Author Serenitynow Posted July 24, 2010 Author Posted July 24, 2010 I'm going to be nitpicky about one thing: instead of mentioning the music you don't like, speak about the music you do like. Constructive criticism is welcomed
zengirl Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 You own your own home is the VERY FIRST words in your profile... no wonder you are getting no hits.. Whether or not you even own a home doesn't belong in your profile period.. You are labeling yourself materialistic and they haven't even read anything else. Somebody on LS help this guy tune up his profile.. and use a pay site... I don't think pay sites are always the best. My favorite in my age range (20s) is OKCupid. Paid sites are better for older folks (OP, this would include you, so in that way I agree with the quote here). I don't know anyone who uses POF, so that site may be the issue. But I agree 100% on the own home thing. That's horrid. In my list almost wrote a mock message, based on messages I've gotten, about guys writing me about their careers/their homes. Materialistic much? If I say I want a guy who "Stands on his own two feet" (I'd never write that anyway), I'd mean, I want a guy who has his life together and is pursuing a life he enjoys. Home ownership has nothing to do with that. Your profile says absolutely nothing interesting about you. It's all too much who you want to date. My suggestions: FIRST Pick 5 qualities you see in yourself that are your best. THEN Write 1 short, effective sentence for each one that doesn't use the word of that quality. FIRST Find 5 really unique interests (i.e. not Music, but a particular band/style of music, not Traveling, but traveling where). THEN Write 1 short, effective sentence for each one. Continue to build around this with a profile that is unique to you. Stay away from "what you want" and focus more on "who you are." I'm not saying you can never write what you want in a profile, but you haven't done it well, and you've done far too much of it. One line in an appropriate place (I don't see one here, but say on OKCupid's "Message me if..." portion) that is witty and fun can be okay. Tell a story in your profile if you can.
USMCHokie Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 "I'm not here looking for a quick fling or hookup. I'd like to find someone that I can have a good relationship with." Nix that...the intent section already says that you're looking for a relationship...but when you add it again to your profile, it just seems a bit ingenuine...I don't know how to explain it, but in my opinion, it need not be mentioned in the profile... Also, your profile seems to be a very random collection of sentences covering a broad range of topics. Try elaborating more on one or two elements or interests. For example, if you like outdoor activities, talk more about a particular outdoor activity you really enjoy or a funny story about some outdoor adventure you had. Try not to just write a bunch of random things about whatever pops into your head. You don't need to reveal everything in your profile. Give the girl something to ask about!! Bottom line: Less breadth, more detail.
Author Serenitynow Posted July 24, 2010 Author Posted July 24, 2010 I checked out OK cupid, its the same women on POF in my area. They are date site junkies, they have profiles on all the popular sites.
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Personally, I'd be able to help you more if I saw an example of a message you might send a woman, rather than your profile (I completely understand if you don't want to share that though). I was on OkCupid for a couple of months and met my current boyfriend on there. I have never used POF but I highly recommend OkCupid. It's also free. I personally don't believe pay-sites could possibly be that much better...but I'm not speaking from experience. Your profile looks okay, but nothing really interesting jumps out at me. I agree that it would be better to take out any negatives (such as the music you dislike, or how you don't want a woman who sits around waiting for mr. right) and replace them with positives.
Sabali Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Theres actually more women with pics of themselves standing in front of vehicles, or laying on them, than guys doing the same on this site. I also see TONS of women posting pics of their pets on their profile. I would love to understand what that has to do with dating. If you're going to call yourself putting your best foot forward on a dating site, you can't upload the cellphone pics in your T-shirt, man. You have to put some nice professional looking pics on there that brings out your best features. Show some pics with you out having a good time but not like you just raided a liquor store. You don't want to look like you just hang out at home. Any vacation pics? I would avoid the opening line about the home as well. Just doesn't sound right. Putting pets in pics shows that you can love and care for something besides yourself. If you have a dog, you should take a nice pic with it and upload it. It's attractive. I can't walk my dogs up the street without women harassing them.
USMCHokie Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 OKCupid is my favorite site and the one I've had the most success with...but the DC area is a hotspot for online dating...so I lucked out in that regard...
