Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 So I've been talking to this amazing guy for the last week or so. We met from an online site after talking for a few days, then met in person a few days ago. He's sweet, smart, considerate, etc. He calls when he says he does, etc. Its interesting because he's totally not my "type," ie, he's got that uber artsy look to him, a little more sensitive than I'm used to, and such. He's also working a series of part time jobs with the dream and ambition of becoming a documentary filmmaker. He rides a bike everywhere and for our first date he took a bus to meet me. He has a car but it is being revamped. He doesn't seem to be concerned about how he gets to see me, he finds a way. What's the deal and what's my question? Well, I guess I'm a total "inside the box," kind of person who thrives on stability and structure. He's a "fly by the seat of his pants," kind of guy who is going after a dream of filmmaking and has some things in the works as far as that's concerned. I am nervous because although we are just getting to know each other I sense there is potential of some kind there. I mean, this guy makes me feel so amazing and we have the most awesome conversations....but the thing that makes me nervous is the wondering if he has his head in the clouds or not. I guess I don't know him well enough to make that assessment yet? I guess what it boils down to is how I feel when we talk and hang out vs. reality. I feel totally out of my comfort zone. I don't want to NOT see him because something like, a car, for example, but it makes me really nervous. Part of me is drawn to him because of his free spiritedness and he said he likes my structured side. So what do I do? Wait it out and see?
alphamale Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 So what do I do? you find a guy who has a car and a respectable career AND makes you feel good, him being good in the sack probably wouldn't hurt either
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 Define "respectable"? He has a passion for what he's doing, which is all fine and dandy but at the same time for me I have to have everything a certain way. So it unnerves me.
Devil Inside Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 You are not marrying the guy....I say you continue to see him and see how it plays out. I agree that we are often attracted to people that can provide something we want more of...i.e. structure or passion. It sounds like he does have some goals and ambition. How old is he? Is he in school to be a filmaker, or just a guy that is dreaming? What is his back up plan?
mem11363 Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 It is great that you are giving this guy a chance. A few questions before I form an opinion of him. - How old is he? - What does having his car revamped mean? Is it code for he will never have a car? I guess it doesn't matter if you live in a major metro area with great public transit. - Is he responsible with money? If so, he will have a pattern of consistently living within his means. And he may have saved at least a bit of money. - Does he have a specific plan, with a timeframe for pursuing a film career? - Does he have a plan B if the film career ends up not working out? Sometimes guys like this have a real aversion to financial stress. Often that translates into not wanting to have children until they are much older, or sometimes they never wants kids. Define "respectable"? He has a passion for what he's doing, which is all fine and dandy but at the same time for me I have to have everything a certain way. So it unnerves me.
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 He's a grip for movies (that's one of his jobs.) He has connections in the industry. But if that doesn't work out, he is going back to school to be a professor otherwise. He's 36. He's one of those people who works to live, not the other way around. You're right though, it is new, I just tend to future project when I don't suppose I need to at the moment.
Devil Inside Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 He's a grip for movies (that's one of his jobs.) He has connections in the industry. But if that doesn't work out, he is going back to school to be a professor otherwise. He's 36. He's one of those people who works to live, not the other way around. You're right though, it is new, I just tend to future project when I don't suppose I need to at the moment. The fact that you are projecting into a future with him tells you that he has enough to make you feel potential. I would not throw the towel in just yet.
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 He's 36. I saw his car so I know it actually exists. It's a 72 something or other, I can't recall the type. As far as living within his means, well that's hard to tell at the moment because we've only been out once but he paid for dinner? We haven't really broached the money thing yet. I also need to ask about his timeframe. It seems that he is giving himself a few more years to do this. He and his production co. were invited to Cannes Film Festival which is set in stone.
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 Thank you, yes, that's what I think too. Ah....its unnerving when I don't know how to predict him when most men are predictable. That's what's intriguing about him.
