I have a CRUSH on my employee!

[mooooo]

I need some good advice from you all.

 

I run a small design company in a large city, and I’ve recently developed a huge CRUSH on my employee (girl-x). It’s to the point that I cannot focus at work, I am unproductive and think of her constantly. I go to sleep and wake up thinking of her.

 

Background:

 

We are both in our early to mid-thirties and both single. We’ve worked together for almost three years now. Throughout our time working together, I have kept a distance from her, interacting in a professional manner. When I thought I might have feelings for her, I kept it cool and did not betray my emotions. Several months ago I broke off a long term relationship with another woman (we were living together, etc). Since then, girl-x and I have become closer, we’ve opened up to each other talking about various personal and family things at work. I realized that we were smiling more at each other, and perhaps some sort of boundary was being tested. Or perhaps it’s just idle chatter to make the day go by faster… Then there was a moment when we were meeting over some sketches, and she brushed the top of my hand inadvertently. It made my heart race, and since then I realized that I was falling into a deep CRUSH, the sort that I have not experienced for a long long time.

 

What Happened:

 

I know the rules and fully appreciate that this sort of work relationship is a no-go-zone. Still my crush intensified and it became difficult to hide my feelings. I consulted a few friends about it, and the consensus was that I should follow my heart and ‘go for it’. So I decided it would be harmless to ask her out for a drink, and see how we interact outside the office – see if we develop a further chemistry. Finally after a few agonizing weeks, the moment arose, and I turned to her and asked her directly if she would like to go out for a drink sometime. She said ‘sure’. I just about exploded and ran out to get lunch and a breath of fresh air. Later that afternoon she told me that her plans for that night were cancelled. I didn’t jump on the opportunity right away, because I was still so nervous and wound up. At the end of the day, I told her that I was meeting a friend later at 9pm, but perhaps we could get a drink in the meantime. She said she would take a rain check, but that she was ‘up for drinks’.

 

We left it at that, and the following Monday I asked her again if she would like to get a drink. She said that she was busy before the holidays (Thanksgiving) running errands, etc. but that we could ‘get together after Thanksgiving’.

 

What to Do?:

 

So here we are, it’s Wednesday after Thanksgiving and neither of us have brought it up. By my account, I’ve received two No’s already. I am afraid to ask again for fear of another rejection (strike three and you’re out, right). Is she politely refusing me, so as not to rock the boat for fear of losing her job? Isn’t the ball in her court after all? Should I keep pursuing her, or is it now up to her to make a move?

 

I don’t want to put her in a difficult position. I am more than willing to deal with my crush alone if she is not interested. However, I feel like I need to let her know how I feel, so I can resolve the crush either way. I can’t go on like this – I am totally useless, an emotional basket case, totally head-over-heels for this girl. She’s going on vacation next week. Then we’re both going away for the holidays.

 

What should I do????

 

Help me someone…

[pinkie]

Relax... Stop asking her out and wait for her to ask you out. Really, don't ask her anymore.

[Art_Critic]

I don’t want to put her in a difficult position.

 

Anytime a boss asks an employee out for drinks it puts the other in a difficult position.

 

The only way it wouldn't would be if the employee was the pursuer.

 

The chances are that if you push this any further then in reality what you are doing is messing with her paycheck..

If she rejects you then she will feel too uncomfortable to work with you and then your really lose out since it is your place..

 

Unless you really want this girl to one day have to quit then just pull back and go on about your everyday life and don't apologize for making any moves at this point..

[RobM]

My experience is that dating someone that works for you almost always ends bad. If you need proof then read the "I want to smack him" thread.

[Pizzaman81]

We are in a recession. Don't risk your job in any way. I would look elsewhere

[Left in a Lurch]

You could always try a laid back approach and mention you were going to go out some night and a friend cancelled. If she picks up on it or offers to go in your friend's place, you're all set.

 

If she brings it up again fine, but you shouldn't. Don't be obvious about dropping hints either.

 

I'd walk carefully though, she might have you asking her out over her head and even though she doesn't let on, she might be silently stressing about it, or feeling pressured. For all you know she'll smile and act like it was no big deal until the day you get hit with a lawsuit and hear what a monster you were. You don't want to lose your company/job over it.

[jerseyboy]

She said no twice

 

Its already harassment bro.

 

Just drop it

[TheWooWooKid]

Professional conduct.

Ethics.

Follow them.

[Citizen Erased]

Professional conduct.

Ethics.

Follow them.

Nice signature.

[dazzle22]

You are entering territory which could be extremely dangerous for you. If this doesn't work out, she will probably keep evidence and sue you. That unfortunately is what goes on these days. Don't do it. Wait for her to work elsewhere and then ask her out. Or promote her above you, and then it won't be your abuse of power! Ha.

[TheWooWooKid]

Nice signature.

 

Not as nice as your user name though.

 

Wash me away

Clean your body of me

Erase all the memories

They will only bring us pain

And I've seen, all I'll ever need