xpaperxcutx Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 A majority of men go after model like thin women or curvy women. Most like somewhere in the middle. All men are visual creatures hence they will never find an overweight woman attractive; in your case, you're pushing obesity. Preceived conceptions of obesity: laziness, inactive, unhealthy... etc. Unless you're okay with settling with a guy in the same weight range ask yourself again, why shouldn't you change yourself a little in the looks department?
JessicaB Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Actually the men I've seen in long term dating relationships with heavy women have usually been very skinny men who have a hard time putting on weight. Its like they felt too small and frail, and found comfort in the woman's larger frame. Some men have faced lots of ridicule growing up for being too skinny and not being able to bulk up. Otherwise, if she is going after a heavy man who has been made fun of his whole life for being heavy, why would he want to date a heavy woman? That will just compound his problems and make it harder to lose weight. That's why I typically see overweight men going after skinny women, its like they want someone skinny around to motivate them to drop the pounds, and psychologically not have to worry about her being ridiculed the same way he was.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 A majority of men go after model like thin women or curvy women. Most like somewhere in the middle. All men are visual creatures hence they will never find an overweight woman attractive; in your case, you're pushing obesity. Preceived conceptions of obesity: laziness, inactive, unhealthy... etc. Unless you're okay with settling with a guy in the same weight range ask yourself again, why shouldn't you change yourself a little in the looks department? See the thing is people don't realize that overweight women can date average weight men honestly it happens guys. My issue at her weight is more for her to lose the weight for her own health then simply to attract men because that can be done at any weight. Theres always a nitch for everything but once you go over a cirtin weight it becomes a serious health risk.. Not that im saying I wouldn't haven't dated a overweight guy but that wouldn't be the ONLY option as some here may think heck my current bf is a big guy but not really overweight for his height.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 See the thing is people don't realize that overweight women can date average weight men honestly it happens guys. My issue at her weight is more for her to lose the weight for her own health then simply to attract men because that can be done at any weight. Theres always a nitch for everything but once you go over a cirtin weight it becomes a serious health risk.. Not that im saying I wouldn't haven't dated a overweight guy but that wouldn't be the ONLY option as some here may think heck my current bf is a big guy but not really overweight for his height. I hadn't wanted to sugarcoat the truth. You are right that most overweight women can get a date, a man, and even get married. But OP's weight is bordering on obesity, which as you'd said, is a health risk ( ie. diabetes, heart attacks, etc). There are people who never lifts a finger until faced with a trauma such as dying. I've seen women shed pounds because they actually want to make a change and there are those who shed a little to reach a certain healthy weight and then there are those who continuously challenge themselves to completely do a 180 on their livelihood. I only hope the OP sees that the grass is actually greener on the other side.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I hadn't wanted to sugarcoat the truth. You are right that most overweight women can get a date, a man, and even get married. But OP's weight is bordering on obesity, which as you'd said, is a health risk ( ie. diabetes, heart attacks, etc). There are people who never lifts a finger until faced with a trauma such as dying. I've seen women shed pounds because they actually want to make a change and there are those who shed a little to reach a certain healthy weight and then there are those who continuously challenge themselves to completely do a 180 on their livelihood. I only hope the OP sees that the grass is actually greener on the other side. I see your point paper I wasn't trying to sugarcoat things I just think she should want to lose the weight for herself not just to get a man. After all you gotta love yourself 1st before any one else can. I also agree and hope she can lose more for her health...
jamesum Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Get a man who is as fat as you. 200 lbs is the maximum for a woman to be the slightest bit attractive to men.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Get a man who is as fat as you. 200 lbs is the maximum for a woman to be the slightest bit attractive to men. Wouldn't that be biased on their hight as well or would you find a 5ft 200 pound women expectable just wondering?
kiss_andmakeup Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 But OP's weight is bordering on obesity, which as you'd said, is a health risk ( ie. diabetes, heart attacks, etc). Bordering on obesity? Obesity means having a BMI over 30. Let's assume the OP is 5'7", which is probably on the tall side. Her BMI would be 59.5. OP, this IS a serious health issue. Have you set a goal weight for yourself and composed a plan to go along with it? No one says you have to be a certain size, and you certainly shouldn't be doing it just to get a man. You should be doing it so that you can live your full life and not have it cut short by premature heart problems or other organ problems. Have you considered bariatric surgery?
