New Again Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 You're right she should probably dump him he could be upper decking Write off the 4 years and move on OP! Seriously though the BF clearly doesn't take criticism too well. Also doesn't seem like the OP takes teasing very well (if I'm correct that the second wipe was a tease). So they need to change tactics or keep bickering Mostly I agree with the advice you've given in this thread thus far. However. Some kinds of teasing are not okay - and one of those would be when someone tells you that something grosses you out. Talk about immaturity. Seriously, they're going to be living together (or they already are, I didn't read that closely) - they need to keep the romance alive, and one incredibly obviously easy way to do that is to not be such an immature jerk as to do something that grosses out your partner. He's her LOVER, not her brother. One of the best things I've heard, IMO, was something along the lines of someone asking what the key to a successful marriage is. The answer? It's as simple as never **** in front of each other. I don't remember if I read that here; in fact I'm pretty sure it's something my sister told me. In any case, if you don't take that statement too literally, I think that it is entirely correct.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 You're right she should probably dump him he could be upper decking Write off the 4 years and move on OP! Seriously though the BF clearly doesn't take criticism too well. Also doesn't seem like the OP takes teasing very well (if I'm correct that the second wipe was a tease). So they need to change tactics or keep bickering Now you are being silly. So if you came home and your girlfriend was using your socks as a maxi pad would you be calm and collected in telling her your white gym socks should not be used as a tampon? You gotta admit it's a weird habit and it would catch you way off guard. Furthermore how would you feel if she did it again the next day "as a joke?" Seriously now.
Jerseyboy. Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Agreed! Ewwww. Plus the idea that he keeps doing it is totally wrong. That girlfriend/coffee story is pretty bad too, I'd go ballistic. ! I know right. Even weirder is she also had a bathing problem She was an equestrian, always out with her horse, riding, but never was all that concerned abotu showering afterwards before messing around.
Ody Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 However. Some kinds of teasing are not okay - and one of those would be when someone tells you that something grosses you out. Talk about immaturity. Seriously, they're going to be living together (or they already are, I didn't read that closely) - they need to keep the romance alive, and one incredibly obviously easy way to do that is to not be such an immature jerk as to do something that grosses out your partner. Compared to the types of teasing guys often unleash on each other, that's pretty gentle. I don't think he should of done that, I think he should have been pretty embarassed and never wiped his soul patch on the comforter again. But instead he was pretty embarrassed and teased her about it, and it escalated a little bit. No debate on whether it was right or not - it is already done. So what to do? Any advice that is not basically "look, put it in perspective, not a big deal, try to deal with it more calmly" just fans the flames Consider the types of threads usually posted here. "My GF just banged all the denver broncos, does she still love me?" Or "He hasn't called in 5 weeks and only comes over once in a while for anal, do you think he loves me?". This is not a big deal! Sounds like they are a healthy couple with good potential, hopefully this just blows over! I think OP knows this, and is better for her to hear that then "eww gross" or "what a nasty man ugh!"
GorillaTheater Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Prepare yourself, because I am probably going to gross you out even more. Think about it. Take a few steps back and look at the big picture. You were enticing him to bed, I assume to have sex. He brushed his teeth, then wiped his soul patch on your comforter. Do you really think he got all that stuff out of his mouth that you then basically stuck your tongue into? Unless you don't kiss, of course... Then, you had sex with him, what do you think is now all over your sheets? That you are actually sleeping on? Sleeping in? This is the tip of the iceberg. The longer you are with someone, the worse it gets. Wait until one of you wets the bed, lol. I'll tell on myself to give you some perspective. I had 2 kids close together, and I breastfed. When my milk dropped after the second one, it was way, way too much. For several weeks after that birth, every morning when we got up, me, the bed, and my H would be SOAKED with breastmilk. At first I was disgusted, and he thought it was hilarious. He helped me be able to laugh about it, and it was all okay. Maybe tonight, you should brush your teeth, then smear a little toothpaste around your mouth and chase him around saying "Kiss me, baby!!!" A sense of humor makes everything better. Good post. After a bunch of kids, I guess it takes a hell of alot to gross me out. A dab of saliva and the slight possibility of a bit of toothpaste just doesn't make my insides curdle or anything. And yeah, I wonder how the OP reacts to the *other* kind of wet spot and whether she finds that equally repulsive.
