critique my OKCupid profile!

[shadowplay]

Wow, this is weird. I think she's drawing me.

[somedude81]

Do you guys really think men care less about the content's of a woman's profile aside from pics? I hope this isn't indicative of how they judge women in real life.

Sorry but it's the truth.

 

Just the very fact that you are on a dating site with pictures means you will get hammered with emails. Be ready for that. Your profile could be one blurry picture with maybe a sentence or two and it wouldn't make a difference in the amount of emails you get.

 

Although by having a detailed profile, it helps you to better screen the emails you do get.

 

Welcome to being a woman in online dating.

 

Don't forget, that this is already set to on.

[Jilly Bean]

Nah, I've decided I'm definitely more straight than gay, but I wouldn't rule out experimenting a little.

 

Right on! I say chat with her. Is she still there?

 

I'm new to it, and a bit wary.

 

Very healthy attitude. Because the pool of dating options is so much larger online than in reality, you have to weed through a LOT more crap to find a good one.

[Hop_prophet]

I can tell you that 99% of guys won't even read your profile. They will perv your pics, and then write you something generic.

 

Wow, really?!?! Seems like you have a pretty low opinion of men. Maybe you should work on that.

 

I read the profile and thought it was interesting and you seem like a chill person who I could carry on a conversation with very easily. First, I had no idea what command Z was until you described it so you might want to clarify that cause its funny (CTRL Z is better). I would cut down the list of movies to 5 or 6. That is just too many to wade through. It was pretty cool that you had Koyaanisqatsi on there though. I have yet to get any of my friends to sit through that movie. I would date you on that fact alone.

[shadowplay]

Right on! I say chat with her. Is she still there?

 

 

 

Very healthy attitude. Because the pool of dating options is so much larger online than in reality, you have to weed through a LOT more crap to find a good one.

 

Yeah, but I chickened out and went downstairs. The drawing thing made me uncomfortable. I'll probably message her, though. Last time I tried her inbox was full.

 

P.S. I bet you know the cafe I'm talking about . Just don't write it here, but I'd be curious to know if you do.

[MisUnderstanding]

and I wonder how much of those simply skim it in search of an ice breaker. I'm glad I'm not a guy. I do actually read profiles carefully, and I put at least as much emphasis on their contents as the pictures.

 

Those just looking for an ice breaker are easy to spot because usually they'd say something that sounds awkward and unreal. And if you reply back to them with the topic they started they got nothing to say. And that's where you end it

[kdark]

Do you guys really think men care less about the content's of a woman's profile aside from pics? I hope this isn't indicative of how they judge women in real life.

 

I may be different from others, but when I am looking at profiles on OkCupid, I will look at the pictures first and gauge how attracted to them I am.

 

Once I find a girl who has pictures I like, I will scour every detail of their profile to try to get an idea of what this person is like in real life. I honestly enjoy reading long profiles since it gives me a better picture of who they are.

 

One thing you did slightly in your profile that I don't like is the long list of movies. Me personally, I'd prefer reading the reasons why you like two or three movies rather than see a long, arbitrary list of movies you have seen in your lifetime. It personalizes your profile, makes it more unique than most, and I think you would get better messages than just the "Hey I really liked Heathers too!" messages.

 

I've read a lot of profiles on OkCupid, and yours is better than most.

 

I'd send you a message.

[shadowplay]

Zengirl: I'm thinking about a few of your suggestions, like your observation that I sound very introverted. Considering that I am introverted, is that something I should really downplay in my profile? I mean it will be obvious when they meet me, so maybe keeping that in its a good way of weeding out guys who only like outgoing women.

 

I agree that my tone is pretty dry, but that's also kind of how I am in real life. I definitely have a sillier side, but it usually doesn't come out in ordinary conversation.

[shadowplay]

I may be different from others, but when I am looking at profiles on OkCupid, I will look at the pictures first and gauge how attracted to them I am.

