Mustain2234 Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 (edited) There's a girl in my class that I've known for over a year. Beginning several months ago the flirting intensified between us. She began lightly touching me when talking, and on one occasion when I suggested I was wearing shorts on a cold day because I couldn't fit into my jeans she reached her hand out to give me a high five, and then held it for a bit, while joking she had the same problem. This moment, in my mind, was really the tipping point when I began to think MAYBE she likes me. Although she's naturally outgoing so I wasn't about to jump to conclusions. After that touching moment, I made more of an effort to talk with her and she responded well. I also paid attention to how she was around other guys and it definitely seemed I was being given exclusive attention. Last month, we were together alone in a computer lab and probably talked for a good hour. She asked the all important question, "Do you have a girlfriend?" Additionally, at one point when I was talking while on the computer she came behind me and began playfully touching my head. At this point, I ask if she's going to the holiday party next week, at a bar, that the graduate department holds. She says maybe, but if she can't make it we'll go out after school is done. I didn't think to do anything like ask for her number because I planned on asking at the bar. She leaves, and right about now I'm feeling great. It seems to be going well. This is where it begins. The following week, she's absent. I only have one class with her so I don't see her often. Additionally, she isn't at the holiday party. So, another week goes by and this time she's in class, but just looks sick. Like she hasn't slept in awhile. When I have the opportunity I walk up to her and suggest several classmates are going out and she should come along. She touches my shoulder and says we'll have to do it another time. Then she leaves. I'm thinking, she probably isn't feeling well. I'm sure next week she'll be ok. The problem is she misses the next three weeks of our class. People are telling me she's sick, but I still don't think its anything more than h1n1 or perhaps something has happened in her life aside from her illness. I decide to send her a casual email just asking how she's doing. She replies back with the following: Yes, (Mustain2234) I am alive. Obviously, I am done with school and won't be finishing this semester. I have just fallen ill and things have progressively gotten worse, but I eventually will be fine. Thanks for checking in and I guess we will have to do that celebratory drink another time. Hope all your papers went well and congratulations on finishing!I find out from someone yesterday she has a condition with her gull-bladder that has led to several doctor referrals across the city. It may require surgery. There are obviously other issues in her life more important than me, so I don't want to be like, "yeah, when you get better lets go out. Give me your number!" I just don't know how to react to this. The worst part from my end is thinking, if she wasn't sick, I'd atleast know by now where I stand. And I still don't. I'm thinking between two options -- 1. Not responding, because it doesn't really seem as if she is looking for sympathy (me checking in conveyed that already). 2. Replying casually that I'm glad to hear she's ok and we'll definitely need to go out for a drink sometime. Any suggestions or insight? Edited December 2, 2009 by Mustain2234
Author Mustain2234 Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 (edited) I would offer to visit her if/when she can have visitors. Bring her flowers or something. She probably feels like poop and would appreciate it. The problem I have is, she didn't willfully give out information about her condition. Even in her email there's no mention of it. I only found out from a gossiping friend of hers. She may not want me to know. Also, there's no guarantee she's undergoing surgery. I know a concern of people with illnesses is how others may view them as less attractive because of it. If it was something as simple as the flu or tonsillitis she probably would have just mentioned it. I don't think of her any different because of it, though. I still like her. But I definitely won't push the issue of visiting or discussing her illness unless she brings it up first. I'm thinking that sending a simple reply is still the best course. Just a note that I'm glad she'll be ok. Edited December 2, 2009 by Mustain2234
dreamergrl Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Why not reply saying something of that you are sorry to hear she's ill, and ask if there's anything you can do to make her feel better?
Author Mustain2234 Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 Why not reply saying something of that you are sorry to hear she's ill, and ask if there's anything you can do to make her feel better? Wouldn't that run the risk of her thinking that I'm trying to use her illness as a way to get closer to her sexually? I worry that's how she'll interpret it. Although the fact you're a girl makes me second guess myself. I, personally, IMMEDIATELY associate what you asked me to say with something sexual. It's funny, that reminds of a large clipboard entering the graduate computer lab with the phrase "Come on in and take a load off," written by her. I swear, I cannot think of this in any other way but sexually. I remember reading this thinking, "isn't there a better way she could have phrased this?" I'll have to ask her about that some day.
dreamergrl Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Wouldn't that run the risk of her thinking that I'm trying to use her illness as a way to get closer to her sexually? I worry that's how she'll interpret it. Although the fact you're a girl makes me second guess myself. I, personally, IMMEDIATELY associate what you asked me to say with something sexual. It's funny, that reminds of a large clipboard entering the graduate computer lab with the phrase "Come on in and take a load off," written by her. I swear, I cannot think of this in any other way but sexually. I remember reading this thinking, "isn't there a better way she could have phrased this?" I'll have to ask her about that some day. Umm she emailed you and told you she has fallen ill. You said so in your post.
