SamWest Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 This for me is rather odd. Im 24 and have recently developed feelings for a male frend, said male is 48. Im not entirely shure how these feelings even came about, Ive had a few bf`s all in or around my own age, oldest was 26. I felt these guys, the ones Ive dated were somewhat immature. The worst part of all is that Ive been treated quite badly in the past and a large part of me thinks that because I ama much younger female that this guy will treat me much better as I am so much younger. I guess that in itself says a lot more about my own self esteem. Im not sure what Im after really, somebody to love me really, sad as that sounds. I dont know, Im very confused, this guy has not made a move in anyway and I think based on age difference would not make a move, I dont know if I will. Any advice ?
linwood Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 At my age(43) you give me hope. Seriously though 24 years is a pretty large age difference. Personally I think if I were single anyone under thirty would be a dealbreaker for me unless she was mature as hell and we had some common foundation to allow us to communicate.
Author SamWest Posted July 31, 2010 Author Posted July 31, 2010 Well we met through a common hobby and we get on very well and speak on a daily basis. At 1st it was just a freindship and I didnt really think of him in that way, until now. Im very mature, always have been. I very much value this person as a friend and do not want to ruin that either..............
linwood Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Well we met through a common hobby and we get on very well and speak on a daily basis. At 1st it was just a freindship and I didnt really think of him in that way, until now. Im very mature, always have been. I very much value this person as a friend and do not want to ruin that either.............. In that case Sam I say give it a shot. Could be the best thing you`ve ever done.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 The question you need an answer to : " Is he attached?" If not, then you're free to engage, seduce, and indulge. No point holding yourself back since you only live once.
Author SamWest Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 Thank you for the feedback guys. He is not attached in any way shape or form. My fear would be making a fool of myself and ruining a good friendship.
motive2002 Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 The age difference is too great for anything long term in my opinion. He's got a lot of changes to his body and general health yet to come in the next 10 years or so. Meanwhile you'll be in your 30's and the guys that were treating you badly are starting to learn their own lessons about how to treat a lady. But then again stranger things have happened. If you're really that concerned about wrecking the friendship though, I would say no. Nothing complicates things more than a physical relationship when it comes to friends. I hate to admit that i speak from personal experience on this matter. Either pursue something romantic and risk making the friendship weird, or forget it and focus elsewhere. I've been in a position where I had to choose not to pursue someone I felt desirable based on the possible outcome. In the end I prided myself on having that kind of self control and common sense. I have no regrets.
bac Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 You are fortunate that you can get attracted to an older guy. Most older guys would treat you much better than younger guys. If he had some experience of having family with kids, he is going to be great for an younger girl. If you are interested in emotional connection, need to be spoiled and taken care for, an older guy with family experience is the best for that. If he has never been married by 48, I do not think that he can do a good job at emotional connection.
tami-chan Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 The age difference a bit too wide even for me, who prefers older men. HOWEVER, if you get along well, who really cares? Life is so short and fleeting...go for it!
meerkat stew Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 He's got a lot of changes to his body and general health yet to come in the next 10 years or so. Yeah, that's true about the manopause. Too bad sperm die out in a man's 40s but women keep producing viable eggs forever. SO unfair, why couldn't it just be the other way around?
Feelin Frisky Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 The question you need an answer to : " Is he attached?" If not, then you're free to engage, seduce, and indulge. No point holding yourself back since you only live once. I concur. Rock n' roll (and "stay thirsty my friends").
tami-chan Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Yeah, that's true about the manopause. Too bad sperm die out in a man's 40s but women keep producing viable eggs forever. SO unfair, why couldn't it just be the other way around? LOL ...uhm...yeah!
that girl Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Most older guys would treat you much better than younger guys. If he had some experience of having family with kids, he is going to be great for an younger girl. If you are interested in emotional connection, need to be spoiled and taken care for, an older guy with family experience is the best for that. This has not been what I have noticed at all. I do have one friend who is in her 20s and in a long term relationship with a guy in his 40s and they are happy. But in general I've found the kind of guy who is looking to date someone 15+ years younger than him is not great boyfriend material. There is a tendency to treat the younger woman like a trophy or a child rather than an equal - wants to show her off to his friends, assumes he is smarter, thinks of her as not long term relationship material, etc. That being said, the OP already knows him through an activity and likes him. There is no reason not to give it a shot, but I would be a little wary.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 This for me is rather odd. Im 24 and have recently developed feelings for a male frend, said male is 48. Im not entirely shure how these feelings even came about, Ive had a few bf`s all in or around my own age, oldest was 26. I felt these guys, the ones Ive dated were somewhat immature. The worst part of all is that Ive been treated quite badly in the past and a large part of me thinks that because I ama much younger female that this guy will treat me much better as I am so much younger. I guess that in itself says a lot more about my own self esteem. Im not sure what Im after really, somebody to love me really, sad as that sounds. I dont know, Im very confused, this guy has not made a move in anyway and I think based on age difference would not make a move, I dont know if I will. Any advice ? Thankfully this guy has not made a move yet. Once he does so you can probably write him off as someone you don't want. While it is perfectly acceptable for you to have interest in this much older guy, an older person who actively pursues younger partners usually has something amiss. Also, from your angle you should be aware that, as you say, any DISinterest he shows in you may establish him as a decent guy (instead of seeming disinterested). If you really feel strongly for him, go right ahead and make a move, and do so with confidence. (he'll like that you seem confident in yourself that way - you don't want to seem like a nervous kid for this one)
kiss_andmakeup Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Personally, 24 years is waaay past my cutoff point for age difference in a potential LTR partner (bear in mind that my boyfriend is more than 10 years my senior). If you are just considering this for a fling or a short-term thing, and you really are physically attracted to him, then go for it. If you are considering a long term relationship, I would seriously think about it. Would you be comfortable being an energetic, vibrant 50 year old with an elderly, 74-year-old husband who might not be capable of doing the things you want to do? Would you be comfortable with the possibility of being his caretaker for the majority of your 50's and 60's?
Recommended Posts