New Again Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Compared to the types of teasing guys often unleash on each other, that's pretty gentle. I don't think he should of done that, I think he should have been pretty embarassed and never wiped his soul patch on the comforter again. But instead he was pretty embarrassed and teased her about it, and it escalated a little bit. No debate on whether it was right or not - it is already done. So what to do? Any advice that is not basically "look, put it in perspective, not a big deal, try to deal with it more calmly" just fans the flames Consider the types of threads usually posted here. "My GF just banged all the denver broncos, does she still love me?" Or "He hasn't called in 5 weeks and only comes over once in a while for anal, do you think he loves me?". This is not a big deal! Sounds like they are a healthy couple with good potential, hopefully this just blows over! I think OP knows this, and is better for her to hear that then "eww gross" or "what a nasty man ugh!" I see your point, but they do need to work on maintaining attraction if they want a healthy relationship - so in a way, I do think this is a big deal. It's about keeping a relationship healthy and maintained, rather than being a self-esteem issue (which is really what's all over the place here, including in the facetious examples you gave). So, the OP needs to have a discussion with her bf about this.
Jerseyboy. Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Good post. After a bunch of kids, I guess it takes a hell of alot to gross me out. A dab of saliva and the slight possibility of a bit of toothpaste just doesn't make my insides curdle or anything. And yeah, I wonder how the OP reacts to the *other* kind of wet spot and whether she finds that equally repulsive. Its not toothpaste He was wiping it on their comforter. Not even a dirty t shirt or something The bed comforter.
Ody Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 so in a way, I do think this is a big deal. Everything is a big deal 30+ posts in on an internet thread. In the scope of things that could have went wrong in the four years of dating, not a big deal. No way. I agree, they should probably have a discussion. Leave out the rolling away from your BF in bed and likewise the teasing your GF as if it was some dude on the other team at a football game.
GorillaTheater Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Its not toothpaste He was wiping it on their comforter. Not even a dirty t shirt or something The bed comforter. Different strokes, I guess. A little crass, but not over-the-top disgusting. It was part of his face, after all, not his ass.
New Again Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Shakes head. Who cares whether or not the OP's bf's habits are gross? The point is the OP finds it repulsive. Did she overreact? Maybe. But just look at the marriage forums. Relationships need maintenance. Period. If the OP is disgusted by her bf's behavior and it causes her to be turned off, he needs to stop doing it - AFTER she calmly and rationally explains this to him.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I know right. Even weirder is she also had a bathing problem She was an equestrian, always out with her horse, riding, but never was all that concerned abotu showering afterwards before messing around. You poor thing, that must have been one stinky mess of a girlfriend! Bless your heart for enduring that. Not to mention the sweaty nether region after horseback riding....sorry my mind is really going now with the picture you painted!
GorillaTheater Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Shakes head. Who cares whether or not the OP's bf's habits are gross? The point is the OP finds it repulsive. Did she overreact? Maybe. But just look at the marriage forums. Relationships need maintenance. Period. If the OP is disgusted by her bf's behavior and it causes her to be turned off, he needs to stop doing it - AFTER she calmly and rationally explains this to him. I agree with this. Just puzzled by (and perhaps too focused on) what I percieved to be a strange over-reaction, s'all.
Ody Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Shakes head. Who cares whether or not the OP's bf's habits are gross? The point is the OP finds it repulsive. Did she overreact? Maybe. But just look at the marriage forums. Relationships need maintenance. Period. If the OP is disgusted by her bf's behavior and it causes her to be turned off, he needs to stop doing it - AFTER she calmly and rationally explains this to him. I think we are saying the same thing. Not sure what the shakes head referred to.
New Again Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I agree with this. Just puzzled by (and perhaps too focused on) what I percieved to be a strange over-reaction, s'all. I think we are saying the same thing. Not sure what the shakes head referred to. Maybe I'm projecting...but it seems like some posters are getting a little worked up over something I don't perceive to be the real issue. That's all. (When I say I'm projecting, I mean it involves a personal story in which a bf "teasingly" peed on my leg in the shower ) I agree, we're probably saying the same thing, or something similar in different ways - because I pretty much always agree with your posts
Author LaChatteNoire Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 CThis is not a big deal! Sounds like they are a healthy couple with good potential, hopefully this just blows over! I think OP knows this, and is better for her to hear that then "eww gross" or "what a nasty man ugh!" Thanks Ody, I've really liked/enjoyed all of your responses. I agree that I didn't handle it well but the second time just got to me. I've compromised a lot and through other relationships I've learned that that is a HUGE part of a relationship - so I don't usually bug him about little things at all. I didn't even think that maybe he was deliberately doing it - he doesn't usually do stuff like that... so it didn't come to mind. A sense of humor makes everything better. I'll go for humor instead next time - and try to take teasing better as well. And yeah, I wonder how the OP reacts to the *other* kind of wet spot and whether she finds that equally repulsive. It's still very gross, yes... but I know exactly what the *other* wet spot consists of (biologically/chemically) and it doesn't include millions of germs as the human mouth does. Of course - kissing is pretty gross too. I don't really think about it for whatever reason. When hormones are going and you're going, the grossness of kissing doesn't really come into play.
