neowulf Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Has anyone ever found themselves looking around the room saying "Nope.. too pretty?" It feels kind of backwards to be disqualifying women simply based on the fact that they're "Too Pretty" for me. I suppose it could simply be a case of low self-esteem. Then again, part of me wonders if I'm simply being realistic. When you're an average looking guy, I figure "why waste my time approaching the girls who have a 90% chance of shooting me down". I'd sooner approach an "average" looking girl I feel comfortable talking with. Anyone else found this? I find it runs kind of counter intutive to the whole "Guys only approach hot chicks" threads that have been kicking around.
Pyro Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I can relate to what you are saying. I think it stems to self esteem issues or just being afraid of the rejection. Just remember that there are many women out there who fall into your category. Don't be afraid to get rejected. Alot of those women would probably be thrilled because I hear stories that alot of them never meet a guy because alot of guys feel the same way as you do, but you will be surprised.....I sure was.
FilthMerchant Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 The ugly truth: Guys only have leagues inside their head. An average-looking guy can jump 'leagues' by changes in personality, manner, wealth, confidence, etc. Girls are actually stuck in leagues. A girl who is unattractive and unconfident is going to go just as unconsidered by men as a girl who is unattractive and confident.
Author neowulf Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 The ugly truth: Guys only have leagues inside their head. An average-looking guy can jump 'leagues' by changes in personality, manner, wealth, confidence, etc. Girls are actually stuck in leagues. A girl who is unattractive and unconfident is going to go just as unconsidered by men as a girl who is unattractive and confident. Perhaps, although I've seen some pretty "average" looking girls wrap scores of guys around their fingers because of their attutide and general sex appeal. I think you're right about one thing. It's in our heads. That's a little frustrating. If you want to get fit, you exercise.. if you want to make more money, you get a better job... but to change your thought patterns.. .. yeah...
FilthMerchant Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Perhaps, although I've seen some pretty "average" looking girls wrap scores of guys around their fingers because of their attutide and general sex appeal. I think you're right about one thing. It's in our heads. That's a little frustrating. If you want to get fit, you exercise.. if you want to make more money, you get a better job... but to change your thought patterns.. .. yeah... You want to get fit you exercise - practice You want to be a top athlete you practice The best people at their jobs are the ones with experience What's the common theme here? You want to be confident and successful with women - practice!!!!! Leave your ego home and go out and practice. Embrace rejection - it means your practicing, learning and on the way to improving. Learn from your mistakes and vary your approach accordingly. This is SIMPLE
dave22 Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Has anyone ever found themselves looking around the room saying "Nope.. too pretty?" It feels kind of backwards to be disqualifying women simply based on the fact that they're "Too Pretty" for me. I would never disqualify a woman because she was too pretty. I realize that going for someone who is above your league will often leave you rejected, but there is always the chance that you may succeed and have a hot girlfriend. I don't think I do this because I have any higher self-esteem than anyone else, I only do it because I prepare myself to be rejected often. Besides, I find that pretty women are usually willing to at least strike up a conversation, so it never hurts to at least talk to them and see what happens.
Sam Spade Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I do that, to an extent, and I'm not sure it's an issue of low self-confidence. I tend to equate "too pretty" with "too high maintenance", so that's the true deterrent for me. Moreover, once my basic attractiveness criteria are met, marginal increases in hotness mean very little (to me). (So, why incur the costs if the benefits is almost constant?).
thegreatmoose Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Besides, I find that pretty women are usually willing to at least strike up a conversation, so it never hurts to at least talk to them and see what happens. Really? I want to move to your town.
sally4sara Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Since "pretty" is an opinion, you shouldn't fear talking to women you think are too pretty. Someone YOU think is too pretty, might not be too pretty universally. THEY might not agree that they are out of your league. They might even think YOU are too pretty.
thegreatmoose Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Since "pretty" is an opinion, you shouldn't fear talking to women you think are too pretty. I fear talking to women at all.
Awesome Username Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I have the same problem with guys. I find that if I see a really good looking guy, I immediately assume that he thinks too much of himself and or he's taken. Sometimes when I have to talk to a really attractive guy, I am sort of curt and just want to "get out of there." Not too long ago I saw a VERY good looking man in the grocery store and to this day I regret it, but I kind of gave him a dirty look (on accident) and he saw me and looked crushed/confused. I felt terrible, but I didn't exactly want to tell him the truth because it would sound really psycho: "Sorry for the glare; I was just taken aback by your physical beauty!" Hahaha. In my first year of college, I remember looking at a really attractive guy and thinking to myself that he was probably an idiot player bro. We became partners for a project and I thought to myself, "Oh GREAT, here we go..." and I must have been kind of distant. However, he turned out to be a real sweetheart. He helped me with my bags, genuinely cared about our project, and was very polite and respectful to me. Sometimes very physically attractive people can surprise you by being as sweet and goodhearted as anyone else! I know this is halfhearted advice, but if anything it shows that girls feel the same way. Talk to them and you might be pleasantly surprised, but take my advice and try not to glare at them!
