trueluV Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 I'd greatly appreciate guys (or gals) thoughts on this. So, I started dating this guy since September through a mutual friend. He's an extremely busy guy with a crazy work schedule (designer) who also travels half of the time, so we've been on 5 dates so far. I'm pretty shy, and though this guy looks social and talkative he told me last time he's shy and nervous. (just for reference we're both late 20's) we've met only 5 times, but I've already been to his place and we always seem to have a good time hanging out. The unusual thing is, we are very slow and haven't made any sort of physical move-no kissing, no touching (well, he did touch my arm when we were drinking to ask if i was doing alright, but doesn't friends do that too?). so i'm confused now. we do have a good time when we meet, but due to his busy schedule we can't meet so often and when we do get together it's nice but nothing physical. I'm a girl, and I don't want to initiate anything... I'm not totally sure but i do feel he sort of likes or has interest in me. I am starting to like this guy and want things to progress.. since he told me he's shy, is he expecting me to do something, or should i just wait for him to initiate something? and for how many more dates should i wait? thanks in advance!
zhsoj Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 I'm usually the guy in that situation. If he told you he is shy and he's not trying anything, then he probably is being honest. Does he call to set up dates? Does he try to have alternatives if something doesn't fit into your schedule? Is he happy to see you? Does he seem a bit nervous? Well... Yeah... He probably likes you. I'm not sure what you should do about it, all I can say is that I personally would have appreciated it if she had initiated something.
Yukikazi Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 I'm a girl, and I don't want to initiate anything... I'm not totally sure but i do feel he sort of likes or has interest in me. I am starting to like this guy and want things to progress.. since he told me he's shy, is he expecting me to do something, or should i just wait for him to initiate something? and for how many more dates should i wait? thanks in advance! So your a girl... so what? Does that mean you can't open your mouth first? Physically incapible of human speech? Women fought for years to be considered equals.. yet when it comes to the dating game.. its all up to the guys.. fing double standard hipocracy Grow a damn spine ladies... make your own damn moves and stop waiting for the guy. If you want some.. get some. You may be surprised how receptive the guy will be.
zhsoj Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 To be fair I do know guys that would find a girl making moves instantly unattractive. None of them are shy however. I'd say for myself and for most of the other shy guys I know (and most non-shy guys I know) that a girl making a move is not at all a turnoff.
Pizzaman81 Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 To be fair I do know guys that would find a girl making moves instantly unattractive. None of them are shy however. I'd say for myself and for most of the other shy guys I know (and most non-shy guys I know) that a girl making a move is not at all a turnoff. I wouldn't mind a girl making moves especially if I am attracted. If not attracted then it's over. Eh being slow is fine... savor the moment. Why rush?
jerseyboy Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 The only thing I would say to qualify what follows is that he may still be unsure how much he wants from the two of you. But its been 5 dates so Im kinda leaning towards hes just really shy. This is me personally. And its not after dates per se (especially 5), so it is different. I wouldnt say I get turned off when women you dont know well are very sexually aggressive. But my mind starts screaming disease lol, and I dont think Ive ever done anything with a woman who came on really strong. Like the kind who you just met and say they want to take you home, or tell you graphically what they want to do. I get more worried about catching something than anything else. But things that women have done that work. A spontaneous kiss. Usually theyll say something like (paraphrased) Im sorry,Ive been wanting to do that since I saw you. Or dont be mad but I have to do this....or some such. I dont think any guy is going to take that the wrong way, and it is flattering. I remember someone said something like you look like you have the softest lips, and then started touching them with her fingertip. Ok yeah, that worked big time. Another thing girls say that kind of gets the message across is say something like its really hard being around you and add something like not touching you, or some such. He has to be real thick not to get the message.
radwimps Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 yes, he definitely is shy, his actions shows it. what you need to do is, you make the first move.
Pizzaman81 Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 ...I wouldnt say I get turned off when women you dont know well are very sexually aggressive. But my mind starts screaming disease lol... My ex girlfriend was very sexually aggressive! What i got from her was pretty bad after i had sex... it was a relationship
jerseyboy Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 my ex girlfriend was very sexually aggressive! What i got from her was pretty bad after i had sex... It was a relationship lol .
Author trueluV Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 Thanks for your thoughts on this. It's really helpful to me! it seems like most of you guys are telling me to make the first move! Not sure if i can do that...but if i don't then, maybe there won't be a kiss, even a peck on the lips for another few more dates or months...? maybe i can drink -a lot- with him next time and touch his arm and see how he reacts? I don't really "need" something physical, but as a girl i think that's a sign a guy is into you, and i would want to be assured he's interested in me. Now, since he's a shy guy (according to him-he doesn't look shy at all!!) i am not that confident in interpreting his level of interest in me. all i know is: he seems happy to see me, tries to initiate a conversation, gets me a drink (usually a bottle of wine), and politely say good bye and hug me when leaving. well, guys, please keep giving me advice!
Pizzaman81 Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Hey maybe you got a real gentleman in your hand there... well NOT in your hands yet... but who knows.
zhsoj Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 it seems like most of you guys are telling me to make the first move! Not sure if i can do that...but if i don't then, maybe there won't be a kiss, even a peck on the lips for another few more dates or months...? maybe i can drink -a lot- with him next time and touch his arm and see how he reacts? If it helps I think I finally kissed her (my first) around the 5th or 6th date. I had to slip the desire to do so into a text message first and then at the end of our next date I basically had to ask her again. I felt pretty emasculated not being able to "just go for it", but she didn't seem to mind too much and somehow we ended up locking lips... Maybe you could try something similar?
Boundary Problem Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I don't know.There is shy and then there is gay. Ask his prior dating history. See if it is clear what his sexual orientation is ie several relationships or a loner.
Author trueluV Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 as far as sexual orientation -since someone mentioned above-he's totally straight. (one thing that we're both reserved could be that we're asians.) his best friend set us up. His friend asked me if we've kissed and after hearing my answer he said the guy's a real gentelman! so, oh well, i'll just wait and see how the next date goes. but thanks guys for your advice. I'll update you!
radwimps Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 oh your both asian? Okay that makes things SO MUCH MORE SIMPLER. yes, you guys are both introverts, extremely shy. So if he doesn't make the move, you need to make the move!!! OR you could wait a few more dates until he makes the move. I know for a fact that these types of guys need a little kick in the back to start to make a move, so it's very hard for him too, please do understand . These kind of guys are usually the nicest, very sensitive towards the girl's feelings.
stepka Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 as far as sexual orientation -since someone mentioned above-he's totally straight. (one thing that we're both reserved could be that we're asians.) his best friend set us up. His friend asked me if we've kissed and after hearing my answer he said the guy's a real gentelman! so, oh well, i'll just wait and see how the next date goes. but thanks guys for your advice. I'll update you! Sometimes even a guy's friends and family don't know. If a man seems to have an aversion to kissing you, he probably is gay, so lay one on him and see how he takes it. If he seems to be holding back, even a little, say "next please."
Author trueluV Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 hey radwimps, ---- I know for a fact that these types of guys need a little kick in the back to start to make a move, so it's very hard for him too, please do understand . These kind of guys are usually the nicest, very sensitive towards the girl's feelings. ---- is this true? I hope it is! by the way, i love reading your posts-makes so much sense! keep giving me your two cents
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