Devil Inside Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Thank you, yes, that's what I think too. Ah....its unnerving when I don't know how to predict him when most men are predictable. That's what's intriguing about him. So just be sure that you have some boundaries and limits for yourself. It can be great to be with a person that can draw us out of the box a little...but it is easy to lose yourself. So make sure you know what you are okay with and what you are not okay with...and communicate. However, it is still early on I say kick back and just enjoy getting to know each other...that is the point of dating after all.
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 Thank you. But what do you mean by losing myself? Like settling about big stuff that I shouldn't? Thus far he has shown himself to be honest, and has integrity, which is most important. Thank you for your perspective.
LovieDove24 Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 As a general rule, people who are "opposite" from us are people we are easily attracted to but, another general rule is that similarities are what often makes for sustaining relationships. If you have several other commonalities in your approaches to life, values, goals, etc then sure enough you two may go the long haul. But there is no way to find that out without continuing to see him, and if you already have interest as you say then just go for it. As for personal experience on the issue, I myself am more the free spirited type and my current bf is very consistant and repetitive in nature. It is beginning to grate on me a bit but I wouldn't have known this unless I had gone this far. Consider each guy you date as an experience in which to learn, grow and explore.
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 Thank you, that's a good way to look at it. He's very sweet and there's just something in me that tells me to go ahead and see. I just tend to look for negative things instantly without really thinking about it. So I think you're right, I will just wait and see what comes of it.
TheLoneSock Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 First I thought I had a type. Then someone outside my type came along and blew me away, so I thought my 'type' was just evolving. Then I realised I never did actually have a 'type'. You're going to mesh with whoever you're going to mesh with regardless, their 'type' or what ever you think your type is, doesn't matter.
Boundary Problem Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 First I thought I had a type. Then someone outside my type came along and blew me away, so I thought my 'type' was just evolving. Then I realised I never did actually have a 'type'. You're going to mesh with whoever you're going to mesh with regardless, their 'type' or what ever you think your type is, doesn't matter. I agree with this.
doushenka Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 He's a grip for movies (that's one of his jobs.) He has connections in the industry. But if that doesn't work out, he is going back to school to be a professor otherwise. He's 36. He's one of those people who works to live, not the other way around. You're right though, it is new, I just tend to future project when I don't suppose I need to at the moment. The fact that he does have a solid tech job, instead of laying about waiting for a plum film opportunity to drop into his lap, tells me he's not nearly as flighty as a lot of "aspiring filmmakers" tend to be. Encourage his plans to teach regardless of his film work; teaching's a good, solid plan to fall back on. Best of luck!
littlewhiterose Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 First I thought I had a type. Then someone outside my type came along and blew me away, so I thought my 'type' was just evolving. Then I realised I never did actually have a 'type'. You're going to mesh with whoever you're going to mesh with regardless, their 'type' or what ever you think your type is, doesn't matter. This times 100! It sounds like there is some potential here Loquacious. It sounds like you could both give each other pretty big gifts by way of life lessons towards each other. You could end up finding out so much about yourselves & each other that you didn't know was possible. I think those are the most rewarding, relationship or not. Just take it slowly and see where it goes.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 First I thought I had a type. Then someone outside my type came along and blew me away, so I thought my 'type' was just evolving. Then I realised I never did actually have a 'type'. You're going to mesh with whoever you're going to mesh with regardless, their 'type' or what ever you think your type is, doesn't matter. This is exactly what I was thinking when I read the statement about dating outside of one's "type." Most recent guy I dated was not my "type" at all. But wow. I realized "types" are stupid. It limits a person too much. There's such a grand world out there of fabulous people - don't limit yourself. I think you're doing yourself a good service to remain open-minded about this guy. And I'll say this - the past 6-1/2 months have shown me something about "belongings" (like cars). They aren't what matters. Not at all. Life is about far more than that. You seem to be enjoying your time with this guy. Just lean in.
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 Oooh, that's a good way to look at it!
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 Thanks all. I think as a society sometimes we are conditioned to think material things are important. He doesn't seem to think so. Yes, it will bother me a lot if he is still having this issue 6 months from now. I tend to worry about things that have no bearing on the current situation. Sigh.
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