Ody Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 (edited) How about he acts like a mature man and informs his sexual partners of his moral choices, rather than forcing his morality on them? Ahh, gotcha, if I were a mature man I'd act like you. Nowhere did I say you shouldn't have mature conversations on STDs. You have lumped HPV in with infidelity and insinuated that people who don't have a sit down talk about HPV are spreaders of cancer and warts. The fact of the matter is that almost everyone carries HPV at some point. By your reasoning most people are harbingers or death and disease and need to have a doom and gloom conversation about it. I consider that a very immature viewpoint. Your ex-wife likely exposed you to strains of HPV before she cheated, and you probably exposed her to strains of HPV as well, unless you were both virgins when you were married. I don't think you'd feel the way you do if you weren't mixing the issues of fidelity and health here. which is why I said condoms are not effective Actually what you said was "not helpful at all when it comes to HPV". Which is just flat out untrue. The CDC's website is a little more objective "Condom use may reduce the risk for genital human papillomavirus (HPV) infection". Everything in your post, the exaggeration of condom ineffectiveness, the sloppy mixing of moral issues (fidelity, disclosure) and scientific/health ones (transmission methodology, infection rates), dropping the cancer bomb in a thread on online dating, just reeks of knee jerk moralized reaction disguised in the interests of good health. I see this as one step away from promise rings and abstinence based education, as well as debating vaccines as a moral choice rather than debating their effectiveness, price or distribution. Years back a partner of mine disclosed to me that she had HPV. I was very impressed with her candor but not surprised since she was a caring and honest person. However what I was surprised about was how much baggage she had regarding it, feeling that she was a slut for having it, or wondering over and over again how she got it. Absolutely unnecesary and untrue. It was painful to me to hear her talk about this. I think viewpoints like yours encourage this type of thing in the guise of being pro-health. I also think this disclosure thing would be a nearly moot point if we had sane policies of health education in schools. No touching, rubbing, or oral at all, I guess, you just dive right in? No wonder women think foreplay is a lost art. Ahh I see, bring my sexual prowess as far as pleasing partners into the fray. Yes this is very relevant. Quite the scientific approach. Edited December 4, 2009 by Ody
someotherguy Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Do you even read what you write? So I advocate his disclosure, you admit you're glad your partner disclosed her infection to you, and yet you rant like this? Seriously? And what is this 'promise ring' mentality you're talking about? Where do I say anything about abstinence? Stop projecting your morals on me, you're being a hypocrite. I quite clearly state that in my opinion he is risking the health of his sexual partners and that they deserve to be notified of this. This is called respect, and is generally considered the mature way to handle things. 'Assuming' that since infection rates are high, that he doesn't need to tell his partners is asinine. The "Everybody's doin' it!" defense rarely holds up in court. And I didn't talk about my ex's infidelity to bring that specific topic into the thread, that's an incidental detail (although, infidelity does increase risk of spreading STD's). And yes, she was a virgin when we married, and I had only had sex with virgins before our marriage. So...I'm pretty sure I was clean at that point. Condoms 'may reduce the risk'. Wow, sounds like a great big thumbs up from the CDC to me! I have a rock that keeps bears out of my yard, know how I know it works? No bears have shown up in my yard since I put it there! It 'may reduce the risk of bears in my yard'. If the CDC had evidence condoms significantly helped slow the spread of HPV, they would be ridiculously clear about it, instead of using that waffling language. I contend that it is your attitude that helps spread STD's. At least I advocate telling your partners you're not the only one they're having sex with. (To paraphrase the old chestnut "you have sex with everyone your partner ever had sex with") And yes, I brought up cancer. And I will again, that scary boogey-man! CANCER!!! From HPV!!! Am I making that up? Am I spreading evil lies about strains of HPV causing cancer? Is it all a hoax? Absolutely not, and you know it. I wasn't fear mongering, and I wasn't exaggerating. Multiple strains of HPV are known to cause cancer. Fact. As for mixing issues, oh my god, someone discussed more than a single thing in a response? Call the internet message board police. You're doing the same thing, by the way. As for making a tiny joke at the expense of your prowess, yes, it was a little low of me to make a jab like that. I apologize. That doesn't change the fact that this decision is not his to make alone. You stick your penis in someone, they deserve to know who else is getting that same treatment. Anyway, to sum up our difference of opinions: You apparently think he should keep his mouth shut and keep banging multiple women at the same time, heedless of their morals and health. I espouse the idea that he should inform his partners that he has been dipping his wick in multiple women and that they should thereby be allowed to make an informed choice. Seems pretty cut and dried to me.
Ody Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 (edited) You apparently think he should keep his mouth shut and keep banging multiple women at the same time, heedless of their morals and health. Nowhere did I advise OP to keep his mouth shut. I don't feel he's obligated to, but I'm not going to tell him not to either. My original point, along with a horses**t comment which was likewise a little low on my part, was: HPV is common because the virus is highly contagious. This thread is so far off topic it's ridiculous. This is half my fault because misinformed HPV discussion gets on my nerves due to aforementioned incident. To bring this back, OP's original question was: Can something serious come from one of these relationships that started based almost solely on sex? If you want to start another thread go ahead but let's not pollute this one, since the OP has legitimate concerns. If he wants to debate HPV specifically then we can use this one, but I don't think he's replied to that. I think we've both made our points sufficiently in this thread. Edited December 4, 2009 by Ody
dudet Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Do you even read what you write? Stop projecting your morals on me, you're being a hypocrite. well if he didn't read it, i did. it makes very little sense. lol projecting morals? what morals? seems he lacks in that area considering he's flipping the f out over all this And yes, hpv can cause cancer. almost everyone carries hpv at some point in their lives? LMFAO. speak for yourself
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