TeacupMovinON Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 My last serious relationship was a doozy. Very unhealthy dynamics... Very strong highs and lows. He had Borderline Personality Disorder, and I had a child pass away, both of those things along with other issues (both of us recently divorced) caused a bunch of ugly behavior on both of our parts... First came the jealousy on his part, then I followed right in suite. The jealousy was terrible on both ends. Then name calling... I was called everything under the sun on one day and then the next, he thought I was the best. I, in turn, did my best to degrade him. I wanted him to suffer just as he had made me. Then the hitting. He hit a couple of different times, so I let some time pass and then one day I smacked him right in the face, out of revenge, when he least expected it. I know, crazy, awful behavior!! This went on for two years. When I look back at how terrible I behaved, I am humiliated. I lost my cool, I was-CRAZY! I have been single now for close to a year, and I do not have highs and lows like I did during that relationship. I have also been thru therapy to resolve some of the issues associated with losing my child. What I am asking is CAN A NORMAL PERSON GO CRAZY because another person/situation brings it out in them? Is it possible that I will not carry this into another relationship and that I can be a healthy partner?
lucy9216 Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 It sounds like both of you were going through some traumatic times while trying to pursue a relationship together. This can become unhealthy if one or both of you are not happy alone to begin with in order to make someone else happy. I am very sorry for the loss of your child, I have 2 and I could not imagine what it would be like to lose either one of them. I had told my ex once that if our child passed away I would leave him because looking at him would remind me of our daughter (I know mean, that statement hurt him) Anyway, your question about being able to be normal again I do beleive you can be. You are making the right steps in seeking therapy which is very important, you have admitted that there was and still may be a problem and seeking help for that is the first step. Yes, your partner can bring out some craziness in anyone... one of my exes used to hit me and I got to the point where I started fighting back.. I did however carry this behavior into my next relationship because I didn't take time to myself to get therapy and make myself happy. You have taken time to yourself and I think you acknowledging this behavior as wrong and knowing what it has done to you in the past will enable you to not carry it over. Just keep up with the therapy and taking of yourself and you will be okay
Author TeacupMovinON Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 It sounds like both of you were going through some traumatic times while trying to pursue a relationship together. This can become unhealthy if one or both of you are not happy alone to begin with in order to make someone else happy. I am very sorry for the loss of your child, I have 2 and I could not imagine what it would be like to lose either one of them. I had told my ex once that if our child passed away I would leave him because looking at him would remind me of our daughter (I know mean, that statement hurt him) Anyway, your question about being able to be normal again I do beleive you can be. You are making the right steps in seeking therapy which is very important, you have admitted that there was and still may be a problem and seeking help for that is the first step. Yes, your partner can bring out some craziness in anyone... one of my exes used to hit me and I got to the point where I started fighting back.. I did however carry this behavior into my next relationship because I didn't take time to myself to get therapy and make myself happy. You have taken time to yourself and I think you acknowledging this behavior as wrong and knowing what it has done to you in the past will enable you to not carry it over. Just keep up with the therapy and taking of yourself and you will be okay Thank you so much, Lucy! It makes me feel better to know that someone can relate.
deux ex machina Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 ...What I am asking is CAN A NORMAL PERSON GO CRAZY because another person/situation brings it out in them? I believe an otherwise reasonable person can be driven nuts by someone. Yes. Is it possible that I will not carry this into another relationship and that I can be a healthy partner? Of course you can. Just continue to work on you, and check yourself. I never fail to be amazed by how some people remain the same in relationship to relationship - but some people are so different from relationship to relationship. I don't think you're ever hopeless unless you just give up on yourself and other people. The fact that you are even asking this question shows you understand that this could happen and will hopefully do what you can to grow. All you can ask of yourself, really.
