Mossme89 Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 (edited) I'm 16, and at school, there is this girl I spend lunch with who I feel extremely deeply for. She is so much like me in many ways, one of which is that we are both introverted and can hide our inner emotions very well. So our outward emotions can be very different then our inward. When talking to her, the subject of her boyfriend came up. He's abusive, and I told her she shouldn't put up with that, and deserves better. She got very defensive and ended the conversation there. She has low self-esteem and doesn't think she deserves better. I just get the feeling something happened that she regrets, and she is mad at herself. I think she might just be mislead. But things between us have been tense since that talk a week ago. She seems to have sank down into herself. She seems to get very nervous when I am around, so I have been giving her space. Yet, I get the feeling she wants to talk to someone and let out her feelings. I honestly don’t know how close we are, outwardly it looks more like an acquaintance relationship, but I feel like it’s more, and I think she does too. I want to show her that I mean the best for her. I was going to talk to her today, but I didn’t think I could properly explain how I feel. So, I decided to get her a card for the holidays with a hand-written note inside. It would be like this: “Dear [name], Thank you for being such a great person. You truly make my days more enjoyable when I know I will be able to see you. I cant even begin to explain how much you mean to me. Though you may not agree, I see you as a pure-hearted and sweet person. I haven’t known you for very long, but that much I can tell. You seem to be very down about something. Whatever happened, forgive yourself. Learn from it. And If you need support, let me know, and I will be by your side in an instant Have a good holiday, [Me]" Would this be too strong? I want to show her how much she means to me without: freaking her out, being cheesy, or seeming like a pushover. Would you like this? I'm what you would call an "old soul", where I just get feelings about people and sometimes just "know" things. I'm very perceptive also. I get a very good feeling from her, and it feels like I'm being pulled towards her like a magnet. If I didn't hold myself back, I would grab her in a passionate hugging embrace. I've only known her for a few months, and she doesn't talk much, but it feels like we've been friends for years. I've had expierences with girls before, but NOTHING compares to how I feel about her. It's like 100X stronger. And the weird part is that with all the other relationships it was lust. With her, she's gorgeous, but I don't look at her in a sexual way. And if I do, I feel extremely guilty. I see her as a beautiful individual. Edited December 2, 2009 by Mossme89
Null507 Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Seems like you care an awful lot about this girl. and that is a good thing but you need to be sure that you keep yourself safe in more than one way. First thing we need to know is her boyfriend psyically abusive or just emotionally abusive. I ask be cause if he is psyically abusive getting her away from her boyfriend will not only be difficult but potentiall dangerous. A guy who beats his girlfriend feels the need to be tough, and if he loses his girlfriend he is going to "be tough" all over the guy responsible. It is really difficult to get out of the "friendzone" and in your case it is going to be even harder. You will first have to get her to break up with the boyfriend because saying "I love you break up with your boyfriend" is going to ruin it. THe reason she is dumping this guy has to be to be free of him and his abuse, not because she wants you. because if it is then should your relationship fail (it probably will but I sincerly hope not) she willl just go back to dating abusers and we both know you don't want that. you're letter is good it as conveys feelings for her well being and not in an overly romantic way. After she is free of this guy you will have to be a rock being the proximate cause for her breakup if you dissappear it will be the death of your friendship. This stage is crucial a crucial balancing act as you need to assert your caring nature and your masculinity. If you are overly caring you will be forced deep into the friendzone. If you become overly steady she may see you as cold. If you can find the perfect balance of strength and sweetness she might just might leave the greaving stage slightly attracted to you. From here you can lay on the charm and build the romantic relationship. While I have laid it out here it may seem simple but it is going to take a lot of time and effort. If done right this is a long term plan. don't expect one heart felt letter to get her to dump her boyfriend but it can be a good jumping off point.
