Author V.Vixen Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 I can't speak for other men, but for some guys like me commitment comes with trust, not lust. Attractive or sexually charged women are around, but trustworthy women are like rare gems. What do you mean by this, that I am not trustworthy?
You'reasian Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 What do you mean by this, that I am not trustworthy? I don't know you, V.Vixen. You should be having this talk with him, face to face but you're asking for perspective, so I'm telling you what I think. What he thinks may be different. You say you don't love the guy or anything, so I don't understand why you're having a problem moving on and letting him find someone who will want to love him.
threebyfate Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 yeah, that's what I am contemplating at the moment. I am not in love with him or anything, so I may be able to just shift my perception and get over the idea of a prospect.Do yourself a favour and start this process, ASAP. He's now got a girlfriend, hence is off-limits. Don't get yourself into the obsessive bind that some on LS have done, where your self-esteem is tied into his valuation of you, as a romantic interest. It's not a game of challenge. It's about healthy thinking, thought processes that are good for your emotional health.
alphamale Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Why am I not girlfriend material if I am "so much fun" (his words)? the only explanation is there is something about your physical looks that is turning men off...cause let me tell you - even if you're only half-way good looking you'll have men galore
Author V.Vixen Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 the only explanation is there is something about your physical looks that is turning men off...cause let me tell you - even if you're only half-way good looking you'll have men galore Great, thanks for that. =(
You'reasian Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Great, thanks for that. =( You're getting some perspective from members here that can help you think through the issue, but its not going to mean squat unless you talk to this guy face to face and hash it out... its not cool, fun or sexy but its the kind of thing you need to do if you want to keep a relationship alive - but you say you are just friends... You said you don't love him or anything, but you have an issue with him moving on a loving someone else - maybe you are possesive. He's got a girlfriend; He's not yours. Move on.
Author V.Vixen Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 You're getting some perspective from members here that can help you think through the issue, but its not going to mean squat unless you talk to this guy face to face and hash it out... its not cool, fun or sexy but its the kind of thing you need to do if you want to keep a relationship alive - but you say you are just friends... You said you don't love him or anything, but you have an issue with him moving on a loving someone else - maybe you are possesive. He's got a girlfriend; He's not yours. Move on. There is nothing to hash out, really. He has a girlfriend. I am not going to hang on to it forever. I just found out about it this morning. The "thanks for that" comment was a reply to alphamale for telling me I must be ugly. I am just not feeling too great about myself at the moment, I guess. Oh, and I appreciate the input, even the things that are hard to hear.
boogieboy Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 You're getting some perspective from members here that can help you think through the issue, but its not going to mean squat unless you talk to this guy face to face and hash it out... . This guy lied to her face, he's too much of a coward to tell her why he's not attracted to her. She can try, but since he's concentrating on someone else now, he might not even remember what turned him off.
Ms. Joolie Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 I can't speak for other men' date=' but for some guys like me [b']commitment comes with trust[/b], not lust. Attractive or sexually charged women are around, but trustworthy women are like rare gems. This really speaks out to me personally, and I guess because of that seems to be the answer to this thread even. It's not that I'm not trustworthy, but have also given out the image without the person, so to say. So, yeah, I consider myself to *never* have had a real relationship. I've never given that real person, or the real relationship, that a guy could trust or even could commit to. Investing in a real relationship and building trust are two key points for me if I want a real relationship.
Ms. Joolie Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 the only explanation is there is something about your physical looks that is turning men off...cause let me tell you - even if you're only half-way good looking you'll have men galore Aren't you 19 or something?? Yes, you would say this.... you are so stuck on looks. You can't even recognize a woman when you see one.
You'reasian Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 This guy lied to her face, he's too much of a coward to tell her why he's not attracted to her. She can try, but since he's concentrating on someone else now, he might not even remember what turned him off. That's her side of the story and while there's a good deal of truth to it, there's the guys side of the story and then the truth. Communication needs to take place.
Author V.Vixen Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 Aren't you 19 or something?? Yes, you would say this.... you are so stuck on looks. You can't even recognize a woman when you see one. I have no problems attracting men for all the wrong reasons, so I doubt it's my looks.