 

Once I find a girl who has pictures I like, I will scour every detail of their profile to try to get an idea of what this person is like in real life. I honestly enjoy reading long profiles since it gives me a better picture of who they are.

 

One thing you did slightly in your profile that I don't like is the long list of movies. Me personally, I'd prefer reading the reasons why you like two or three movies rather than see a long, arbitrary list of movies you have seen in your lifetime. It personalizes your profile, makes it more unique than most, and I think you would get better messages than just the "Hey I really liked Heathers too!" messages.

 

I've read a lot of profiles on OkCupid, and yours is better than most.

 

I'd send you a message.

 

Thanks.

 

Good suggestion about explaining why I like them. To be honest I was lazy and just c/p-ed that list from a profile of mine on another social networking site.

[shadowplay]

One girl I know in town has a profile on the site that has 1-3 word answers to each profile question. Lookswise, she falls into the above average category. But she's filled every night with a date for the past few weeks since she signed up. It's pretty impressive.

[zengirl]

Zengirl: I'm thinking about a few of your suggestions, like your observation that I sound very introverted. Considering that I am introverted, is that something I should really downplay in my profile? I mean it will be obvious when they meet me, so maybe keeping that in its a good way of weeding out guys who only like outgoing women.

 

I agree that my tone is pretty dry, but that's also kind of how I am in real life. I definitely have a sillier side, but it usually doesn't come out in ordinary conversation.

 

No, I say: If you are introverted and dry, then be introverted and dry. Neither was meant as a terrible issue, and introverted isn't bad at all. . . Dry? Eh, funny/silly is just more fun (and "fun" is always good), but if it doesn't fit in there naturally, I wouldn't worry about it. Always be who you are. I just wanted to note the observations in case they weren't true to who you are (that does happen).

[kdark]

One girl I know in town has a profile on the site that has 1-3 word answers to each profile question. Lookswise, she falls into the above average category. But she's filled every night with a date for the past few weeks since she signed up. It's pretty impressive.

 

I don't care what she looks like, I wouldn't message her.

 

One other that I look at is what you answered for the match questions. While you are answering them, you have the option of adding an explanation for why you answered the way you did. These are my favorite to read about people since they are very telling of peoples ideas, values, and ethics, which are what I look for in a partner.

 

You're going to get a bunch of spam as a girl, and a good looking one at that, but if you have a junk profile, you'll get junk people in my opinion.

[Untouchable_Fire]

What I'm good at:

 

-I have a nearly photographic memory for faces, but I'm awful with names.

-drawing

-understanding what makes different people tick. [/b]

Six things I could never do without (only done four so far):

pastries (cupcakes especially)

a cat in my life

Command-Z

good conversation

 

Ok... here is some honest input from a male perspective. Guys DO read profiles... though we don't typically admit to it. Remember most guys take a shotgun approach to online dating... the better your profile the more likely you are to get guys with similar interests to message you!!!

 

1st... Your "good at" section suffers from poor selection. Everyone says they are good with faces but not names... why is this worth mentioning? Also "Understanding what makes different people tick"... Are you looking for a guy who wants a date or a therapy session?

 

Drawing is perfect! It actually says something about your interests and shows you have a talent.

 

My suggestions; Add 1 thing physical.. ie... dancing, running, tennis... ect in place of names and faces. Add 1 thing that further shows your analytical nature... try picking a hobby.

 

Also... isn't there another way to say what your meaning besides Command Z? Do you really want to sound like one of those pretentious wankers that buy everything Apple makes? If that's the kind of guy you want... go for it. Otherwise... be normal.

[Jilly Bean]

P.S. I bet you know the cafe I'm talking about . Just don't write it here, but I'd be curious to know if you do.

 

Yes, I did as soon as you said where you were. Made it easier to picture her coming in and everything.

 

(I actually was in there last summer with a friend when we went back for a reunion. HAD A BALL. )

 

Sounds like she noticed you, Shadow! This could be your bi-curious/lesbionic experimentation moment on the horizon! Im so excited!

