No one ever asks me out. All they see is my weight.

[txsilkysmoothe]

Some people have more efficient metabolisms. It literally takes them less energy to walk across the room than it does you. So this makes weight control a MUCH more difficult job for them... especially if you combine it with emotional issues.

 

Don't be a jerk... the last thing OP needs is another person to harp on her about losing.

 

My suggestion is Lap Band or Gastric. They are both well worth it.

 

If one doesn't have an efficient metabolism, they must work that much harder if they want to achieve a goal. The same is true of someone who is less intelligent than another - they will have to work that much harder to earn an "A" in a classroom. Would you tell that person, you're incapable of an "A," you're not that smart?

 

People have had surgeries and regained the weight. They have to modify their thinking about eating and exercise to have life long success regardless of how they achieve weight loss.

 

I'm 45 years old, I've experienced slower metabolism.

 

I'm not harping on her about losing weight. She indicated she's been losing weight, she must think she needs to, and I'm responding to her progress.

 

Unlike you, I didn't call anyone names. Take your own advice and don't be a JERK!

[Sphere]

Well, technically, my doctor says I'm well into morbid obesity. Thank you for trying to be nice in the phrasing, but I'm realistic.

 

What are you doing to combat this? Are you exercising? Watching what you eat?

[Soozee]

Here come the lame a$$ excuses again.

 

"Oh Oh no! some people have more efficient metabolisms oh it's not you're fault for being fat, life is so unfair it's totally not you! Blame lady luck for your obesity."

 

Get that ***** outta b!tch. You're just like zengirl, blaming anything and everything but yourself. If she listens to you, she'll be fat forever.

 

This is the biggest difference between men and women. When women complain, they just want empathy. When men complain they're looking for solutions. That's fine and dandy, sometimes it's better just to be there emotionally. However..

 

In this case, she needs a solution, because empathy won't get her anywhere!

TOUGH LOVE.

 

Emotional issues? Here come some more excuses, like a never ending train.

 

Everyone here is human, what one person can do another can as well.

If there are lots of people, especially my friend, that can lose a vast amount of weight then so can the OP.

 

OP what did you do today? Did you throw away all your junk food and buy some healthy food? Did you take a walk this morning? Did you set any goals?

 

If you did great, if not then we won't want to hear you crying.

 

Do you REALIZE I've been on a medically-prescribed diet and exercise regimen for the last year?! When did you hear me make a single excuse?? I know I'm fat! I'm working on it! yes, the original gain was due to negligence and a slower metabolism than most, but here I am, fighting it as best I can. Hello! Lost 40 pounds last year! Yet you choose to paint me with broad strokes as the archetypal "lazy fat person".

[Untouchable_Fire]

If one doesn't have an efficient metabolism, they must work that much harder if they want to achieve a goal. The same is true of someone who is less intelligent than another - they will have to work that much harder to earn an "A" in a classroom. Would you tell that person, you're incapable of an "A," you're not that smart?

People have had surgeries and regained the weight. They have to modify their thinking about eating and exercise to have life long success regardless of how they achieve weight loss.

I'm 45 years old, I've experienced slower metabolism.

I'm not harping on her about losing weight. She indicated she's been losing weight, she must think she needs to, and I'm responding to her progress.

Unlike you, I didn't call anyone names. Take your own advice and don't be a JERK!

 

Well... I didn't mean to say you ARE a jerk... more I was saying it's something you should avoid being. Sorry about that.

 

Seems OP agrees with you and not me anyways.

[carhill]

Hey, OP, good work. Nearly a pound a week. That's a lot.

 

Since the criteria for your lack of being approached appears to be visual, try putting yourself into situations with people who don't primarily rely on the visual to experience their world.

 

The sticky wicket will occur when, if you're successful in losing a few hundred pounds, and the 'others' start paying you attention, you will necessarily resolve the conundrum of what was versus what is. You'll be tempted (and perhaps give in to temptation) to leave behind those who have accepted you for greener pastures, now that your 'stock' has risen.

 

Are you in a real life or online support group for your weight issue? I'd recommend it.

 

Meantime, help a blind guy across the street. It's helpful and you never know

[zengirl]

I don't date overweight women because to me it shows a distinct lack of care about their appearance.

