shadowplay Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 (edited) I started filling out a profile recently, and I have a few questions and concerns regarding the site for people who have some experience with it or online dating in general. OKCupid is the only online dating gig I'm willing to try at this point, because I like the site interface and the sort of people it attracts. I've checked out the other big sites and most of them are filled with people that don't appeal to me at all. OKCupid seems to cater to a hipper, younger and more educated crowd. I haven't added pics yet, because I'm still tweaking my profile and I know once I do add pics I'll probably get more messages. I'm waiting until I'm happy with the text until I throw myself into the throng. I'm a bit nervous about which pics to post. I took a bunch of pictures on my webcam the other day, and I'm admittedly very pleased with how they came out, but I have this mild worry that I'll be a disappointment in person. Anyway a few specific questions: 1) If you have a crop of pictures you've taken, do you post the best of the lot, the average ones, or the below average ones? I want to make sure the pictures are representative of me, but it seems weird not to put the best ones up because isn't this what most people do? A good analogy would be to filling out a resume or application. Everyone puts their best face forward, and you're competing against those people. Thoughts? 2) Are webcam only pics acceptable? I don't have a digital camera and I don't have any recent pictures taken of me from somebody else's. I rarely get photos taken of myself, since I had no local friends until recently. Also, webcam photos are probably a bit less flattering in my observation, and I want to err on the side of realism. Is it a turn off if a girl only has pictures of herself taken in her room? I know the common wisdom is to put up photos of yourself with friends and/or doing cool activities, but I have a strong suspicion this makes more of a difference on a guy's profile than a woman's. Am I wrong in assuming a guy is mostly concerned in a woman's pictures with what she looks like, and therefore clear shots of her face and body are best, while what she's doing in the photos is of less importance? Of course most non-superficial guys are going to put at least equal emphasis on the content of her profile. I just doubt many are judging her on whether she has photos of herself rock-climbing or hanging with friends. 3) Is it possible to make friends on the site? There are so many interesting people I've noticed in my area on OKC whom I'd love to try meeting as friends (girls especially). Has anyone done this successfully? Like would it be out of the norm for me to message a girl I find appealing and ask her if she wants to hang out as friends? I wish there were a friend finding site modeled after a dating site, but I guess there isn't as much of a demand. 4) I'm a bit concerned about people I know irl recognizing my profile. Despite some of the personal details I've divulged on LS, I'm generally big on privacy with people I know in person...and I'm a bit uncomfortable knowing that a lot of people who view my online profile may recognize me from real life since I live in a very small city...and constantly see the same people around. A significant percentage of the young people in my city are on the site (I recognize many of them). Anyone else dealt with this concern? I'm just a bit inhibited I guess. There is still some stigma in my mind attached to online dating, like it's for desperate people. I know that it's become a lot more popular recently, and perceptions have changed, but still I feel a slight twinge of shame and exposure about people seeing me on there. Thoughts? Thanks in advance! Edited July 31, 2010 by shadowplay
zengirl Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 I started filling out a profile recently, and I have a few questions and concerns regarding the site for people who have some experience with it or online dating in general. OKCupid is the only online dating gig I'm willing to try at this point, because I like the site interface and the sort of people it attracts. I've checked out the other big sites and most of them are filled with people that don't appeal to me at all. OKCupid seems to cater to a hipper, younger and more educated crowd. I concur. OKCupid is also kind of fun, with the quizzes and match questions. I haven't added pics yet, because I'm still tweaking my profile and I know once I do add pics I'll probably get more messages. I'm waiting until I'm happy with the text until I throw myself into the throng. I'm a bit nervous about which pics to post. I took a bunch of pictures on my webcam the other day, and I'm admittedly very pleased with how they came out, but I have this mild worry that I'll be a disappointment in person. Anyway a few specific questions: 1) If you have a crop of pictures you've taken, do you post the best of the lot, the average ones, or the below average ones? I want to make sure the pictures are representative of me, but it seems weird not to put the best ones up because isn't this what most people do? A good analogy would be to filling out a resume or application. Everyone puts their best face forward, and you're competing against those people. Thoughts?I don't really understand how anyone could look better with a webcam than in person (unless you're hiding bits and pieces of yourself a la Myspace Angles), but my advice is always to throw up a variety of pictures which show a range of ways you look. I have a picture of myself hiking with no make-up. I also have a professional picture that is the only picture of myself I actually like (it was a work portrait from my advertising days) ---it's artsy, airbrushed to forever, but it's obviously touched up, and the other pictures show clearly how I look when I'm "rougher." In short, I have all sorts. I've never had a person disappointed by the way I look "in person" (though I hate pictures and don't take particularly 'good' ones often), which is what I count as my measure of success. It really depends on what you'd want. I'd rather a guy think he'd like me as a less-pretty-version-of-me and then be pleasantly surprised. Do I get less messages than I could if I touched up the pictures or something? Maybe. But I don't think they'd really be guys I'd dig anyway. 