[12crushonyou]

I really like your profile! You sound honest and genuine. But I'm a girl, and I have 3 copies of Lolita (one annotated with my notes, one with technical notes in it about the writing, and one virgin copy). (Nabokovian parentheses rock!)

 

I think that book and Vladimir Nabokov has actually halted my love-life.

 

Guys like girls to tell them they're hot, not that the curve of their temple is captivating, and that i like the curl of their underlip, their long, clever fingers and rope-veined hands, dun coloured skin, and then write to tell them this in a piece of text where one sentence lasts for a whole paragraph (littered with rapturous asides!) like that.

Edited August 1, 2010 by 12crushonyou

[shadowplay]

Ok... here is some honest input from a male perspective. Guys DO read profiles... though we don't typically admit to it. Remember most guys take a shotgun approach to online dating... the better your profile the more likely you are to get guys with similar interests to message you!!!

 

1st... Your "good at" section suffers from poor selection. Everyone says they are good with faces but not names... why is this worth mentioning? Also "Understanding what makes different people tick"... Are you looking for a guy who wants a date or a therapy session?

 

Drawing is perfect! It actually says something about your interests and shows you have a talent.

 

My suggestions; Add 1 thing physical.. ie... dancing, running, tennis... ect in place of names and faces. Add 1 thing that further shows your analytical nature... try picking a hobby.

 

Also... isn't there another way to say what your meaning besides Command Z? Do you really want to sound like one of those pretentious wankers that buy everything Apple makes? If that's the kind of guy you want... go for it. Otherwise... be normal.

 

Because it is a peculiar talent, being that good at remembering faces. I guess it's like with the understanding people thing where a lot of people say they can do it well, but few actually can. I think it would be weird to omit that simply because a lot of people think they can, when I actually am exceptionally good at it.

 

I can literally remember strangers I've seen in cafes years later. I've taken a few tests online on facial recognition, and my score was always 100 percent, well above the mean. So yeah, that is a special talent of mine, and it ties into the drawing because it helps me artistically. I guess I saw that section as your place to list random narrow abilities you have, not broader things like I'm good at math or history or writing. That's boring.

 

Lol, "be normal." The Command Z thing was a joke. Obviously those aren't the most vital things to my life (well, maybe with the exception of cats). It was tongue in cheek.

Edited August 1, 2010 by shadowplay

[zengirl]

Because it is a peculiar talent, being that good at remembering faces. I guess it's like with the understanding people thing where a lot of people say they can do it well, but few actually can. I think it would be weird to omit that simply because a lot of people think they can, when I actually am exceptionally good at it.

 

I can literally remember strangers I've seen in cafes years later. I've taken a few tests online on facial recognition, and my score was always 100 percent, well above the mean. So yeah, that is a special talent of mine, and it ties into the drawing because it helps me artistically. I guess I saw that section as your place to list random narrow abilities you have, not broader things like I'm good at math or history or writing. That's boring.

 

Lol, "be normal." The Command Z thing was a joke. Obviously those aren't the most vital things to my life (well, maybe with the exception of cats). It was tongue in cheek.

 

I'm not saying you should change it perse (my point is more a broad one here), but I will point out that the "Good at" section (and all the sections) are more about painting a picture and showing off talents that say something about who you are that is interesting to other people (particularly whatever kind of people you find most compatible). While I'm always all about being who you are, it's a little bit different than just telling everything wholesale. . . you have to distill your essence into the profile, so to speak. It wouldn't be a terrible idea to get more specific with this one either.

 

That said, I liked that line because it said what you were good and bad at. When you can slip in something you're bad at (without it looking dramatic or self-conscious), most people find that endearing. Your profile, being a bit dry and highbrow (nothing wrong with that) can use that, and it was a nice balance.

