ConfusedPuppy Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 My last relationship was terrible. I finally got out of it and started dating again. Unfortunately I feel like I'm at a stage in my life where I am really ready for a new, good relationship. This said, I'm still feeling picky! I've been dating from a dating website, and enjoying the experience but no real chemistry... Then I go out with my friend, expecting a normal cool night....and her brother is there (who I have never met before). We end up hitting it off really really well. We had tons in common, our lifestyles, goals, dreams, interests, passions etc....It was amazing and I literally just feel for him there and then. We ended up spending the rest of the evening together having a laugh....Which then ended up back at mine (which I am seriously regretting). We have texted a bit, not really particularly flirty...but I basically came out and said that I had a good time and would like to see him again. Which he responded to positively, said he was very busy at the moment but definitely soon (a brush off maybe?). Anyway, we kept texting until last night...just banter...until he said he was going to a party so I wished him fun and we left it there. Now I'm feeling a bit like a mental school girl with a super crush. I'm obsessing over the fact he hasn't text me today (I really hate technology, grr). And I'm worrying that I ruined it all by sleeping with him on a not even date and he probably thinks I'm easy (I literally NEVER do stuff like that). But I really like him, I'm willing to let it go and be cool about it (especially because he's my friends brother) if he's not interested. But I can't help the fact I feel so excited at having met someone amazing but also so scared at the same time in case we're not on the same wavelength at all. I'm busy, I'm working, I have lots of plans, hobbies etc. Really trying to keep myself busy....but I can't keep my mind off him. And I really don't want to do anything else stupid to scare him off since I think I've done enough already (1. sleeping with him. 2. telling him I wanted to see him again). How do I retain my sanity? The fact that he said he definitely wants to see me again but is really busy 'right now'....is that a brush off or am I just being crazy and reading too much into it? Help.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 anything else stupid to scare him off since I think I've done enough already (1. sleeping with him. 2. telling him I wanted to see him again). How do I retain my sanity? The fact that he said he definitely wants to see me again but is really busy 'right now'....is that a brush off or am I just being crazy and reading too much into it? Help. This one might be toast. I can't tell you how to keep your sanity. He might be assuming you were using him to get past your last relationship. Either way... bad move. Even if it does turn into a relationship that may come back to haunt you. I'd just go about my day and wait for him to contact you. I would not recommend reaching out to him for a while unless he contacts you first.
phineas Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 How does your friend feel about you sleeping with her brother the first time you met him? That's gotta be awkward.
crimsonmike Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Right or wrong, some guys are gonna write you off is you sleep with them real fast. It may not be fair, but it's true. If you talk to him again, you might bring up that you never do that.
Author ConfusedPuppy Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 Thanks.... Yeah. I'm just gonna be cool, and accept that I may have spoiled it already (go me!). Obviously...my friend doesn't know. I don't really think she needs to... She was kind of encouraging us to hang out all evening though, so I think she approved of the union..just probably not to that extent. I did bring it up that I never do that...I made it pretty clear because I was actually a little shocked by my own actions!
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Thanks.... Yeah. I'm just gonna be cool, and accept that I may have spoiled it already (go me!). Obviously...my friend doesn't know. I don't really think she needs to... She was kind of encouraging us to hang out all evening though, so I think she approved of the union..just probably not to that extent. I did bring it up that I never do that...I made it pretty clear because I was actually a little shocked by my own actions! Hey... DO NOT be too hard on yourself here. You are just rebounding, and your not alone in that. If anyone can give you the inside track on this guy... it's the sister. I would be honest with her and tell her that your interested in him. She might be willing to help set you up with him long term.
Author ConfusedPuppy Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 I'm not rebounding! I swear. I've been dating for a while and was feeling very calm and collected about the process. Meeting guys, getting to know them, liking some quite a lot but recognising reasons why it wouldn't etc. Super cool! And then this guy comes along and BAM. If love at first sight exists...then it would be like this...but probably mutual. :< His sister knows...but I don't really feel like her getting involved would be appropriate or fair on him really. If he likes me...he likes me. If he doesn't...no amount of girly intervention will change it. Especially pressure from another source! I don't think. Wow, I'm starting to sound logical again!
