Star Gazer Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Think locally, within your metropolitan area (assuming you're in one). How far is too far for you to drive for a relationship? Both in miles and minutes? I was just thinking about this because I'm setting up a friend with another friend, and they're about 25-30 minutes apart. In the past, I was the primary driver in both of my last relationships. It didn't bother me, but in retrospect I can see that it would have bothered my BFs had I forced the issue and split the drive time between us. And for both of them, it was only like 15 miles, but up to 30 minutes. So, what say you? What's too inconvenient to deal with?
ReadyforLove Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 I really don't mind making the drive to see someone I really care about so I would say 45m-1hr minutes would be my maximum.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 20, 2010 Author Posted July 20, 2010 I really don't mind making the drive to see someone I really care about so I would say 45m-1hr minutes would be my maximum. But how do you really care about someone when you just start dating? What about the getting-to-know you phase? Are you willing to make that drive in the hopes that it'll have been worth it?
alphamale Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 So, what say you? What's too inconvenient to deal with? up to 30 miles or 45 minutes, whichever comes first
ReadyforLove Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Okay, if it is the getting to know you phase then I'm not driving anywhere. I typically let the man come to me. If he is not willing to drive to my area then that pretty much kills it.
AutumnWinterLover Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Think locally, within your metropolitan area (assuming you're in one). How far is too far for you to drive for a relationship? Both in miles and minutes? I was just thinking about this because I'm setting up a friend with another friend, and they're about 25-30 minutes apart. In the past, I was the primary driver in both of my last relationships. It didn't bother me, but in retrospect I can see that it would have bothered my BFs had I forced the issue and split the drive time between us. And for both of them, it was only like 15 miles, but up to 30 minutes. So, what say you? What's too inconvenient to deal with? Anything more than an hour.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 21, 2010 Author Posted July 21, 2010 Okay, if it is the getting to know you phase then I'm not driving anywhere. I typically let the man come to me. If he is not willing to drive to my area then that pretty much kills it. Really? He has to come to you every time during that period?
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Think locally, within your metropolitan area (assuming you're in one). How far is too far for you to drive for a relationship? Both in miles and minutes? I was just thinking about this because I'm setting up a friend with another friend, and they're about 25-30 minutes apart. In the past, I was the primary driver in both of my last relationships. It didn't bother me, but in retrospect I can see that it would have bothered my BFs had I forced the issue and split the drive time between us. And for both of them, it was only like 15 miles, but up to 30 minutes. So, what say you? What's too inconvenient to deal with? I would not worry about the distance. I think your primary concern in setting someone up would be in compatibility and overall safety. How well do you know these friends?
kalikula Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Maybe an hour... I wouldn't mind commuting to dates, I'm used to driving long distances lol. **Only if we split the driving though-- not just me!!
ReadyforLove Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Really? He has to come to you every time during that period? At least for the first meeting, yes. After that, I don't mind driving up to an hour
Pink Cupcakes Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 OP, why would it have bothered your BF's if you had not been the primary driver? Maybe you have been too passive in your relationships and just let the guy do whatever he wanted, then they get bored with the girl that will bend over backwards on command.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 21, 2010 Author Posted July 21, 2010 How well do you know these friends? Very well. I'm actually surprised their paths haven't crossed yet, if only because of me.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 21, 2010 Author Posted July 21, 2010 OP, why would it have bothered your BF's if you had not been the primary driver? Maybe you have been too passive in your relationships and just let the guy do whatever he wanted, then they get bored with the girl that will bend over backwards on command. Too passive?? No... But I see what you're saying. I just somehow know (I can't explain it) that, on any given night, had I not wanted to make the drive to see him/them, then we wouldn't have seen each other. But they're both set in their ways and have some selfish tendencies, and in the end saw the relationship as more of an inconvenience than anything.
Jilly Bean Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 I think it really depends on where you live, Star. When I lived in NYC - going to the UWS was too far. lol Where I live now is pretty spread out, so it's very much the rule to drive an hour to get anywhere. Of course - being the girl in the equation, I'm not driving to date anyone, so it's sorta moop. I mean moot.