Serenitynow Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I just don't understand what I have to do to find a normal relationship. Join the club At least you know why people dont ask you out. I'm 5'8 180 athletic male and no one asks me out either. I think my situation is far more perplexing than yours. .
Angel1111 Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Join the club At least you know why people dont ask you out. I'm 5'8 180 athletic male and no one asks me out either. I think my situation is far more perplexing than yours. A man who waits around for women to ask him out. Hmmm, interesting. I am equally perplexed as to why you don't have dates.
kiss_andmakeup Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Join the club At least you know why people dont ask you out. I'm 5'8 180 athletic male and no one asks me out either. I think my situation is far more perplexing than yours. . Way to make this about you, but really it's an example that everyone gets judged for superficial things, a lot of people have trouble getting dates sometimes. I actually find it kind of arrogant when people say things like "I want people to see past my outside and just see my personality." Unfortunately no one in this world is entitled to that luxury, we are all judged by how we look, that's the nature of our species. It sucks, I agree, but that's just the way it is. Initial attraction is necessary for a relationship to begin, and then with time the two people will come to love each other for their unique personalities and social nuances. In fact physical appearances will likely become less and less important as the relationship develops. But without that initial attraction, there is no "spark" to start the fire.
callalilly Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I have battled obesity all my life and have had drastic ups and downs (+/- 100 lbs). Believe me, losing the weight will open up a whole new world for you. Not only will your choice of men increase dramatically, but you'll notice that the way almost everyone treats you will be different (mostly towards the positive end of the spectrum). I finally stabilized my weight with weight loss surgery in 2002 (Lap band).
harmfulsweetz Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Way to make this about you, but really it's an example that everyone gets judged for superficial things, a lot of people have trouble getting dates sometimes. I actually find it kind of arrogant when people say things like "I want people to see past my outside and just see my personality." Unfortunately no one in this world is entitled to that luxury, we are all judged by how we look, that's the nature of our species. It sucks, I agree, but that's just the way it is. Initial attraction is necessary for a relationship to begin, and then with time the two people will come to love each other for their unique personalities and social nuances. In fact physical appearances will likely become less and less important as the relationship develops. But without that initial attraction, there is no "spark" to start the fire. Agreed. It's something no one is exempt from, not even skinny minnies. We all have to do our best to look our best, and sometimes, that means 'conforming' to a healthy standard. I'll admit it, I'm slightly overweight, not hugely,mind, but I could do with losing maybe 20 pounds, but I think even a stone off would make me feel better. And so, I am starting an exercise regime everyday to make that possible. The thing is, losing weight ain't easy. It ain't easy looking in the mirror either knowing you've let yourself go-or whatever it is, it's hard enough to face your own inner demons on it, without the rest of the world chipping in their two penneth worth too. We are all judged in one way or the other-are we too short? Too tall? Too big, too small? Hair the right shade, or whatever it may be. We are judged for it. I was once told by a guy that he wouldn't date me because I wear glasses which I can't help needing. I'm not that bothered by that, he didn't like them, but heh, I'll find someone that doesn't mind. I think the issue here is in the title, the weight. You can't expect people to know on first meeting you that you are kind, fun etc, that comes later. That comes after the initial, 'mm she's easy on the eyes' or whatever. I'm going to be honest, being around 59.5 (as kissandmakeup said you could be) on the BMI scale, isn't attractive. That's ridiculously big, bearing in mind most people's ideals falls within 20-25 on the BMI scale. But, it's fantastic that you are losing weight, keep that up. Find a weight which you think is realistic for you, perhaps a dress size (let's not focus on the actual weight here) so pick the ideal dress size for you, course make it a realistic one. Then plan how to get down to that. Perhaps you could join a weight loss group? Maybe there'd be some guys there which may interest you. I'm not saying 'stick within your kind' but I do think it's easier for people to date like for like people. It's also good to mix with men and women who have similar goals, you would already share that goal. Just a thought. I also don't believe people are shallow for not wanting to date someone who is classified as obese, I wouldn't, under any circumstances. Then, I would date a guy who was simply overweight. Overweight and obese are two different levels, I don't think overweight is necessarily fat, just chubbier. When it gets into the obese category, I think most men are out. But overweight I think they can stand, if it's just chubbier. I'm a little overweight as I said, guys have still hit on me. And these aren't guys whom are ugly, or fat themselves, they are actually really attractive guys. So yeah.
