simpleone Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 I'm an 18 year old female [soon to be 19]. There's this man who's an acquaintance of mine. I see him every now and then. I'm not sure of his age but, I'm guessing that he's somewhere in his mid to late 30's. He's married and I am not after him but, sometimes he confuses me and makes me think that he might be interested in me even though we don't even know each other's names. This is a list of the things he does. He's always nice to me.He tends to look at me a lot and tries to hold eye contact with me when I look at him.He turns to look at me when I walk past him.When he sees me he always tries to make small talk.When we talk he usually tries to make the conversation about me.He seemed to make an excuse to touch my hand and kind of held it for a bit. [He did this twice already]He has asked for my contact information [such as my email address and I think he tried to ask for my number once] before.One day he saw me from a distance and whispered oooh as he looked at me.He faces seems to light up when he sees me.He sometimes tries to make me smile or laugh.He hadn't seen me for a while, and when he finally did he mentioned that he's noticed how he hasn't seen me too often lately.My most recent encounter with him, involved him making eye contact with me longer than anyone else normally would.So is this guy just being friendly or could he be interested in me? What do you think his intentions are? If you feel like you need some more details about the situation just let me know. I was trying to make this post as short as I could. Thanks
stace79 Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 I would say he seems "creepy" -- he doesn't know your name yet tries to hold your hand? Stares at you trying to hold your gaze? That's just plain odd. Not to mention the fact that he is married? I'd say keep a wiiiiiide berth from this man.
crimsonmike Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 While some people, like myself, are naturally more flirty than a lot of people, the uncomfortable eye contact and holding your hand def. signals interest.
Author simpleone Posted July 22, 2010 Author Posted July 22, 2010 While some people, like myself, are naturally more flirty than a lot of people, the uncomfortable eye contact and holding your hand def. signals interest. Yeah. He reached for my hand as if we were going to shake hands and next thing I know he just squeezes my hand lightly and holds it a bit longer than neccessary.
Author simpleone Posted July 22, 2010 Author Posted July 22, 2010 I would say he seems "creepy" -- he doesn't know your name yet tries to hold your hand? Stares at you trying to hold your gaze? That's just plain odd. Not to mention the fact that he is married? I'd say keep a wiiiiiide berth from this man. Thanks for your opinion and for your advice.
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Of course he's interested. In sex. If he was interested in you as a person, he'd make conversation and get to know you in a friendly way before coming on to you knowing little or nothing about you. If you are wanting or expecting more than sex at his convenience, then you may want to look elsewhere.
Author simpleone Posted July 25, 2010 Author Posted July 25, 2010 Of course he's interested. In sex. If he was interested in you as a person, he'd make conversation and get to know you in a friendly way before coming on to you knowing little or nothing about you. If you are wanting or expecting more than sex at his convenience, then you may want to look elsewhere. Good point. Thanks for your opinion and advice. It makes sense to me.
sugarmomma Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 You should be offended when a married man comes on to you. He sounds like a creep looking for sex. Tell him to go home to his wife and look at her. Please save yourself a lot of trouble and stay away from married men. They want affairs/sex, not divorces.
Author simpleone Posted July 25, 2010 Author Posted July 25, 2010 You should be offended when a married man comes on to you. He sounds like a creep looking for sex. Tell him to go home to his wife and look at her. Please save yourself a lot of trouble and stay away from married men. They want affairs/sex, not divorces. Thanks for the opinion and advice.
flowerlove Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Girl, it sounds to me like this man is interested in you. In my opinion there are multiple signs of interest on that list of yours. The extended eye contact, the small talk though that can be just friendly too, the excuses to touch your hand, the fact that he wanted some type of way to contact you...and so on and so forth. I don't think a guy that barely knows you would want a way to contact you if he wasn't interested. If you ask me, I'd say he's interested in having an affair with you honey.
