Scarlett513 Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Just got back from a date with this guy I've been dating who I knew I had to break things off with. He is the nicest guy, but the "feelings" just aren't there. Anyway, he told me he knew I'm not as into him as he is into me, and then told me he's not seeing anyone else and doesn't want to. I am seeing others and knew I had to end it with him anyway. So it was the right time and I just told him the truth (well, some less harsh version of the truth), and he was amazing and mature and handled it beautifully. And now I got what I wanted and in some way I feel relieved about that but there's the other part of me that's just hoping that I made the right decision. I mean, I really think it was. It just wasn't right for me for whatever reason. But he treated me so nice and I've been treated so badly in the past. I hope I didn't just break up with the only guy who's ever been nice to me... I know this post makes no sense, I'm just venting. If anyone is listening, thanks, lol.
The Way I Am Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 As long as you didn't break it off with him BECAUSE he was nice to you, then you did the right thing. People with low self esteem tend to only be attracted to those who don't treat them with respect.
thegreatmoose Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Just got back from a date with this guy I've been dating who I knew I had to break things off with. He is the nicest guy, but the "feelings" just aren't there. Anyway, he told me he knew I'm not as into him as he is into me, and then told me he's not seeing anyone else and doesn't want to. I am seeing others and knew I had to end it with him anyway. So it was the right time and I just told him the truth (well, some less harsh version of the truth), and he was amazing and mature and handled it beautifully. And now I got what I wanted and in some way I feel relieved about that but there's the other part of me that's just hoping that I made the right decision. I mean, I really think it was. It just wasn't right for me for whatever reason. But he treated me so nice and I've been treated so badly in the past. I hope I didn't just break up with the only guy who's ever been nice to me... I know this post makes no sense, I'm just venting. If anyone is listening, thanks, lol. It's much harder to be the man. He handled it well in front of you, but it's likely everything came out the moment you left. He may have some hard days ahead. Some go over the date or dates in their head wondering where they went wrong, even though there may be nothing specific they did wrong. That said, if you weren't interested, you had to break up with him and the sooner the better. If you had waited longer, then it would have been even harder for him.
Ms. Joolie Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 What do you mean you had no "feelings" for him? No sexual feelings? No attraction feelings? Maybe you should date a nice guy that you have no instant feelings for. I just don't think it sounds right to do anything based on just feelings. There has to be some reasoning behind it. As in, "I didn't think he was physically attractive". Or "I didn't think we were a good match because of ...........". But if you let him go just because you didn't "feel" something, I think that's a mistake. So what was the real reason you let him go?
GoodOnPaper Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 I can very much relate to and sympathize with the guy in this situation -- however, I don't see any other way that this could have been handled. Doing the "nice" and "right" things often leads to success in many facets of life but usually generates zero attraction in women. Hopefully, he's got a good head on his shoulders and won't let this drag him down.
TheGuitarist Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing. Most girls in this situation would have friend zoned him, and no man should have to succumb to such a fate. Honestly though what your feeling right now is just the fear that you lost something good, which in all actuality you did you lose something good. BUT just because he was good does not mean he was right for you. Had you gone on and began dating him then it would have just ended with his heart broken. You simply weren't attracted to him and by ending it you were doing the right thing. In this day in age you cant "LEARN" to love someone, that is a barbaric mindset only to be employed to those whom have their marriages arranged. Good Job
Author Scarlett513 Posted December 5, 2009 Author Posted December 5, 2009 When I say I didn't have the "feelings," I mean I wasn't feeling the chemistry or physical attraction. I just wasn't feeling that thing that you feel for someone you're really into. I knew upfront that he wasn't my type, but we were friends first and so I also knew he was a great catch. Since I know that attraction can sometimes develop over time, I decided to give it a try. We dated for a month, and that chemistry just never came. A big question in my head for the past month has been how important are those feelings, really? But in the end, I think that even though he was 90% good for me, I think I owe myself a chance at 100%. Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement =)
cognac Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Personally I think you went very wrong to date him for a month when you didn't like the way he looks from the first place . You wasted his time, emotions, and money, for a whole month (while seeing "other people" to top it off). I doubt he's that ugly either, because women generally won't ever been seen in public with a truly unattractive guy. He's probably just average to good looking. Just realize this, it IS your fault that you get treated poorly by men, the model men are 9 out of 10 times going to be that way...because they can be and you'll still come back for more.
You'reasian Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 (edited) Just got back from a date with this guy I've been dating who I knew I had to break things off with. He is the nicest guy, but the "feelings" just aren't there. Anyway, he told me he knew I'm not as into him as he is into me, and then told me he's not seeing anyone else and doesn't want to. I am seeing others and knew I had to end it with him anyway. So it was the right time and I just told him the truth (well, some less harsh version of the truth), and he was amazing and mature and handled it beautifully. And now I got what I wanted and in some way I feel relieved about that but there's the other part of me that's just hoping that I made the right decision. I mean, I really think it was. It just wasn't right for me for whatever reason. But he treated me so nice and I've been treated so badly in the past. I hope I didn't just break up with the only guy who's ever been nice to me... I know this post makes no sense, I'm just venting. If anyone is listening, thanks, lol. Did you flat out tell him you were seeing others? or did he figure it out? Regardless, you may not be ready for a nice, respectfull guy and there's nothing wrong with that. Many women aren't. I agree with cognac on this one. If the guy wasn't attractive, you wouldn't be seen with him in public, in the presence of friends. Maybe you aren't ready for a committed relationship either? Again nothing wrong with that. Its ultimately about where you are and what you need to do. Edited December 5, 2009 by You'reasian
callingyouuu Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 As long as you didn't break it off with him BECAUSE he was nice to you, then you did the right thing. People with low self esteem tend to only be attracted to those who don't treat them with respect. I agree. I think both you and he handled the situation rather smoothly. There will be other nice guys that are more compatible with you, don't worry!
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