harmfulsweetz Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I have battled obesity all my life and have had drastic ups and downs (+/- 100 lbs). Believe me, losing the weight will open up a whole new world for you. Not only will your choice of men increase dramatically, but you'll notice that the way almost everyone treats you will be different (mostly towards the positive end of the spectrum). I finally stabilized my weight with weight loss surgery in 2002 (Lap band). good for you. I do think it definitely opens up new avenues, and it's funny and odd that people treat you differently because of something like weight, but it's how the world works,I'm afraid.
Serenitynow Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 it's an example that everyone gets judged for superficial things, a lot of people have trouble getting dates sometimes. Exactly my point .
txsilkysmoothe Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I'm not sure this isn't a troll thread, but if not - Obviously, you want to lose weight. I congratulate you for losing 40 pounds in the past year, however, that really doesn't indicate much effort. It averages out to 3.3 pounds per month. A truly active attempt at weight loss would yield much higher results. Our weight says something about who we are, whether we like it or not. You're at least 200 pounds overweight and it didn't happen over night or over a couple of years. Putting aside the fact that men will view you as physically unattractive, there are other reasons your weight is a barrier. It says you have not been physically active for a very long time. Men, more than women, are into physical activity, working out, belonging to the gym, playing sports. You're incompatible with a core element of their lives. Just like you've been physically inactive, you've been mentally inactive. You didn't notice you had a weight problem and/or didn't care? Year after year, you ignored it and didn't take measures to prevent it from worsening, at the very least; or make an attempt to reverse the trend and start losing the weight? This is an unattractive trait. It indicates you don't care about yourself. It's difficult for people who make controlling their weight a priority to understand your thought process and they conclude they can't relate to you. There are people who will claim they are overweight and still healthy and active. It's BS. It just doesn't work that way.
brainygirl Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I have battled obesity all my life and have had drastic ups and downs (+/- 100 lbs). Believe me, losing the weight will open up a whole new world for you. Not only will your choice of men increase dramatically, but you'll notice that the way almost everyone treats you will be different (mostly towards the positive end of the spectrum). I finally stabilized my weight with weight loss surgery in 2002 (Lap band). what was your experience with that like? I've looked into it.
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Our weight says something about who we are, whether we like it or not. You're at least 200 pounds overweight and it didn't happen over night or over a couple of years. Putting aside the fact that men will view you as physically unattractive, there are other reasons your weight is a barrier. Some people have more efficient metabolisms. It literally takes them less energy to walk across the room than it does you. So this makes weight control a MUCH more difficult job for them... especially if you combine it with emotional issues. Don't be a jerk... the last thing OP needs is another person to harp on her about losing. My suggestion is Lap Band or Gastric. They are both well worth it.
SilentVoice Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 what was your experience with that like? I've looked into it. If you are looking into WLS... the lapband being your surgery of choice . Please do yourself a favor and look into the VSG as well. If you want more info(websites) on different surgeries . Please feel free to pm me.
Sphere Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I don't date overweight women because to me it shows a distinct lack of care about their appearance. I make the effort to visit the gym four times a week, I work on looking good, feeling good and I would expect my woman to be in shape, whether she goes to the gym or not is irrelevant, I would expect her to least keep herself in good health and good shape. You see, I see a lot of people in the world today and they have incredibly high standards which is what we should strive for, yet a lot of these people do not apply their standards to themselves. If a woman wants a man with a six pack, large biceps and the perfect body, then her body had best be in its peak condition. If a woman expects a man to have a MENSA certificate then she had best have one too. If she wants a wealthy man, she should be wealthy herself. This applies to men too. What I expect from a woman is what I expect from myself and my standards reflect this. Sadly, this is not the case of those with entitlement issues. All I can suggest to you is a) Lose weight and if you cannot do that then B) lower your standards.