Kamille Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 The home thing put another way: Is the kind of woman you want to attract really the kind who would need to know, based on the profile, that whoever she's responding to owns a home?
shadowplay Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Your profile focuses too much on the negative (what you don't like), which makes you sound judgmental and insecure. "Dont think I'm going to get the hint by seeing you viewed my profile. I like a woman that has confidence, and doesnt just sit there hoping Mr. Right comes knocking" If I was browsing and read this, I'd immediately close yourprofile. Even this is more subtly negative: "I'm attracted to a woman that has a strong personality. One that speaks her mind, and isnt afraid to voice her opinion." You sound judgmental again about women who don't speak their minds. Even if you don't want this (which is perfectly fine), I wouldn't focus on it in your profile. Instead say something merely positive like "I'm attracted to confidence." This sounds insecure: "I enjoy lots of outdoor activities, not a couch potato at all." Why mention the couch potato thing? Isn't that obvious from the first line. You're trying to hard. Also, your profile is a bit bland. I don't get a sense of who you are as a person, what makes you unique and interesting. A lot of the things in your profile sound rather vague and generic.
Art_Critic Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Constructive criticism is welcomed Come on dude.. I give it to you more than constructive.. I gave you the biggest reason you have emailed 100 women with no replies and you call me names, Clarabelle.. I would also think since you have a 0-100 record that the words you are using in your first contact are off.. maybe templated.. You should always pick something in a woman's profile to key on in your email so they know you read their profile and are not just hitting them up off their pictures.. and make a woman laugh and she is yours... use humor and they will come a flocking.. Some women make it tough to throw humor their way but finding a cute way to make them laugh off something they wrote in their profile is a sure hit.
shadowplay Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 This also oozes insecurity, especially as the first line: "I own my home."
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Hmmm, the jury is still out on this one...FTW...? It would work fore sure if he photoshopped in some abs!
Author Serenitynow Posted July 24, 2010 Author Posted July 24, 2010 you can't upload the cellphone pics in your T-shirt, man. You have to put some nice professional looking pics on there that brings out your best features. Show some pics with you out having a good time but not like you just raided a liquor store. You don't want to look like you just hang out at home. Any vacation pics? Those arent cell phones pix. They were taken with an expensive camera. The site loves to jack up the quality when you upload them. I dont know, or have ever known any guys that take cameras with them to take pictures of each other when you are out doing stuff together.
zengirl Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 I checked out OK cupid, its the same women on POF in my area. They are date site junkies, they have profiles on all the popular sites. Well, I can't imagine it is, but I don't know what folks in Ohio do. It would also take a long time to go through OKCupid, I'd think! I mean, how can you see everybody there in 5 minutes? But, as I said, I think it skews younger (as in mid-twenties), personally. I think for a 39 year old male, a paid site would potentially be best.
Author Serenitynow Posted July 24, 2010 Author Posted July 24, 2010 You should always pick something in a woman's profile to key on in your email so they know you read their profile and are not just hitting them up off their pictures.. I always mention a lot of detail from their profile. I'm not a typical moron guy that does that. Although I thinking I should quit my job and just spam the same message to all the women. Seems like that gets better results from what I see on here.
USMCHokie Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 But, as I said, I think it skews younger (as in mid-twenties), personally. I think for a 39 year old male, a paid site would potentially be best. +1,000,000. Paid sites will be populated with more of the women that you are looking for...women who want serious relationships that could potentially lead to marriage... The free sites will have a lot more women who are just doing it "for fun", out of curiousity, or are more into casual dating...
zengirl Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Well, your attitude is a bit toxic to it at this point, so I'd advise cooling it off if you're unable to imagine a better future with it. I wanted to add: I also see TONS of women posting pics of their pets on their profile. I would love to understand what that has to do with dating. People who have pets love their pets! That's an interest, and they're showing it in a photograph. While I have one plain photo just to see what I look like for the first photo, the rest all show me out and about doing something with friends -- traveling, something related to interests, etc. I think you can use photos to show your personality too. Even without reading my profile (which I hope men do!), I think you can get a sense of me from the pictures and captions I throw up.
