Chicago_Guy Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 I have heard a some things in the last few days that have sort of bothered me. First off, I have a coworker (friend, I don't date coworkers) who I was chatting with and the topic of finding people to date came up. I told him all of the traits that I thought were great in a guy (ambition, old morals, etc.), and asked him what his favorite aspect of a woman was. ... Men make the same complaints about women. Maybe the traits listed above are important to you when you look at men, but a lot of women certainly don't seem to care about any of those things. Look around and you'll see many women wasting their time dating losers for some reason.
gopher Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I have heard a some things in the last few days that have sort of bothered me. First off, I have a coworker (friend, I don't date coworkers) who I was chatting with and the topic of finding people to date came up. I told him all of the traits that I thought were great in a guy (ambition, old morals, etc.), and asked him what his favorite aspect of a woman was. "Hair." Another time at another work, there was a guy who got calls ALL DAY LONG from his girl he was dating asking when he was coming home, getting angry, wasting all of his money and being a generally hot mess. I finally met her when she stumbled into the office drunk as Hell and causing a scene, but she had big boobs and really long hair and was probably in her sober state, pretty attractive. Tonight I saw an old family friend, and he and my cousin were talking about hooking him up with a girl. My cousin was talking about all of her friends and what they liked, and asked him what he wanted. He just said to pick the hottest one. She asked again like, "Of course she's going to be hot, but what else?" and he said that it didn't matter. Is being attractive all that matters to a guy? Can a woman be physically beautiful but act like a classless evil person and still hold the heart of a good man because she's hot in bed? I used to think that constant shopping and going to salons, makeup, stilettos, hair extensions and all of that tertiary stuff didn't matter as much as it apparently does. I'm honestly disheartened by hearing it. Maybe for young guys....now that I'm older, I'll take someone I find commonality, and companionship with over just "hot". Of course she has to be pretty....but kindness, loving and attitude are so much important. My current Love is all those things including very pretty. I also find most "hot" women, even in their 40's, are juggling a few guys, are looking to upgrade, and can be royal bitches. Why? Because so many morons will put up with that crap, just to date a hot chick. Just my two cents...
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 If you were really Bejita, you would have about a million scars all over your body from fights with Goku, Cell, Nappa and Frieza beating you bloody as a monkey child that could easily pass as stretch marks. But yeah, I guess we're talking about guys that don't want anything out of a relationship with a woman other than sex and having a trophy. Among my friends, a woman who knows her Dragonball is extremely hot! Here is the bottom line. Some guys are pretty shallow but most are not. I think we tend to be less picky with personality traits upfront, and focus on baseline attraction.
Kamille Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 This one seems pretty obvious to me. Guy's definition of 'hot' varies. For some it is simply physical attributes, but for most it's mostly an attitude a girl has. A mix of confidence and zest for life. Of course most men - and women - want to date someone they think is hot. But there is no 'objective' criteria of what hot is.
jerseyboy Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 It took me way too long to figure out that looks are the #1 thing (most) men care about. And actually, joining this forum is a big part of what really opened my eyes to this fact. I spent my 20s developing my mind and talents, going to college, starting my own business, traveling the world, being in a band, and DOING stuff, rather than focusing my time, energy, and money into my hair, makeup, wardrobe, and glam routine. Now I have figured out that all that character-building stuff is meaningless to most men without a made-up face, hair, body, and wardrobe to catch their attention. So, I have begun to play the "girl role" more, and it is staggering to see how the attention from men has skyrocketed. It kind of breaks my heart to learn just how shallow people really are, but I guess that's just the way it is. Unless you meet someone through some other manner (friends etc) looks is all you have to go on when you introduce yourself to a woman. And since men initiate most contact, what do women really expect? Being ugly and or fat doesn't increase the likelihood of a woman being interesting, accomplished etc. So unless you spend all day approaching women, you tend to be selective. The other thing is that when a woman is dressed up, it doesn't mean she wants attention, but it increases the probability that she does. She also generally carries herself differently (guys do as well) that makes them mroe approachable to men. Conversely a woman dressed as if she got ready in a rush, or just finished doing yard work, doesn't make a guy think this girl is looking to have some guy hit on her right now. She clearly didnt leave the house with that intention.
AD1980 Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 (edited) You're really beautiful stop worrying..And no the majority of people dont just wait for someone better looking and cheat the ones who do are dirtbags and u want no part of anyway.. I think at this point the same percentage of Men and Women cheat,people will always cheat that will never change but to think all men would automtically cheat because someobdy better looking comes along is wrong Ill never understand pretty women like yourself constantly worrying about looks..Youre fine appreciate what you look like..Peopel like me should be the ones worrying Edited December 3, 2009 by AD1980
AD1980 Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 It took me way too long to figure out that looks are the #1 thing (most) men care about. And actually, joining this forum is a big part of what really opened my eyes to this fact. I spent my 20s developing my mind and talents, going to college, starting my own business, traveling the world, being in a band, and DOING stuff, rather than focusing my time, energy, and money into my hair, makeup, wardrobe, and glam routine. Now I have figured out that all that character-building stuff is meaningless to most men without a made-up face, hair, body, and wardrobe to catch their attention. So, I have begun to play the "girl role" more, and it is staggering to see how the attention from men has skyrocketed. It kind of breaks my heart to learn just how shallow people really are, but I guess that's just the way it is. Yes because looks are meaningless to women:rolleyes: Everyone is shallow to a point but not too many people Men or Women will put up with somebody for long just because their "hot" Since were generalizing ive seen plenty of women put a hot guy on a pedestal and ignore his character flaws moreso then men..Men usually figure the hotter the girl the bigger the headache she is to be honest..