Author V.Vixen Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 That's her side of the story and while there's a good deal of truth to it, there's the guys side of the story and then the truth. Communication needs to take place. I haven't even seen him to comunicate with him, and I will talk to him. That's a given, as I do consider him my friend.
dudet Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 he was just using you for sex, why is that so hard to understand:confused:
threebyfate Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Let's take the last five men you've dated, have they all friend-zoned you?
Ms. Joolie Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 This guy lied to her face, he's too much of a coward to tell her why he's not attracted to her. She can try, but since he's concentrating on someone else now, he might not even remember what turned him off. We don't know that he even lied to her. How many of us say we're not looking for anything and then fall for a relationship??? If that's a lie, so many of us "lie" in that regard. I really thought the gripe of this thread wasn't about the "lie" but that he didn't find a relationship with her, and that this happens to her often. My guess is that she hasn't been in relationship mode herself for a long time, probably not since she was married.
Author V.Vixen Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 he was just using you for sex, why is that so hard to understand:confused: Ummm, how is that possible when we have never had sex?
Author V.Vixen Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 Let's take the last five men you've dated, have they all friend-zoned you? Nope, 1 did, 1 broke it off, the others were broken off on my terms... so I guess I exagerated.
Ms. Joolie Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 I have no problems attracting men for all the wrong reasons, so I doubt it's my looks. Totally get that. Alpha's comment was just so.... out of place. lol. Couldn't resist not commenting on his immature comment.
Author V.Vixen Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 My guess is that she hasn't been in relationship mode herself for a long time, probably not since she was married. You got it, but I want one, I really do. I am ready.
You'reasian Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 This really speaks out to me personally, and I guess because of that seems to be the answer to this thread even. It's not that I'm not trustworthy, but have also given out the image without the person, so to say. So, yeah, I consider myself to *never* have had a real relationship. I've never given that real person, or the real relationship, that a guy could trust or even could commit to. Investing in a real relationship and building trust are two key points for me if I want a real relationship. And you might want a real relationship one day, then change your mind the next - its about you and what you need. I'm open, honest and transparent from the start and it scares alot of women away; the more savy ones lie through it Its terrible for dating, but amazing for healthy, supportive relationships that could lead to having a girlfriend or more. I'm also verbal about issues and working them through to atleast a compromise. I've heard every excuse, objection and justification in the book. Again, it scares away some women - but it earns mad respect from strong, honest women - the kind some want as a partner.
dudet Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Ummm, how is that possible when we have never had sex? i could have swore i read something about you sleeping with a guy just a few weeks ago.
threebyfate Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Nope, 1 did, 1 broke it off, the others were broken off on my terms... so I guess I exagerated. Yup, take that out to the last 10 men you dated and you might find a pattern. You're fixating on one guy. That's an ego problem and you know it. Stop it.
WTRanger Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 We don't know that he even lied to her. How many of us say we're not looking for anything and then fall for a relationship??? If that's a lie, so many of us "lie" in that regard. I really thought the gripe of this thread wasn't about the "lie" but that he didn't find a relationship with her, and that this happens to her often. My guess is that she hasn't been in relationship mode herself for a long time, probably not since she was married. I think he did lie to her on some level. This goes back to the whole, "I'm not wanting a relationship." speech. The lie comes from when they leave out the critical word as in, "I'm not ready for a relationship with YOU." Half-truths, no truths, no answers, half-answers, lead-ons, white lies, black lies, they are all lies. If it is not the absolute truth, it is a lie. OP, just understand that sometimes you can't make guys see you the way you see them. It just happens that way. As with most guys and in my experience, we friendzone ourselves. As a guy, when I have been friendzoned, I didn't push the relationship forward. I was happy to be with the girl, and I let myself get into a rut thinking that life will work forward. That's BS! I'm the one in control of life, not life in control of me. If I want to date the girl, I need to push it forward. If it doesn't work out, well, then on to the next. Yes, it is much easier said than done though.
Author V.Vixen Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 Yup, take that out to the last 10 men you dated and you might find a pattern. You're fixating on one guy. That's an ego problem and you know it. Stop it. You're absolutely right. I tend to let my ego get the best of me at times, which isn't helping me at ALL. I have trouble not taking things personally.
Recommended Posts