dark17 Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 well here is the deal. i went out with my girl for over three years. this summer, she left me because she said she didn't want a relationship then. she also told me i never took her on dates (which was partly true.. i just didn't as often as i should have), that she didnt see me as being "my own person" or having "my own identity".. "we hung out too much" all this combined with a very untrusting personallity due to her past... these complications plus my perhaps lack of shown love equaled her not wanting me any longer. it's true, the fire had gone down in our relationship.. and I could have done more to keep it blazing, and i regret that i didn't. anyways, a few weeks afterwards, she started seeing another guy (her ex) and did some things that hurt me. physical things. i had waited so long and done so much to unlock this precious girls heart and mind, a year of work to be intimate, and she blows it with an overly pushy good for nothing ex. and how do i know this? because at the end of the summer she wanted me back. i had just gotten back from an awesome trip with my framily and friends, one on which i had invited her to go... praying she'd come... and she had refused. but when i got back and she wanted me to come over.. i met a sad and angry girl who wanted to know why i had never done that kind of trip for her. a pittiful sight. she told me EVERYTHING that she had done and she was immensley sorry as i was immensly angry, and after that...... immensly forgiving. because i was still in love with her. you see some people get married in less than a years time of dating. this was three years, and it's ******* not easy to get over, especially when you consider how deeply certain persons and personalites mesh, and what things were said and or done in all your time you had together. i had been begging all summer (i know i shouldn't have) and as you can see she had been backstabbing me with the guy who she said would never have her heart again. out of love i couldn't be angry forever at her, because i know if i ever made a mistake with her, or anyone, i would want them to somehow, be forgiving of me.. because she was truly sorry. and i would be sorry too. well we were back together and celebrated our three year anniversarry that we missed, i surprised her took her to new york city for a weekend (we lived in a state near new york) for the first time and we had an amazing time. she said she should have never left. she loved me and would never hurt me again. she knew who she was supposed to be with. well, we decided to study abroad. if we got placed in other cities in france, then we would still keep what we had going. we both got placed int he same university, and we have been having a great time here, until last week, when she told me she could not love me anymore, that she had thought about it, that she only got back with me because i had been so pittiful, that she had felt guilty, and all this other ****. basically, she unloaded all of a sudden a ****load of confusion on me that contradicted everything that had happened before. why tell me what happened with your ex if you were just giving me a pity relationship? why go back on all the **** you said? why, knowing we will be here together, decide to do this to me now? and also, when we were separated we had a few very initmate and steamy situations out of nowhere happen. more than a few times. and we would never say anything about it. apparently (her telling me this now) she was feeling guilty and that's why those times happened? i had thought the whole time it was just that she was ignoring how she really felt. she is a very confused person sometimes and i do not think she really know what she is doing. but she said she made her choice. i try to pin her down and tell her i will not wait. but she says do what you want. obviously when i said i will not wait, i don't mean that, because i can't leave. i am more sure now (than even last break up) that i am in love with her than i ever was before. the pain i feel this time knowing she told me "i just don't love you" is evidence to how deeply i ddidn't evenr realize i loved her. she says confusing things, after i try to talk to her about it (which i know i should not) that "........ i've made up my mind already. let's talk about this some other time when we are not so filled with emotions" and the like. she tells me she doesn't want to confuse me this time but then confuses me anyways. i ask, is it yes or no? is it you know or don't know? not knowing is okay. but if you know, tell me. and she says, well, i don't know if i know. i try to figure out weather to wait or not, but as you can see, it's impossible and i'm going insane. what should i do? i'm alone in france and depressed and can't focus on school and am stuck with mutual friends we've met. i'm not ******* going home. hell, she was my home. i don't want to betray my feelings. i want her back. whatever we had at one time, which she confessed we had but lost, made her think that we just shouldn't ever... ever be together. i know i need to not talk to her so much. i can't beg. i can't stay depressed (although i feel as if i have right to, whatever the hell else am i going to do?).. i can't be desperate. i can't avoid seeing her completely. do i make her jealous? what should i do? i know everyone will tell me to move on, or it'll get better, or whatever else. it's not like i have not gone through this before. i am so hurt by the fact that you can love someone so much, and yet it just unwravell right in your face.
Samari Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 If everything you're telling me is true, you need to move on. If you don't, then you would be a pathetic loser for not doing so. This really isn't that complicated to figure out. No amount of ass is worth one's dignity. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and that is an understatement.
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