Thunderhorse Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 First post here... Thoughts appreciated. A little about me: Divorced, late 20s, young professional, recently acquired the first real girlfriend since the big D. I've started dating a great girl I've known for awhile and I feel like I'm clueless. Getting insecure due to the events of the past. While I won't go into the gory details, the short story is there was infidelity in my marriage and I could not trust the ex-wife so I left her. In the last year and a half, I've dated girls/hooked up/had sexy time/etc. but have not been in the commitment frame of mind. Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I reconnect with a girl from the past and we start dating. So far, so good. I really like her and don't want to let what went wrong in my marriage to rear it's ugly head and give me an excuse to cheat on the current girl. Since this is the first real deal I've had in a good long while, I'm really fighting two feelings here. 1.) The urge to score with some other chicks and 2.) Feeling insecure at the thought of a great, sexy woman being interested in ME. Feeling 1: It's like the temptations of other women have been hitting me hard lately. I met a really cool, sexy gal at a social event that I passed my contact info to, thinking she'd never get in touch. Well, she did so the chance to see what could be is really there. Then there's other girls I've dated and such out there that I've basically cut off all contact with. The current gf has let it be known in no uncertain terms she does not put up with fooling around. I like this since I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of cheating. Feeling 2: Insecurity with the new girl. She's smart, beautiful, exactly the traits I like and have been looking for. The intimacy is great. We can please each other and there's potential for lots more. I don't just want to be physical with her. I want the emotional connection also, and I think this is very possible. I am being a little bit beta here with some of the thoughts I'm having. A tad jealous at the thought of other guys, wanting to be with her more than is healthy at this early stage, too agreeable to her schedule, etc. By no means do I let on like I feel these things. For example I don't call/text too much (meaning 0-3 texts a day, sometimes no calls), tell her not to go out without me, insist on spending time with her. You get the picture. I have my own life and job. I prize my alone time so I don't like to have a girl's nose up my ass all the time. I think in other situations I would have already gone out and gotten myself laid just to have the gratification of 1.) sex and 2.) ego-stroking that I can have as many women as I can handle. However, I respect this gal and have no intention of screwing it up with another woman. In fact, I think the other insecurities would be my downfall long before cheating. So what does she do to make me insecure? Well, probably not a whole lot in reality. Maybe nothing. I'm a little intimidated by her beauty and her no-nonsense attitude, I'll admit. She's the first woman I've been with in a long time that I felt deserved to be an equal, yes even more so than my ex-wife (hope that doesn't make me sexist, ladies). She is not a big phone talker, which I picked up on pretty quick. She doesn't return my texts immediately, so I don't text her back right away either. She's recently started with the "I miss you" and "How was your day?" type of statements and texts and has begun contacting me first. So I guess that validates the neediness on my part a bit. She asked me to meet her parents, which I did. I believe that's a good sign and something that I'd hoped would happen. In Summary, I am finally ready to get into a committed relationship after a crappy situation. I'm insecure about how she values me even though she seems to be doing all the right things. In addition, I feel regretful of not still having the non-committed relationships I'd grown used to with other women. I'm trying hard not to put this one on a pedestal, or at least keep her from knowing I'm putting her on a pedestal. OK, rant over. I should probably grow a pair and not worry about it so much!
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