What do I do?

[360]

I met my girlfriend at my good friend's wedding. We were both in the wedding and we seemed to hit it off right from the start. I asked her out on a date and everything was perfect. This was late last summer. However, I was leaving soon for my first year in grad school. But, we both agreed to try the long distance relationship. Talking on the phone every other night turned into every night. She would come visit me and I would come home to see her. During winter break, we were inseparable. We started talking about significant topics (marriage, kids, etc.). I kind of thought it was too early to discuss the issues but she instilled in me that there were no rules regarding time. The spring semester came and the time we got to see each other decreased. She was busy with work (a first year 5th grade teacher) and coaching softball and I was busy finishing my first year in grad school. But, we were looking to the summer. Summer came and at first everything was great. We'd go places and spend alot of time together around our still bsuy schedules. Then it seemed like overnight she pulled herself away from me. She would always tell me that she loved me, but I noticed that she hadn't been saying that lately. At school, we e-mailed all of the time. Not anymore. She suggested that we give each other some space for awhile ("Not a bad thing" in her words). I just couldn't though. I loved being around her. When I was away from her, I couldn't take it. Then she tells me that she's going on vacation to Georgia to see a girlfriend of hers for three weeks. She did ask what I thought about it but I had no choice but to say "OK." Deep down though, I felt like she was intentionally trying to get away from me...something she has frequently denied. I really love her. However, I don't want to go on any further with this if she is going to keep suggesting space. She leaves this weekend. So what is the deal? This isn't the whole story but the gist of it. Do I call her before she leaves or keep the "space" thing going? Do I wait for her to call me or test the waters? Is she pulling away because she is afraid of commitment? I'm confused. I thought I had found the right one. For the longest time, she gave me the impression that she had found the right one and now this. Any advice would help. Thank you

[Taressa]

When a woman asks for space, give her space. Best now to back off as she requested. This may be the test that leads you closer or it could be the first step away from each other. Whichever it becomes, be careful of falling into the trap of turning into a whimpering, lost puppy following her around: that will ruin any chance of her return.

 

To call or not to call, however, is your immediate question. Since she initially asked your opinion on the trip it is clear she wants to know if you'll miss her. That signals it might be okay to make a quick send-off call. Bon-voyage. Have fun in Georgia. After that comes the hard part, opening your heart and letting her go.

 

I'm hoping she'll make up her mind about her future with you by the time she returns. If she can't be honest and open with you by then, it may be best to close this door and get on with your life. Easier to write than to do, I know, but you'll find this LoveShack full of people who held on too long.

 

Best wishes. Make sure you enjoy your summer with or without her. It's the most attractive thing you could do.

[Randy]

Literally translated, when a girl asks for space she is thinking of infinite space. People don't ask for space in a relationship that is filled with joy and love. When you are in a delightful circumstance, you simply don't need space.

 

There are times when someone may be confused about a previous relationship that may call for a bit of space. But if things were going really well, it is sort of insane to back off a great situation.

 

If she has no further explanation of why she needs the space, move on.

 

I think she has given you some great hints and she doesn't seem to be the type to come right out and tell you to get lost. But that is certainly the message she is sending through her actions.

 

Make yourself scarse, tell her you will give her the required space and you are going to start dating other people, stop communicating with her and go on with your life.

 

If in time she has had enough space and you aren't tied up with someone you are far more fond of, then you may want to give it another whirl. However, my guess is that if she is so fickle and irrational to walk away from what you describe as a really great situation, she has got problems you are not aware of.