threebyfate Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 What kind of attraction? Isn't being attracted intelectually without the physical aspect = friendship? Also I don't beleive that you can really be "amotionally attracted" to someone you just met.Attraction can be physical but not necessarily sexual...yet. More like aesthetic attraction to begin with, although the odd man has made me want to jump his bones on first meet and greet, which of course I didn't act on since it's important to me to like the guy in his entirety before sex becomes a muddying force.
zengirl Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Attraction can be physical but not necessarily sexual...yet. More like aesthetic attraction to begin with, although the odd man has made me want to jump his bones on first meet and greet, which of course I didn't act on since it's important to me to like the guy in his entirety before sex becomes a muddying force. This is kind of what I meant by sexual attraction but not sex earlier, so I agree with this pretty much. Though I had to separate it from aesthetic attraction, because I can also look at a fellow, say "Yes, he's handsome enough, but I'd never want to sleep with him," regardless of the rest. I usually chalk that up to pheromones.
gamma1 Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 because I can also look at a fellow, say "Yes, he's handsome enough, but I'd never want to sleep with him," regardless of the rest. I usually chalk that up to pheromones. Is this something a man can fix?
zengirl Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Is this something a man can fix? I don't think it needs to be fixed, as I don't think everyone would look at the guy and think the same thing (in fact it often comes up in terms of someone else pointing out the handsome guy, and my ceding, "Yeah, he's cute" but having no interest). I think it's just about certain people being attractive to me, and others not. I put it to chemicals sometimes. Maybe one could say it's intuition about what they're like. I go back and forth in terms of whether "intuition" really works at all or whether it's just some complex analysis of social cues and other subconscious observations. Who knows? But it does happen. For whatever reason, I do tend to have good luck picking out fellows who will be compatible. If I specifically get that "like this guy" feeling he does usually, in fact, turn out to be a guy I like once I get to know him.
SassyKitten Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 For me, very strong friendship is the foundation of any relationship. But it can't become a relationship without sexual attraction.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted August 5, 2010 Author Posted August 5, 2010 Attraction can be physical but not necessarily sexual...yet. More like aesthetic attraction to begin with, although the odd man has made me want to jump his bones on first meet and greet, which of course I didn't act on since it's important to me to like the guy in his entirety before sex becomes a muddying force. I agree with this.
carhill Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 OK rephrasing this question: Initially (or at the start of dating situation) what would drive you to start dating a person? An example: 'Known' each other perhaps 15 years, but really know very little about each other. Both of us have been married so obviously our attentions have been elsewhere. However, perhaps more so over the last year, there are 'moments', random interactions which are very different than with anyone else. We're not 'friends'; we don't share common interests. Neither of us wears our wedding rings anymore (ha, I looked). IMO, whatever 'this' is, is what a romantic relationship *potential* is based upon. It's a *desire* to connect more than with anyone else. If it's mutual, it will lead to romance, sex, friendship and, for some, monogamous love. Here's my journal on one day in that dynamic. Note the date and the time which has passed. Sometimes, romance is like a slowly simmering sauce. Good thing my propane tank is full
sanoe Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 I'd say both sexual/physical attraction and friendship can go a long way. You obviously need your mate to be appealing to you and if he/she is appealin', then you're most likely to gain sexual attraction for them and do the do. Friendship can help also in the fun department. You want to have fun with your signifigant other but you can't always be lovey dovey all out everywhere, everytime. Acting like a best mate probably can improve the overall relationship because you're acting more than just a lover, but as a friend too. Balance, yeh?
BentSpine Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 For me, very strong friendship is the foundation of any relationship.That would mean that your partner can have random ONS (while protected) without shaking the foundation of the relationship. But somehow I still believe you would mind. Sexual attraction is the fabric of a romantic relationship. Believing anything else isn't wrong but I would say it's an indication of a low sex drive, which is incompatible with this man.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted August 5, 2010 Author Posted August 5, 2010 I'd say both sexual/physical attraction and friendship can go a long way. You obviously need your mate to be appealing to you and if he/she is appealin', then you're most likely to gain sexual attraction for them and do the do. Friendship can help also in the fun department. You want to have fun with your signifigant other but you can't always be lovey dovey all out everywhere, everytime. Acting like a best mate probably can improve the overall relationship because you're acting more than just a lover, but as a friend too. Balance, yeh? That wasn't the question. Of course both are important for a LTR. I explicitely said that you have to pick one.
SassyKitten Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 That would mean that your partner can have random ONS (while protected) without shaking the foundation of the relationship. But somehow I still believe you would mind. Sexual attraction is the fabric of a romantic relationship. Believing anything else isn't wrong but I would say it's an indication of a low sex drive, which is incompatible with this man. As creepy as that idea is, in the first few dates I suppose they aren't exempt from that. But then that's why from now on I am always having the exclusivity talk before having sex.
Star Gazer Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Yeah, if I can't have both, I'd just stay single. Ditto +1M.
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