JL911 Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 (edited) Im gonna give ya a little story about ol JL when he was in his teens (17)... I played hockey with a guy who had a gf who was 15...I met her the first year and she would often sit on our bench while we practiced or played roller hockey games off the ice....Every now and again Id sit down and shed strike up conversation with me and Id joke around and mess with her...Nothing serious, and I never really liked her all too much nor really cared cause she was a teammates girl... Well about 8 months later I got an IM on AOL (yea im dating myself there) and low and behold its her. We talk pretty casually for a few days then all of a sudden she starts dropping bombs on me about how her bf is this and hows hes that, how hes controlling, ect ect...I shouldnt have got involved, but I did...She ended up sayin all this to get me interested...She broke up with her boyfriend and despite my efforts to avoid her it only made her come on stronger and persue me more...I ended up falling for her simply because she was so infatuated with me. She ended up being the first girl I ever slept with, fell in love with, ect ect...We dated off and on for over a year. When I left for college...She went back to him, when I came home for summer she went back to me... Id be at college seeing other girls and a few Friday afternoons/evenings she would just randomly show up have sex with me then roll out and not talk to me again for a few weeks...lol I was ok with that for awhile... On the bad side, I ended up getting into 2 fights with her ex over her, one of which the police were called and I was detained until my parents came to get me...I came out the better in the fights, but at this point in my life I look back and see how dumb I was and how my hormones and desire for this little hussy got the best of me. Needless to say this girl is no longer in my life, although she has popped her head in a few times to see how I am doing...Shes now divorced, and probaly still on the prowl...I remember when she was engaged to be married we had a fling for like 2 weeks where she told me she just needed me one last time...I finally let her go and quit talking to her when I was in my early 20s...Aside from a few random girls in my first two years of college she owned my dick for 3 years... Youre going to need to make your own decision on what you are gonna do. My advice though...STAY AWAY...At 16 there are plenty of opportunities for romance, but in a school setting its kinda best not to step on any toes...Plus you have your entire life worth looking forward too. It doesnt get any easier as you grow and mature so you probaly should start off on the right foot rather than get in too deep. Edited December 3, 2009 by JL911
boogieboy Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Nothing you say is going to get her away from her bf and see anything about you. Right now you are available to her anytime and she knows this, so she has you as a backup and a safety net. You need to stay away from her, because youre infatuated with her right now and cant see that what you are doing now is counterintuitive. Dont write any letters, shes in love with her bf and how you feel is meaningless to her. She wont care until she come to her senses and starts looking for alternatives. If youre around all the time, she wont see you as an alternative. Its all on her, and you cant influence her mind in any way. Best thing for you to do now is to bail out, stay away from her, and save your own emotions. And let her see you with another girl so she knows you are desired by women. You'll learn this lesson in years to come, if you let a woman talks about her bf to you, you building your own friend zone.
Author Mossme89 Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 Thanks for the answers, guys. I appreciate them all, and they give me some stuff to consider. The hard part out of all of this is that, as hard as I try, I can't seem to pull myself from her. I stay away from her for a couple days, and then I genuinly feel bad because I feel like I deserted her. Can anyone relate? It's like as much as I may want to pull away, I CANT. Part of what's hard with all of this is that, even though I get people telling me I'm good-looking and sweet all the time, oppurtunities with girls are scarce at best. I'm outgoing to girls, but I've kind of struck out with my classes, because pretty much every class I have are filled with "slutty" girls. I've made a list of every girl in any class of mine, and only came up with 3-4 possible girls, 2 of which have already turned me down. So, I'm trying to jump on any oppurtunitiy I get. Any ideas of how to meet more girls outside of school? Another really weird thing is that at work another girl is showing interest in me, almost 3 weeks after I met this girl. She has almost the EXACT same situation as the other girl. Except this time he's 26 and a (rumored) drug dealer. He has temper issues and is overcontrollinf. The last 2 girls to show interest in me have very similiar situations. Could this be a reflection on me? Am I just like a good pillow or something? I'm just kind of confused.
Lost-n-confused Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I wrote a letter to a girl in high school that I fell hard for. She had a boyfriend and I was permently friendzoned. So I gave her this letter and she took it. She ended up passing it around and everyone had a real great laugh over it. I was mortified. I ended up being hurt so bad by that whole experence I didn't try to date again for eight years.
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