jw90063 Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 I was just on OkCupid, and I finally got a message from a guy. The first thing he said was "well, I don't usually respond to people who don't have a profile picture.....but". I was thinking, well that explains why I've had little replies. I figured that was the case, but its my preference not to put up a picture. I understand that a picture is the first thing people usually look at. Also, it allows you to see if you are physically attracted to the persons appearance, but some people simply do not feel comfortable putting there photo on a dating site for ANYONE to see. I have done it in the past, but lately I don't feel comfortable doing so. What are you supposed to do? I stated in profile that I do in fact have pictures, but don't feel comfortable showing them on the site. I believe my profile is very good, and its aggravating to not be acknowledged just because you don't have a photo on there. It's not like I don't have pictures to show. Do people not take into consideration they may be passing up a good opportunity just because a photo is not shown on the profile? How do you feel about this? Do you always put up a photo on dating sites, or do you not? Do you still get replies? What are your opinions on this.
BobSacamento Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 They assume you are hiding for a reason. Perhaps because you are a cheater.
Author jw90063 Posted December 5, 2009 Author Posted December 5, 2009 They assume you are hiding for a reason. Perhaps because you are a cheater. Yeah, I would understand this, but being its the internet, there are safety issues as well as privacy. I would hope most people would understand that. Also, I always wonder if someone I knew might see me on there.
Author jw90063 Posted December 5, 2009 Author Posted December 5, 2009 What's funny is now I've had two guys attempt contact with me. One I spoke to briefly, but after seeing their pictures, I want to run for the hills. See, if they had not had a picture up, I may have got to know them a little better. At least showing a picture will keep you from wasting someone's time. They see your pic..if they don't like it..next.
Star Gazer Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Yeah, I would understand this, but being its the internet, there are safety issues as well as privacy. I would hope most people would understand that. Also, I always wonder if someone I knew might see me on there. What sort of safety issues? That you're X age, like X music and X food and live in X city? What does adding your picture to that equation change in terms of safety? And who cares if anyone sees you? If people know you're single, they know you're "looking and interested," regardless of the medium.
johan Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Getting involved with someone, even just online, is a bit of an investment... read the profile, write a message, be thoughtful, write back and forth, etc. If there is no picture there is a higher likelihood that you're making this investment in someone you're not even attracted to. So no picture, no replies. If you don't want to put up a picture, then you should explain why, similar to how you did here, but maybe more briefly. And provide a description of yourself. That will probably get you more replies, but keep in mind people don't have a lot of patience for reading when they are scanning profiles. In many cases they won't even stop to find out what you have to say. It takes too much time.
johan Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 You should consider the logic of not putting up a picture, by the way. You take much bigger risks of being identified just walking out your door. Do you ever encounter the mailman? He knows where you live what you look like and what your name is. He probably even knows whether you live alone. Do you hand your credit card to people at stores? Do you write checks? Do you let thousands of people see your face and what car you drive just by motoring down the street? A picture on a website is, by comparison, extremely anonymous. The only difference is out in real life you can see who is seeing you.
bac Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 In general, a pic is the most important thing in your profile. In Other words, your pic is everything for majority of men. But, there are some people who think differently. Your pic is the only thing that reflects you somehow realistically and it provides info about possibility of chemistry. When I look at profiles, I look only at pics because I can understand person's chemistry/personality better by looking at his eyes than by reading his essay which is probably not much different from essays of other guys and it might be not truthful at all. Unfortunately, most people who hide there pics on line have reasons for that. These reasons are very bad looks, being married/attached, being a flake, having a fake profile and stuff like that.
b52s Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Yeah, I remember back in the Dial-up days, when photos in personals weren't as plentiful, and as a man, you had to ask for a description of the woman. Gosh forbid if you ask her her weight, LOL That wound up pretty much ending correspondence right there, lol
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 When I've done OLD in the past, I passed over contacts with no picture. I just assume they're hiding something. I guess I don't think it's entirely fair that I have my pic up so they can see EXACTLY what I look like and all they can respond to me is that they don't have a pic in return. Can you attach a pic to your initial message to them? (It's been a long time since I've done OLD, so I can't remember.) Surely if you already know what the person looks like, you know it's nobody you know. The reason my policy has become this^ is because I corresponded for awhile with guys with no pic and my interest died off after several emails and they still had no pic. I had no clue who I was corresponding with. Yes - I like to know what somebody looks like before I meet them in person. I think THAT is a safety issue.
looking4 green grass Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 I don't respond to profiles without a picture. My thought is I had the balls to put my pictures up there, so why should I respond to someone who doesn't? Plus I don't want to waste my time on somebody who I would never be physically attracted to.