Author Mustain2234 Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 Umm she emailed you and told you she has fallen ill. You said so in your post. Yes, I did. This is part of I was referring to: Why not reply saying something of that you are sorry to hear she's ill, and ask if there's anything you can do to make her feel better? I wouldn't be worried about her misinterpreting me if I said I was sorry for her illness. It's the second half of your post that I was talking about.
dreamergrl Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Yes, I did. This is part of I was referring to: I wouldn't be worried about her misinterpreting me if I said I was sorry for her illness. It's the second half of your post that I was talking about. Well if she told you she's ill, why would she be offended if you offered your help in anyway?
Art_Critic Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Why not reply saying something of that you are sorry to hear she's ill, and ask if there's anything you can do to make her feel better? I like this... Wouldn't that run the risk of her thinking that I'm trying to use her illness as a way to get closer to her sexually? I worry that's how she'll interpret it. Is that what you are trying to do ?
dreamergrl Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Oohh I missed the sexually part. Well as long as you aren't trying to jump her bones while she's laying in bed... I don't see the harm in offering to give her some sincere support in her time in need, if she wants it.
Author Mustain2234 Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 Well if she told you she's ill, why would she be offended if you offered your help in anyway? It just took your post for me to realize something -- my entire position of being hesitant to offer her help is because I know her condition; and that because of its seriousness, I'm hesitant to avoid appearing as if I'm taking advantage of her. But she doesn't know I know. For all she knows, I could just think she has had a bad case of the flu. I'm definitely over thinking this. I'll probably take your advice.
dreamergrl Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 It just took your post for me to realize something -- my entire position of being hesitant to offer her help is because I know her condition; and that because of its seriousness, I'm hesitant to avoid appearing as if I'm taking advantage of her. But she doesn't know I know. For all she knows, I could just think she has had a bad case of the flu. I'm definitely over thinking this. I'll probably take your advice. The flu that caused her to not finish the semester?
Star Gazer Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Wouldn't that run the risk of her thinking that I'm trying to use her illness as a way to get closer to her sexually? I worry that's how she'll interpret it. Uh, YES, you're absolutely right. Do not say that, it has sexual undertone all through it. You haven't been out on a date, and don't even have her phone number. Obviously it's not appropriate to ask her if there's anything you can do to make her feel better.
Author Mustain2234 Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 Is that what you are trying to do ? No, that's why I'm trying to be careful how I move forward. It's just an odd issue because it's not as if there's some general knowledge floating around on how to pursue a girl that has fallen ill. Although, I'm always willing to take a risk; and I feel there has been enough back and forth to let me believe she has some interest.
Art_Critic Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 No, If you're genuine in your offer then she won't take it the wrong way...
dreamergrl Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Uh, YES, you're absolutely right. Do not say that, it has sexual undertone all through it. You haven't been out on a date, and don't even have her phone number. Obviously it's not appropriate to ask her if there's anything you can do to make her feel better. There's a bunch of thing he can offer to do that has nothing to do with sex. Perhaps bring by stuff from class so she doesn't fall behind.
dreamergrl Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 If you're genuine in your offer then she won't take it the wrong way... Agreed. And it's not like you are offering to come rub her back. There's things you can offer to do that would help her in general.
Star Gazer Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 No, that's why I'm trying to be careful how I move forward. It's just an odd issue because it's not as if there's some general knowledge floating around on how to pursue a girl that has fallen ill. Although, I'm always willing to take a risk; and I feel there has been enough back and forth to let me believe she has some interest. I wouldn't "pursue" her while she's ill - it's kinda...weird. She may think, "Dude, I'm ill, I have other priorities right now..." You can, however, keep up the flirting. Something like, "I'm so sorry to hear you're ill - that explains why you haven't been in class. I was disappointed each time you didn't show up... ;)" THAT will put a smile on her face.
Author Mustain2234 Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 Uh, YES, you're absolutely right. Do not say that, it has sexual undertone all through it. You haven't been out on a date, and don't even have her phone number. Obviously it's not appropriate to ask her if there's anything you can do to make her feel better. Yes, this is what I've thought about earlier, too. It's very personal to be with someone while their ill. I'll probably leave it to, "let me know if there's anything I can do."
Star Gazer Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 (edited) There's a bunch of thing he can offer to do that has nothing to do with sex. Perhaps bring by stuff from class so she doesn't fall behind. Blanketly offering to "make her feel better" is inappropriate given they barely know each other. Edited December 2, 2009 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Star Gazer Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Yes, this is what I've thought about earlier, too. It's very personal to be with someone while their ill. Precisely right. I had a very hard time even being around my BF last January when I was ill (flu). I'll probably leave it to, "let me know if there's anything I can do." That supportive and sweet... But like in my other message, if you want to keep the interest alive, you can always still flirt with her without pursuing her.
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