sedgwick Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 So I went on a coffee date the other night with a guy from okcupid. First time I've ever met someone from a dating site; it just seems so contrived. But this guy was interesting so I gave it a shot. He was fairly cute, had a job, had a life, all good things. Seemed pretty smart although he does write "your" when he means "you're," which is borderline dealbreaker for me. (Please don't attack me for that, especially if you're one of the ones who won't date bipolar or tattooed people.) Anyway, so we had an okay time and I thought I might see him again, and then as we were walking out of the coffee shop he started telling me about how he'd recently been out with two women he met on okcupid and they both slept with him on the second date. Then he said, "But they were too young. I like women over 35 because you really know how to have an orgasm." I'm no prude, but that was an automatic turnoff. I told him that made me a little uncomfortable, and he said, "I'd never pressure a woman for anything she didn't want." Which I believe is probably true, but still, it was just inappropriate as far as I'm concerned. I went to a friend's place afterwards and she said that since I had told him I used to work at Babeland (a store that sells sex toys), I should cut him some slack. I felt skeeved out enough not to want to see him again. Am I wrong? He sent me a text today asking me out for Friday night, but I have a date with Drummer Boy so I turned him down. Told him I'd felt a little weirded out by what he said and needed some time to think and get back to him. What do you think?
kizik Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Then he said, "But they were too young. I like women over 35 because you really know how to have an orgasm." Big time inappropriate and super creepy.
CarrieT Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 I would cut him some slack. Yes, it would have been inappropriate *if* you hadn't brought up your Babeland job. Mentioning that opened up the topic of sexuality so there is no reason to not see him AND lay down the groundwork that you won't be putting out on a first date.
northstar1 Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 So I went on a coffee date the other night with a guy from okcupid. First time I've ever met someone from a dating site; it just seems so contrived. But this guy was interesting so I gave it a shot. He was fairly cute, had a job, had a life, all good things. Seemed pretty smart although he does write "your" when he means "you're," which is borderline dealbreaker for me. (Please don't attack me for that, especially if you're one of the ones who won't date bipolar or tattooed people.) Anyway, so we had an okay time and I thought I might see him again, and then as we were walking out of the coffee shop he started telling me about how he'd recently been out with two women he met on okcupid and they both slept with him on the second date. Then he said, "But they were too young. I like women over 35 because you really know how to have an orgasm." I'm no prude, but that was an automatic turnoff. I told him that made me a little uncomfortable, and he said, "I'd never pressure a woman for anything she didn't want." Which I believe is probably true, but still, it was just inappropriate as far as I'm concerned. I went to a friend's place afterwards and she said that since I had told him I used to work at Babeland (a store that sells sex toys), I should cut him some slack. I felt skeeved out enough not to want to see him again. Am I wrong? He sent me a text today asking me out for Friday night, but I have a date with Drummer Boy so I turned him down. Told him I'd felt a little weirded out by what he said and needed some time to think and get back to him. What do you think? Sounds like he is just using the datings to get laid. So in that case he doesn't care if he offends you or seems to blunt, since he probably isn't looking for a long term deal right now.
New Again Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 X2 for inappropriate and creepy. Ew - and through in socially inept - who does that??
kizik Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 @ CarrieT: your opinion is biased, as you are hypersexual. Sedgwick seems to want more than just sex. Even if she ONLY wanted sex, bringing up orgasms on a first date is psycho behavior.
GorillaTheater Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Seemed pretty smart although he does write "your" when he means "you're," which is borderline dealbreaker for me. (Please don't attack me for that, especially if you're one of the ones who won't date bipolar or tattooed people.) <promptly shuts up> He pretty clearly wanted to get laid, which is normal although he was less than smooth about it. The question is whether he wants anything more than that. Frankly, only a few more dates will answer that. Of course, that begs the question of what your you're looking for.
New Again Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 And also, it's one thing to mention a place you worked; it's another for him to detail who else he's having sex with on his first date with you.
sally4sara Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Sounds like he is just using the datings to get laid. So in that case he doesn't care if he offends you or seems to blunt, since he probably isn't looking for a long term deal right now. This. He has no reason to watch what he says. You are either not phased and just the woman he is looking for (for now) or, put off enough drop him, thus not wasting his time. Worst case scenario - he found a "good girl" in you and will bide his time with the "bad girls" till your ready.
shadowplay Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Completely creepy and I would cut off contact. To me that indicates a lack of respect. He's treating you like he doesn't value you at all.