C-i-C-u Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I don't approach "pretty girls" because they don't seem like nice people. I am a nice person regardless of however a women may discriminate against me and they do. Im not even that ugly! I just rarely carry a smile and that also for some reason several women just smile randomly to me because of that probably. Normally too pretty girls are just not nice people, guys can be different but really it all depends on the crowd they hang out with and how they dress.
thegreatmoose Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I know this is halfhearted advice, but if anything it shows that girls feel the same way. Talk to them and you might be pleasantly surprised, but take my advice and try not to glare at them! It would be a big surprise. They're rather laugh in my face then talk to me.
donnamaybe Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 It would be a big surprise. They're rather laugh in my face then talk to me. Only the bitches would do that. I've been told many times that I'm "gorgeous," "beautiful," etc. etc. etc. NEVER would I make a man who approached me feel silly for doing so. That would just be mean. If a gal would be that cruel, who would want anything to do with her anyway? Let her find some shallow guy who would do the same to a gal. Leave them to find each other so they'll both get the sort of treatment each deserves.
carhill Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I don't ask random women whom I don't know to some extent out on dates so I have no practical experience with that dynamic. Amongst those who I have asked out, there has been a wide range of what LS'ers call the 'pretty' scale (of 1-10). I ask them out because a. they're available (not married, living with someone or exclusively dating) and b. I find them attractive and interesting. Anecdotally, the women I've met IRL who meet the definition of the OP have never been a. available. When merely perusing pictures, like on a dating site, I do find myself saying 'nope' to the picture, based on perceived 'beauty' and that may be a function of 'staying within my league' but I don't see that dynamic carried over to real life. Also, I've known numerous beautiful women in real life who are not photogenic and their beauty doesn't translate into pictures. Conversely, women like my stbx, who photograph well, can look more 'beautiful' in pictures than in real life. I was intimidated by physically beautiful women when younger (when still a virgin), due to my own insecurities, but age and the realization that they shyte and die just like I do has reformed me. We all end up in the same place eventually.
Author neowulf Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 Thanks for the impressions all. It's interesting to see this isn't an uncommon thing. Once again, it appears to quality of our relationships and even the people we feel comfortable approaching says a lot about own on sense of self. I suspect a lot of men get rejected badly early on in the piece (high school etc) and that sets the tone for their experieces later in life. I spent most of highschool being overweight with severe acne... so you can probably imagine the impact that had on my self image. Dispite the fact that the acne scars are mostly gone and I'm at the gym 5 days a week.. the mental impact those early experiences made is difficult to shake.
Author neowulf Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 I have the same problem with guys. I find that if I see a really good looking guy, I immediately assume that he thinks too much of himself and or he's taken. Sometimes when I have to talk to a really attractive guy, I am sort of curt and just want to "get out of there." Not too long ago I saw a VERY good looking man in the grocery store and to this day I regret it, but I kind of gave him a dirty look (on accident) and he saw me and looked crushed/confused. I felt terrible, but I didn't exactly want to tell him the truth because it would sound really psycho: "Sorry for the glare; I was just taken aback by your physical beauty!" Hahaha. In my first year of college, I remember looking at a really attractive guy and thinking to myself that he was probably an idiot player bro. We became partners for a project and I thought to myself, "Oh GREAT, here we go..." and I must have been kind of distant. However, he turned out to be a real sweetheart. He helped me with my bags, genuinely cared about our project, and was very polite and respectful to me. Sometimes very physically attractive people can surprise you by being as sweet and goodhearted as anyone else! I know this is halfhearted advice, but if anything it shows that girls feel the same way. Talk to them and you might be pleasantly surprised, but take my advice and try not to glare at them! This is very much what goes on in my own head.. the glaring part included It's almost like "pre-rejection"... Where you write people off before they can write you off as some kind of protection. Perhaps it really is just oversensitivity to rejection. I suspect some people tend to internalize things more than others.. so rejection is difficult for them to deal with.
GoodOnPaper Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I disqualify women for being too attractive all the time. A lot of it is insecurity -- and I did crash-and-burn all the time in high school -- but a part of it is that I don't want to put up with unnecessary drama. Not that the woman herself would necessarily generate the drama, but I figure that if I find her attractive, a million other guys will too, so why deal with that? The down side to this approach is that it became automatic to look for women I found attractive enough to be interested in but whom I didn't think any other man would want -- NOT an easy task to say the least. To the OP, don't go down this dark side. If I could do it all over again, I'd try to focus less on women's universal attractiveness and pay more attention to how I best connected or "vibed" with women I am initially meeting.
