DSM2709 Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I was just curious to know if there was a general rule when dating as to who says "I love you" first. If two people are really hitting it off, and there is a chemistry, and the feelings between each other is strong, who should say those three magical words first? Or is it, whoever is feeling the moment? I'm not sure. Of course I always was told that the man never says it first, and that it should be the female who says it first. I have made the first move with my new girlfriend and have told her recently that I'm falling for her, to which she replied that she is REALLY happy I'm her boyfriend and also she feels lucky that I'm in her life. So, now what's the next move? Should I wait for her to say it, of course if she feels it, or should I express it to her. Of course I don't want to scare her off, we have only been dating almost two months. Thanks.
kizik Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Yes. Men always say it first. Usually occurs between 47 - 52 dates. Should happen on a rainy day under a bridge.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Yes. Men always say it first. Usually occurs between 47 - 52 dates. Should happen on a rainy day under a bridge. Damn straight. DSM - if you're feelin' it, say it. I'm torn on who should say it. In my last two relationships (one long-term and one short-term), I let the guy say it. Mostly because the time before those two, I said it first and it turned out to be a huge mistake. So now I do my best to rein it in, so to speak. Honestly - I feel women tend to be more emotional and perhaps fall in too quickly. Men are more methodical and take longer to fall in usually. I think the man should say it first. I feel more comfortable with the man being the pace-setter.
jerseyboy Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I think women say it first. Mostly only women say it in my personal experience. Women say it way too easy imo
New Again Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I'm a girl. And I've never said it first, and I've never said it before at least 6 months of dating. But really, if you're feelin' it, just say it.
Yukikazi Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Since the guys do all the work starting the relationship and asking out etc.. imo.. this is where the girls move first.
northstar1 Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I was just curious to know if there was a general rule when dating as to who says "I love you" first. If two people are really hitting it off, and there is a chemistry, and the feelings between each other is strong, who should say those three magical words first? Or is it, whoever is feeling the moment? I'm not sure. Of course I always was told that the man never says it first, and that it should be the female who says it first. I have made the first move with my new girlfriend and have told her recently that I'm falling for her, to which she replied that she is REALLY happy I'm her boyfriend and also she feels lucky that I'm in her life. So, now what's the next move? Should I wait for her to say it, of course if she feels it, or should I express it to her. Of course I don't want to scare her off, we have only been dating almost two months. Thanks. I LOVE YOU MAN. There I said it first.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 The man. It's generally a bad idea for the woman to step up the emotional side first in any way (let's be exclusive, I love you, let's move in together, let's get married and make babies). The danger is that the man feels pressured, finds her clingy, whatever. If he is allowed to set the pace, he is less likely to feel "smothered". I have never said it first, and I seriously doubt I ever will. In fact, I don't even allow myself to indulge in those feelings fully until I know he feels the same way.
carhill Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 My bf swears I told him first. His wife has no comment OP, if you're having roaring sex with her and feel close to her during these moments of intimacy, now would be a good time
threebyfate Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I LOVE YOU MAN. There I said it first. IME, men have said it first. But it's also reliant on who tends to control the pace of the relationship.
northstar1 Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 IME, men have said it first. But it's also reliant on who tends to control the pace of the relationship. So, I'm guessing this time it was you
threebyfate Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 So, I'm guessing this time it was you Ha...not even this time! Mr. Tbf was pretty aggressive!
kiss_andmakeup Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 As a woman I've always waited for the man to say it, because I don't want to fall into that "clingy, needy, overly emotional" stereotype that women tend to get if their emotions develop faster than their partner's. I think many women feel this way.
D-Lish Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I have never said it first. I never want to be seen as putting pressure on a relationship.
mem11363 Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I agree with DL. Besides - being in love is way way more important then saying the words. If you told me I had to give up one of the 5 love languages that is the one I would drop without hesitation. Because the thing is - kind acts, sacrifice, gifts, hugs, massages, sex all say the same thing in a more meaningful way. Words are cheap... I have never said it first. I never want to be seen as putting pressure on a relationship.
Citizen Erased Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 It would take one very special person for me to say it first.
Boundary Problem Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I agree with DL. Besides - being in love is way way more important then saying the words. If you told me I had to give up one of the 5 love languages that is the one I would drop without hesitation. Because the thing is - kind acts, sacrifice, gifts, hugs, massages, sex all say the same thing in a more meaningful way. Words are cheap... I agree. Actions count for everything, though I can't help myself from expressing it when I feel it. Why hold it in, is my theory. The disconnect between action and words is often a matter of breakdown in communication, or not listening to what the other person has requested.
Jerseyboy. Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 The disconnect between action and words is often a matter of breakdown in communication, or not listening to what the other person has requested. I always thought it was an indication of the words being bs:eek:
dreamergrl Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I just wanted to be the first to says I love everyone I think this is one of the most common questions on LS. And each and every time it's pretty much the same. Some refuse to say it first. Others don't mind. Some set a time limit, others wait until they are feeling it. There's no real answer to this question.
Author DSM2709 Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 (edited) Well, I think I got my questioned answered tonight while I was out with my girlfriend, we were talking generally about how good our relationship was going, and she mentioned the "Best Friend" factor, well, I believe she wants to be best friends first before the "L" word is even mentioned. So, it may be too soon to mention it. However, I have stated to her that I was falling for her, to which she liked very much, so I guess that's a good start and I will just have to see where it goes from there. I don't want to rush things either. Thanks everyone for your replies. Edited December 6, 2009 by DSM2709
New Again Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 When she mentioned the "best friend" factor are you sure she wasn't actually hinting that you should drop the L bomb?
Art_Critic Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 If women want to hear it quicker then they need to ramp up the number of incredible bj's they give.. I guess it depends on the time frame though..If she is good enough she will hear I Love You about on the 3rd bj Seriously.. I don't think there is a party that has to say it first.. I have always said it when I felt it.. Sometimes that meant me saying it first and sometimes not..
alphamale Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 I was just curious to know if there was a general rule when dating as to who says "I love you" first. in general since women are much more expressive of their feelings and verbose i think it should be the woman who says it first. i personally have a policy of NOT saying it first even though i may feel it. so yes, there we have it. the girl says it first.
blueberries Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 i never really understood why a person finds it so necessary to say "i love you'. sure, i guess it sounds good to hear it, but i don't find it necessary. in fact, i'd rather not hear or say those words. for me, i'd only say it when i know i want to marry a man, and to spend the rest of my life with him. and vice versa. that's just my two cents. if i were the type to say i love you, i wouldn't say it until the guy says it first. like someone said earlier, i wouldn't want to pressure or put any strain onto the relationship
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