[shadowplay]

 

That said, I liked that line because it said what you were good and bad at. When you can slip in something you're bad at (without it looking dramatic or self-conscious), most people find that endearing. Your profile, being a bit dry and highbrow (nothing wrong with that) can use that, and it was a nice balance.

 

Yeah, that was my intention.

 

I'm a bit confused by this section. From reading other profiles I got the sense most people don't approach it in a serious way. They're more likely to list random quirky talents. It would seem almost immodest to be listing off only "important" things that I'm good at, you know?

 

I think the facial recognition thing actually does say a lot about me because it ties into my fascination with people and my artistic ability. An old friend even mentioned recently that faces (recognizing and capturing the expressions of them in drawings) is the area in which he thinks I have the most raw talent. I've always had an eye for subtle details in expressions, and I notice a lot of little things when I meet people that others miss (I'll point it out to them later, and they won't have noticed). In general, I'm very sensitive to visual details, not just in faces. That's pretty important to who I am because so much of my time is spent noticing and reflecting on details in my environment. The right guy would appreciate that about me. I'm sure most guys could care less, and would rather have some vapid girl who doesn't think much, but that's why I need to weed them out.

 

Maybe that's not all clear without connecting the dots.

Edited August 1, 2010 by shadowplay

[zengirl]

Yeah, that was my intention.

 

I'm a bit confused by this section. From reading other profiles I got the sense most people don't approach it in a serious way. They're more likely to list random quirky talents. It would seem almost immodest to be listing off only "important" things that I'm good at, you know?

 

No, I'm not saying take it seriously. I'm saying quite the opposite. It's times like these I want to list mine to give a POV for what I mean, but I'm so freaking paranoid about linking my face to anywhere I admit I'm not Christian, like this site. (Non-Christian teachers face huge resentment and suspicion where I'm from.)

 

Okay, this isn't mine, but if I were to write one for my friend Emily, this is what I'd write for he:

 

Singing (I'm a mezzo-soprano and sang in competitions for years). Falling down "gracefully" during touch rugby games and pretending I'm not clumsy. Learning new languages. Gesturing wildly with my arms to communicate in a language I haven't yet learned. Recommending books other people will like.

 

Now, that wouldn't be right for you, obviously, because you're not Emily, but what I did was take a few sincere talents --- she's a kickass singer with a professional-grade voice and she also speaks 4 languages --- and mix them in with some fun stuff, some of which showed off potentially endearing faults (she's klutzy) and also an ability to get along with other people. As it happens, Emily has a sexy Englishman at the moment and thus doesn't need OKCupid, but if he jilts her, I'll totally give her this.

 

I think the facial recognition thing actually does say a lot about me because it ties into my fascination with people and my artistic ability.

 

Yes, I think it potentially could. For what it's worth, I think playing up your visual-arts side makes sense in terms of painting a broader picture (you want to study films, you are artistic, etc). I'd pick something related to that as one of the 3 adjectives you want to emphasize.

 

OKCupid used to have this describe yourself in 3 words thing they've done away with, but I liked the philosophy. Pick 3 of your good and very "you" characteristics and then paint a profile that demonstrates who you are through those adjectives in concrete ways. (By which, I don't mean anyone should paint themselves better than they are, but focus is always lovely.) At any rate, those are just my thoughts on how to make things the "very best." As you've likely seen by now, it's not essential to go that far with things.

[shadowplay]

Hey, Zengirl. I'd like to send you a pm. Do you have it disabled? Can't find it in the drop down menu beneath your name.

[shadowplay]

Still a work in progress, but based on feedback I've tried to lighten up my profile a bit and add more specifics:

 

These are the main passages where I made changes or additions:

 

I'm a mainstream looking girl with a heart of geek. I'm shy on the surface, but chatty once you get to know me. I love watching, talking and reading about movies. In general, I'm a bit of a cultural sponge: the girl in the back of the bookstore rifling through art/photography books and jotting down names of artists that strike me to google later.

