spookie Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 I see this happening to me and most of my friends. Our "spunk" all-but-disappears when we get boyfriends. Maybe it's cause we're not going out 5 days a week, so our biggest source of our humor (self-deprecation) is depleted. But I notice when I'm in a relationship, I have less of a desire, and an apparently decreased ability, to acquire and hold people's attention. I lose interest in small talk, and as a result, fail to "connect" as easily as I am able to, when I'm single. And not just with guys, but with girls. It's like my social/ conversational needs are already being met in my relationship, so why the fcvk bother? Deeper than that, I have trouble forcing myself to bother... Is this normal, or something I should be worried about?
skydiveaddict Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 It's normal you just need to find exciting guys to date. Like skydivers
carhill Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Healthy relationships invigorate me, even if my perception of 'health' is deluded. I grew more, explored more of the world and gained more friends during our ten year M than during my 20 years of being single prior. Even if stbx thinks I'm a yutz, she can't deny we had some wonderful adventures together and gained friends all over the world, many of whom I still am in contact with and visit. I've found maintaining that 'energy' level to be much more difficult going through a divorce, hence why I'm not really dating. I don't think it's fair to the ladies to get less than my best. YMMV
mortensorchid Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 You're not boring. You have to find ways to keep everything fresh, it's for yourself as well as others. We can get bored with another person and we can get bored with ourselves too. Like everything, we keep working at it.
Sabali Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 You have to treat every time you go out like it's your first date. This is a lot easier when you have two social butterflies dating than being the one butterfly dragging along the caterpillar. You can tell the people who are full of life when you first date them. They won't be taking you to the movies on that first date. They like to dance, travel, and go to a lot of social functions. The more of these elements someone is missing, the risk is much higher for boredom down the line. Personally, I love being in a room full of people. Put me in that situation and I will never be bored. You can find this situation for free in many cases too.
zengirl Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 The short answer: No. I generally get more interesting, if it's a good relationship. I see this happening to me and most of my friends. Our "spunk" all-but-disappears when we get boyfriends. Maybe it's cause we're not going out 5 days a week, so our biggest source of our humor (self-deprecation) is depleted. Ah, yeah, that stuff gets less interesting, but you can find new ways to be interesting. Generally, bored people are boring, and interested people are interesting (assuming their interests roughly overlap). I get more interesting when in a relationship because it frees up my brain a bit and I still pursue my own interests. Also, almost every fellow I've ever dated, even just short-term, has introduced me to something interesting and new. But I notice when I'm in a relationship, I have less of a desire, and an apparently decreased ability, to acquire and hold people's attention. I lose interest in small talk, and as a result, fail to "connect" as easily as I am able to, when I'm single. And not just with guys, but with girls. It's like my social/ conversational needs are already being met in my relationship, so why the fcvk bother? Deeper than that, I have trouble forcing myself to bother... Is this normal, or something I should be worried about? This suggests it's that you feel a need to connect to people when you're single (Don't know where your next communication-meal will come from) but not when you're in a relationship. I'm pretty interested in people (all people), so, no I don't get this, personally. I wouldn't "worry" about it. Even if it is normal or not normal, the only thing to worry about is. . . Do you want to change it? Are you happy as you are, or is this an area for self-improvement.
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