MissGoLightly Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 I started these two threads (for reference) in regards to my bf keeping in touch with an ex, and how she flirts with him (she just got married also): http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t210757/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t211357/ Some mixed responses (some people think I'm overreacting), and lots of good advice. To summarize: in the first thread I was concerned because my bf mentioned his ex flirting with him in front of her fiance. I found that to be disrespectful toward me as well as her fiance. My BF can't be held responsible for the actions of his ex, so I was wondering if I should say something to him about how I felt. Especially since he seems to be trying to be friends with her fiance (they are attached at the hip, so this would also mean more contact with his ex), and I don't think my BF should be putting himself in that situation. General response was I was overreacting. I didn't say anything to my bf. Second thread: I didn't want my BF to go to a party his ex was having following her marriage (it was a destination wedding, so it was a local party for people that couldn't go or weren't invited to the wedding). He ended up not going, but I still didn't say anything. I didn't want him to go because his ex acts inappropriately toward him. That's the background, very briefly. Now: I don't go on Facebook very often, but I happened to log in today and saw that my BF's ex wrote something on his sister's wall about how she misses them. So my BF went and commented on that post on his sister's wall. It was in a joking manner, and said something like "yeah, she misses us so much that she didn't invite us to her party" with a frowny face, then "juuuuuust kidding!". What do you think about this? I'm kind of pissed, but I'm probably overreacting. If my BF knows how his ex is, and thinks she flirts with him, and so on, I don't think he should go seeking out her attention in this manner. Am I right, or am I being completely uptight and ridiculous?
boogieboy Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 This is what he does. He wants to keep a connection with his ex. You can tell him to stop cuz it bugs you, which could turn him off cuz it screams of insecurity, and he probably wont anyway. Or you can eat it and stop worrying about it, or you can break it off with him because he wont stop. Either way, you lose, and youre going to drive yourself crazy obsessing over it.
Author MissGoLightly Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 That's exactly why I'm afraid to say anything.
New Again Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 I completely agree with "if he knows how she is he shouldn't be seeking her attention like that." It sounds as though he enjoys the attention he gets from her, also, so I definitely understand where you're coming from. However, I also agree a lot with what boogieboy said. It sounds like you're looking for some perspective on whether or not this is a big deal, and whether or not you're okay with it. I don't think people should be friends with their exes.
New Again Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Just skimmed through your other two threads. I'm curious what comments the ex was making that your bf said were flirtatious? Because I'm thinking his comment on his sister's wall post is the same exact thing - it invites flirtation...which is probably why you have a problem with it. He's being a huge hypocrite.
serialgf Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 i'm sorry i didn't read your other threads... how long have they been broken up and how long have you two been dating? first off, i think you're doing the right thing by venting here instead of talking to him about it... i think your suspicions are correct and it would just drive him away or at the very least not cause the desired effect which is for him to stop wanting contact with her my current bf has an ex who lives in our town. he & i have been dating about a year. she is EXTREMELY flirty with him (and pretty much any other attractive man) - she's also pretty much drop-dead gorgeous - skinny, blonde, all that jazz. anyways, since we've started dating and i met her, i've been very turned off by her flirty nature. i started off by complaining about it / acting jealous (i am a recovering jealous gf )... however that did not alleviate the situation at all... then a few months ago in july this all came to a head when we went to a show at a bar and she was there and started hanging all over him, hugging him, introducing him to people, etc. i was so PISSED. and i confronted him about it and you know what he said to me? "she's like family, and if you don't like it DON'T LOOK." wtf?!? i was so pissed at that... but do you know what i did (after the steam stopped coming out of my ears)? i followed his advice and just totally ignored both of them for the rest of the night... well that drove him absolutely bananas and he started trying to dance with/ hang all over me and when i rejected him, it drove him even crazier.... ever since that incident i have been nothing but super sweet and polite to her.... ha! needless to say she has suddenly lost interest in flirting with my bf in public and regarding my relationship with bf, now its like he and i are on the same team and he actually complains to me about her!! (she's an attention-whore) anyway, just thought this might be relevant and help you out good luck - keep posting!
Author MissGoLightly Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 New Again: I don't want to say exactly what was said, but yes, that's exactly why it pisses me off. Serialgf: Thanks for the empathy and support They have been broken up for something like 3 years, maybe a little longer. I was talking to a friend about this today; she asked me the same thing and i realized I don't know exactly, nor do I know the reason it finally ended for good, or who ended it. He and I have been together for about 2 years. I did decide not to say anything about this to my bf.
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