USMCHokie Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 It would work fore sure if he photoshopped in some abs! But seriously though, would it...? It seems to be kind of split...and the women of LS (from previous threads on the topic) seem to be strongly against it...
Author Serenitynow Posted July 24, 2010 Author Posted July 24, 2010 Well, I can't imagine it is, but I don't know what folks in Ohio do. It would also take a long time to go through OKCupid, I'd think! I mean, how can you see everybody there in 5 minutes? But, as I said, I think it skews younger (as in mid-twenties), personally. I think for a 39 year old male, a paid site would potentially be best. Because I already checked it out last month. I know it hard to beleive, because everyone keeps telling me the same thing. But this area has the SAME women on different sites, match, yahoo, POF, OKcupid, etc.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 But seriously though, would it...? It seems to be kind of split...and the women of LS (from previous threads on the topic) seem to be strongly against it... Yea, I agree with that assessment. I can't speak for all women, but when I see shirtless pics or pics of abs or whatever in profiles for men of any kind, I immediately roll my eyes and think about how shallow and obsessed with looks this guy must be. I also think he's conceited and obsessed with himself and his own body. This includes when I surf other places like facebook and my space. It's the impression I get immediately.
USMCHokie Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Yea, I agree with that assessment. I can't speak for all women, but when I see shirtless pics or pics of abs or whatever in profiles for men of any kind, I immediately roll my eyes and think about how shallow and obsessed with looks this guy must be. I also think he's conceited and obsessed with himself and his own body. This includes when I surf other places like facebook and my space. It's the impression I get immediately. Or LS avatars...
Author Serenitynow Posted July 24, 2010 Author Posted July 24, 2010 People who have pets love their pets! That's an interest, and they're showing it in a photograph. I understand it shows interest. But that does NOTHING to help me decide if I'm going to date her. Only mature, well rounded people have pets ? Thats the same exact thing as me posting a pic of my drag car. And women would turn their nose up at me if I did it. But if they show an interest of theirs, than its ok.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 I understand it shows interest. But that does NOTHING to help me decide if I'm going to date her. Only mature, well rounded people have pets ? Thats the same exact thing as me posting a pic of my drag car. And women would turn their nose up at me if I did it. But if they show an interest of theirs, than its ok. Why are you so obsessed with fairness between the genders? Honestly, this is going to hinder you from getting intimate with women. Relationships are partnerships, not battles. When posting in gender war threads on here, I always appreciate my boyfriend more because we don't have gender wars with one another. We know we're a team and on the same team. We never have fights about who of the two of us suffers more or whatever. We sympathize with one another. Anyway . . . . . Showing a picture of either your drag car or someone's pet does tell you something about the person. It shows what's important to the person. I think the reason that a woman would be upset about a picture of that is because she doesn't want a guy who's into those kinds of things and when a guy posts a picture of it, he seems obsessed with that hobby. A woman who liked that stuff on the other hand would probably love your picture. @USMCHokie: XD Oh crap. I didn't mean it like that, lol. I dug myself into a hole accidently insulting you.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 But seriously though, would it...? It seems to be kind of split...and the women of LS (from previous threads on the topic) seem to be strongly against it... One of the dating websites did an informal study on it. It is one of the best photos you can put up as a guy. If you have one at the beach or doing something other than standing in a bathroom taking a pic of yourself in the mirror... Instant win! Women who say they don't like them... actually do. Actually... it gets a similar increased response rate as cleavage shots for women. When you see a photo with nice cleavage... do you think... Ugh... not again... how immature... I would never date a girl like that? Nope... me either.
USMCHokie Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 I understand it shows interest. But that does NOTHING to help me decide if I'm going to date her. Only mature, well rounded people have pets ? Thats the same exact thing as me posting a pic of my drag car. And women would turn their nose up at me if I did it. But if they show an interest of theirs, than its ok. And here's the thing you have to remember...you're selling yourself to other women, not to yourself...so you have to keep in mind their perceptions when they view your profile...your own thoughts are kind of irrelevant...you may see your dragster picture as a representation of your interests, but a woman may see it as you posing in front of your material possessions...it's what women think about your profile that matters...
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