angielove Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Can anyone tell me what this means?? I will meet a guy. He'll chase me, be all interested and ask for my number. He'll call or message me later on and ask me out. I'll say yes. He will then vaguely organise something. The day of the date will arrive and one of two things will happen: 1) He won't contact me to plan the date further so I will msg him to ask what's up. And he will either not reply at all or reply with some lame excuse for not being able to make it. 2) He will contact me first with some lame excuse for not being able to make it. Ummmmm what the?! Why do they bother asking me out if they're not actually interested?! This literally happens EVERY single time I give my number out. I'm not especially interested in these guys either but that is why I agree to go on a date so I can get to know them and see if we do click. They all seem to lose interest in me after asking me out. For example: Met a guy through friends. Saw/talked to him a few times at the pub. He asked for my number. I gave it to him. He kissed me after walking me to my car. Msged and called me numerous times after that. On Saturday he msged to ask if he could take me out for drinks. I said I'd love that but would have to get back to him once I get my shift times for work. On Sunday I got my roster and msged him. Our sms convo went like this: SUNDAY Me: Hey babe, I'm free Tuesday and Wednesday this week Him: Great! We should make out, alot! Me: Haha! How about Tuesday night? Him: Tuesday it is! And that was it - end of conversation. Today (Tuesday) comes along and I still had not heard anything more from him. It came to 4pm and still nothing... so I msged him. Our sms convo went like this: TODAY (TUESDAY) Me: Hey dude, so what's happening tonight? Him: Hey you! I've been holed up in bed with the flu all day. Can we meet up another time? It is now 7pm and I haven't msged back because I have no idea what to say. If he was sick all day, why didn't he msg much earlier to tell me he couldn't make it? It sounds like a lie to me. And if he is lying and just doesn't want to see me, why did he ask me out in the first place?! And this happens all the time with other guys too! Does anyone have an explanation or advice? Thank you and sorry for the long post! xx
sultry33 Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I get this too sometimes, its just the way it goes.. My reasoning is they want you but right then.. f them Im not easy:p I think maybe some of the ones you meet may be like this.. im no expert but I just had this on a dating site.. starts messaging alot.. moans about some girl messing him around ie not meeting, then blocking him! I was like what point has she being on here then etc. He still messages me.. I let him know im not a player or anything..even give my number as my internet was playing up. then nothing... I wont waste my time.. he was an older guy too, which normally I do not go for but thought why not. it sucks though:mad:
OceanTropic Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Obviously they get the wrong impression on the first date. You don't seem to have trouble getting guys, its keeping them. Either you talk about marriage too much, come off clingy or needy, or don't seem interested in them and talk about yourself too much. It doesnt have to be one of the above, but clearly there is something you are doing that is making them think twice. Do you kiss on a first date? If you do, they might think you're too easy. Do you flirt alot? Ask questions about him? Do you maybe come off cocky or too shy? You need to figure out why guys seem interested, and what it is that turns them off when you go on the first date. You need to recognize a pattern you are doing. Perhaps you are revealing too much about yourself and he thinks you're desperate, or that you just lay it all out on the line and there is nothing left to discovery. Maybe you come off easy. MAYBE even on the first date you think "Aha! This is it, I got one" and you act too girlfriendy and he doesn't like this. Because it can't be that every guy that has every asked you out did it for fun.
Serenitynow Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 And this happens all the time with other guys too! Does anyone have an explanation or advice? Thank you and sorry for the long post! xx The females do the same thing to me. I think part of the reasoning, is nowadays, words dont hold much weight. When someone says yea lets go out. They person saying it sees it as just throwing an idea out there, or just meaning "sometime in the future". You may be a lot like me whereas I am very literal. When people say things, or make plans with me, I expect it to be written in stone. Even with friends of mine, they just casually throw around plans, situations, events, and most of the time when it comes down to it, it falls through. There are guys that could be trying to talk you into sex on the first meeting, getting a vibe to see what kind of girl you are. When they realize its not moving fast enough for them, they just get your number for future situations. Who knows really, but one thing I do know for sure, more and more people are throwing manners and communication out the window as far as the dating world goes.