2) Are webcam only pics acceptable? I don't have a digital camera and I don't have any recent pictures taken of me from somebody else's. I rarely get photos taken of myself, since I had no local friends until recently. Also, webcam photos are probably a bit less flattering in my observation, and I want to err on the side of realism. Is it a turn off if a girl only has pictures of herself taken in her room? I know the common wisdom is to put up photos of yourself with friends and/or doing cool activities, but I have a strong suspicion this makes more of a difference on a guy's profile than a woman's. Am I wrong in assuming a guy is mostly concerned in a woman's pictures with what she looks like, and therefore clear shots of her face and body are best, while what she's doing in the photos is of less importance? Of course most non-superficial guys are going to put at least equal emphasis on the content of her profile. I just doubt many are judging her on whether she has photos of herself rock-climbing or hanging with friends. Hmm. . . I think a lot of guys have been more interested in me because of the things I was doing in my pictures (a lot are traveling pictures). It paints a sort of picture as me being sociable and adventurous, which tends to appeal to the kind of guy I tend to date. That said, I don't think anyone would count you out solely because all you had were webcam pictures if they liked what they saw. And I certainly think you need a clean face shot (preferably as the 1st picture) and a shot that shows your body type clearly. 3) Is it possible to make friends on the site? There are so many interesting people I've noticed in my area on OKC whom I'd love to try meeting as friends (girls especially). Has anyone done this successfully? Like would it be out of the norm for me to message a girl I find appealing and ask her if she wants to hang out as friends? I wish there were a friend finding site modeled after a dating site, but I guess there isn't as much of a demand. I have but only in Korea. Everyone wants to make friends in Korea, so I'm not sure how I'll fare back home. It did okay here, but there weren't as many folks in my specific city. I plan on trying to make friends through it (men and women) next month. I wish there were a friend site, too! I sent an email to the admins of OKCupid just last week with that comment. I love the format of OKCupid and find it really allows me to show off who I am. 4) I'm a bit concerned about people I know irl recognizing my profile. Despite some of the personal details I've divulged on LS, I'm generally big on privacy with people I know in person...and I'm a bit uncomfortable knowing that a lot of people who view my online profile may recognize me from real life since I live in a very small city...and constantly see the same people around. A significant percentage of the young people in my city are on the site (I recognize many of them). Anyone else dealt with this concern? I'm just a bit inhibited I guess. There is still some stigma in my mind attached to online dating, like it's for desperate people. I know that it's become a lot more popular recently, and perceptions have changed, but still I feel a slight twinge of shame and exposure about people seeing me on there. I've never had an issue with that. I don't worry about the stigma personally (anyone who's on there can't really judge you for it), but definitely hide your profile to non-users (That's an option). I've been doing online dating since I was 20 years old (almost 6 years) and I've never been desperate. I just like the way of meeting people---I like reading about them first. OKCupid is my favorite and the only site I've used in years. I worry more because of my profession. I can't put up my real religious status, etc. I worry about everything. But at least my name isn't on it.
MisUnderstanding Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 I've never tried OKC, but I did try another site. And I did find someone who I knew in real life. Well that was a bit awkward, considering that RL relationship between us was strictly business. But keep in mind one thing, that other person is on the site for the same as you. He/she doesn't want to get exposed to the world just as much as you, so I wouldn't worry about that. As for the pictures you take, I'd post the best one of the bunch. After all, it is the picture of you. And I don't think people care that it's a webcam picture as long as they can clearly see your face and at least some of the body. Nobody likes dark blurry pictures. I have heard of people making friends on OKC, but it's not easy.
Serenitynow Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 If you have a crop of pictures you've taken, do you post the best of the lot, the average ones, or the below average ones? Why would anyone choose to post below average pics of themself ? Are webcam only pics acceptable? As a guy seeing womens webcam pics, cheesy comes to mind. You can spend 5$ and go get a disposable camera. You also have to look into the distoration factor when you post pics. Sometimes your pics look worse once you upload them. I know the common wisdom is to put up photos of yourself with friends and/or doing cool activities, but I have a strong suspicion this makes more of a difference on a guy's profile than a woman's. Am I wrong in assuming a guy is mostly concerned in a woman's pictures with what she looks like, and therefore clear shots of her face and body are best Again from a guys point of view, we dont care what the hell you are doing in your pics just make sure the pics are CLEAR and CURRENT. Posting at least 1 good clear body shot helps too. A woman may think her body isnt attractive but there may be a guy out there that thinks you look good. And hiding your body will usually cause guys to pass by your profile.
NancyBotwin Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 This is kinda funny to me. I hang out on another site that is female-dominated. One of the things some of the gals like to do is get drunk and post fake profiles on OKC. They will then post on our site some of the geeks that hit on them. Ok, it's not the smartest thing to do, but I'm just telling you because it happens. I'm not saying I agree with it. I think they do it mostly out of frustration with not being able to find quality men on online dating sites. If you don't want people to recognize you, don't put yourself on that kind of site. I guess you have to decide what's more important: getting a date or being recognized by someone. Sorry if this isn't helpful, but I thought I should mention the fake profiles.
