Amanaman Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 I met a girl online a few weeks ago who lives near me and ever since it felt as if we got along flawlessly. Soon we began to talk on the phone until we met in person last week for a date. I thought I really liked her and that the feeling was mutual - everything went well that night to the point we kissed a lot during the night. However, since that night I noticed she seemed less affectionate towards me in her texts or messages, but I attributed this to making sense of the night and also the fact she was away with people for the weekend. It seemed to me that she wanted to meet again - before our date she even hinted at the possibility of meeting a few days later as she was free which surprised me. I therefore asked on the day about it and she said she could see me but was with someone else first. After waiting all afternoon for her to tell me when she was home, I asked what was happening only to be told she was feeling under the weather. This made me suspicious but I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and rearrange to the following day, which was today. Again, she told me she had plans for the morning but could see me afterwards, but the same thing happened with a different excuse. I can't help but get the feeling she doesn't want to see me again but doesn't have the brass to tell me. I gave her the benefit of the doubt before, but for it to happen again is worrying. I need to express that I'm not a person who gets on easily with people, so it took a lot of effort to do this because it felt right with her. I genuinely thought we had something and she was the first person I had I liked for a year now. She also said she had enjoyed our night together. I'm also not the sort of person that likes to use people, and she said herself she hates typical guys that do that. And yet I feel used? I'm sorry but I really needed to get that off my chest. Any advice would be appreciated.
rateyes Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 what was the second excuse? doesnt seem shes head over heels for you...even if she was sick if she was really into you, shed still want to see you.
Bejita463 Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 I'd say the ball is firmly in her court now. You've tried twice, so now if she's interested she should try once. Trying a third time wouldn't do much beyond looking desperate; especially if it was you who suggested a reschedule and not her. It isn't looking like you should expect a call, but for what it is worth, I hope you get it.
kizik Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Sorry to hear this. Cut all contact. She's not going to contact you, it seems, so let it go. She's just one woman.
Author Amanaman Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 what was the second excuse? doesnt seem shes head over heels for you...even if she was sick if she was really into you, shed still want to see you. This is what I was thinking. She would express how she was really looking forward to our first date and we felt really close in the run up to it. As far as I was aware, everything went well that night so my mind is racing about it. For today, she said she was out and would let me know when she was back again. I asked what was happening and she said she was home but was having dinner when I thought we were. I didn't want to sound like I was pushing her so I took what I thought was a hint.
kizik Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Look, I got stood up twice this week by first dates. OK. Move along, as the song says. Giving a woman too many chances makes you look spineless, which you are IF you do that. There are better things to do with your time and energy than worry about some flighty chick.
Author Amanaman Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 I'm sorry to hear that happened to you as well.
kizik Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Doesn't bother me. Shouldn't bother you if you love yourself enough to know you deserve better.
Author Amanaman Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 What can I say, I've never had much confidence in myself and neither had she apparently, so it was a nice lift for a change. I wouldn't mind so much if this happened for the first date rather than feel like I've been strung along afterwards.
kizik Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Yeah, it's always tougher after you've been a bit intimate with the person. I'm a musician and I send out my music a lot for review, play shows, etc. Whenever I receive negative criticism that bothers me, here's what I always think: "Well, that critic is just one person." You cannot allow one person's opinion or neglect to affect you. They're just one person. You haven't met the one for now who appreciates and likes you. That's OK. Keep looking, and learn the signs of disinterest. (You're learning them now, clearly.) Don't expect dates to work out - most don't. That's why it's "dating" and not date. Just keep moving. Keep going out, getting rejected, learning and moving.