Stockalone Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 I was just thinking about this because I'm setting up a friend with another friend, That means that it would be a blind date, right? I am not sure why, but I don't think I would be willing to drive the same distance for a blind date as I would for a "real" date. and they're about 25-30 minutes apart. In the past, I was the primary driver in both of my last relationships. It didn't bother me, but in retrospect I can see that it would have bothered my BFs had I forced the issue and split the drive time between us. And for both of them, it was only like 15 miles, but up to 30 minutes. Are there honestly people who are bothered by a distance of 15 miles (or 30 minutes)? I can understand if someone has problems affording the gas money, but otherwise, that kind of distance (or time) shouldn't even be an issue IMO. Were they used to literally dating the girl next door? So, what say you? What's too inconvenient to deal with? I'd say one hour is okay for a "normal" (coming over on a whim, being able to see each other nearly every day if you want to, etc.) relationship.
sagetalk Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 up to 30 miles or 45 minutes, whichever comes first Yeah, this is a pretty good distance. Anything longer and it's starts becoming a burden. Depends on the girl though really.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Very well. I'm actually surprised their paths haven't crossed yet, if only because of me. Good. It's never fun to find out you set your friend up with a felon. Too passive?? No... But I see what you're saying. I just somehow know (I can't explain it) that, on any given night, had I not wanted to make the drive to see him/them, then we wouldn't have seen each other. But they're both set in their ways and have some selfish tendencies, and in the end saw the relationship as more of an inconvenience than anything. Emotionally unavailable? If so, what do you find so attractive about that?
Art_Critic Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 (edited) No more than 30 mins tops.. I dated someone once that lived about 45 mins away from my home and she also lived a bit out of the way or from all the action. This was a typical Friday night date. I drive 30 mins home from work I drive 45 mins to her house I drive 30 mins to dinner or whatever we had planned. I drive 30 mins back to her house. I drive 45 mins back to my house after the date ended. In total if you include my trip home from work I would drive a total of 3.5 hours in one evening just to see her. So if I started driving at 6:30 I basically drove all night and spent maybe 1.5 hours with her.. and the sex wasn't all that great.. After about 6 months it all petered out and just wasn't worth the travel when you did the benefit analysis on it Edited July 21, 2010 by Art_Critic
Author Star Gazer Posted July 21, 2010 Author Posted July 21, 2010 That means that it would be a blind date, right? I am not sure why, but I don't think I would be willing to drive the same distance for a blind date as I would for a "real" date. Well, the dude lives in the 'burbs, and all the "action" (where the meeting will occur [happy hour, and they've seen each other's photos]) will be taking place in the "city." That's like 25 minutes for him, 5 for her and I. I'd say one hour is okay for a "normal" (coming over on a whim, being able to see each other nearly every day if you want to, etc.) relationship. An hour would dramatically affect one's ability to come over on a "whim," at least for me!!
sb129 Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 25-45mins is totally fine IMO. Does he come into the city anyway? Maybe on some dates they could meet halfway.... I wouldn't be worried about that detail this early in the piece.
zengirl Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 30 minutes seems like nothing to me, but I lived in a large, suburban city that was way too spread out. I used to drive an hour to work a day. Every day. I'd drive about as far to see someone I was seeing; generally, they could meet in between in the beginning anyway.
Stockalone Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Well, the dude lives in the 'burbs, and all the "action" (where the meeting will occur [happy hour, and they've seen each other's photos]) will be taking place in the "city." That's like 25 minutes for him, 5 for her and I. Well, in that case, he probably has to make that drive every time he wants to do something (go to the movies, certain restaurants, theater, etc.), so it really shouldn't be a problem for him to do the same for a date. An hour would dramatically affect one's ability to come over on a "whim," at least for me!! Fair enough. It really wouldn't bother me, but I can understand if you, or someone else, feels that this kind of distance limits their usual lifestyle.
spookie Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 I think 1+ hour would require some planning around schedules to see each other, but I wouldn't mind if it was for someone I thought may have potential. Currently BF and I are about 30 minutes apart (only about 5 miles, but through thick heavy city traffic, with both of us living in neighborhoods where finding a parking space can be an issue). I wish we were closer because I like to be spontaneous, but the 30 mins doesn't have too much of an effect on what we do when. But I like driving.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 21, 2010 Author Posted July 21, 2010 Well, in that case, he probably has to make that drive every time he wants to do something (go to the movies, certain restaurants, theater, etc.), so it really shouldn't be a problem for him to do the same for a date. Well, the 'burbs he's in still has tons going on. So in reality, no... he won't have to travel to do something. But for me, with my last relationship, driving 20-25 minutes to him actually meant leaving the action and driving to the near countryside...away from all the fun stuff. I'm really wondering why I was the driver now...
Stockalone Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Well, the 'burbs he's in still has tons going on. So in reality, no... he won't have to travel to do something. Then if the first few dates go well, they can alternate. She can go visit him in his suburb for a date, too. If that's too much of a hassle for them, then they don't have to date each other. Also, if there are suitable date locations halfway between them, they only have a 15 minute drive each. But for me, with my last relationship, driving 20-25 minutes to him actually meant leaving the action and driving to the near countryside...away from all the fun stuff. I'm really wondering why I was the driver now... If you didn't like the countryside (or the available activities there), why did you agree to go there instead of the city?
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