 

the most private thing I'm willing to admit:

I don't dream like an adult. I still have crazy-being-chased-by-vampires-on-purple-elephants style dreams. I didn't realize this was weird until I compared dreams with other people my age. This means I sometimes wake up in terror convinced I'm being hunted down by an angry mob of giant produce, but usually it means my sleeping life is thoroughly enjoyable and entertaining.

[zengirl]

Still a work in progress, but based on feedback I've tried to lighten up my profile a bit and add more specifics:

 

These are the main passages where I made changes or additions:

 

I'm a mainstream looking girl with a heart of geek. I'm shy on the surface, but chatty once you get to know me. I love watching, talking and reading about movies. In general, I'm a bit of a cultural sponge: the girl in the back of the bookstore rifling through art/photography books and jotting down names of artists that strike me to google later.

 

The underlined part is a big improvement IMO. Good work.

 

the most private thing I'm willing to admit:

I don't dream like an adult. I still have crazy-being-chased-by-vampires-on-purple-elephants style dreams. I didn't realize this was weird until I compared dreams with other people my age. This means I sometimes wake up in terror convinced I'm being hunted down by an angry mob of giant produce, but usually it means my sleeping life is thoroughly enjoyable and entertaining.

 

Generally, I like it.

[WTFBBQ]

I think the profile is way too long. Sorry. I'd want to see you picture, and know you can carry on a conversation about things I like. Period.

[zengirl]

I think the profile is way too long. Sorry. I'd want to see you picture, and know you can carry on a conversation about things I like. Period.

 

In my experience, a long profile can be a good way to weed people out. A short profile leads to people asking basic questions, but a long one leads to people actually responding to what they think of you as a person. And those responses are more telling. It's saved me time in the long-run.

 

Mine is longer than hers (though hers isn't finished). I still get more messages than I need or want, but I think a decent amount of them are quality. And, honestly, as long as I'm pretty to them and there are no red flags, I don't think many fellows are going to be kept away from messaging me----and certainly not lacking in something to say if I message them! (But, then, that depends on your type of fellow----a guy who doesn't want to know so much about me isn't going to be a guy that I want to go out with. Nor are the "Well, I want to know it, but reading it is a chore" fellows, as I like boys who dig reading. So it all depends on the OP's audience.)

 

I feel like the danger with a short profile is that you let a lot more mediocre messages slide by (or at least I do) because you haven't given the guy as much to comment on or ask about. So, you wind up having to send more messages back and forth to weed people out. If you want volume, I think short might be better. I think volume is what frustrates so many people (either sending a volume as a guy or receiving a high volume as a gal) in online dating.

Edited August 1, 2010 by zengirl

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Still a work in progress, but based on feedback I've tried to lighten up my profile a bit and add more specifics:

 

These are the main passages where I made changes or additions:

 

I'm a mainstream looking girl with a heart of geek. I'm shy on the surface, but chatty once you get to know me. I love watching, talking and reading about movies. In general, I'm a bit of a cultural sponge: the girl in the back of the bookstore rifling through art/photography books and jotting down names of artists that strike me to google later.

 

the most private thing I'm willing to admit:

I don't dream like an adult. I still have crazy-being-chased-by-vampires-on-purple-elephants style dreams. I didn't realize this was weird until I compared dreams with other people my age. This means I sometimes wake up in terror convinced I'm being hunted down by an angry mob of giant produce, but usually it means my sleeping life is thoroughly enjoyable and entertaining.

 

This is good but its a little bit goofy/different in a way not that its a bad thing if thats your true personality then go for it! But be aware you will also attract "like minded" people. What I mean is I also have a "different" sense of style and likes and so on as well.

 

But I would want a person who is balanced between that and also being able to have a intelligent conversation about current events. I hope my point got some what across there cause it sounded really good in my head lol..

 

One last note I would shorten the "lists" a little like the movie guys don't read those kind of longggg lists and it makes your profile look over crowded.