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 I'm not rebounding! I swear. I've been dating for a while and was feeling very calm and collected about the process. Meeting guys, getting to know them, liking some quite a lot but recognising reasons why it wouldn't etc. Super cool! And then this guy comes along and BAM. If love at first sight exists...then it would be like this...but probably mutual. :< His sister knows...but I don't really feel like her getting involved would be appropriate or fair on him really. If he likes me...he likes me. If he doesn't...no amount of girly intervention will change it. Especially pressure from another source! I don't think. Wow, I'm starting to sound logical again! Guh... NO love at first sight does not exist. However, falling in love with an imaginary person you lust after at first sight does. You don't know this guy... he could be great... or he could be a serial killer in his spare time. I wasn't referencing intervention so much as info sharing between you and the sister.
spookie Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 No point in stressing. Either it's a blow off, or it isn't. Time is the only thing that will tell. I slept with my bf too fast for me, too - between our first and second dates. I really freaked out that he'd write me off after that. He didn't.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 No point in stressing. Either it's a blow off, or it isn't. Time is the only thing that will tell. I slept with my bf too fast for me, too - between our first and second dates. I really freaked out that he'd write me off after that. He didn't. Wait... don't you always do that? I thought you were the queen of first date throwdowns? Eventually one of them had to stick. Maybe I have you confused with someone else...
Phateless Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 My last relationship was terrible. I finally got out of it and started dating again. Unfortunately I feel like I'm at a stage in my life where I am really ready for a new, good relationship. This said, I'm still feeling picky! I've been dating from a dating website, and enjoying the experience but no real chemistry... Then I go out with my friend, expecting a normal cool night....and her brother is there (who I have never met before). We end up hitting it off really really well. We had tons in common, our lifestyles, goals, dreams, interests, passions etc....It was amazing and I literally just feel for him there and then. We ended up spending the rest of the evening together having a laugh....Which then ended up back at mine (which I am seriously regretting). We have texted a bit, not really particularly flirty...but I basically came out and said that I had a good time and would like to see him again. Which he responded to positively, said he was very busy at the moment but definitely soon (a brush off maybe?). Anyway, we kept texting until last night...just banter...until he said he was going to a party so I wished him fun and we left it there. Now I'm feeling a bit like a mental school girl with a super crush. I'm obsessing over the fact he hasn't text me today (I really hate technology, grr). And I'm worrying that I ruined it all by sleeping with him on a not even date and he probably thinks I'm easy (I literally NEVER do stuff like that). But I really like him, I'm willing to let it go and be cool about it (especially because he's my friends brother) if he's not interested. But I can't help the fact I feel so excited at having met someone amazing but also so scared at the same time in case we're not on the same wavelength at all. I'm busy, I'm working, I have lots of plans, hobbies etc. Really trying to keep myself busy....but I can't keep my mind off him. And I really don't want to do anything else stupid to scare him off since I think I've done enough already (1. sleeping with him. 2. telling him I wanted to see him again). How do I retain my sanity? The fact that he said he definitely wants to see me again but is really busy 'right now'....is that a brush off or am I just being crazy and reading too much into it? Help. Chill out for now, I don't think you've screwed anything up at all. Truth be told he's given you no reason to think he's going to disappear, so just settle down for now. You don't know anything, so stop assuming things. No point in stressing. Either it's a blow off, or it isn't. Time is the only thing that will tell. I slept with my bf too fast for me, too - between our first and second dates. I really freaked out that he'd write me off after that. He didn't. Yup, this is exactly right.
Author ConfusedPuppy Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 Thank you. The variety of replies has helped a little calm my nerves and clear my head! I'm trying to think calmly and that basically...he's my friends brother...I can just be cool and get to know him slowly and over time...and if it's right then it is...and if not then not.... HOWEVER....I can't stop thinking about him. It's driving me a bit nutty still and there's part of me that's thinking...that if he was interested...he would be in contact...therefore he's obviously not and I'm pretty gutted about that. In my experience, I've never dated a guy with whom it wasn't very obvious that he was into me. It always seems like they if they want you...they will hunt you down. And if they don't....they don't always make it clear that they don't. There's also a part of me that wants to text him just to say something funny, or ask him if he wants to do something...then the other part that keeps reminding me that it won't achieve anything. If he wanted to do something....he would of asked already. It's not like he's shy or he doesn't know I like him. :'(
Phateless Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Thank you. The variety of replies has helped a little calm my nerves and clear my head! I'm trying to think calmly and that basically...he's my friends brother...I can just be cool and get to know him slowly and over time...and if it's right then it is...and if not then not.... HOWEVER....I can't stop thinking about him. It's driving me a bit nutty still and there's part of me that's thinking...that if he was interested...he would be in contact...therefore he's obviously not and I'm pretty gutted about that. In my experience, I've never dated a guy with whom it wasn't very obvious that he was into me. It always seems like they if they want you...they will hunt you down. And if they don't....they don't always make it clear that they don't. There's also a part of me that wants to text him just to say something funny, or ask him if he wants to do something...then the other part that keeps reminding me that it won't achieve anything. If he wanted to do something....he would of asked already. It's not like he's shy or he doesn't know I like him. :'( Maybe he's just playing it cool because he doesn't want to screw this up? Do you have any idea how much pressure guys are under not to act too clingy for fear of driving you away? I live in constant anxiety about that.