lucy9216 Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Your welcome Teacup... you are definatly doing alot better than I did, like I said I carried the behavior over into the next relationship and completely sabotaged it! and now 7 years later I am finally fixing myself. You are doing an awesome job and sounds like you are a very smart person. Wish you all the best going forward with your life
RedDevil66 Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 What I am asking is CAN A NORMAL PERSON GO CRAZY because another person/situation brings it out in them? Is it possible that I will not carry this into another relationship and that I can be a healthy partner? Yes, the other person can make you crazy, but it's a choice to stay. You chose not to stay I'm in this boat now. My BF is an alcoholic in recovery and has some very bizarre ways. I've joined Al non to try to work on the damage and try to understand where he's coming from He is a very caring soul with a great heart, but he's horrible damaged from his past. He doesn't get physical, but our relationship has brought out things in me that I never did before, like yelling, name calling and yes I even once got physical with him. I was never like this with my other two long term relationships and his past two long terms (one with his ex wife of 17 yrs) were like how our relationship is now. I'm trying to make it work, but the his recovery is slow and he plays major mind games so I may need to leave this very soon. I forgot what healthy is because of being with him.
rateyes Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 My last serious relationship was a doozy. Very unhealthy dynamics... Very strong highs and lows. He had Borderline Personality Disorder, and I had a child pass away, both of those things along with other issues (both of us recently divorced) caused a bunch of ugly behavior on both of our parts... First came the jealousy on his part, then I followed right in suite. The jealousy was terrible on both ends. Then name calling... I was called everything under the sun on one day and then the next, he thought I was the best. I, in turn, did my best to degrade him. I wanted him to suffer just as he had made me. Then the hitting. He hit a couple of different times, so I let some time pass and then one day I smacked him right in the face, out of revenge, when he least expected it. I know, crazy, awful behavior!! This went on for two years. When I look back at how terrible I behaved, I am humiliated. I lost my cool, I was-CRAZY! I have been single now for close to a year, and I do not have highs and lows like I did during that relationship. I have also been thru therapy to resolve some of the issues associated with losing my child. What I am asking is CAN A NORMAL PERSON GO CRAZY because another person/situation brings it out in them? Is it possible that I will not carry this into another relationship and that I can be a healthy partner? "'Kill the pig! Cut his throat! Kill the pig! Bash him in!'" - William Golding, Lord of the Flies, Ch. 7 everyone goes crazy under the right circumstances. YOu were just in a 'Lord of the Flies' moment. if its never happened before, and you get a healthy relationship, you should be fine, but do your darndest to stop it if it flares up.
Author TeacupMovinON Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 Yes, the other person can make you crazy, but it's a choice to stay. You chose not to stay I'm in this boat now. My BF is an alcoholic in recovery and has some very bizarre ways. I've joined Al non to try to work on the damage and try to understand where he's coming from He is a very caring soul with a great heart, but he's horrible damaged from his past. He doesn't get physical, but our relationship has brought out things in me that I never did before, like yelling, name calling and yes I even once got physical with him. I was never like this with my other two long term relationships and his past two long terms (one with his ex wife of 17 yrs) were like how our relationship is now. I'm trying to make it work, but the his recovery is slow and he plays major mind games so I may need to leave this very soon. I forgot what healthy is because of being with him. I know this is not what you want to hear but you are RIGHT, this is NOT HEALTHY. You need to call it quits, at least for now, maybe forever. He may be a great guy, but if the drinking is out of control and he has unresolved issues, those things are not going to magically dissapear. The situation has to be changed for a change to occur. What I mean is that you cannot just WAIT for him to get better. Get out fast, let him do some major repairing- you propably need to work on yourself too. Don't waste your precious years on a life like this. One day you will regret it.
sedgwick Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I think it's very possible to learn from your mistakes. I've had some crazy tumultuous relationships in the past as well, and I've taken time off from dating just to go to therapy and really focus on that. Eight years ago I had a relationship that led to a suicide attempt and I realized I had to get my sh*t together before trying to be anyone's partner. I've learned so much about interacting with other people, and I've gotten to the point now where I like someone and am BY MY OWN DECISION taking it slowly. I never used to be able to do that -- sex and the belief I was in love usually happened right away, before I had really gotten to know the person. So yes, you can change things if you really want to and you work hard!
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