halfofwhat Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Hello all. So, my girlfriend and I of 2 1/2 years broke up recently. She moved out. We lived together through most of the relationship. We've had problems, arguments, etc. We sought counseling, we were doing okay, but it was up and down. I've had doubts off and on through the relationship regarding compatibility, our ability to stay together through the future, stuff like that. I've come to realize I have a fear of commitment, and that makes perfect sense. I love her a lot, and since the breakup, I've realized how much she meant to me and how much I've taken her for granted, and how we never really romanced each other since we moved so fast. One of the biggest things I've questioned is my level of attraction to my girlfriend. She has a beautiful face: incredible eyes, sweet lips, cute nose, great hair. But her body...she's overweight. Quite a bit. I like her butt and her legs, and her boobs are okay, but the rest isn't extremely appealing to me. It's very loose. I don't think I've really ever lusted for her in the way I have other girls. She can turn me on, and the sex is quite good, but I've never really been driven nuts by her. Through the whole relationship I found myself often times fantasizing about other girls (from porn, or even girls I know, like her friend with the huge chest). There have been times, though, when I've fantasized about her (her with other girls, as she's bi; her with other guys, because that turns me on too). I've always had a wandering eye in relationships. Even my first girlfriend that I lost my virginity to. She had an awesome body but I was always looking. It didn't help that our sex life sucked though (I wanted it more). I haven't had a lot of girls (less than 10) and part of me feels like I missed out, but at the same time, I'm not the kinda guy who can just pick up a girl and have sex with her...I can fool around and stuff, but I need to be comfortable with her. But I've always lusted over girls...a girl with a nice body just drives me nuts. I don't go for the typical 10; I go for the classic beauties and natural beauties. As a result of my wavering attraction, we haven't had sex quite as often as she would have liked. We would go through cycles. Part of the problem is my depression and stress from work. But I think part of the problem is the level of attraction. I haven't felt like worshiping her body like I have with other girls, and oral sex hasn't been as much a desire due to the smell sometimes and that she's chubby down there, and that hasn't been too appealing. Besides this, and besides our arguments, when things were good, they were good. She loves me more than anyone has, and I love her too. We were (and still mostly are) best friends. We have a pretty unique bond (among other things, we're interested in exploring the poly world, which I don't think many girls would be into). But this is one of those nagging things that I don't know what to do about...I need some help! Sorry for the epic post. I'm sure there's a lot more I can say but I'll leave it at this.
sugarmomma Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 She moved out, right?? I don't understand what your question is. Do you want to get back together?? Based on your post I would say let her move on with her life since you can't love her the ways she deserves.
Author halfofwhat Posted July 19, 2010 Author Posted July 19, 2010 Oh, yes, that's an important detail I left out . We're taking some time apart and we may get back together and start dating. I want to do it right, but I'm wondering if all the right factors are there.
txsilkysmoothe Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 We have a pretty unique bond (among other things, we're interested in exploring the poly world, which I don't think many girls would be into). If she wasn't into the poly world, would it make a difference?
Author halfofwhat Posted July 19, 2010 Author Posted July 19, 2010 If she wasn't into the poly world, would it make a difference? That's a very good question, and something I've really been asking myself. As far as compatibility goes, that's a huge selling point. It would allow her to express her bisexuality (and, if she stumbles across an attractive guy, that too) and would allow me to experience that variety I've been seeking. We both agree that we don't want to be the last people each other has sex with, and I don't think I generally agree philosophically with monogamy. So, I'm thinking that if she weren't into poly, I would be more hesitant to pursue a second chance.
isntsure Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 The only one that can help you is you. you are the only one that knows what you want. is someone you never met giving you some bunk advice really going to be what keeps you and your "girlfriend" together? I hope not. Listen man, you've already wasted 2 1/2 years of your life on this girl, do not waste anymore or hers or your time. you like her because shes into having sex with others which is something you want, not only do you sound like an ******* but you sound like you want her with you to not be lonley while you find another girlfriend you will be attracted to and want to actually be with. live in the real world...either you want her or you don't. its just that simple. being attracted to another person doesnt mean you dont love/want to be with the person you are with. if they make you happy and you have a good life together than that should be enough for you. if you truely want someone else, obviously you dont want her. period.
LondonS Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 How old are you? Just let her go and find urself someone else who can feed your desires a little better then this girl. Honestly some posts here make me think If I ever wana date another man again...
Sanman Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 I queston whether you are into your gf or if you are simply with her because you have similar views and the poly lifestyle allows you to have a woman who meets some of your needs while you find someone better. After my recent foray in the poly world, I have questioned how well a relationship could function in this environment as partners often leave old loves for new ones and multiple partners will always lead to jealousy somewhere because your time is finite.
Author halfofwhat Posted July 19, 2010 Author Posted July 19, 2010 Opening up on the whole poly thing is more of a recent development, though we've both for most of the relationship wanted to find a girl who would play with us. I'm 27.
that girl Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Your girlfriend deserves someone who thinks she is sexy. You aren't doing her any favors by dating her. You really need to be a decent guy and let her find someone who is a better match for you. I'm getting a vibe that you need to do some serious self-examination, maybe some therapy. You stayed with a girl for two and half years who you aren't really into. You have a roving eye (which to an extent is normal, but maybe you are beyond this). You seem to think under 10 partners at 27 is freakishly low and something to regret.
txsilkysmoothe Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 I don't think you should reconcile. You interest in her is not strong enough. You didn't mention why you broke up though I suppose it doesn't matter.
Author halfofwhat Posted July 20, 2010 Author Posted July 20, 2010 Playing devil's advocate here, but how important is it to be head over heels about a partner's physical appearance? What if we're good in other areas? I mean, we're obviously not perfect and have some improving to do, but what if this is one of the few bigger hurdles? I never said I wasn't into her.
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