throughout the stone age and right up until the 1960's that's the way most societies operated, I am not saying it was right, I'm saying that is how it operated and it worked, things got done. Most people grew up in a civilised fashion. Not like today, that's for sure.

 

I'm sorry, but no. Men in the modern era didn't go out and do battle with the beast. And many anthropological studies of recent have discovered that in the stone age, when the beast showed up for its due, it was ALL hands on deck.

 

What you're going off of is about a lack of credit paid to half the people who put in work through out human history. We were not all princesses and rich men's wives left to pop out babies in the family manor. What you're talking about is the result of something we still see happening today. Its the rich who write history, resulting in your concept of what life was like for women being colored by what life was like for THEM and THEIR wives.

[gamma1]

The use of Microsoft was merely an example of say a forest during the stone age when the man would go off to hunt & gather and the woman would take care of things at home.

 

It wasn't me saying that a woman shouldn't be a CEO of Microsoft. I do find it funny though, how my innocent comment has caused quite a stir.

Now you try to backtrack by calling it an "innocent comment". Isn't it funny that numerous posts of yours contain similar "innocent comments"?

[gamma1]

I do like smart women. In fact I like both SassyKitten and Zengirl, the problem though with these two women is both are damaged somewhat, both are bitter and both enjoy using the feminist doctrine to beat men over the head with it. Sassy being the worst offender by a country mile. Zengirl is someone I could have a discussion with but only a five minute discussion, I'd soon get bored no doubt.

If you claim to like SassyKitten and Zengirl, I'm scared to even think what kind of things you say to women you don't like.

 

I can see right through your posts.

[Sphere]

I can see right through your posts.

 

So you keep saying. Isn't it ashame that you do not focus on trying to get a woman or improving yourself instead of sitting on here posting "I can see through you".

[Sphere]

I'm sorry, but no. Men in the modern era didn't go out and do battle with the beast. And many anthropological studies of recent have discovered that in the stone age, when the beast showed up for its due, it was ALL hands on deck.

 

What you're going off of is about a lack of credit paid to half the people who put in work through out human history. We were not all princesses and rich men's wives left to pop out babies in the family manor. What you're talking about is the result of something we still see happening today. Its the rich who write history, resulting in your concept of what life was like for women being colored by what life was like for THEM and THEIR wives.

 

Right and next you'll be telling me the women of Sparta were present at the battle of Thermopylae?

[sally4sara]

Right and next you'll be telling me the women of Sparta were present at the battle of Thermopylae?

 

If you think I'm making this up - do some research. Look for the studies done at OSU and Kent dealing with the "first family".

 

OR, you can just run around regurgitating old studies and sounding ignorant.

 

So much for that claim you made about liking intelligent women. I did not insult you. I did not ridicule you. I did not make judgments about your character. And this is the result. You just lent credibility to what others are saying about you in this thread. Good job!

[MrNate]

Men value confidence in women as well. Perhaps some don't think about it enough to verbalize what it is they like, but it was something I figured out pretty young.

I've looked pretty much the same my whole life. If I were to show you 100 pics of 2 year old kids with one of my own in them - you'd know who I was immediately. I am, and have been for most of my life, considered attractive.

Yet who I was in 4-6 grade was quite often called "ugly" by school mates. I carried myself as though I were ugly because I'd heard my SF call me that for so long. My mother and he divorced early into my 5th grade year.

We moved right after my 6th grade year. I'd been the ugly duck at one school and then 3 months later, I was at a different school and getting so much attention in the first few weeks I didn't know what to think! Of course, I still lacked confidence so my shine wore off in a month. But it did get the gears moving in my head. "If I'm so ugly - why didn't they see it immediately?"

Luckily, we only lived there long enough for our house to be built so a year later I was at another school. And the realization that how one carried themselves effects how they are seen helped a lot. No one has thought of me as ugly since. I get my way; bet on it.

 

It is about the hesitations a lack of confidence causes that is so unattractive. All those missed chances being so obviously about their lack of confidence. It resonates through every aspect of their life. A person with no confidence will not ask someone out (hell! won't act even when they are asked out), will not seek that promotion or job, will not ever see to it that one of their "wildest dreams" becomes real. They will be more likely to drift; life just happening to them rather than making life happen. That is not attractive.

 

I've seen your picture in our the great 'reveal your face' thread a couple months ago, and yes, you are indeed attractive.

 

Great comments about confidence as well. I think a lack of it really does affect other areas of your life in a negative way.

[Sphere]

If you think I'm making this up - do some research. Look for the studies done at OSU and Kent dealing with the "first family".

 

OR, you can just run around regurgitating old studies and sounding ignorant.

 

So much for that claim you made about liking intelligent women. I did not insult you. I did not ridicule you. I did not make judgments about your character. And this is the result. You just lent credibility to what others are saying about you in this thread. Good job!

 

And you have just shown that you take yourself far too seriously and have no sense of humor.

