raindrops253 Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 So I was reading other posts talking about how men usually know basically what they want from a girl when they first meet her, I suppose they size her up for either FWB/ONS or real Relationship material. How do you guys assess this? Obviously, if they're physically attracted they want sex whenever they can get it. And I know that for most men physical chemistry and long-term interest do not necessarily follow each other. But do guys really feel emotional/mental attraction at the outset like many women (at least this one!) do in the beginning? I had assumed that for MOST men in most situations, it takes a while to develop some kind of emotional attachment. Thoughts? You guys ever met someone you knew instantly you wanted to be with?
Sam Spade Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 So I was reading other posts talking about how men usually know basically what they want from a girl when they first meet her, I suppose they size her up for either FWB/ONS or real Relationship material. How do you guys assess this? Obviously, if they're physically attracted they want sex whenever they can get it. And I know that for most men physical chemistry and long-term interest do not necessarily follow each other. But do guys really feel emotional/mental attraction at the outset like many women (at least this one!) do in the beginning? I had assumed that for MOST men in most situations, it takes a while to develop some kind of emotional attachment. Thoughts? You guys ever met someone you knew instantly you wanted to be with? That is a valid assumption, at least in my case - it's been more than a year since I've started dating my gf, and only now i can testify that I'm in love with her. I've never met anybody i've "instantly":rolleyes: known that I want to be with, and moreover, at the risk of offending multiple people, I'd say that "instantly" feeling this way more than anything is a sign of emotional instability.
Author raindrops253 Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 Well, I'm more than willing to admit my faults, I certainly can be emotionally unstable, though I rarely express it to my object of desire, it's more of an internal struggle. I swear I'm working on it though.
Ody Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Thoughts? You guys ever met someone you knew instantly you wanted to be with? I developed strong feelings for a woman I wound up dating for nearly 4 years within the first few hours of meeting her. So yes, this happens sometimes.
BookerT Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 So I was reading other posts talking about how men usually know basically what they want from a girl when they first meet her, I suppose they size her up for either FWB/ONS or real Relationship material. How do you guys assess this? Obviously, if they're physically attracted they want sex whenever they can get it. And I know that for most men physical chemistry and long-term interest do not necessarily follow each other. But do guys really feel emotional/mental attraction at the outset like many women (at least this one!) do in the beginning? I had assumed that for MOST men in most situations, it takes a while to develop some kind of emotional attachment. Thoughts? You guys ever met someone you knew instantly you wanted to be with? Actually, men develope emotional attraction relatively early. But the girl usually has to be physically, intellectually, and stimulating in terms of their personality. If a guy clicks with a girl, he'll put her in a box in his head that reads special. If he wants to be with her, he'll be thinking about her a lot, etc. If he's only physically attracted then he'll probably just want to have sex with her then move on. I think the key difference between men and women is that a woman even if she's looking for something casual has to establish a minimum level of qualities in a man, in terms of his personality. So for example a woman might not want a relationship with a guy, but he better not bore her. However if a girl bores a guy but he's hot, he'll still want to have sex with her.
Boundary Problem Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I think the key difference between men and women is that a woman even if she's looking for something casual has to establish a minimum level of qualities in a man, in terms of his personality. So for example a woman might not want a relationship with a guy, but he better not bore her. However if a girl bores a guy but she's hot, he'll still want to have sex with her. Yes (apparently my answer is too short)
New Again Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I'm not sure if this is what you're getting at, but as far as I can tell from friends, family, ex-bfs and other guys I've met or dated, yes (although I wouldn't say "emotional attachment"). I do know that men sometimes size up a girl and know if she's a ONS/booty call or gf material. They look for things like how many guy friends she has, how she dresses, how she acts (as much as I hate to say it, they look for slutty behavior, whatever that means to them), etc. Whatever the criteria is for each guy varies, I'm sure, but those are ones that I've heard from pretty much everyone.
neowulf Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I think it's different for each relationship to be honest. There are girls I've met and from the very first time we spoke.. I just kind of "knew" we were going to be a big part of each others lives. It's only happened twice to me.. and both times ended in long term relationships (3 year / 6 year).. so maybe there's something to be said for instinct
Jerseyboy. Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I know right away. Women dont grow on me. You dont know if shes right for you, and things may come up to change your perspective. But when its there it hits you hard.
kiss_andmakeup Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 It seems, with most men, even if they know off the bat that they're "into" you it will still take them a considerable amount of time to develop the accompanying emotions (love, trust, attachment). But of course, all men are different. My current bf made it clear that he was interested in me from the beginning, wanted to spend lots of time together, date exclusively...but it still took him a while to say the "L" word. Which is fine by me!
radwimps Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 It seems, with most men, even if they know off the bat that they're "into" you it will still take them a considerable amount of time to develop the accompanying emotions (love, trust, attachment). But of course, all men are different. My current bf made it clear that he was interested in me from the beginning, wanted to spend lots of time together, date exclusively...but it still took him a while to say the "L" word. Which is fine by me! its not that he didnt "L" you until he said it he probably was just too shy to say it.
tryagaintoday Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 i can tell just from a game of mahjong...
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