lofi_tokyo Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 I had a one night stand over four months ago. I took the ONS as a ONS, appreciated it for what it as, and went on with my life. Then two months later, I received a facebook message from the man I had a ONS with. He was attempting to make small talk through it, but sounded incredibly awkward, so I made a joke about it, and he ended up telling me he is inexperienced with dating and sex and then he proceeded to suggest we go out sometime. That sounded reasonable to me, so we ATTEMPTED to make plans, but nothing ever panned out. I became frustrated because he did not seem that interested. He was going out of town at this point, but promised to call when he got back. He never did. Then another two months go by. I see this guy once a week at sporting events. We were acquaintances before the ONS, and never spoke one on one, so when I'd see him at these events, I just went on with my life. He'd come and talk to me though. Week after week he'd try and make small chat until finally ONE DAY I get another Facebook message and once again, he asks me out. This time, he actually sets a date and time. So we went out two weeks ago on a walk. Conversation was pretty awkward, but we got by. We then went on a group date two days later. That weekend, he had a house party, and I went - and slept over. We had some AMAZING sex that night. The next week he sets up a date and then has to reschedule. The new date we plan comes around and he stands me up - then calls later to tell me he "slept in" (it was a morning date) and asks if I have time to "talk". He told me that he did not want a relationship. My response was something along the lines of "yeah I saw this coming, we don't have much in common. For the record, I never asked for a relationship, I mean we barely know each other. I'm pretty annoyed you asked me out and stood me up when you were feeling this way." Which brings me to now. I was at another sporting thing last night, and I avoided the guy like the plague - he didn't come talk to me, but I caught him watching me a few times. Whats going on here? I know that, in general, if a man says "I don't want a relationship" he is being honest, so I'm not asking if myself and this guy still stand a chance so much as.... I am confused as to why he keeps flipping between hot and cold! Is this behavior typical for someone that is "not experienced" with relationships? Sorry this is so long.
Boundary Problem Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 I don't understand all this pressure about relationships. Sounds like pulling teeth. Basically he has to treat you with respect at all times. Sleeping in and missing a date would really p*ss me off because I don't have a lot of free time with all I'm juggling. Just date other people and if he phones and wants to do something interesting - sounds good. My only advice is don't sleep with him. Don't have him to your house, don't go to his house and no sleep overs. Just make it casual going out events and he'll make his mind up right quick. And suddenly you will either find yourself in a relationship with him, or he is will start dating someone else. Bottom line - he is testing your boundaries, and he is trying to push this into FWB. He knows exactly what he is doing.
Author lofi_tokyo Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 "Sleeping in and missing a date would really p*ss me off because I don't have a lot of free time with all I'm juggling." That is exactly how I feel. I've been so busy lately, and the day he stood me up I really had to move my schedule around to fit him in. Ugh. Great response though - I appreciate the advice. I still don't understand why this guy keeps running hot and cold, but maybe that's what men looking for a FWB kind of deal do. I really wouldn't know - I stay out of those situations (or at least I've never been in one before). As it stands I told him I would prefer if we did not talk when we do see each other at sporting events. I didn't want to sound rude, but we really don't have much in common, and I don't see the point in continuing conversation if its just going to lead to him switching between interested and not interested.
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