Author simpleone Posted August 6, 2010 Author Posted August 6, 2010 Girl, it sounds to me like this man is interested in you. In my opinion there are multiple signs of interest on that list of yours. The extended eye contact, the small talk though that can be just friendly too, the excuses to touch your hand, the fact that he wanted some type of way to contact you...and so on and so forth. I don't think a guy that barely knows you would want a way to contact you if he wasn't interested. If you ask me, I'd say he's interested in having an affair with you honey. Thanks for sharing your opinion. Wow, you think he wants to take it as far as having an affair?
ConflictedGuy27 Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 of course he's interested; moreover, you love the attention. I can tell.
O'Malley Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 (edited) Wow, you think he wants to take it as far as having an affair? How are you acquainted with this individual? Do you actually have to deal with him (at your job, where he is either a customer or coworker)? Good intentioned married men that are significantly older than an 18 year old would not be acting this way unless they were hoping to score. You can be sure this isn't his first rodeo. You will have to give him a clear message. Should he again ask for your contact information, tell him that you have no interest in giving that to him. Ask him how his wife is doing. And if he touches your hand, tell him to stop or pull your hand immediately away and give him a very deliberate 'gross' look. Loudly saying 'eww' would fit this situation immensely. Because he is behaving towards you in a disgusting way -- he's figuring that you're the kind of girl that would screw a 30ish married twerp. Don't eat up his bullcrap. Edited August 6, 2010 by O'Malley
carhill Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Hi and welcome to LS When the young men you've dated have approached you, how would you characterize their behavior? IME, as an older married man, as one anecdote, save for the hand-holding part, such behaviors by myself would indicate that I acknowledge my attraction and would seek to set boundaries for it. IMO, asking for personal contact information is inappropriate. I might share my own, *if* there were common interests (not related to interpersonal dynamics) that indicated further contact would be desired. Older married people of both genders may appear more casual and flirtatious and this is generally due to their perception of little consequences to any reaction. IOW, they've 'got' theirs at home so it doesn't matter what happens here. Married women have done the same to me for decades. Whether they find me attractive or they find the ego stroke my response to them attractive really is immaterial to the health of the dynamic. You will experience this a lot in life. Get used to it. Define your boundaries for *your* health. Enforce them. Good luck
ConflictedGuy27 Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 How are you acquainted with this individual? Do you actually have to deal with him (at your job, where he is either a customer or coworker)? Good intentioned married men that are significantly older than an 18 year old would not be acting this way unless they were hoping to score. You can be sure this isn't his first rodeo. You will have to give him a clear message. Should he again ask for your contact information, tell him that you have no interest in giving that to him. Ask him how his wife is doing. And if he touches your hand, tell him to stop or pull your hand immediately away and give him a very deliberate 'gross' look. Loudly saying 'eww' would fit this situation immensely. Because he is behaving towards you in a disgusting way -- he's figuring that you're the kind of girl that would screw a 30ish married twerp. Don't eat up his bullcrap. bingo. and since you haven't stopped ANY of it so far, you're telegraphing back that you LIKE it. shut it down, professionally.
flowerlove Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Thanks for sharing your opinion. Wow, you think he wants to take it as far as having an affair? Yes. I think so...but that's just my opinion.
Author simpleone Posted August 6, 2010 Author Posted August 6, 2010 How are you acquainted with this individual? Do you actually have to deal with him (at your job, where he is either a customer or coworker)? Good intentioned married men that are significantly older than an 18 year old would not be acting this way unless they were hoping to score. You can be sure this isn't his first rodeo. You will have to give him a clear message. Should he again ask for your contact information, tell him that you have no interest in giving that to him. Ask him how his wife is doing. And if he touches your hand, tell him to stop or pull your hand immediately away and give him a very deliberate 'gross' look. Loudly saying 'eww' would fit this situation immensely. Because he is behaving towards you in a disgusting way -- he's figuring that you're the kind of girl that would screw a 30ish married twerp. Don't eat up his bullcrap. No, I don't work with him. He lives in the same apartment building as I do. Thanks for your advice. It really helps.
