Heartbroken098 Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Hi everyone, i met this guy and we've been on 4 dates..and on the second date, he kissed me. And on the next date, we were making out. On the very last date, he started feeling me up. We didnt have sex. Every date, we hang out for pretty long..around 7 hours and we would do things like dessert, dinner, movie, mini golf, walks. however, he doenst contact me during the week...he would send texts here and there trying to set up the next date or just asking how my day was. how can i tell if he is int his for sex or because he actually likes me?
USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 It appears as if this guy is doing it exactly right...you have a good time during each date, and there seems to be a steady progression of physical contact...he contacts you to set up dates each week and no more... You two aren't in a relationship yet, so why are you expecting anything more than what he's given you...? As far as his intentions, it's too soon to tell...if he wanted you just for sex, he most likely would have already tried to have sex with you...but if he's been pacing himself so far, then he probably likes spending time with you and may want more than just sex... Stop overthinking it...
Lovelybird Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 only one way to find out: don't have sex with him........you cannot treat your sexuality as a casual test
sugarmomma Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Ask him if he is interested in having a relationship with you. Please don't have sex with him since he doesn't even bother to call you during the week to see how you are doing. Does he talk about wanting to be in a relationship?? Do you want a casual fwb or a real relationship? What have you guys been talking about? Don't have sex with him until he informs you what he's looking for.
Feelin Frisky Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 You should (by my standards) already consider that proved. Everyone is geared for sex. Some people however are sexually repressed to the point that they think it's dirty, cheap, wrong, etc until they've crossed months or years before they break down to the inevitable. In today's world 4 dates with no pressure to have sex is starting to push it. Attention spans are shorter and access to more partners is greater. I'd feel my time is being wasted by a Frigidaire if nothing happens after four or five "dates".
Lovelybird Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 You should (by my standards) already consider that proved. Everyone is geared for sex. Some people however are sexually repressed to the point that they think it's dirty, cheap, wrong, etc until they've crossed months or years before they break down to the inevitable. In today's world 4 dates with no pressure to have sex is starting to push it. Attention spans are shorter and access to more partners is greater. I'd feel my time is being wasted by a Frigidaire if nothing happens after four or five "dates". the world's standard is really, silly
fwang Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Here is my story. 5 dates in the frist week and 2 dates in the second week. We didn't have sex at all. And then, he never contacted me anymore.
Gattica Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 HAHA! No sex by the 4-5 date equals Frigidaire! Oh man! I am never going to find a suitable man! I think the soonest I have ever slept with a man was 3 months into seeing each other. It has nothing to do with being frigid. SO many things come in to play for me that leads up to having sex. It is not something I can rush.
Lovelybird Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Here is my story. 5 dates in the frist week and 2 dates in the second week. We didn't have sex at all. And then, he never contacted me anymore. you mean if you have another chance, you would use sex to hook him? What kind of man he is !?
TouchedByViolet Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Sigh... just TELL HIM you only have sex with guys you want to have a relationship with and see how he responds. If he is interested in you he will make that clear. If he only wants sex you won't hear from him anymore. Ta-da!
fwang Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 you mean if you have another chance, you would use sex to hook him? What kind of man he is !? Na. I am just telling my story. I also felt confused by this guy.
Author Heartbroken098 Posted July 21, 2010 Author Posted July 21, 2010 I've been out of a relationship for four months now and therefore, i'm not ready to jump into another relationship. This guy is pretty good though and i wouldnt mind have something more serious with him later down the road. i haven't asked him if he wants a relationship or not because i'm not ready for one myself. however, i still dont want him to only be interested in me for sex only. and not having sex after 4-5 dates does not mean i'm a frigid...i just wanna be sure of the guy's intentions before sleeping with him
zengirl Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 OP, you can tell by not having sex with him but being warm and interested in every other way. A guy who sincerely likes you, sees you as long-term material, and is compatible, isn't going to drop a girl because she doesn't have sex with him (assuming the girl really does value waiting to have sex) until they've got a groove going. You should (by my standards) already consider that proved. Everyone is geared for sex. Some people however are sexually repressed to the point that they think it's dirty, cheap, wrong, etc until they've crossed months or years before they break down to the inevitable. In today's world 4 dates with no pressure to have sex is starting to push it. Attention spans are shorter and access to more partners is greater. I'd feel my time is being wasted by a Frigidaire if nothing happens after four or five "dates". I think sex is wonderful and not at all cheap and dirty under the right circumstances, but I've been on 4 or 5 dates with a lot of guys. I certainly haven't slept with them all, and I'm pretty darn happy about that! What can you find out about someone in 5 evenings? I like to get to know a person, commit to them, and actually build something with them before jumping into bed with them, personally. That said, if a guy left after a few dates because of that, I'd have no problem: We clearly weren't well-matched anyway because immediate sex was more important to him than building a connection with me. That's a reasonable priority, I suppose, as the world is made of all kinds. And rightly so.