Jerseyboy. Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I can't believe she has to keep justifying why wiping your nasty toothpaste filled beard on a "COMFORTER" is not acceptable.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 But just look at the marriage forums. Relationships need maintenance. Period. If the OP is disgusted by her bf's behavior and it causes her to be turned off, he needs to stop doing it - AFTER she calmly and rationally explains this to him. Agreed. My advice: Talk about it outside the bedroom and not right before you are about to have sex. Bring up the topic in a non-threatening way and discuss openly how you feel about it.
Author LaChatteNoire Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 So, the OP needs to have a discussion with her bf about this. I'll talk to him after work today. I think it might be best to apologize and say that I now realize that he was just teasing and that I overreacted, make him some delicious dinner, and make up. I'm sure by now he knows it really grosses me out, so I don't think I should reiterate that he shouldn't do it.
Author LaChatteNoire Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 Agreed. My advice: Talk about it outside the bedroom and not right before you are about to have sex. Bring up the topic in a non-threatening way and discuss openly how you feel about it. Thank you, I really appreciate all of your input.
donnamaybe Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Okay, so some people are basically saying that since life normally comes with a certain amount of filth, you shouldn't care if he PURPOSELY adds more where it doesn't belong? I'm sorry, but I disagree. It's a very simple thing to wipe your face with a damn towel BEFORE you get to bed. Of course when you have sex, a little schmutz gets on the sheets. Does that mean he should also feel free to wipe his arse with them? NO! As for the "been a few days" since the shower comment - YUCK!!! OP, you have every right to ask your BF to be more aware of not being a complete slob. I'm not sure how to get around his infantile behavior regarding your request, though.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Thank you, I really appreciate all of your input. You're welcome In fact I think you gave yourself the best advice: I think it might be best to apologize and say that I now realize that he was just teasing and that I overreacted, make him some delicious dinner, and make up. Hope it goes well LaChatteNoire. Maybe you should put mini down-filled quilts on the plates when you serve dinner to use as napkins... I'm kidding I'm kidding!
b52s Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Heck, he might even wipe his butt with the sheets...check for skidmarks. lol
Jerseyboy. Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 LOL MY last male roommate at NYU. He did a ton of crap to annoy me. But one day he coems home with this ...something you boil oil in to fry stuff. I forget the name Im going to school full time. Im working almost full time. Everything I have is in that little room. And I dont have extra cash lying around to replace stuff with, especially clothes. We already got in an argument becauwe I had bought a weeks worth of groceries for myself, went home to see a gf for the weekend, came back and they were all gone. All of it. I even remeber exactly how much , $120 worth, because it was such a big deal for me to pay for them at the time. So he has this fryer thing, and says he wants to fry onions in them. Told him dont fry them in the room, its going to smell up everything, and I dont want my clothes smelling like fried onions. Im telling him Im serious. He says yeah yeah no problem. Get back from class, the room is full of smoke, everything smells like f'ing onions. We start arguing, ends with me throwing him and hsi fryer out the window (roof was right under our window, wasnt more than a 5ft drop) Point being, if he doesnt lsiten, kick his ass and throw him out the window
InspiredbyYou Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 :lmao: Jerseyboy you have the BEST stories ever. I look forward to your stories in every thread. but every time I see your name it reminds me of this You sound different I am sure.
Jerseyboy. Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 :lmao: Jerseyboy you have the BEST stories ever. I look forward to your stories in every thread. but every time I see your name it reminds me of this You sound different I am sure. I dont think I have a Jersey accent, but friends from elsewhere say they can hear it. I have a deeperish man voice. People always say I sound like I should be on the radio. Whats funny is me, my brothers, and dad all sound the same. So when girls would call when I was younger, it would get embarassing. I remember at elats once some girl calling, talking a little dirty, but it was my dad who picked up the phone....hes like wtf until he figured out "I think you want to talk to my son" My middle brother would messa round with them lol, pretending to be me, getting them to talk dirty
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