 

I make the effort to visit the gym four times a week, I work on looking good, feeling good and I would expect my woman to be in shape, whether she goes to the gym or not is irrelevant, I would expect her to least keep herself in good health and good shape.

 

I don't date overweight men either (never been attracted to them; it's not like a policy), but I hate when people pull this one out. It's like they don't want to admit they just plain old care about looks. Man, I'm not attracted to overweight men, but I don't try to couch it like it's some kind of personality based thing.

 

You do realize that thin women don't all work to be thin, right? Do you also refuse to date thin women who are naturally thin and don't have to work at it? No, you just said, you don't care how she's in "good shape" (and I doubt you actually assess health, as that's impossible to do solely from seeing someone is thin and attractive).

 

I say this as a woman who is thin whether I do my yoga, eat my veggies, or not; I've been unhealthy, lazy about my weight, and thin. . . and nobody noticed the difference when I became healthier. I looked almost the same. . I just think it's absolute crap when someone acts like it's about some character trait. It's not. You don't date overweight women because you don't think the way they look is attractive. Why pretend it's some nonsense about holding yourself to high standards?

 

Why do we have to cast aspersions on the character of someone because they're overweight? That's what I've never understood. I think most people do it so they don't have to feel shallow. But, guess what? We're all shallow when it comes to dating, at least a little bit. That's just true.

Edited August 1, 2010 by zengirl

[AD1980]

I dont mind women with some meat but op lets be honest 380 is allot for anyone..

 

You should lose the weight for yourself first and in turn youll probably get Men interested and at the same time live a healtheir lifestyle..

 

Its a shallow world..If i was 2 more inches off the ground id proably have a few more dating options but lifes not always fair..

[Sphere]

I don't date overweight men either (never been attracted to them; it's not like a policy), but I hate when people pull this one out. It's like they don't want to admit they just plain old care about looks. Man, I'm not attracted to overweight men, but I don't try to couch it like it's some kind of personality based thing.

 

You do realize that thin women don't all work to be thin, right? Do you also refuse to date thin women who are naturally thin and don't have to work at it? No, you just said, you don't care how she's in "good shape" (and I doubt you actually assess health, as that's impossible to do solely from seeing someone is thin and attractive).

 

I say this as a woman who is thin whether I do my yoga, eat my veggies, or not; I've been unhealthy, lazy about my weight, and thin. . . and nobody noticed the difference when I became healthier. I looked almost the same. . I just think it's absolute crap when someone acts like it's about some character trait. It's not. You don't date overweight women because you don't think the way they look is attractive. Why pretend it's some nonsense about holding yourself to high standards?

 

Why do we have to cast aspersions on the character of someone because they're overweight? That's what I've never understood. I think most people do it so they don't have to feel shallow. But, guess what? We're all shallow when it comes to dating, at least a little bit. That's just true.

 

Yet another clueless woman who hasn't got a clue about how I or other men like me think, yet due to feminism thinks she has the devine right to tell me how I think etc. You are not me, you are not a man. So shut your mouth.

 

Do one! Is my advice to you. Just do one. I don't date incredibly skinny women. My ideal women have some thickness to them. I hate stick insects just as much as I hate walruses.

 

A fat person, like an untidy person, like a stick thin person clearly are uncaring about their appearance and that's a turn off. I make it my aim to be the best I can be looks wise at all times, I expect the same from a woman. If a woman doesn't take care of her body, her apperance, then she's history. If she doesn't meet my standards, she doesn't get asked for her number.

 

Still you keep runnin' your mouth if it makes you feel better. I'll sit here and laugh at it.

[BobSacamento]

You should not worry about something you can't control and focus on something you can. You can't make a man approach you.

 

There are no winners in the blame game so why even bother playing? Was that corny enough? Anyway, personal responsibility is where true success lies.

[zengirl]

Yet another clueless woman who hasn't got a clue about how I or other men like me think, yet due to feminism thinks she has the devine right to tell me how I think etc. You are not me, you are not a man. So shut your mouth.

 

Do one! Is my advice to you. Just do one. I don't date incredibly skinny women. My ideal women have some thickness to them. I hate stick insects just as much as I hate walruses.