Gallaxia Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 You should (by my standards) already consider that proved. Everyone is geared for sex. Some people however are sexually repressed to the point that they think it's dirty, cheap, wrong, etc until they've crossed months or years before they break down to the inevitable. In today's world 4 dates with no pressure to have sex is starting to push it. Attention spans are shorter and access to more partners is greater. I'd feel my time is being wasted by a Frigidaire if nothing happens after four or five "dates". Four or five?! If you can manage a little bit longer, you'd probably get hot n' juicy lovin' from a worthy prospect. See it's self-defeating to cap yourself at a low number b/c the women probably know. Obviously some don't but I mean, some do.
Kamille Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 I've been out of a relationship for four months now and therefore, i'm not ready to jump into another relationship. This guy is pretty good though and i wouldnt mind have something more serious with him later down the road. i haven't asked him if he wants a relationship or not because i'm not ready for one myself. however, i still dont want him to only be interested in me for sex only. and not having sex after 4-5 dates does not mean i'm a frigid...i just wanna be sure of the guy's intentions before sleeping with him This one is tricky. Basically you don't want a casual fling but you don't want a relationship right now, although you might want something more serious with him down the road? If you don't want a relationship with him right now, why do you want him to want you for more than just sex? Is he a rebound? Are you looking for validation that you're a lovable human being? Are there chances that you're stinging him along?
Pfiend101 Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 In this day and age where the woman isn't a virgin. I wouldn't wait longer then a month and a half. If she doesn't want it by then I'm not going to gamble that she never will.
TouchedByViolet Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 This one is tricky. Basically you don't want a casual fling but you don't want a relationship right now, although you might want something more serious with him down the road? If you don't want a relationship with him right now, why do you want him to want you for more than just sex? Is he a rebound? Are you looking for validation that you're a lovable human being? Are there chances that you're stinging him along? Exactly. Another reason I hate dating. There are so many women out their who don't know what they want, its difficult to find the good ones.
carhill Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Healthy men have valued and valuable relationships and companionships with *other men*. They 'date' women because they're sexually attracted to them and want to have an intimate and sexual relationship with them. OP, it sounds like your intimacy style is one of more constant, or at least consistent, contact. The guy's actions indicate he enjoys the contact he has with you (wow, seven hours on dates, that's cool) but his *actions* have been no or minimal contact in between. How are your desire for more (related here) and your understanding of your current styles of intimacy and communication matching up? Is his minimal contact *attracting* you but perhaps being annoying at the same time? Examine that. You've talked a lot about what he's doing. What are *you* doing? I assume you're an active and proactive participant here. Tell us about that.
cabarc1 Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 It appears as if this guy is doing it exactly right...you have a good time during each date, and there seems to be a steady progression of physical contact...he contacts you to set up dates each week and no more... You two aren't in a relationship yet, so why are you expecting anything more than what he's given you...? As far as his intentions, it's too soon to tell...if he wanted you just for sex, he most likely would have already tried to have sex with you...but if he's been pacing himself so far, then he probably likes spending time with you and may want more than just sex... Stop overthinking it... I totally agree with this^! The guy you're seeing sounds EXACTLY like the guy i'm seeing right now with the texting here and there just to ask how i'm doing and to set up the next date. Last night was our 5th date and we haven't had sex yet but there is a "steady progression of physical contact". I used to wonder if he was in it for sex also but now i realize he isn't. If he's gone this long without it (and he's tried go to further but i'm the one that wasn't ready), i'm pretty convinced he likes spending time with me and wants to see where it goes....
BentSpine Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 i just wanna be sure of the guy's intentions before sleeping with himOnly time will tell. The only practical way is to roll the dice and find out.
TaurusTerp Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 +1 Best way to find out is to just sleep with him. That'll tell you for sure. For what it's worth, I tend to be like this too. I hate talking on the phone so my phone contacts are just geared towards "whens the next time we can meet up". Ill try to put in a "hows your day going" phone call every couple days in the beginning stages, but mostly because it works not because I actually want to.
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