brainygirl Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I don't date overweight women because to me it shows a distinct lack of care about their appearance. I make the effort to visit the gym four times a week, I work on looking good, feeling good and I would expect my woman to be in shape, whether she goes to the gym or not is irrelevant, I would expect her to least keep herself in good health and good shape. You see, I see a lot of people in the world today and they have incredibly high standards which is what we should strive for, yet a lot of these people do not apply their standards to themselves. If a woman wants a man with a six pack, large biceps and the perfect body, then her body had best be in its peak condition. If a woman expects a man to have a MENSA certificate then she had best have one too. If she wants a wealthy man, she should be wealthy herself. This applies to men too. What I expect from a woman is what I expect from myself and my standards reflect this. Sadly, this is not the case of those with entitlement issues. All I can suggest to you is a) Lose weight and if you cannot do that then B) lower your standards. She never said she had high standards, she said she wasn't being asked out at all. And for your information, there are many many women who don't need six pack abs in their men. A nasty attitude goes a long way towards making a beautiful person ugly.
Author Soozee Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 I just ran 6 miles and spent an hour at the gym. What did the OP do? If you really want something bad enough, you'll do anything in your power to do it. I never claimed losing weight is going to be easy. You also make bogus claims such as, "... it's not simply lack of motivation." There goes your excuse making skills again. Now you're telling her it's not her fault for being fat. Don't don't worry sometimes people can't lose weight no matter how motivated you are. That's some grade A bull. With that kind of attitude she'll be fat forever. My old thread on 15 reasons is not random. It is completely relevant in this case. That's not even fair. Not only is it physically impossible for me to run a quarter mile, let alone six, but also my doctor told me not to try to run because of the damage it would do to my leg joints at this weight. You do realize I weigh 380, right? I was instructed to take brisk walks and I do it EVERY DAY. How dare you suggest I lack motivation? I'm doing the best I can with what I have.
Author Soozee Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 OP... when your that heavy in your mid-late 30's... you should think about gastric bypass before health problems start to be an issue. If you can control your diet some maybe latband would work well. No way. People have died from those. There is nothing improbable about reaching my goal weight of 160 if I work hard at it through diet and exercise.
Sphere Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 (edited) She never said she had high standards, she said she wasn't being asked out at all. And for your information, there are many many women who don't need six pack abs in their men. A nasty attitude goes a long way towards making a beautiful person ugly. I wasn't speaking to her directly. She is not being asked out by men? Well, I'm never asked out by women, so do I sit there and do nothing? She needs to ask out men because believe it or not, I can almost guarantee this woman has turned the head of a nice guy who then sits there and hesistates and ends up going home with his tail between his legs because he has placed on her on a pedestal. I have a gorgeous female friend who hardly gets asked out by guys, the only reason I haven't is because she is like a relative, a member of my family. It's too weird, but guys do not ask her out because they are either jerks who just want one thing or they are nice guys who lack any backbone to approach her, get her number and get the ball rolling. As for what I said, that applies to me, I keep myself in shape for me and my occupation requires that I do not have a giant beer belly. Everything I do in life from the way I dress, to my career is all about me. I am the centre of my universe, not a woman and this is what this overweight woman should do as well. She's not getting hit on? She's overweight? Lose some weight, hit the gym, change your eating habits, wear clothes that make you look and feel sexy. It isn't hard to attract someone, no matter what your gender. You just need confidence and fearlessness, I have seen many an overweight man and woman score good looking people, if they can do it, so can this person. Edited August 1, 2010 by Sphere
Author Soozee Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 I hadn't wanted to sugarcoat the truth. You are right that most overweight women can get a date, a man, and even get married. But OP's weight is bordering on obesity, which as you'd said, is a health risk ( ie. diabetes, heart attacks, etc). Well, technically, my doctor says I'm well into morbid obesity. Thank you for trying to be nice in the phrasing, but I'm realistic.
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