mortensorchid Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I was just thinking tonight about something, and I admit I am a bit depressed. My last serious bf was abusive and mean, he was nice enough to dump me on the plane en route to our destination. I have had a few dates here and there, none have gone anywhere. The ones that I have been excited about turned out to be either people I have never heard from again, or someone who blew me off. Some without so much as an apology. Then, a gal I know married recently. She's a drunken mess when she wants to be, I'd like to think I have more to offer the average, but they don't seem to want it. People tell me not to loose faith, that the time will somehow come, but I am loosing hope. It doesn't take a lot of effort to let someone know (either in person or online) that they are interested in getting to know them better either as friends or whatnot. I wonder why it is that no one, save for me, seems to be open enough to this possibility. But, I have decided that if a man really is interested enough in me, then he can make the first move. I don't chase guys, although I have been guilty of it in the past. They should make the first move. Does anyone else feel this way? And am I wrong in this thinking?
zengirl Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Ah, everybody feels like that at some point. We look around us and think "Why not me" -- it happens. On this: But, I have decided that if a man really is interested enough in me, then he can make the first move. I don't chase guys, although I have been guilty of it in the past. They should make the first move. Does anyone else feel this way? And am I wrong in this thinking? I used to feel that way, and I'm not saying I never met any good men, because I still did. But the men I've met since I've given myself freedom to approach someone (my God, I can talk to another human being? What insanity!) have brought up my averages of meeting better guys, in general. I think whether that happens depends upon the type of gal you are. I'm a pretty healthy gal at this point, looking for a healthy guy. No healthy guy is going to care how we met. He's not going to instantly like me just because I go up to him, and it's not going to bother him. And my people-picker isn't perfect (whose is?) but it's pretty good. So, sitting around and waiting seems a bit silly to me. If I see someone I feel like I want to get to know (really, I do this with friends too, not just dating), I say so. You can either cut through the B.S. and be happy that it chases away the people who don't do the same. Or you can not cut through the B.S. and then accept that everyone else is playing a game with you, which may or may not turn out to be healthy (Plenty of healthy relationships start with some basic "game" playing). Of course, Option 1 "No B.S." only works if you really are healthy and whole, as a person, and can deal with being alone, if that's healthier, and want to exclude anyone who's unhealthy, no matter how otherwise attractive they may be.* *I think everyone goes through a stage in their life, whether they realize it or not, where they want to change/tame someone, because it makes them feel special. What I mean by this is the phenomenon: "Oh, he was crap to his other 3 girlfriends, but he treats me well!" seems so much more interesting than, "Yeah, he's nice to everyone. We have a great relationship. What a great guy!" I understand it, because it's the same reason I feel prouder when I work with a difficult student and they do great work than when I work with awesome students and they do awesome work. I feel like I can attribute the first success more to "me". It's egoistic, and a little bit crappy, but it's human nature. When we're done feeding our own egos, or at least have looked somewhere other than our relationships to do it, I think we meet the best people.
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