Woggle Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Many guys are like this but on an average women are no better. They will ignore all types of character flaws in a man if they find him attractive.
Johnny M Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Is being attractive all that matters to a guy? Can a woman be physically beautiful but act like a classless evil person and still hold the heart of a good man because she's hot in bed? I used to think that constant shopping and going to salons, makeup, stilettos, hair extensions and all of that tertiary stuff didn't matter as much as it apparently does. I'm honestly disheartened by hearing it. No, being attractive is not all that matters (especially if we're talking about a long term commitment and if the guy in question is of above-average intelligence). However, physical attractiveness is by far the most important attribute. Men are willing to forgive a lot of things to a hot woman...that much is true.
Jaytb Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Short term relationships- looks are all that matters Long term- eh, I hope to be able to live with the person at the very least Also you're not alone with the looks thing. I have a gf so I don't have to care too much about my looks, but I am a bit insecure about my skin. I'm sure I look fine, but I do have acne scars and tons of large pores. I don't seem to let it bother me, so I guess I am ok with it. But it is hard to look in a mirror up close.
threebyfate Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Looks fade and if there's nothing left after the initial infatuation of the superficial, good luck to anyone, if you're looking to maintain a viable relationship. Of course anyone who's looking for an ONS or FWB, will solely be looking externally. Sometimes, they're not even looking externally, just reasonably okay, hence an object to get off on or with.
Sam Spade Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Short term relationships- looks are all that matters Long term- eh, I hope to be able to live with the person at the very least Also you're not alone with the looks thing. I have a gf so I don't have to care too much about my looks, but I am a bit insecure about my skin. I'm sure I look fine, but I do have acne scars and tons of large pores. I don't seem to let it bother me, so I guess I am ok with it. But it is hard to look in a mirror up close. Don't worry my gf has plenty of acne scars herself and yet i still find her adorable; I bet your gf is even more forgiving than uncle Sam is .
Jaytb Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Don't worry my gf has plenty of acne scars herself and yet i still find her adorable; I bet your gf is even more forgiving than uncle Sam is . eh uncle Sam? I don't get it. But my gf doesn't care at all, which is a good thing. I'm the one who cares and it sometimes eats away at me but I get over it quickly lol
StalledGirl Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 (edited) Huh???? this is new to me... it doesn't cost me that much.. and I'm out the door in the morning in less than 20 minutes.. I don't wear much make-up... so I don't spend hours in the bathroom... If you do all this.. spend money and spend hours looking good... that means you're not too 'hot' and you need a lot of 'work' to look decent.. Looking pretty is simple as it's down to already being pretty , keeping slim and basic grooming , but going for the "Cheryl Cole look" (British woman who is famous) takes a lot of time and effort , the strange fact is she is pretty without all of the above. Fake nails , fake hair and general upkeep takes money. Men like attractive women but the average woman is who most men end up with because most people are average. A long term relationship should feed most of your needs and I couldn't date someone just because they were "hot" as I value other things higher than physical beauty , although like most people I do like looking at beautiful people. Edited December 3, 2009 by StalledGirl
BookerT Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I have heard a some things in the last few days that have sort of bothered me. First off, I have a coworker (friend, I don't date coworkers) who I was chatting with and the topic of finding people to date came up. I told him all of the traits that I thought were great in a guy (ambition, old morals, etc.), and asked him what his favorite aspect of a woman was. "Hair." Another time at another work, there was a guy who got calls ALL DAY LONG from his girl he was dating asking when he was coming home, getting angry, wasting all of his money and being a generally hot mess. I finally met her when she stumbled into the office drunk as Hell and causing a scene, but she had big boobs and really long hair and was probably in her sober state, pretty attractive. Tonight I saw an old family friend, and he and my cousin were talking about hooking him up with a girl. My cousin was talking about all of her friends and what they liked, and asked him what he wanted. He just said to pick the hottest one. She asked again like, "Of course she's going to be hot, but what else?" and he said that it didn't matter. Is being attractive all that matters to a guy? Can a woman be physically beautiful but act like a classless evil person and still hold the heart of a good man because she's hot in bed? I used to think that constant shopping and going to salons, makeup, stilettos, hair extensions and all of that tertiary stuff didn't matter as much as it apparently does. I'm honestly disheartened by hearing it. Of course hot matters.......for hook ups and casual relationships. For a man to commit for life, she better have a good personality though. Hot girls will get way more attention than normal women, but unless they have the personality to match then it'll always be for sex. Which is why so many models are so damn insecure.
threebyfate Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Hot girls will get way more attention than normal women, but unless they have the personality to match then it'll always be for sex. Which is why so many models are so damn insecure.Models have a different reason for insecurity. The entire obsessive focus of their lives surrounds looks. They don't dare gain a pound or wrinkle, or they're out work. This all ties into self-worth. Looks are what they're valued for, so they learn to value themselves based on looks. If you consider that A LOT of men attach their self-worth to their jobs. Models are no different, in this way.