I am who I am Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 (edited) Well, Since how to handle to current situation has been covered already, let's sit back and take a look at what probably got you there. If nothing else, take this "date" as a learning experience... What to do and not to do on your next date. Well, from your brief synopsis of the first date, it seems like all went swimingly. Kissing is always a good sign that a date is going well. So what made her back off so quickly?!? Well, my best guess is that you made yourself too available to her. You came off as clingy, insecure, and needy. You were in constant (or just too much) contact with her via all the texting! Never! Never text a woman when you first start dating unless its a quick, funny, one-liner. If you are setting up a date/time, do it through voice or in person. This quote " After waiting all afternoon for her to tell me when she was home" scares even me (and she picked up on it). You got a case of the one-itis. She was the first girl that interested you, so you forgot to keep on living your life, doing your hobbies, etc. You put her on a pedestal. All this, after one date. The chase ended, she knew she had you. I'm not saying that you have to wait x amount of days to call a woman, but your schedule should be so full of things to do (and if it isnt --- don't let her know that!) that if she flakes, she'll be scared that she might not get another chance with you. You aren't sure when you can "fit her in" again, as you are living your life! Bah, now I'm just rambling. I see a myriad of problems, but these are my best guesses as to why she flaked. I only hope that you not only learn how to cope with this particular situation (as it stands now), but come away having learned what not to do, so you don't find yourself in the same place with the next woman you date. <--- side note: 99% of men have done what you have done. so don't think for one minute that you are alone.... hell, I've ruined many a early relationship from behaving clingy and/or available. Just remember.... don't do it again! good luck out there Edited December 2, 2009 by I am who I am
kizik Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Hello Hi Kizik, Thank you for sharing tips. I appreciate yo post. Have a nice day You're welcome buddy, anytime
kizik Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Well, Since how to handle to current situation has been covered already, let's sit back and take a look at what probably got you there. If nothing else, take this "date" as a learning experience... What to do and not to do on your next date. Well, from your brief synopsis of the first date, it seems like all went swimingly. Kissing is always a good sign that a date is going well. So what made her back off so quickly?!? Well, my best guess is that you made yourself too available to her. You came off as clingy, insecure, and needy. You were in constant (or just too much) contact with her via all the texting! Never! Never text a woman when you first start dating unless its a quick, funny, one-liner. If you are setting up a date/time, do it through voice or in person. This quote " After waiting all afternoon for her to tell me when she was home" scares even me (and she picked up on it). You got a case of the one-itis. She was the first girl that interested you, so you forgot to keep on living your life, doing your hobbies, etc. You put her on a pedestal. All this, after one date. The chase ended, she knew she had you. I'm not saying that you have to wait x amount of days to call a woman, but your schedule should be so full of things to do (and if it isnt --- don't let her know that!) that if she flakes, she'll be scared that she might not get another chance with you. You aren't sure when you can "fit her in" again, as you are living your life! Bah, now I'm just rambling. I see a myriad of problems, but these are my best guesses as to why she flaked. I only hope that you not only learn how to cope with this particular situation (as it stands now), but come away having learned what not to do, so you don't find yourself in the same place with the next woman you date. <--- side note: 99% of men have done what you have done. so don't think for one minute that you are alone.... hell, I've ruined many a early relationship from behaving clingy and/or available. Just remember.... don't do it again! good luck out there Great post. I am currently guilty of this as well. I was supposed to meet two different chicks this week, and they both flaked on me. Why? Well, probably because of what IAWIA is talking about here; looking back, I think I texted back too quickly or something or was just generally too available. But you know what? F*ck it. I do not want to be with someone with whom I have to play all sorts of r-tarded games. Now I know, I know, a guy needs to play games at least a little bit in the beginning... but I didn't beat these womens' doors down or call them a lot, I probably just showed enthusiasm. Which disgusts women. This dating thing is one twisted, backwards, f*cked-up game in which you have to act like you do not like someone if you do like them... and women, for their part, are always acting like they DO like you, when they don't! I'm not stressing about girls though, I've got a sh*t-ton of homework and I guess that's the bottom line -- dude just mentioned it -- be busy enough with life and school and work and hobbies and friends that you simply don't care about chicks! As far as I am concerned, they can come to me. I'm tired of feeling like a desperate ugly loser who gets no play, and you know what? I'm not that person! I'm actually quite attractive in a variety of ways. So don't let girls dictate how you feel about yourself, but do learn to play the game, at least a little. God knows I need to -kiz
Author Amanaman Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 (edited) Well, Since how to handle to current situation has been covered already, let's sit back and take a look at what probably got you there. If nothing else, take this "date" as a learning experience... What to do and not to do on your next date. Well, from your brief synopsis of the first date, it seems like all went swimingly. Kissing is always a good sign that a date is going well. So what made her back off so quickly?!? Well, my best guess is that you made yourself too available to her. You came off as clingy, insecure, and needy. You were in constant (or just too much) contact with her via all the texting! Never! Never text a woman when you first start dating unless its a quick, funny, one-liner. If you are setting up a date/time, do it through voice or in person. This quote " After waiting all afternoon for her to tell me when she was home" scares even me (and she picked up on it). You got a case of the one-itis. She was the first girl that interested you, so you forgot to keep on living your life, doing your hobbies, etc. You put her on a pedestal. All this, after one date. The chase ended, she knew she had you. I'm not saying that you have to wait x amount of days to call a woman, but your schedule should be so full of things to do (and if it isnt --- don't let her know that!) that if she flakes, she'll be scared that she might not get another chance with you. You aren't sure when you can "fit her in" again, as you are living your life! Bah, now I'm just rambling. I see a myriad of problems, but these are my best guesses as to why she flaked. I only hope that you not only learn how to cope with this particular situation (as it stands now), but come away having learned what not to do, so you don't find yourself in the same place with the next woman you date. <--- side note: 99% of men have done what you have done. so don't think for one minute that you are alone.... hell, I've ruined many a early relationship from behaving clingy and/or available. Just remember.... don't do it again! good luck out there Thanks for your post. You're probably right but I've always believed that if you have an arrangement then you stick to it. She also seemed to like talking to me, if anything she would talk to me non stop in the run up to the date, we became good friends quickly or at least I thought so. And I had arranged the day before via a phone call which she originally instigated prior to the date too. Suffice to say I won't contact her until she contacts me, if at all. It's the not knowing that's killing me to be honest. Edited December 2, 2009 by Amanaman
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