Serenitynow Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I have never HATED an ex. Even when we broke up I didnt hate the person. Why am I so in the minority with this mindset ? Do people drum up hatred for their ex spouse or ex gf/bf just to make themselves feel better, and try to protect their emotions from the situation ? .
MyNameIsJane Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I have never HATED an ex. Even when we broke up I didnt hate the person. Why am I so in the minority with this mindset ? Do people drum up hatred for their ex spouse or ex gf/bf just to make themselves feel better, and try to protect their emotions from the situation ? I am with you (on MOST of my ex-bfs) However, all break-ups are different and...well, usually there is a reason for breaking up that isn't always friendly and mutual. The one bf I strongly dislike wasted a lot of my time being unfaithful and lying when he could have just broke it off with me. I hate him for that. The rest of mine I am fine with.... however, while I am fine, I know one hates me for hurting him.... So it all just depends on the scenario.
Citizen Erased Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I didn't start disliking my ex at first, our breakup was quite calm really. It was the prank calls with his drunk mates, turning up at my apartment and then buddying up to my family once he knew I had a new bf that made the dislike start coming. In other words he was still being the same immature child he was when we first "broke up" at age 15.
runner Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 because, unfortunately, many have been lied to and cheated on.
Author Serenitynow Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 I understand that, but how does hating the person help you at all ? I think I am just too mellow and dont let things like that rule my emotions.
paleblue Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 maybe you just dont take it personally, not sure. but with lots of people it doesnt get anymore personal than that.
brainygirl Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I can't speak for most people, but I am not someone who opens up to people easily. So to have opened up to someone and to have that person betray that trust is a big deal. I don't hate all my ex's. I was diappointed in one who broke up with me to date a girl I worked with how was a chronic liar - I knew she'd treat him badly and break his heart and I was right. I was mad at the guy who's response to my "I'm pregnant" was "I'll drive you to the abortion" - I didn't abort and he hasn't seen our five year old for three and a half years. My other ex - father to two other sons and the one I was actually married too, I get mad at for what he continues to do, not what he's done in the past. He makes big promises to my kids that he doesn't follow through on and his idea of visitation is sending the boys to the back room to watch TV while he spends time with his girlfriend and her kids. The OP doesn't hate his exes because he either didn't get lied to or cheated on or he never really let them get close enough that they could hurt him that way. Oh, and just wanted to add, the older I get, the harder a time I have with truly trusting people, not guys, all people. I even have trouble making friends.
Author Serenitynow Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 Well if kids are brought into the mix I totally agree. I was married and she had 3 kids prior. Their dad was a real loser, and promised them the world , just like your situation. I just dont get worked up over things I have no control over. Getting mad at an ex isnt going to change anything for me. All it does is affect me and my environment. Its kinda like beeping at someone AFTER they cut you off. It doesnt solve anything after the fact
skydiveaddict Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 It's a natural response to dislike someone who has hurt you
SilentVoice Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I personal have never been hurt by anyone to end up hating them . I guess this is why I am scared of a serious relationship that may end in me getting hurt. I really don't have to attention span to deal with hating someone who may have done me wrong .
brainygirl Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Well if kids are brought into the mix I totally agree. I was married and she had 3 kids prior. Their dad was a real loser, and promised them the world , just like your situation. I just dont get worked up over things I have no control over. Getting mad at an ex isnt going to change anything for me. All it does is affect me and my environment. Its kinda like beeping at someone AFTER they cut you off. It doesnt solve anything after the fact I try very hard to be zen about it. I know I can't control what they do when they are at his house, and that me not allowing them to see him would do far more damage than them having less than fun weekends with him. And in his defense, he takes all three even though one isn't his. But that doesn't mean I like him as a human being.
paddington bear Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 What's the phrase? There's a fine line between love and hate. If you have felt desperately passionate emotions for someone and the relationship has floundered, that love can simply do a 180 degree turn and become hatred. I've done it, was soooo in love with my the first love of my life, who was an emotionally disturbed complicated man. Instead of leaving when I should have, I clung on in until the bitter end, meaning essentially that I had forced myself to really lose all respect for this man, be at the receiving end of his abnormal take on the world, and I just began to hate him. He hurt me by not loving me and to use another cliche. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. You can be scorned within a relationship, rejected day by day, week by week. One day you will snap and start to abhor the person you once loved. It's I guess, all about the level of emotion they have sparked off in you in the first place. Personally I am suspicious of guys who are friends with all their ex's because I think that it means that the guy never truly allowed himself to feel, to engage, to fall, so that when it ends it's all just 'meh, that's fine, let's be friends'. Guess I want that rollercoaster, deeply felt love, even if it turns to hate eventually, rather than an even keel, neither party feeling much in the first place and ending up friends at the end.
