novack Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Today is the three month mark. I don’t feel free of Sarah yet, nor did I really expect too, I have had a bunch of rocky days followed by a bunch of amazing nights (literally amazing). I still find myself constantly thinking about her, her new bf, her family, what I was doing with her last year at this time, basically I still obsess. Onto the positives (hehe), I do think of Sarah in a different part of my brain, I do still love the girl, maybe I always will but it’s not a heart pounding it’s more of a sad it didn’t work out kind of way. When I see her from afar my heart races, my mind goes nuts and my entire body/demeanour trembles, yet I go on. No Contact has not been too difficult, I have had my closure but I find myself saddened that I simply ignore the woman I once loved. I have forgiven her in my mind for cheating/lying to me, also in getting a new bf bc i am not a hateful person (maybe i should be haha) I have one more month of this hell, not Sarah but school has been quite a challenge this semester. I would love to do at least decently this semester and to come out with something tangible I no longer cannot eat or sleep, yet I do find myself thinking about her when I wake up and when I fall asleep. She is kind of off her pedestal, but I do find myself hanging on, not to hope but our relationship. I’m off to exchange without her in early January and maybe an extended physical difference from her will do me good. I think i'm doing good and i do have moments/days of indifference, but how much longer will these bad days persist. I would love to go a week/month/life-time without having a thought of her (or at least one that stays for more than a second)? Is this a time issue or is it my approach to the whole thing?
grfins Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I feel your pain my friend. It will be 3 months for me tommorrow as my wife of 20 years lied and cheated as well. How long were you in the relationship? I think that has a bit to do with the healing process. I too find myself constantly thinking of her but after the 8 to 9 week period thankfully it started to lessen. It still hurts like hell but at least i dont feel lifeless all the time and i too still think of her each morning and night. I think you are definitely taking the right approach as just breaking nc for me has been a huge setback that i wasnt expecting it to be this bad. If you are able to have forgiveness in your heart already, i commend you, as it will take a lot longer for me but i hope to some day be able to do that as i know it helps with the healing. Along with nc , i am constantly told that time is what will ultimately help rid your mind of this terrible heartache.. I hope this is true because i am counting on it as a away of moving forward.
Author novack Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 i cannot compare my story to your 20 year marriage, but my r/s was my 1st love in college and lasted a little over a year 1/2! I think it does get better and i do notice differences from one month ago, and def. two months ago.. Nothing would make me happier to come back here and report i am fully healed (ha) who knows when that will be but after this month i won't see my ex until next august and i hope to be a stronger/better person who can be very nice to her have no problem and continue walking on my way i would love to have no regrets but those will come later..maybe
Author novack Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 I'm going to be okay, it took till 3.49 am to figure that out.... i'm not religious.. but i mean this from the bottom of my heart god bless you all, you are worth more than you know!
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