SadandConfusedWA Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 a) Sexual attraction b) Friendship IF you can't say both, which one would you pick?
USMCHokie Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Wow...that's like asking whether you'd rather have food or water... Ummm...I'd pick friendship...there are definitely more non-sex hours in a day than sex hours...
tigressA Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Sexual attraction. If there's none of that, how can a romantic relationship really exist? If there isn't that attraction then all you have is friendship.
zengirl Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Yeah, if I can't have both, I'd just stay single. But I don't even know what you mean by based on. Started with? Requires more? Why the random "Would You Rather" SaC?
USMCHokie Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Sexual attraction. If there's none of that, how can a romantic relationship really exist? If there isn't that attraction then all you have is friendship. But if you can't even get along with the person, then what do you have...? Perhaps a FWB situation...?
marsle85 Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Sexual attraction--- I have plenty of friends. Plus, no one said you don't get along with them, it's not ONE or the other, it's which direction the relationship leans in. Maybe this is why i'm single.
tigressA Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 But if you can't even get along with the person, then what do you have...? Perhaps a FWB situation...? Good point. It really IS like asking "Food or water?"
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted August 3, 2010 Author Posted August 3, 2010 Yeah, if I can't have both, I'd just stay single. But I don't even know what you mean by based on. Started with? Requires more? Why the random "Would You Rather" SaC? Zengirl, due to my recent privacy issues I can't really reveal any personal details. That's why I am asking a quesion in a generic way. What would you say for strted with? What would you say for requires more of?
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted August 3, 2010 Author Posted August 3, 2010 OK rephrasing this question: Initially (or at the start of dating situation) what would drive you to start dating a person?
USMCHokie Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 What would you say for strted with? What would you say for requires more of? Ok, this is a bit more reasonable...for me: Started with: sexual attraction. I agree with everyone in saying that anything romantic must start with mutual attraction. Requires more of: friendship. But if I'm to stay with someone in the long run, I actually have to like her outside of the bedroom...
tigressA Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 OK rephrasing this question: Initially (or at the start of dating situation) what would drive you to start dating a person? Definitely sexual attraction. Without a doubt.
Pyro Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 OK rephrasing this question: Initially (or at the start of dating situation) what would drive you to start dating a person? sexual attraction. Can't call her a friend until I get to know her well and we are on the road of being exclusive.
phineas Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Sexual attraction. I like sex. If a woman doesn't want to have sex with me I assume she isn't sexually attracted to me. Experiance tells me at that point i'm just a place holder until she finds someone she is sexually attracted to.
zengirl Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 OK rephrasing this question: Initially (or at the start of dating situation) what would drive you to start dating a person? Sexual attraction surely begins most romantic relationships. I require a bit more to invest even to the point of dating (not friendship but some sign that the person is interesting), but definitely. . . for started, yeah, attraction makes the most sense. Friendship takes time to build. . . it's a great foundation for a relationship, but not usually the start of one. That said, I don't think sex is a good start to a relationship. (Doesn't always kill it, but it doesn't mean much of anything at that point.) There's a difference between sexual attraction and sex.
gamma1 Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 OK rephrasing this question: Initially (or at the start of dating situation) what would drive you to start dating a person? I'd like to say friendship is just as important at the beginning, but it's just wishful thinking on my part. It's probably because I get along with women, but they never seem to have enough sexual attraction toward me. I have to assume for the majority, it's all about sexual attraction in the beginning.
threebyfate Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I would say attraction but not necessarily sexual.
Els Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Friendship at the beginning. If I don't KNOW him, I can't feel sexual attraction towards him; if we're not friends, I won't know him. Seems easy as pie to me. It depends on the person though. To people who CAN feel sexual attraction without knowing the person well, I figure the answer would be different.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 I would say attraction but not necessarily sexual. What kind of attraction? Isn't being attracted intelectually without the physical aspect = friendship? Also I don't beleive that you can really be "amotionally attracted" to someone you just met.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 My thoughts on FWB: I think that in lot of FWB situations, there doesn't have to exist strong sexual attraction. Lot of the FWB "couples" have sex as a mastrubation substitute. My guy friends explained to me that having sex with a woman is more enjoyable than doing it yourself, even if that woman doesn't turn you on hugely.
zengirl Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 My thoughts on FWB: I think that in lot of FWB situations, there doesn't have to exist strong sexual attraction. Lot of the FWB "couples" have sex as a mastrubation substitute. My guy friends explained to me that having sex with a woman is more enjoyable than doing it yourself, even if that woman doesn't turn you on hugely. That seems about right to me. Most FWBs don't seem to be friends in any way at all from what I see. The most successful ones I've seen last tended to be between exes who both knew why they weren't together but used to have good sex. Still seems basically like masturbation with another person to me. But I can't claim to be an expert on it.
Chocolat Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Isn't being attracted intelectually without the physical aspect = friendship? No. Lots of people look good, but what makes me attracted to someone is the overall package -- personality, intellect, emotional connection, etc. I rarely look at a guy and think I want a romantic relationship or even sex just based on how he looks. The best sex involves communication, imo, and that can't happen if I haven't connected on multiple levels.
tigressA Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 That seems about right to me. Most FWBs don't seem to be friends in any way at all from what I see. The most successful ones I've seen last tended to be between exes who both knew why they weren't together but used to have good sex. Still seems basically like masturbation with another person to me. But I can't claim to be an expert on it. The one FWB I had that was very successful did involve friendship. We talked, we hung out. I had even dated one of his friends. It was the perfect mix of sexual attraction and friendship. We're still friends to this day. I lost my V-card to him 4 years ago and I swear I never could've lost it to anyone better, or in any better circumstance.
zengirl Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 The one FWB I had that was very successful did involve friendship. We talked, we hung out. I had even dated one of his friends. It was the perfect mix of sexual attraction and friendship. We're still friends to this day. I lost my V-card to him 4 years ago and I swear I never could've lost it to anyone better, or in any better circumstance. Cool. I was just saying what I'd seen. Why didn't you date then, if it was the perfect mix of attraction and friendship? I'm curious.
tigressA Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Cool. I was just saying what I'd seen. Why didn't you date then, if it was the perfect mix of attraction and friendship? I'm curious. It was just that neither of us had the desire to date each other. There just wasn't any feeling there like "I would totally date this person" from either of us. I'm not sure why it turned out that way. I can't claim to know if it would or wouldn't have been a bed of roses had we dated, but it did seem like our natural chemistry was just enough to fit an FWB situation well, and nothing more. And you are right--most successful FWB relationships are like you described. Very few are like mine and turn out well, based on what I've seen.
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