Author jw90063 Posted December 5, 2009 Author Posted December 5, 2009 What sort of safety issues? That you're X age, like X music and X food and live in X city? What does adding your picture to that equation change in terms of safety? And who cares if anyone sees you? If people know you're single, they know you're "looking and interested," regardless of the medium. Well any time you display an image of yourself, it opens up more doors to those you do not wish to have contact with. I do care if someone I know sees me. That's just me. I have nothing to hide, but I also don't like knowing any old perv could be viewing me on there. Also, if you do show your pic on profile, half the time the picture isn't even accurate. You meet the person and they look opposite or not like their photo. Either way the pic may do a poor job of describing how they look. I do understand its better to see a pic up front and get a general idea of how they supposedly look. I admit times I've browsed, I am tempted to just looks at profiles with pictures. It just seems easier that way. I guess I just realized how aggravating it is, having a profile up with no picture, and only a few responses. I tried to explain in profile I do have pictures, and also I'm attractive. Hopefully that helps some. Maybe Ill just have to give in and put up a picture.
tkgirl Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 What's funny is now I've had two guys attempt contact with me. One I spoke to briefly, but after seeing their pictures, I want to run for the hills. See, if they had not had a picture up, I may have got to know them a little better. At least showing a picture will keep you from wasting someone's time. They see your pic..if they don't like it..next. you just answered your own question.. so why don't you have a pic up? really??? also I find it interesting that you were the one that posted some poor guy's profile from match a week or two ago for everyone to pick apart.. ok, maybe that wasn't your intention but that's what happened... and how ironic that you want to stay anonymous now...
Jaytb Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 well I think people tend to assume the worst if you don't have a pic.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 What's funny is now I've had two guys attempt contact with me. One I spoke to briefly, but after seeing their pictures, I want to run for the hills. See, if they had not had a picture up, I may have got to know them a little better. At least showing a picture will keep you from wasting someone's time. They see your pic..if they don't like it..next. Uhhhhhhhhhh, the whole centerpiece of online dating sites is your time, not someone else's...
Holding-On Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 For OkCupid you can become an A-list member. I think it is $10/mo. I think (but not sure, double check on this one) that you can cancel it when you are done (meet someone etc). As an A-list member, you can tack on a photo in your message to someone. So you can scan for men you like and send them your picture with the message.
Knittress Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 You can't really control who sees you in real life. Yeah sure, you'd prefer some perv on the street corner didn't notice you. But ::gasp:: maybe he did and he's thinking dirty thoughts of you RIGHT NOW!! It's disturbing. But chances are it's happened at least once. (Especially in high school) I totally get where you're coming from, but you can't control other people's thoughts and the only way you're going to avoid being seen by people you'd rather not associate with is.... hm. No. Can't think of a solution there. If you went to a single's bar people would see you. Your boss could even walk in the door and see you. Your second cousin passing on the street might even see you go in and tell your grandma.
Author jw90063 Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 you just answered your own question.. so why don't you have a pic up? really??? also I find it interesting that you were the one that posted some poor guy's profile from match a week or two ago for everyone to pick apart.. ok, maybe that wasn't your intention but that's what happened... and how ironic that you want to stay anonymous now... I think I made it clear as to why I don't have my picture up. Do I need to clarify it? Is it really that difficult to comprehend?! Bringing up my other thread is unnecessary and pointless, but thanks for the useless input. For OkCupid you can become an A-list member. I think it is $10/mo. I think (but not sure, double check on this one) that you can cancel it when you are done (meet someone etc). As an A-list member, you can tack on a photo in your message to someone. So you can scan for men you like and send them your picture with the message. Oh, that's interesting. Thanks for letting me know. You can't really control who sees you in real life. Yeah sure, you'd prefer some perv on the street corner didn't notice you. But ::gasp:: maybe he did and he's thinking dirty thoughts of you RIGHT NOW!! It's disturbing. But chances are it's happened at least once. (Especially in high school) I totally get where you're coming from, but you can't control other people's thoughts and the only way you're going to avoid being seen by people you'd rather not associate with is.... hm. No. Can't think of a solution there. If you went to a single's bar people would see you. Your boss could even walk in the door and see you. Your second cousin passing on the street might even see you go in and tell your grandma. Sure perverts can see you anywhere, but I think its logic to realize its easier for them to access you online. There are plenty of them from all over the world, who can easily view your profile at any time. There are weirdos everywhere, not just online, but IMO it's worse on here. I just feel strange about someone I know, seeing me on a dating site. I don't know why. Maybe deep down I think it looks a bit desperate.
Awesome Username Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 I think that also a guy might feel bad if he was writing to you and ended up talking to you and interested, but the picture ended up being a deal-breaker. Guys don't like hurting girls' feeling, even online. That's also why the picture first thing is ideal to most.
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