Pink Cupcakes Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 If you have to have the "talk" about whether you're exclusive or not, doesn't it mean he's not all that into you? If you have to question whether you are exclusive, especially after intimacy has taken place, then is it truly exclusivity by choice or exclusivity simply because the other party happens not to be seeing someone else, and is not actively seeking anyone else? Because, myself, I want a partner who really does NOT want to see anyone else because he is so crazy about me, and expresses this so that I have no doubt. Actions speak louder than the "exclusivity" word. In the "no sex" thread, she has to ask him and bring it up, and he basically replied that he's exclusive by default (in that he happens not to be seeing anyone else). If you have to bring up the word "exclusive" then you don't really have a secure relationship, you are just searching for security. Anyway, my two cents about the asking about "exclusivity" thing.
Serenitynow Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 I agree 100% I've never had to lay out ground rules with any relationship. I think this applies more to the younger crowd, where they are so worried about their eye-candy being stolen away at any given moment. .
USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 So are you saying that exclusivity should be assumed at some point in a relationship without having an actual conversation about exclusivity?
Enchanted Girl Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 I see your point and that way of living is preferable, but . . . . I think it's unrealistic and a bad idea to follow. After all, if you assume that someone is exclusive with you and then suddenly find out that they have been seeing other people and you haven't had the talk with them, then they could easily say,"But we never promised each other to be exclusive." It's kind of like saying that eventually you should assume you are married to someone without actually taking any wedding vows. Because that would be speaking the commitment out loud and would make it less real. It makes it more real actually and keeps the two people accountable. Besides, the key to success in any relationship is communication as everyone likes to say. There shouldn't be a reason to purposefully NOT communicate something to someone. Assumptions are what cause a lot of arguments in a relationship.
Pyro Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 never assume anything. The talk should be brought up. If its not brought up then maybe he/she will think that its ok to see other people. Some individuals are like that.
northstar1 Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 never assume anything. The talk should be brought up. If its not brought up then maybe he/she will think that its ok to see other people. Some individuals are like that. Agreed. It would be terrible to go long for weeks/months thinking you were exclusive only to have the other person tell you they had been out with someone else.
USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 never assume anything. The talk should be brought up. If its not brought up then maybe he/she will think that its ok to see other people. Some individuals are like that. +2. I don't think I agree with OP's assertions...
zengirl Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 It really depends on the people. In my best relationships, it kind of evolved naturally -- like we just started talking about how much we liked each other and by the end of the talk, we were in a relationship. Some people, even if the care a lot, are probably too awkward for it not to seem a little stilted. That's okay too. I don't think you can ever assume. I don't think it's immature or silly to have the Talk. I think it's one of the first big examples of communication within the relationship and being able to actually talk about expectations, feelings, and the future you're looking at and how the other person relates.
Citizen Erased Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 Even if it's really obvious neither of you are or intend on seeing other people, it's kind of necessary. And it's nice too, to establish in a specific way that they want only you.
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