 

A fat person, like an untidy person, like a stick thin person clearly are uncaring about their appearance and that's a turn off. I make it my aim to be the best I can be looks wise at all times, I expect the same from a woman. If a woman doesn't take care of her body, her apperance, then she's history. If she doesn't meet my standards, she doesn't get asked for her number.

 

Still you keep runnin' your mouth if it makes you feel better. I'll sit here and laugh at it.

 

Yeah, anger like this generally tells me I've hit upon some truth with my observations.

[Sphere]

Yeah, anger like this generally tells me I've hit upon some truth with my observations.

 

What anger? There was no anger in my post.

 

I have explained my reasons for not finding overweight women attractive. I have never denied that I am shallow, but at least my standards match myself. As I have said, if I expect a woman to have a great body than mine had better be in it's peak condition. If I want a woman with wealth then I had better have wealth to match hers etc.

 

My standards reflect myself and my own standing, enough said!

 

Your pyscho-analysis of me is futile.

[BobSacamento]

People, put down the Haterade.

[allina]

I don't know any men who would approach or date a woman who weighs almost 400 lbs. At this weight you are super-morbidly obese, which is scary! It is also not a weight you reach because you really like food, have a bit of a sweet tooth or any small issue that can cause you to gain weight. To get to such an extreme weight one has to do some major over eating.

 

Have you worked on what causes you to turn to food? I think that in your case you need to take care of the mind as well as the body. Something must be going on internally that is preventing you from reaching a healthy weight. Congratulations on losing the 40lbs. that's a great start. But someone at your weight should be able to lose 40lbs in 2 months, not a year.

 

I also think that you should look in to weight loss surgery. It might be less risky to undergo surgery than to stay at this weight.

 

Good luck.

[brainygirl]

People, put down the Haterade.

 

Love it ^ . . .

[xpaperxcutx]

OP, another harsh reality- depending on how long it took you to gain that weight, be aware that it will probably take you longer to lose it.

[Yamaha]

There are men out there who love large women. I know a couple of friends who date and pursue big gals. True, they are not near the norm but they are out there.

 

Everybody has things about them that is not attractive to the population. Some people have issues with age, some with height, some with weight, some with looks, some with race so you have to learn about yourself and what makes you happy. If you find your happy with your weight then own it and don't let others tell you how to be. You are in control of your destiny so do what it is that gives you purpose.

[scatterd]

Not all people are born skinny and losing weight is hard work.I have an older brother who is attracted to heavier woman so not all men are shallow.I give you credit for losing 40 lbs and don't give up.I am sure you are a lovely person but even skinny woman can have a hard time getting dates.Confidence is attractive on any size of a person.Continue to work on your self and someday some nice man will come around, when you are not looking is whenyou usually find someone.Its hard to find people that love someone for who they are but in time you will.Big Hugs

[jamesum]

How can you possibly lose 180 lbs anyway? LOL

 

I mean it took me hell to lose 50 lbs.

[remorseful1980]

Pat yourself in the back for losing 40 lbs! Don't get discouraged...just keep working on yourself and you'll get to the stage where you are happy and confident in yourself, and people will notice! Doesn't mean just the physical, but you have to be emotionally healthy as well.

 

You are losing weight in a healthy and more permanent way. I don't agree with people saying you should lose 40 lbs in 2 months. That is ridiculous and damaging to your body. You would have gained back the 40 lbs and more if you lost it in a rapid way. Plus rapid weight loss will make your skin saggy. Slow but sure is the way to do it.

 

None of us are doctors here so don't listen to the people who berate you for not doing more than you could. They are not educated in the medical field, they don't factor in age, bone density, joint health, and financial circumstances in the matter.

 

I have a suggestion though, which you can try to bring up with your doctor. How about swimming? I'm sure your joints will be better protected from injury than walking on land.

 

Good luck to you. Others have lost weight (my old professor was 350 lbs and he's now 180 lbs. He's older than you too (in his fifties). Obviously your medically prescribed diet and exercise is working on you, so keep working on it and by next year it would be another 40+ lbs lost.

 

Nothing is impossible. Good luck!

[Loquacious Miss L.]

Okay we all understand that the OP needs to lose weight and is morbidly obese. I'm sure she's aware of that. However some people on this thread are so mean! Keep it polite while keepin it real people. Tough love is respectful love, there is no need to sugarcoat the problem but at the same time lambasting each other and going off topic is not really helpful. It's not about YOU, it's about HER, and should reflect as such.