Serenitynow Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 (edited) Obviously they get the wrong impression on the first date. You don't seem to have trouble getting guys, its keeping them. Either you talk about marriage too much, come off clingy or needy, or don't seem interested in them and talk about yourself too much. It doesnt have to be one of the above, but clearly there is something you are doing that is making them think twice. Do you kiss on a first date? If you do, they might think you're too easy. Do you flirt alot? Ask questions about him? Do you maybe come off cocky or too shy? You need to figure out why guys seem interested, and what it is that turns them off when you go on the first date. You need to recognize a pattern you are doing. Perhaps you are revealing too much about yourself and he thinks you're desperate, or that you just lay it all out on the line and there is nothing left to discovery. Maybe you come off easy. MAYBE even on the first date you think "Aha! This is it, I got one" and you act too girlfriendy and he doesn't like this. Because it can't be that every guy that has every asked you out did it for fun. DO NOT listen to anything Oceantropic has said She is trying to teach you how to play games, and be manipulative with the guy to make yourself sound more inviting. That is total garbage. BE YOURSELF right from the start You want to find a guy that likes you for you right ? Playing games with him is simply a way of disguising who you really are to enhance your bait for the guy . Edited July 13, 2010 by Serenitynow
fishtaco Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 It's just part of dating. If it makes you feel better, well, it probably won't, but many women flake just like that too. You can just ignore it and keep going. Being a woman, you're in the advantageous position where by default the ball is in the man's court, where for me I have to maneuver to intentionally put to ball in the woman's court in order to call their bluff. Just keep meeting guys. Anyone that flakes, scratch them off the list. Senenitynow suggests no games. I can't say that's bad advice. But the truth is, most people play games out there. So if you play, you'd just be average. So it's up to you if you feel like jumping on the bandwagon. But know that when you play, sometimes it'll back fire. It's part of the risk.
kalikula Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I have had this problem before. I think you're attracting the wrong kind of guys. These guys probably like the chase but when it comes down to it they're not *really* interested. They could be hung up on an ex gf.. they don't know what they want or they're just the really flirtacious type. My best advice is to keep meeting people... I have had the most luck meeting guys when there's a setting for us to get to know each other (Like they're a friend of a friend or a neighbor or something) and we just happen to make a connection. To me that seems more genuine.. Whenever I have had guys approach me they tend to be the overconfident, flirtacious type that probably aren't even interested, just bored. If these guys ask for your number, go ahead and give it to them but don't expect anything more necessarily. I wouldn't text them either.
MrNate Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 <---- *puts on his shining armor and pulls the white stallion out of the stable*
Author angielove Posted July 14, 2010 Author Posted July 14, 2010 Thanks for the replies everyone! I get the feeling that I'm thinking too much about this haha! It just annoys me so much because I'm trying to meet people, put myself out there and say 'yes' to a date to get to know the person better and they will just flake. I think the interest levels are the same (ie. hardly any) but I actually have some initiative - I want to find someone to be with! Serenitynow, I agree that I take plans literally (how else are you meant to take them lol!). Maybe I just need to be more casual about things. I don't want to play games, and am not good at playing games anyway! Which is part of my problem... if I like a guy I will straight up tell him because I feel like telling him, and that is where everything goes horribly wrong. I DO want someone to like me for me Kalikula, I am definitely attracting the wrong guys! I work in a bar which does not help I'll take your advice and look for more genuine environments to meet people. Thanks! xxx
gamma1 Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 Serenitynow, I agree that I take plans literally (how else are you meant to take them lol!). Maybe I just need to be more casual about things. I don't want to play games, and am not good at playing games anyway! Which is part of my problem... if I like a guy I will straight up tell him because I feel like telling him, and that is where everything goes horribly wrong. I DO want someone to like me for me Kalikula, I am definitely attracting the wrong guys! I work in a bar which does not help I'll take your advice and look for more genuine environments to meet people. Thanks! xxx If you start playing games you will start attracting even worse guys. Don't change anything, except the guys you date. Looking in a different more genuine environment may very well help. Be patient and don't settle.
Serenitynow Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 I work in a bar which does not help I'll take your advice and look for more genuine environments to meet people LOL why didnt you tell us this from the start ? C'mon you know better than to meet guys there, especially being behind the bar.
OceanTropic Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 DO NOT listen to anything Oceantropic has said She is trying to teach you how to play games, and be manipulative with the guy to make yourself sound more inviting. That is total garbage. BE YOURSELF right from the start You want to find a guy that likes you for you right ? Playing games with him is simply a way of disguising who you really are to enhance your bait for the guy . How is that playing games? If a man comes off as clingy and needy, and thats who he truly is, are you saying instead of improving this quality he should just "be himself" and be alone his whole life and unhappy? It has nothing to do with "being yourself". Being yourself means not lying about what you like, what you don't like, your past etc... and yes to an extend, you shouldn't change your behaviours. But if a behaviour makes you lonely and depressed, and concerned about why men don't like you, you are basically saying to continue doing what you are doing without figuring out why its happening. If that is your advice, then I suppose you are single too. Its not about changing yourself, its about changing your APPROACH.
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