b52s Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 The last thread made me decide to start this one. When you're trying to get to know someone, is it YOUR business to know what happened in a person's last relationship? Sometimes some get defensive or give you the "I don't want to talk about it now" Should you be understanding and let it slide...mind your own business and respect that persons wishes. Or, let her get away with it once....get to know each other and ask that person again, "So...um....what happened with your last relationship?" I had one woman, who I knew a while back that was engaged then, and got married. Saw her like 10 years later on match.com....and asked her what happened with her marriage. She told me that's none of my business. lol I was thinking "Well, excuuuuuuuse me!! "
New Again Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Well I don't think your wording was very good. It's kind of blunt and bordering on offensive, IMO, and it was probably too early to ask her. I do feel entitled to know why someone's past relationships ended, because it tells you a lot about a person and what you're getting into.
Author b52s Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 Well I don't think your wording was very good. It's kind of blunt and bordering on offensive, IMO, and it was probably too early to ask her. I do feel entitled to know why someone's past relationships ended, because it tells you a lot about a person and what you're getting into. Yeah, I learned my lesson after that incident...but I guess you have to time it right. Sometimes even after a time...they dont want to say it either.
New Again Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Yeah, I learned my lesson after that incident...but I guess you have to time it right. Sometimes even after a time...they dont want to say it either. Well that tells you something about the person also.
Author b52s Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 Well that tells you something about the person also. Well, if they tell you, "I don't feel comfortable talking about it right now"....what do you say? Should you hold off, and try asking again later?
New Again Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Well, if they tell you, "I don't feel comfortable talking about it right now"....what do you say? Should you hold off, and try asking again later? Depends on the circumstances I suppose. If you're asking on a first date (which you shouldn't), then yeah, ask again later, when you're considering being exclusive/whether she's gf material.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I think there definitely should be a good comfort level built up with somebody before you ask them that kind of a question. I'm a pretty open person, so generally I spill that kind of info first, which encourages trust and openness in the other person. If I felt really comfortable with a guy and he gave me the "it's NOYB" line, I'd be a little put off. I might give him a little more time to open up, but because of my very open nature, it would bother me. It would push me away. It's hard to get close to somebody if they won't open up.
Author b52s Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 I think there definitely should be a good comfort level built up with somebody before you ask them that kind of a question. I'm a pretty open person, so generally I spill that kind of info first, which encourages trust and openness in the other person. If I felt really comfortable with a guy and he gave me the "it's NOYB" line, I'd be a little put off. I might give him a little more time to open up, but because of my very open nature, it would bother me. It would push me away. It's hard to get close to somebody if they won't open up. Yeah, with some people it's like ' "Mehh...my boyfriend cheated on me, that bum" They blow it off like it's no big thing. I have one for you...I have a male friend that got engaged...real nice guy, was engaged to a gorgeous latina woman with 2 kids. You know...to this DAY he won't tell what happened...even years later? When it happened and when I asked "what happened' right after, he said he won't talk about it...I thought "Oh okay, cool" About a year later I saw him again.....asked him about it...figuring that'd he could talk about it, after catching up...I said, "Oh...hey, so whatever happened with that woman you were engaged to?" Typically, people at that point, actually have FUN talking about it with other people. STILL he won't say...I waas like WTF???? That's strange man.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Maybe he found out something reeeeeally embarrassing about her that made him break it off and he doesn't want to be branded a dumbass for dating somebody with whatever problem it was. When I'm really getting to know somebody and trust them, I'll open up and share what I learned about myself from my failed marriage. Meaning - I KNOW what I contributed negatively and I don't mind sharing with someone I trust. Yeah, they hear the stuff my XH screwed up, but I do my best to not make it one-sided.
deux ex machina Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 It's the sort of disclosure that should evolve naturally.
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