SadandConfusedWA Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 As for people recognizing you, I am HUGE on privacy and I sill have an OKC profile. I kind of feel having an OKC profile is less embarassing than other dating sites (I dunno if that's true).. Pictures: I only have a single picture on OKC and another dating site. It's a head shot taken by myself with iphone while walking down the city street (but it's not obvious that I took it myself). I like how I look on there, but I sure feel that it's one of the better pictures of me and that I look worse in person. Having said that, I only had 1 guy not contact me back after first meet up (and we had nothing to talk about during the "date" so it was obvious that there was no connection). So I think that it's a good idea to have one of the best pictures on there - guys don't even seem to care if you only have one. Be prepared to be swamped with messages! I really was/is crazy experience for me.
SadandConfusedWA Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Also, this is kind of embarassing to admit, but when deciding which picture to put up I went on hotornot.com, and then chose one (out of 3) that got the highest score (while not being obviously sexy - no cleavage or very tight clothes).
Author shadowplay Posted July 31, 2010 Author Posted July 31, 2010 Again from a guys point of view, we dont care what the hell you are doing in your pics just make sure the pics are CLEAR and CURRENT. kind of what i figured.
zengirl Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Oh, yes, SaC is right about that: You will get mobbed. Especially if you leave the chat turned on. Did you read any of the OKC blogs on some of the statistical things. They relay some interesting data about pictures and the like.
Author shadowplay Posted July 31, 2010 Author Posted July 31, 2010 Oh, yes, SaC is right about that: You will get mobbed. Especially if you leave the chat turned on. Did you read any of the OKC blogs on some of the statistical things. They relay some interesting data about pictures and the like. I've already gotten chatted up on the messenger by a few guys without posting my pics, which is a little weird (and some of them weren't bad looking). I guess they're just desperate to talk to any woman. I'm disabling it, though. It's too invasive for me. I'm bracing myself for being mobbed, which is part of why I've been putting off uploading any pics.
bac Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 As for pictures on OKcupid, I was checking out the girls, around age 30, in my area and I was really surprised with the selection. There were hundreds of very beautiful and fit girls available. Most of them looked much better than movie stars. I had an impression that only the most beautiful girls are desperately looking for men who are dating online for some unknown to me reason.
zengirl Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 As for pictures on OKcupid, I was checking out the girls, around age 30, in my area and I was really surprised with the selection. There were hundreds of very beautiful and fit girls available. Most of them looked much better than movie stars. I had an impression that only the most beautiful girls are desperately looking for men who are dating online for some unknown to me reason. Online dating is hip, yo! Why is everyone always so down on it? It's cool now. I swear. In my new area, I'm lucky: It seems the men are more attractive than the women, on average!
SadandConfusedWA Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 I've already gotten chatted up on the messenger by a few guys without posting my pics, which is a little weird (and some of them weren't bad looking). I guess they're just desperate to talk to any woman. I'm disabling it, though. It's too invasive for me. I'm bracing myself for being mobbed, which is part of why I've been putting off uploading any pics. Yep chat is the worst. I keep mine turned off completly. When I had it on I would get weirdo messages like: x> hi SAC> hello x> my f%ck buddy is coming over later SAC> good for you x> the thing is i keep losing erection everytime we are about to do it SAC> ok x> yeah, i am on medication for depression and it is one of the side effects SAC>..... x> she is going to dump me over this, i just know it.... x> can you talk dirty to me to try and get my dick hard? SAC> *blocks user*
Serenitynow Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 As for pictures on OKcupid, I was checking out the girls, around age 30, in my area and I was really surprised with the selection. There were hundreds of very beautiful and fit girls available. Do a search with zip code 44514 and it'll will bring you back down to reality. Less than 4 pages of current profiles show up. .
sagetalk Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Yep chat is the worst. I keep mine turned off completly. When I had it on I would get weirdo messages like: x> hi SAC> hello x> my f%ck buddy is coming over later SAC> good for you x> the thing is i keep losing erection everytime we are about to do it SAC> ok x> yeah, i am on medication for depression and it is one of the side effects SAC>..... x> she is going to dump me over this, i just know it.... x> can you talk dirty to me to try and get my dick hard? SAC> *blocks user* This may be the first moment in my life where I didn't want to have the same experience women have with online dating. I can't even imagine what it must be like to get mobbed with messages, but those kind of chats would turn me off to it without a doubt .
sagetalk Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Do a search with zip code 44514 and it'll will bring you back down to reality. Less than 4 pages of current profiles show up. . If you saw the women with online profiles in my zip code, you'd get on your knees and thank God for what little you do have. Absolutely frighting! There are good looking girls where I live, they just do not use online dating. I would have to view a larger city to even see a girl that would pass the squint test and used online dating.
Maggotface Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 I too am afraid that other people will recognize me on dating sites. That's actually the reason I won't join one. I've been on OkCupid and recognized people I know and I'm from a small town too.
Serenitynow Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I too am afraid that other people will recognize me on dating sites. That's actually the reason I won't join one. I've been on OkCupid and recognized people I know and I'm from a small town too. I guarantee thats whats keeping many women off dating sites in my town. I know there are good looking women here, just not on the site. The less attractive women in my area are probably more desperate so they have no problem swallowing their pride and posting a profile. .
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