Author simpleone Posted August 6, 2010 Author Posted August 6, 2010 Hi and welcome to LS When the young men you've dated have approached you, how would you characterize their behavior? IME, as an older married man, as one anecdote, save for the hand-holding part, such behaviors by myself would indicate that I acknowledge my attraction and would seek to set boundaries for it. IMO, asking for personal contact information is inappropriate. I might share my own, *if* there were common interests (not related to interpersonal dynamics) that indicated further contact would be desired. Older married people of both genders may appear more casual and flirtatious and this is generally due to their perception of little consequences to any reaction. IOW, they've 'got' theirs at home so it doesn't matter what happens here. Married women have done the same to me for decades. Whether they find me attractive or they find the ego stroke my response to them attractive really is immaterial to the health of the dynamic. You will experience this a lot in life. Get used to it. Define your boundaries for *your* health. Enforce them. Good luck Thank you
EasyHeart Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 It sounds to me like he has a little crush on you. It's perfectly normal and healthy, unless he crosses the line to propositioning you. Men flirt for the same reason that women do -- sometimes we just like to know that women find us attractive. It doesn't sound like you find his attention "creepy", so I say enjoy it and flirt back with him if you want to.
Author simpleone Posted August 6, 2010 Author Posted August 6, 2010 bingo. and since you haven't stopped ANY of it so far, you're telegraphing back that you LIKE it. shut it down, professionally. The reason I haven't stopped this is because I wasn't sure if he was just being friendly or not. I mean, some people are really friendly and I didn't want to jump to conclusions from the beginning and just assume that he was interested in me because he was being nice. Do you really think I've been encouraging him?
O'Malley Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 (edited) No; some people just take a passive response to their flirtation as a sign of encouragement. And as Carhill stated, some married people just flirt socially, without any further intent. But asking for your contact information is obviously crossing a line. Just make it clear, either by words or behavior, that you're not interested next time he bugs you. Edited August 6, 2010 by O'Malley
Feelin Frisky Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 I'm an 18 year old female [soon to be 19]. There's this man who's an acquaintance of mine. I see him every now and then. I'm not sure of his age but, I'm guessing that he's somewhere in his mid to late 30's. He's married and I am not after him but, sometimes he confuses me and makes me think that he might be interested in me even though we don't even know each other's names. This is a list of the things he does. He's always nice to me.He tends to look at me a lot and tries to hold eye contact with me when I look at him.He turns to look at me when I walk past him.When he sees me he always tries to make small talk.When we talk he usually tries to make the conversation about me.He seemed to make an excuse to touch my hand and kind of held it for a bit. [He did this twice already]He has asked for my contact information [such as my email address and I think he tried to ask for my number once] before.One day he saw me from a distance and whispered oooh as he looked at me.He faces seems to light up when he sees me.He sometimes tries to make me smile or laugh.He hadn't seen me for a while, and when he finally did he mentioned that he's noticed how he hasn't seen me too often lately.My most recent encounter with him, involved him making eye contact with me longer than anyone else normally would.So is this guy just being friendly or could he be interested in me? What do you think his intentions are? If you feel like you need some more details about the situation just let me know. I was trying to make this post as short as I could. Thanks Honey, he wants to rob your cradle. No two ways about it. It may be an ego booster to you to have him project his attraction. But he's married and you might consider that you don't need that kind of complication. At 18 almost 19, you're just coming out into a great big wondrous world. It sounds like you have the goods to attract many a man, so why not just continue your education and give yourself a chance to get known and know others who may not have baggage?
Author simpleone Posted August 6, 2010 Author Posted August 6, 2010 Honey, he wants to rob your cradle. No two ways about it. It may be an ego booster to you to have him project his attraction. But he's married and you might consider that you don't need that kind of complication. At 18 almost 19, you're just coming out into a great big wondrous world. It sounds like you have the goods to attract many a man, so why not just continue your education and give yourself a chance to get known and know others who may not have baggage? You're right. I'm only 19, I don't need complication in my life. I am continuing my education, by the way. Thanks for your reply.
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