New Again Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I just see everyone as people...maybe that sounds really lame. But seriously, being good looking (or maybe just having someone perceive you as good looking) doesn't mean that they're shallow, or that they aren't just a regular human being deserving of common courtesy, or that they would be totally judgmental, snotty, or uninterested in someone striking up a conversation with them. I talk to everyone, men and women. I used to be reeeallly shy, and I am still a little shy sometimes...but I forced myself to be more outgoing (everyone poops! go buy the book), and it really changed my perceptions, and also made it easier for me to talk to - or hit on - someone I find attractive.
kizik Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I completely relate to the OP and I don't approach 10s. 99% of the time, I'm right. I overhear their unintentionally hilarious conversations with their friends and think, "Yep, prima donna." But, as someone else here mentioned, sometimes you DO come across somebody who is totally hot, and totally awesome. But even then she has a BF. Lose-lose
New Again Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I disqualify women for being too attractive all the time. A lot of it is insecurity -- and I did crash-and-burn all the time in high school -- but a part of it is that I don't want to put up with unnecessary drama. Not that the woman herself would necessarily generate the drama, but I figure that if I find her attractive, a million other guys will too, so why deal with that? The only way there could be any drama in this scenario is if 1. the woman is a piece of crap attention whore who doesn't know the meaning of loyalty or is otherwise a drama queen or 2. if you are massively insecure and make it an issue. Why is everyone so judgmental of attractive people? Not you specifically GoodOnPaper, but come on...being attractive doesn't make someone a bad person, or vain, or anything else. Of course there are people like that, but I honestly don't think that's the majority.
jerseyboy Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I've met a few women that I looked at and thought too pretty. I dated three of them, and Im really trying to think if there were others, but I can only recall those three. Possible Im forgetting others, but I dont think so. I can clearly recall those because of how I felt on the dates. One, actually who I was with longer than anyone else, we dated for a lot of years. I just recall being on our first date. And Im looking at her and I remember thinking this girl is way too beautiful, nothing is going to happen (ie she wont go for me),but just enjoy the night and be nice about it all. Actually even when I picked her up I remember thinking she was way more beautiful than I remembered from meeting her the first time. That never went away, even years later, like I couldnt keep how pretty she was in my brain, so every time I saw her it was like 'Oh" When I met my fiancee it was a lot the same. She wasnt there with me, at a party, she had a "date." Friend of a friend. My friend is laughing at me to leave her alone, he knows the guy shes on the date with (actually their first and only), and these are all friends, so Im not going to make a scene or anything. He was getting them drinks, so I stepped to her and introduced myself. I dont remmeber really what I said, but she says I told her Hi Im Tom, (friends name) says Im not allowed to flirt with you tonight, so Ill be standing over there definitely not flirting with you....and a bunch of other nonsense. I did get a chance to dance with her that night, he didnt dance (ty Arthur Murray) and I ened up getting ehr number from the friend.
Author neowulf Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 (edited) Why is everyone so judgmental of attractive people? Not you specifically GoodOnPaper, but come on...being attractive doesn't make someone a bad person, or vain, or anything else. Of course there are people like that, but I honestly don't think that's the majority. Envy and experience perhaps? Beautiful people may not see it, but often they live in a very different world from those around them. I was discussing this with a friend of mine the other day (he's considered very attractive by women. Constantly has them falling all over him). I asked him what his life at school was like? Was he teased? Alienated? Bullied? Beaten up? Put down and rejected constantly? Turns out he was well liked, popular and had an endless stream of girls interested in him. He has *no* concept of what it's like to be on the other side of that coin. The research pretty much backs it up. Life is easier for good looking people. I suspect there's a level of resentment there from those of us who weren't as blessed. Edited December 4, 2009 by neowulf
AD1980 Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I do that though im afraid to approach women in general to hit on em Wheter we like it or not most people put a league on things and who deserves who I remember making out once with my best friends wives friend and she said congrats shes really out of your league,girl was cute but no beauty im thinking to myself i no iam no prize but why is she that out of my league am i that ugly that i dont deserve to make out with her?
threebyfate Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Wheter we like it or not most people put a league on things and who deserves who I remember making out once with my best friends wives friend and she said congrats shes really out of your league,girl was cute but no beauty im thinking to myself i no iam no prize but why is she that out of my league am i that ugly that i dont deserve to make out with her?This is what I call "stinkin' thinkin'", whereby you're internalizing a form of preemptive rejection with women you deem as above you, then feeling entitled, when it comes to women you deem equal to or beneath you. How about looking at all women as people, people who have thoughts and feelings? If a woman looks interesting to you, approach her, regardless of how she looks to you. If she's attracted, she'll connect with you. If not, she'll bring out the cold front. No one is above anyone. No one is entitled to anyone.
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