Crazy Magnet Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I simply hate my exH for the person he is. It's not an all the time intense type of hatred, but whenever I have to jump through flaming hoops to get credit b/c he stole mine and now I have all those fraud warnings with the credit bureaus, I hate him a little more. When that crappy inner dialogue he left me with (the one that tells me I'm worthless) rears its ugly head, I hate him for putting it there. When I freak out over stupid things in a relationship or have un-warranted trust issues, I hate him for that too. There was no reason to do those things to me but he consciously chose to do them. I hope he lays down in a bed of fire ants one day.
Author Serenitynow Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 It's a natural response to dislike someone who has hurt you I agree with not liking them. Im not saying you have to be friends after you break up. But HATING them, as many threads on here have stated, in my opinion is a waste of energy. And theres been quite a few threads on here where the SO has done far less and the person still describes extreme hatred towards them. Could it also be fueled by not being able to accept the reality of rejection ?
Author Serenitynow Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 I hope he lays down in a bed of fire ants one day. WOW
alphamale Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I have never HATED an ex. Even when we broke up I didnt hate the person.. since i usually did the breaking up i did very little "hating". it was more a sense of relief to get away from the women
Gallaxia Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I don't know! Isn't hating an ex just another way to stay emotionally tied to the person?
Pyro Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 because they can't move on from the past? I am not a fan of my ex's who broke up with me nor am I a fan of my ex who cheated on me but hate is just a bit too much. I had hate for them when the break up still hurt, but I am past all of that.
Author Serenitynow Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 I don't know! Isn't hating an ex just another way to stay emotionally tied to the person? Thats a good point. Might be more true than we even realize ??? The mind is a crazy thing
Crazy Magnet Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 WOW Well the usual "get hit by a bus" or "mowed over by a steamroller" just doesn't get down to the level of disdain I have. I don't want him to die...I want him to suffer......muahahahahahahha I honestly think it depends on how bad the issues were in the relationship. I was dealing with a Jerry Springer episode on crack mixed with the worst Life Time Movie Network special you have ever seen. I honestly didn't even think stuff like that happened in real life. Now I see him doing it to another girl and it makes me grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. If it makes a difference I hate him a lot less these days than I did 4 years ago.
alphamale Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 If it makes a difference I hate him a lot less these days than I did 4 years ago. time heals all wounds CM
paddington bear Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I don't know! Isn't hating an ex just another way to stay emotionally tied to the person? Agreed, but...it depends on the context, if you've been really hurt after a LTR, if you still hate them a year down the line I would say that's pretty normal. However, if you don't move on, and 20 years later you still hate that person, then yes, there is something wrong. I've hated ex's, really HATED them. But with the benefit of hindsight and distance, I might mildly dislike some of the stuff they did or said. I think hate or anger is all part of the healing process, you gotta go through it to get to the acceptance point.
alphamale Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I think hate or anger is all part of the healing process, you gotta go through it to get to the acceptance point. i think thats a bunch of hooey...the passage of time is much more important in getting to acceptance
Pyro Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 i think thats a bunch of hooey...the passage of time is much more important in getting to acceptance and what do you think goes on during that passage of time? Sadness and hate for starters.
flying Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I actually wonder if I have ever really "hated" anyone...I'm not really sure what the difference is between hating someone and just being really, really mad at him/her. I've been furious with people but it's generally fairly fleeting and often replaced with sadness/remorse/whatever. I can't even really say I hated my exH, although he cheated/gaslighted me and it certainly caused me a lot of anguish and trust issues. So I certainly disliked him more consistently than I've ever disliked anyone. But although I still don't think he's a good guy, and we're not ever going to be friends, I can't really say I hate him. From time to time I still get feelings of anger that have to do with what he did, but overall I'm working on indifference. What is hate, anyway? I know that sounds dumb. Maybe I'm just asking rhetorically.
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