[motive2002]

I've only had two guys try to ask me out in the last five years and they were both super-pervy, chubby-chasing fetishists who you couldn't even have a conversation with.

 

Hmm, I'm curious to explore this bit of information. I know that some men have a thing for "big" women, but I don't know that it could be called a fetish anymore than a guy that prefers long legs or some other physical characteristic. It's just a preference.

 

I'm guessing it's easy to dismiss those types of men that prefer "BBW"s if you are truly unhappy with the way you are. If you see yourself as happier in a size 10 or whatever, that's your own axe to grind.

 

I would rather someone like me the way I am rather than what I could be. I understand that you see a romantic partner as having potential, but like I said it would be difficult to look past someone that's physically attracted to you and your particular build. Not all "chubby chasers" are pervs. A size 6 woman with double D breasts could just as quickly complain that men are just creepers after her body and can't have an intelligent conversation with them without them staring at her jugs the whole time.

 

The internet has widely opened the possibility to meet mates that are into woman of all shapes and sizes. If someone thinks you're hot it doesn't necessarily mean they are "weird" or a "perv". People like what they like.

 

Physical attraction simply gets you into the door. If the guys that were physically attracted to you did turn out to be creeps, well that's life and you're not the only person that happens to, that's for sure.

 

However, having said all this, you really should be seeking weight loss to simply avoid the health risks. Whether or not you feel ok being "big and beautiful" you still need to be healthy.

 

I personally have dated bigger girls before, and I'm not a chubby chaser. I've had skinny girlfriends too. There's more that's appealing to my eye than weight alone. Not everyone is attracted to the same thing.

[Jilly Bean]

Soozee -what changes and sacrifices are you prepared in order to get your weight and your health in check?

 

I know you said you wouldn't consider surgery because it poses the risk of death, but I would imagine the surgery risk is far less than being a 400-pound person, which is considered malignantly obese. The damage you are doing to your body on a daily basis just from the weight - damage to your organs, joints, and the strain on your heart I would think would be far more risky, as most people of this size die a premature death from the weight.

 

So, again, what changes and sacrifices are you prepared to implement?

 

Because at 40 pounds a year, you're looking at another 5 years before you even come close to normal weight, and who knows the permanent damage you'll be doing during this time.

 

Honestly, I would think your dating life should be the least of your concerns right now. If I were you, I'd be more worried about dying.

[dispatch3d]

you know it's your weight that's the problem. So fix the problem and lose weight. Yeah it's not easy.

 

Sorry it's not easy.

 

Otherwise be willing to open up your potential dating pool.

 

and yeah some guys prefer? bbw or whatever you call it. They are in the vast minority.

[AmEricanWomann]

Congratulations on losing 40lbs, but don't be so quick to dismiss weight loss surgery. If you can lose all your weight on your own that's great, but statistics have shown that once someone reaches your level of morbid obesity, they usually cannot lose weight permanently without some kind of medical intervention.

98 percent of people who lose weight through diet alone put it all back and more within 5 years. Sorry, but that's the truth. If you're one of the lucky two percent that keeps it off, then more power to you, but sadly the odds are against you.

Two and a half years ago, I weighed almost as much as you did. I was 360lbs and had dieted my whole life. Sure, I lost weight...lots of times, but I always put it back on and more.

I knew I needed help, so a little over two years ago, I had gastric bypass surgery and lost nearly 200lbs. My life has changed dramatically and all for the better.

Yes, people can die from having the surgery. After all, it is major surgery and that's no small thing, but if you research your surgeon and get a good one, then the odds are with you.

And if you don't lose the weight then the odds are you will die from some co-morbidity caused by your obesity. High blood pressure, diabetes, sleep apnea are all "fun" stuff you can expect from being so overweight.

 

Don't get me wrong, weight loss surgery is not an easy cure all or a magic bullet for becomings skinny. It takes work, and if someone thinks the operation is going to do all the work for them, they'll gain back their weight too.

What WLS gives you is a tool, or a weapon for combating hunger and obesity.

It might not be for everyone, but for someone like me who'd reached the end of her rope, it was the best thing I ever did for myself and I would do it again in a heart beat.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Stay away from MEEEHEEE....

I saw your username and just couldn't resist.