SadandConfusedWA Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Phateless, any chance of you posting a picture of yourself in an avatar or your profile? I am really curious what you look like
Phateless Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Phateless, any chance of you posting a picture of yourself in an avatar or your profile? I am really curious what you look like I'll PM you.
Author ConfusedPuppy Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 I really doubt it's that. I made it clear (in a fairly cool way) that I was interested and to get in touch if he wanted to hang out. Which he hasn't. He has been single for 3 years though...(which seems odd since he is literally amazing). But he says he loves being single. I think his last relationship was fairly traumatic...so he's more scared of getting involved in the first place than he is of screwing it up. I REALLY want to text him. Just something chatty and funny. But I keep having to remind myself if he wanted to talk to me...he would. I'm also a bit worried that maybe he met someone better at that party...because I basically haven't heard from him since then.
Phateless Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I really doubt it's that. I made it clear (in a fairly cool way) that I was interested and to get in touch if he wanted to hang out. Which he hasn't. He has been single for 3 years though...(which seems odd since he is literally amazing). But he says he loves being single. I think his last relationship was fairly traumatic...so he's more scared of getting involved in the first place than he is of screwing it up. I REALLY want to text him. Just something chatty and funny. But I keep having to remind myself if he wanted to talk to me...he would. I'm also a bit worried that maybe he met someone better at that party...because I basically haven't heard from him since then. Chill, if he's been single for 3 years he's in no rush to get back into a relationship. He might want only hookups, or maybe he's just gun-shy of commitment again. Either way, if you don't hear from him in 3 days, send him a text to say hello and invite him to coffee. What do you have to lose??
Author ConfusedPuppy Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 Hrmmmm......I text him and he text me straight back.......
Phateless Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Hrmmmm......I text him and he text me straight back....... That's a good sign. Let me know if you need any witty responses or clever banter; I'm pretty good at that.
Author ConfusedPuppy Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 I'm good at witty banter! I opened with a joke (not a cheesy joke). His reply was a sort of "Hey you...how are you?" Bit about how much of a mental week he's had etc. "Hey you" - Is that a good sign? God. Why am I reading so much into EVERYTHING.
Phateless Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I'm good at witty banter! I opened with a joke (not a cheesy joke). His reply was a sort of "Hey you...how are you?" Bit about how much of a mental week he's had etc. "Hey you" - Is that a good sign? God. Why am I reading so much into EVERYTHING. LOL, you're cute. Yes, "Hey you..." is a good sign. What did you open with, I love witty banter too. Sounds like you know what to do now that you're texting him. If he's anything like I was when I had been single for 1.5 years, I thought I would stay single forever, but really I was just afraid to get back into a relationship. Basically, I wasn't about to initiate much towards an ongoing thing, but if a girl texted me and wanted to hang out I would totally hang out with her. Like I said, you really don't know which direction this thing is headed. The fact that he's been single for that long is good because he might be ready for a relationship again. Just relax and go with the flow. Over time you'll figure out if he just wants sex or if he's open to something more. As it becomes more clear, you can decide whether you want to stay involved.
Author ConfusedPuppy Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 It's a long story to explain the joke! But basically it was observational humour about something we both witnessed the other day. I guess the problem is....is he hasn't really bitten on the 'hanging out' part. I'm good in person! He says yes, definitely to hanging out....but actually saying when we could do that seems to be a bit of an issue.
Phateless Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 It's a long story to explain the joke! But basically it was observational humour about something we both witnessed the other day. I guess the problem is....is he hasn't really bitten on the 'hanging out' part. I'm good in person! He says yes, definitely to hanging out....but actually saying when we could do that seems to be a bit of an issue. Mmm... if he's being flaky, then invite him to something specific. If he declines and doesn't propose an alternative, leave it up to him to ask you next time. If he doesn't do that, then you have your answer...
Author ConfusedPuppy Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 Yeaaaaah....I don't think I'm ready for that rejection yet! I think I will just bide my time a little bit longer. If he's not into me....I'm not sure I want to know yet. I don't want to force him to think about whether or not he's into me yet either (if he doesn't know). I just want him to get to know me a bit. If I'm patient then social events should mean we get to meet now and again. Just not for agessss. And I'm really impatient! Argh! But less pressure on social events. HRM. Thanks for listening to my ramblings! Haha.
Phateless Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Yeaaaaah....I don't think I'm ready for that rejection yet! I think I will just bide my time a little bit longer. If he's not into me....I'm not sure I want to know yet. I don't want to force him to think about whether or not he's into me yet either (if he doesn't know). I just want him to get to know me a bit. If I'm patient then social events should mean we get to meet now and again. Just not for agessss. And I'm really impatient! Argh! But less pressure on social events. HRM. Thanks for listening to my ramblings! Haha. lol, I hear you. Sounds like you've got your head in the right place. At least you guys were texting a little, you can build some comfort that way.
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