 

I can well believe that men and women have worked together doing jobs that was "exclusive" to either gender. I do not need to read some University study. So when I get married, I'll ensure that the woman gets on the ladder and cleans our windows, as I feed the cat.

Edited August 4, 2010 by Sphere

[counterman]

I think confidence is sexy because it allows people to truly be what they are. There is no "what ifs" or "buts", there is just... me. No holding back, no second thoughts, just going for what I want.

 

It makes a big difference even for attractive people. I'm definitely not an unattractive person, but my lack of confidence in the past was unattractive, and, hence, I appeared unattractive. When I realised my self-esteem was low, I worked on myself through challenges and social interaction and now I am here at the stage where I don't really care what others think. It lets me approach girls pretty easily, not get bummed down when I am rejected, and I appear a hell lot more attractive to everyone. There's this energy that draws people and I notice that people do enjoy themselves when they're around me.

 

I do admire confidence in the opposite sex as well. I love it when a girl takes initiative. This has happened to be few times so whenever it does happen, I enjoy it very much so.

[sally4sara]

And you have just shown that you take yourself far too seriously and have no sense of humor.

 

I can well believe that men and women have worked together doing jobs that was "exclusive" to either gender. I do not need to read some University study. So when I get married, I'll ensure that the woman gets on the ladder and cleans our windows, as I feed the cat.

 

My sense of humor dies off quickly with men who like to winge on about a woman's "natural role" when I'm certain they'd be lost in a conversation about my Henry Survival and how to break it down, clean, and reassemble it for use. A woman's natural role indeed. Tell me Sphere, what things do you need to have to field dress a deer? You ought to know since its YOUR natural role - right?

 

I've seen your picture in our the great 'reveal your face' thread a couple months ago, and yes, you are indeed attractive.

 

Great comments about confidence as well. I think a lack of it really does affect other areas of your life in a negative way.

 

Thank you for the compliment MrNate.

[lovebugguy]

I agree. Why else will you be nervous about something? Why would you be nervous when you're in a crowded place or when talking to a really attractive person?

 

If you're confident, you won't have to feel anxious about anything.

[phineas]

I agree. Why else will you be nervous about something? Why would you be nervous when you're in a crowded place or when talking to a really attractive person?

 

If you're confident, you won't have to feel anxious about anything.

 

That isn't always true.

I am confident that the woman coming over for dinner & a movie Sat is into me.

 

I'm still nervous as hell about it though.

[jamesum]

Has anyone heard about the study that says that 'Love Shy' people tend to be abused as a child?

 

Im just saying that we all have different life experiences and many of them we had no power over. So I dont think we should be too hard on others in terms of expectations and judgments because we dont know what goes on in other peoples' lives.

[GorillaTheater]

That isn't always true.

I am confident that the woman coming over for dinner & a movie Sat is into me.

 

I'm still nervous as hell about it though.

 

This is a hell of a thing to be nervous about. I've got to get a colonoscopy Friday. THAT'S something to be nervous about.

 

The doc probably won't even buy me dinner first.

[jamesum]

I must be the opposite. Super confidence turns me off. As does super insecurity. I need a guy who is reasonably confident, but still has some vulnerability and weakness.

 

If a guy is "too smooth", warning bells go off in my head right away.

Men are human beings too just like women and normal people have vulnerability and weakness.

 

I think when women expect all men to be completely fearless, they are dehumanizing men.

[zengirl]

I agree. Why else will you be nervous about something? Why would you be nervous when you're in a crowded place or when talking to a really attractive person?

 

If you're confident, you won't have to feel anxious about anything.

 

Generally, if you actually like someone, I think being a little nervous is normal. It actually becomes cute to see some flutter of nerves a little ways into the relationship. . . it shows that the person actually cares and puts effort into building the relationship.

 

Confident people just know how to deal with said nerves in a healthy, attractive, and competent manner.

 

Now "scared" --- I think if it gets to the point where you are actually afraid or where the nerves impede your ability to assert yourself, that's where there's a lack of confidence and something to work on.

 

Men are human beings too just like women and normal people have vulnerability and weakness.

 

I think when women expect all men to be completely fearless, they are dehumanizing men.

 

I agree with this. I think men dehumanize other men too in this way, though. And themselves sometimes!

[Sphere]

Fearless in what regard? There shouldn't be any fear when it comes to the dating and relationship game, none whatsoever. If people are scared of it, then either they have let every failure weigh heavy on their shoulders or they have severe emotional and mental problems i.e. too weak to handle the rollercoaster that is love and war.

[Lovelybird]

I agree. Why else will you be nervous about something? Why would you be nervous when you're in a crowded place or when talking to a really attractive person?

 

If you're confident, you won't have to feel anxious about anything.

Everyone has some insecurities and fears. It is how they do with them make them different.

 

Indeed. If God had an intent is was that two should become one, alike in mind and heart, and so united as to become one flesh in their offspring. Alas, when one protects oneself out of fear and pride, so that none may come near but for one's own purposes, that one becomes a cold and lonesome temple, overgrown with weeds.

So true.