Cplusplus Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Models have a different reason for insecurity. The entire obsessive focus of their lives surrounds looks. They don't dare gain a pound or wrinkle, or they're out work. This all ties into self-worth. Looks are what they're valued for, so they learn to value themselves based on looks. If you consider that A LOT of men attach their self-worth to their jobs. Models are no different, in this way. Oh so thats what Seal took advantage of. As for the OP if you are sick of trying to look good because that all guys care about you should try to find the right guys instead. Why put yourself though the hassle of trying to look good instead of finding a guy that likes you for who you are.
dressing up Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Not at all! First off, you need to get rid of the existing acne that you have by means of either Accutaine or prescription meds. If your acne is severe enough that it warrants cosmetic procedures, you are better off opting for prescription rather than Proactiv products. After that was gone, I had microdermabrasion a few times but was making it worse. Acne scars are often more severe under layers of skin, sort of like an iceburg. I decided to do laser treatments instead of chemical peels for that exact reason; the laser actually burns (sounds a lot worse than it feels) the collagen under your skin, stimulating growth and (filling in) the gaps. In the case of some icepick (deep) scars, the doctor might punch it out or stitch it up. I don't know how severe your case is. Sometimes just one laser treatment will solve it. In my case, I had about five microdermabrasion sessions and four laser treatments, after doing the prescription Obagi treatment. If your skin is white and you have dark hair, you will get the best results from the laser. I will end up doing a chemical peel soon since the holes from below my skin have filled out and it will finally be "smooth" after that, but to be honest it's normal enough to not be stared at while walking down the street, which says a lot considering my earlier condition. I will say that it's worth it to see yourself in a tinted window and not see any "holes." I've done a few "rollers" (not sure if you're familiar but rolling pins are used on the face to "damage" it so the skin grows new skin) but it's far from being smooth. I've had friends say they could see improvement but I'm not sure. How much downtime did you have for the lasers? I can't believe that the procedures you did will enable the skin to look smooth again. I'm happy for you but I never thought that's possible.
Author Awesome Username Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 Thanks for all the words of advice - especially in regards that women can be just as shallow and that even though glam women get hit on more - it's usually just for a one-night stand. It's given me a new perspective.
dressing up Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Don't worry my gf has plenty of acne scars herself and yet i still find her adorable; I bet your gf is even more forgiving than uncle Sam is . May I ask if you were attracted to your girlfriend at first sight? Or did she grow on you?
Author Awesome Username Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 I've done a few "rollers" (not sure if you're familiar but rolling pins are used on the face to "damage" it so the skin grows new skin) but it's far from being smooth. I've had friends say they could see improvement but I'm not sure. How much downtime did you have for the lasers? I can't believe that the procedures you did will enable the skin to look smooth again. I'm happy for you but I never thought that's possible. The downtime on lasers is really short because the procedure is under the skin instead of on top - you can wear makeup again within a day or two of getting it done. Your face will be a little red and swelly for about two days - but I don't remember any pain associated with it.
dressing up Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 The downtime on lasers is really short because the procedure is under the skin instead of on top - you can wear makeup again within a day or two of getting it done. Your face will be a little red and swelly for about two days - but I don't remember any pain associated with it. Do you have the name of your laser treatment (the one that does under the skin)? There are a few lasers on the market.
Author Awesome Username Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 Do you have the name of your laser treatment (the one that does under the skin)? There are a few lasers on the market. Mine was a non-ablative (it doesn't burn the outside - it burns underneath) laser that built collagen from underneath, but in honestly is all depends on your skin type and what kind of scarring you have. It's something that does cost a bit of money.
dressing up Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Mine was a non-ablative (it doesn't burn the outside - it burns underneath) laser that built collagen from underneath, but in honestly is all depends on your skin type and what kind of scarring you have. It's something that does cost a bit of money. Thanks. Let me check it out.
gypsy_nicky Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Awesome, your very much above average in looks. You asked if attractiveness matters, yes it does, for both sexes equally. But its not the be all end all. I posted this on a previous thread: The whole population cannot be 9's or 10's. They are very much a minority. What you do get is high average to above averages walking around at normal days. Don't get disheartened because of several reasons. Examples: 1. your not fat 2. your looks are up there 3. Your not physically disfigured..list can go on. As far as grooming goes (makeup, hair etc) that's really up to you. What do you want to present to the world and how much your willing to invest in it. Don't get caught up thinking your looks have to be all black and white- either really unattractive or extremely attractive. If you do you'd go at either extreme-no effort at looking good or too high maintenance. Chill.
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