Art_Critic Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 He pretty clearly wanted to get laid, Yeah.. I'm guessing the story about the other girls is all made up.. He was trying to act like he was a player..hahaha
Ruby Slippers Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Totally ick to talk about sex with other women, from the same freaking site, on the first date. Talking about sex at all on the first date is highly questionable. That conversation might be appropriate at some point in the future, with more tact, but totally weird for first date. I wouldn't see him again.
DustySaltus Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 The guy didn't lay a hand on you, he was just telling you where he's coming from. It either registers with you or it doesn't. I agree with art critic, I don't think the others exist. That would probably piss me off more knowing that he's full of ****.
CarrieT Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 @ CarrieT: your opinion is biased, as you are hypersexual. Sedgwick seems to want more than just sex. Even if she ONLY wanted sex, bringing up orgasms on a first date is psycho behavior. I guess I have just had too many similar experiences -- even when I was not "hypersexual." I went almost three years with no sexual activity (during the last 18 months of a relationship and then subsequently, when I started dating). I've had way too many guys start bringing up sexual topics on first dates and perhaps I'm jaded to the point where it seems de rigeur. I would just deal with it and move on.
looking4 green grass Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 My creep-o-meter went off for sure.
Citizen Erased Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 I don't see how it is creepy. He sounds like a douche and it was inappopriate but creepy?
Ody Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 we were walking out of the coffee shop he started telling me about how he'd recently been out with two women he met on okcupid and they both slept with him on the second date. Then he said, "But they were too young. I like women over 35 because you really know how to have an orgasm." I'm no prude, but that was an automatic turnoff. [...] He sent me a text today asking me out for Friday night, but I have a date with Drummer Boy so I turned him down. Told him I'd felt a little weirded out by what he said and needed some time to think and get back to him. What do you think? This seems crude and pretty blatant to me, but I bet it works for him every once in a while. Anyway just move on, he was just looking for sex and doesn't care if you're weirded out or not. Why would you even consider a second date if you're uncomfortable? Isn't one of the main points of a first date to screen out people you don't feel good around? It really isn't that weird or deviant or something. It's just an awkward first date that should probably not be repeated. With the babeland talk and such it was probably a conversation where that kind of statement isn't totally out of the blue, and the OP mentioned nothing particularly creepy aside from that statement. LOL I'm just waiting for another thread to pop up, "So I was out on this first date with this chick the other day, and she brought up her job at a sex shop halfway though. Is that really creepy - what do you guys think?"
Left in a Lurch Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 (edited) I think if you had just replied, "Yeah, I had so much strange dick in me last weekend I had to douche every night of the week just to get clean. It was like United Nations meeting up in there, one from every country." you wouldn't have had to worry about him texting you. Pretty stupid and inappropriate on his part, and it tells you what he was looking for straight out. Some guys make the rest of us look bad by actually verbalizing what we really want. Edited December 1, 2009 by Chat Room Hero
Author sedgwick Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 (edited) Yeah, I had so much strange dick in me last weekend I had to douche every night of the week just to get clean. It was like United Nations meeting up in there HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! LOL I'm just waiting for another thread to pop up, "So I was out on this first date with this chick the other day, and she brought up her job at a sex shop halfway though. Is that really creepy - what do you guys think?" If it does, his name's Jon and he's from Brooklyn!! Edited December 1, 2009 by sedgwick
D-Lish Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 I'd say it was inappropriate for sure. I'd be turned off that he brought up having recent sex with other women. If your creepy-meter went off, trust your gut.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Sounds like he's hoping to get laid on your second date. Yes - I'd be a little creeped out. More at the TMI of laying two girls on second dates and the very casual way he dismissed them. Why should only females be considered sluts for sleeping with someone early? He'd go in my slut column and I wouldn't see him again.
PinkToes Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Ick. The orgasm comment was pretty bizarre, but bragging about his ability to seduce other women would be a big turnoff for me. Although, to be honest, bragging about anything is a pretty big turnoff in my world. Next!
kizik Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Why should only females be considered sluts for sleeping with someone early? He'd go in my slut column and I wouldn't see him again. I agree with this. A user named PinkToes tried to apply a double-standard attitude to me earlier today, and it p*ssed me off so I thought I'd reiterate. Great signature line SSCO! Very, very true.
kizik Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Ick. The orgasm comment was pretty bizarre, but bragging about his ability to seduce other women would be a big turnoff for me. Although, to be honest, bragging about anything is a pretty big turnoff in my world. Next! Oh, hi! Enjoy the namedrop.
PinkToes Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 I agree with this. A user named PinkToes tried to apply a double-standard attitude to me earlier today, and it p*ssed me off so I thought I'd reiterate. :laugh: How so?
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